Work Text:
Maybe Googling something like this is kind of dumb, but it’s not like Ena can really ask anyone she knows.
How long after dating is it normal to kis-
She frantically hits the backspace. Stupid.
Kiss girlfriend on the mouth when-
Backspace.
First kiss with girlfriend when is it normal
Good enough. She hits the enter key and scrolls down a few links, none of them looking appealing in the slightest. Out of sheer desperation, she opens all of them anyway in new tabs. Skimming through each webpage is quick work, and Ena is left with the general advice of “It will happen when it happens! Don’t stress! Every couple is different!”
It doesn’t help that, because Ena used the word “girlfriend” in her query, all pages were aimed at guys. Overall, this whole search leaves a bad taste in her mouth.
“Ugh.”
“What’s wrong, Enanan?”
Mizuki interrupts Ena’s research with her usual cheerful voice, marked by a slight lilt in the way she enunciates her name, a bit like it’s a song. Ena startles, feeling her heart in her throat, like she has just been caught doing something she shouldn’t.
Luckily she isn’t sharing her screen. A small mercy.
“Nothing,” she replies a bit too quickly. She immediately curses herself and her lack of nonchalance, for she knows Mizuki will sniff out her eagerness to change the topic like a bloodhound.
“Eeh, are you sure about that?”
Ena clenches her jaw and shakes her head at the ceiling. Dammit.
“You know, it’s annoying when you do that.”
“Do what?” Mizuki asks innocently. Ena narrows her eyes at the screen, even though they are not on a video call.
“When you join all quietly and don’t say hi so you can catch me off guard ’cus I’m distracted and didn’t hear the noise that plays when someone joins and- whatever.”
Ena knows a lost battle when she sees one.
“Hehe, I need to keep you on your toes! They say the key to a healthy relationship is to keep surprising your partner.”
“Hai hai, whatever you say,” Ena sighs, leaning back in her chair. It’s a bit embarrassing how fast her heart is beating. And for no good reason at that.
“Still, you made a terrible ‘ugh’ sound earlier…”
Ena has to try her best not to groan out loud.
“It’s just… This draft is a pain in the ass, that’s all,” she grumbles as she opens her drawing program. Mizuki hesitates for a split second, which Ena spends mentally begging her stupid girlfriend to drop it for once.
“Hmm, I see… Then, wanna have a date in SEKAI? I can help you with your draft by being your beautiful muse…”
Ena smiles at the screen. “Idiot.”
Mizuki’s giggle in her ears fills Ena with longing. She heaves a long-suffering sigh, just so she doesn’t seem too eager.
“Alright, fine. Let’s chill in SEKAI till 25:00.”
“Yay, a midnight date with Enanan. Lucky~”
Ena plays the ‘untitled’ track as she laughs at her silly girlfriend, and in a flash of light she’s in SEKAI. Mizuki materializes a few meters away a mere second after Ena.
“Lake?” Ena calls, and Mizuki nods with a grin. After just a moment of hesitation, Ena extends her arm. Mizuki blushes to the tip of her ears as she approaches her, but still tentatively reaches for Ena’s outstretched hand. Her heart hammering in her chest, Ena lightly tugs on Mizuki’s cold yet slightly clammy fingers (or is it Ena’s hand that’s sweaty? Is she creeping Mizuki out?) to lead her towards the lake. She briefly glances up at Mizuki, whose expression is flustered and insecure as she looks down at her feet. The same old doubt creeps into her mind, and Ena’s chest hurts. Maybe Mizuki wasn’t ready to be in a relationship yet. What was Ena thinking, confessing so soon after their reunion in that stupid alley? The truth of the matter is that Ena acted selfishly. She was merely scared of losing Mizuki again, and acted on impulse one late night, by the lake in SEKAI. She still doesn’t know what compelled her. All she knows is that was staring at Mizuki smiling as she idly kicked her feet in the cold, clear water, and the words tumbled out of her mouth without warning.
“I like you.”
