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Ferrymen of Fate – Tech Support Logs
Tech Personnel: Atlas of the Iron Warriors
Incident #138
Status: Closed
Issue: Rubric Marine acting erratically; poor aim, jerky movements, tendency to get stuck walking in circles
Solution: Forcibly restarted Marine
Notes: One more incident like this and I’ll write “HAVE YOU TRIED TURNING IT OFF AND ON AGAIN” on each and every one of your rubric’s oversized helmets
Incident #269
Status: Delegated
Issue: Ship’s primary cogitator “haunted” – no further description of problem given; investigations revealed that the ancient artefact found on abandoned planet and connected to cogitator was cursed
Solution: Asked sorcerers to perform exorcism
Notes: I swear by my primarch’s left asscheek, if one more of you feather-brained, warp-drunk idiots connects a weird shiny thing you found in a gutter to the main cogitator without checking it for curses first, I am blowing up this ship with myself on it
Incident #334
Status: Closed
Issue: Armour in need of maintenance
Solution: Standard maintenance performed
Notes: This is NOT an “urgent issue.” This could have waited until I’m on shift. What even is the point of dating a hot sorcerer if I can’t have five minutes alone with him.
Incident #344
Status: Closed
Issue: Armour cut off from power supply
Solution: Replaced wiring and restarted power
Notes: Apophis, my love, I know I’ve been busy lately, but please don’t fry your armour wiring just for an excuse to spend time with me, you could’ve hurt yourself
Incident #1079
Status: Closed
Issue: New armour requested; must accommodate for newly acquired additional arm
Solution: Suitable armour built and fitted
Notes: Khepri, stop growing extra limbs. This is the last time I make you new armour. Get some mechadendrites like the rest of us.
Incident #1337
Status: Delegated
Issue: Sekhetar robot overheating; investigation revealed purposeful tampering with runes
Solution: Sorcerer responsible for issue reapplied runes
Notes: Apophis, if I promise to clear a full evening for a date night soon, will you stop?
Incident #1426
Status: Open
Issue: New armour requested; must accommodate for wings
Solution: Launch attack on nearest Blood Angel base to acquire blueprints of Sanguinius’ armour
Notes: Jump packs weren’t good enough for you?
Incident #1573
Status: Rejected
Issue: New armour requested, must accommodate for feathers
Solution: No.
Notes: What are you, a chicken? Pluck them or go naked like your primarch.
Incident #1763
Status: Closed
Issue: Several wires damaged
Solution: Replaced wires
Notes: I don’t care what the “migratory bird act” is, if your Tzaangor keep chewing on the wires I’m turning them into soup
Incident #1957
Status: Closed
Issue: Malfunction of access hatch on lower levels, trapping sorcerer
Solution: Area isolated and sorcerer freed after thorough investigation of mechanical failure
Notes: Apophis, if you do this again I’m leaving you stuck in there until you’ve learned not to break stuff to get my attention. Also, anyone who asks about the sounds can do their own armour maintenance for the next few decades.