As soon as the words slipped out, Mizuki stopped kicking her legs. Ena froze in her spot, biting down on her tongue, hard, almost as if to punish it for exposing her like this without permission. Mizuki turned to stare at her in shock and Ena instantly knew there was no way she could spin this, or take it back. All she could do now was damage control. And in this case, it meant being honest with her.
She inhaled deeply, closed her eyes, and spilled her heart out.
“I’m sorry for springing this on you like this and I know this is sudden, but… ever since that day in the alley, all I keep thinking about is that I cannot lose you again. I really like you, Mizuki. I have had… feelings for you for a long time.” Pushing out the words past her teeth was becoming an increasingly difficult task. I can’t do this, she thought helplessly as her throat closed off, I’m ruining everything. But she had to explain. She had to come clean. It was too late to take it back. In many ways, she knew this was the right thing to do. She couldn’t keep quiet anymore. She couldn’t lose Mizuki again.
“I never told you because I was so scared you’d feel pressured and disappear and I wanted to give you space to tell me what you needed to tell me before I c-confessed to you and then-” Ena inhaled a lungful of air, still keeping her eyes closed. “I lost you. I lost you and I kept wondering—if I had confessed earlier, if we had been girlfriends, would this still have happened? Could I have prevented this if I had been braver before? And so, I…”
Ena lost her momentum along with the thread of her thoughts. Ah, this was a mess.
She opened her eyes to finally look at Mizuki—she needed to see her expression. As soon as her eyes locked with Mizuki’s, Ena’s stomach dropped. Mizuki looked absolutely terrified, like a small woodland creature hiding from a predator. There were tears in her eyes, which were open wide and trained on Ena. Ashamed of herself and full of guilt for being the cause of the sheer terror in Mizuki’s eyes, Ena hid her face in her hands.
“I’m sorry. Please forget I said anythin-”
“Y-you like me?”
Ena almost didn’t hear Mizuki’s broken whisper. She looked at her.
“I do,” she murmured, bravely pushing the words past her lips.
“Even after…” Mizuki squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head, causing the tears in her eyes to finally fall. Ena frowned, at a loss.
“After what?”
Mizuki kept on shaking her head, and Ena gave her some time, despite the shame she still felt at her rash confession, and the fact that she was definitely about to get rejected any moment now. Ena was burning with the need to say something that would magically fix this whole mess. But Mizuki’s well-being was her priority, so she bit her tongue and waited.
Mizuki took a deep breath, hugging her knees to her chest. Her feet left wet imprints on the floor as they came out of the water, and started soaking Mizuki’s dress. She didn’t seem to care.
“You said… You started liking me before the fes-” Mizuki broke off, as though in pain. Ena instinctively reached forward, gently rubbing a hand over Mizuki’s back. Mizuki seemed to have an easier time breathing after that. “You started liking me before the school festival. Before you found out. And you still… You still, after what you learned… You still like me?”
Mizuki turned her teary gaze towards Ena, and a warm, all-encompassing sensation filled her chest, knocking the wind out of her.
“Of course,” she breathed. “I told you before—my feelings for you haven’t changed.”
Mizuki let out a sob, and Ena found it easy to crawl behind her and pull her towards her chest. Mizuki collapsed between her legs, and Ena held her and stroked her hair despite her slight panic at this whole situation. She shushed Mizuki and rested her chin on the top of her head, murmuring soothing nonsense.
“Mizuki,” Ena finally said when the length of time between Mizuki’s broken sobs started increasing, “You don’t have to accept this whole… Mess of a confession. I love being your friend, and nothing has to change if you don’t want it to. But… I cannot live anymore with what-ifs. So, if you want to and you feel comfortable with it, I- I’d love for you to be my girlfriend. But you don’t-”
“Okay,” Mizuki mumbled against Ena’s chest. Ena startled as her body stiffened slightly.
“O-okay…?”
“Okay,” Mizuki repeated, snuggling closer to Ena.
As far as getting-together stories go, theirs isn’t exactly cute or sweet, and Ena still wonders if she has been too rash, or too insistent, for Mizuki clearly struggles. A lot.
It took her two whole weeks to get used to calling Ena her girlfriend, she still stiffens and blushes terribly when they hold hands, and the most contact Ena has managed to achieve was when she kissed Mizuki’s cheek last week, which had left Mizuki stammering for a solid ten minutes.
Sometimes Ena wonders if she should let Mizuki go, after all. She has never wanted to pressure her, and has made that mistake before. Maybe… Maybe Mizuki would be happier if they went back to being just friends and is too scared to say. In that case, shouldn't Ena break up with her herself?
Ena tightens her grip on Mizuki’s hand. No. Even if it’s selfish, Ena doesn’t want to let go, unless that was what Mizuki herself truly wanted. She’ll always chase after Mizuki, always—but if Mizuki wanted to leave, Ena would let her go. Mizuki deserves to be happy, after all, and while Ena would selfishly and greedily want to be the one to grant her that happiness, she’s fine taking a backseat. Because Mizuki’s happiness comes first.
Once at the lake, they sit next to each other, still holding hands, and let their bare feet dip in the water.
“The water here is always cool yet nice. Very relaxing,” Mizuki comments as she swirls her feet in the clear waters.
Ena hums in reply as she plays with Mizuki’s fingers on the smooth floor between them. Feeling relaxed yet somehow anxious, she lowers her head on Mizuki’s shoulder. Surprisingly, Mizuki’s body doesn’t stiffen like usual. Instead, she slowly melts into the touch, and a few seconds later her temple comes to rest on Ena’s head.
“Mizuki,” Ena calls softly. She focuses her gaze on her own fingers as they trace invisible patterns on Mizuki’s open palm.
“Yes?” Mizuki’s voice is relaxed, soft, unguarded.
She trusts me so much, Ena thinks fleetingly. She slowly slides her fingers between Mizuki’s, holding on tight.
“Are you… happy?”
“Tonight?”
“In general.”
Mizuki is quiet for a while. The longer the silence stretches on between them, the more anxious Ena feels. Multiple times, she finds herself on the verge of impulsively blurting out something rash (“It’s fine if you wanna break up! I’ll always be your friend!” or “You’ll always be a precious friend to me, even if you decided you don’t want to be my girlfriend! It’s fine!”), and has to clench her jaw tight to keep that from happening. She prepares for the blow, for Mizuki is clearly going to break up with her. It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fin-
“I think this is the happiest I have ever been,” Mizuki finally murmurs, and it takes Ena a full five seconds to process Mizuki’s words. When her brain finally computes, her head snaps up to search for Mizuki’s gaze—except Ena miscalculates and ends up knocking her head against Mizuki’s chin. Quite hard.
“Ow!” Mizuki cries out. Her hands fly to cover her mouth as she hisses in pain.
“Did I hurt you? Fuck, I’m so sorry! Let me see.”
Ena frantically bats Mizuki’s hands away. The blow seems to have caused Mizuki to bite on her lower lip, which is now bleeding.
“Fuck,” Ena curses under her breath. She cups Mizuki’s face with both her hands as one of her thumbs lightly ghosts over Mizuki’s bottom lip. The gestures leaves a faint trace of blood over Ena’s thumb. Before Ena can tell Mizuki to clean her mouth using the water of the lake, Mizuki does the most improbable thing. She gently grasps Ena’s wrist and wraps her lips around her thumb.
Ena freezes. Her brain short-circuits. She stares at Mizuki with wide eyes, unable to compute, as Mizuki stares back.
When Mizuki lets her thumb go, Ena notices her ears are ringing.
“Why did you ask me if I was happy?” Mizuki’s voice is barely audible over the ringing in Ena’s ears.
“Y-you… I… I want you to be happy. And I want to make you happy. But if you’d be happier without me-” Ena searches for the words. “I just want you to be happy,” she finishes, helplessly.
Ena feels pathetic. Her heart is beating a thousand miles per second, her ears won’t stop ringing, her thumb is on fire, electricity is spreading through her body from her wrist, which Mizuki is still holding.
“You make me happy,” Mizuki murmurs, “So happy that I don’t know what to do.”
Ena blinks at her, feeling numb. “What do you mean?”
Mizuki’s eyes flutter closed.
“You’re always in front of me—you always have been. You showed me the way so many times, you saved me and I owe you so much and yet I… I don’t have anything to give you. You’re always ahead of me.”
“What are you talking about?”
Ena is starting to feel uneasy. She doesn’t like this. Mizuki needs to be more clear and stop talking in riddles and saying stupid things like she has nothing to give Ena, when she’s the best thing that has ever happened to her.
Mizuki sighs as she lets go of Ena’s wrist; the patch of skin that was in contact with Mizuki’s suddenly feels unbearably cold.
“You… You noticed I was pulling away. You included me, made sure I did not leave Niigo. You invited me on countless outings, checked in on me, even though I was avoiding you. You promised me you’d wait for me, you did not pressure me, gave me space. You chased after me and fought for me and I… Before you, I thought I’d never be able to be close to anyone, and you changed everything. You changed me. You’re so amazing, so special, and I owe you so much… And for an incredible person like you to like someone like me is just….” Mizuki trails off, and sighs, deflating. “I wanted to be a good girlfriend for you. Give something back to you. But it’s hard.”
Ena’s insides grow cold, her stomach drops. She’s just realized something terrible.
“Y-you know, Mizuki,” oh God, she’s shaking, “You never- You never said. If you like me too. You only said ‘okay’. Do you even lik-” Ena hides her face in her hands again. She can’t say it.
“Of course I do!” Mizuki calls out. She grabs Ena’s wrists so that they can look each other in the eye. Mizuki sighs, defeated.
“I’m not good at this.”
“Oh, and I am?” Ena bites out sarcastically.
“Yes,” Mizuki replies without hesitation. “That’s what I was trying to say—you’re always ahead of me, even as a girlfriend. You confessed, held my hand, kissed my cheek… I’ve never done this before- and I thought I never would! I-I thought I'd never even have close friends- let alone a girlfriend. You… You always destroy all I believe in.”
Ena’s head is spinning. “And that’s… a good thing…?”
Mizuki nods seriously. “Very good. The best, really. But also scary. I don’t know how to be a girlfriend.”
“Well, I don’t think it comes with a manual…”
Ena is starting to make sense of things. Maybe.
Stupid Mizuki.
“You’re an idiot,” she chides without bite, freeing one of her hands so she can lightly hit Mizuki over her dumb head with the side of her palm. “No one knows- You’re my first relationship too! I have no idea what I’m doing either. There’s no such thing as ‘being ahead’, you just- ugh!” Ena needs to make sure Mizuki really gets what she’s going to say next. She covers her hand with her own and stares resolutely in Mizuki’s wide eyes. “I mean- You’ve always been there for me, and like, have you seen you? You’re so beautiful and charming and loveabl-”
Ena cannot finish her sentence, because suddenly Mizuki is hugging her so tight that she cannot breathe.
“I love you, Ena,” Mizuki mumbles against Ena’s neck. Ena smiles, nodding in Mizuki’s shoulder.
“I love you too, Mizuki.”
Mizuki makes to end the hug, or so Ena thinks, but instead of letting her go, Mizuki cradles Ena’s jaw in her hands and stares right at her only a few centimeters away from her face. Ena’s entire body is tingling, yet aflame; her head is completely empty. She has become an amoeba incapable of higher thought.
Mizuki leans in painfully slowly, clearly to give Ena time to move or stop her. As if Ena is that big an idiot.
The first thing Ena thinks when their lips meet, is that Mizuki’s mouth is soft. The second, is that Mizuki isn’t moving—she seems not to dare to do anything more than ghost over Ena’s lips with her own. It’s not enough. Ena wants more. She pushes forward to properly kiss her, and Mizuki lets out a surprised noise that causes Ena’s stomach to drop.
Mizuki’s lips have a metallic taste that Ena’s brain registers must be her blood. Ena wants to taste more. Finally kissing Mizuki is simultaneously all Ena had expected, yet completely beyond all her expectations. It’s an explosion of sensations and Ena is faintly aware she could easily get addicted—it’s pure comfort, yet intoxicating.
“Ah,” Mizuki suddenly hisses in pain, drawing back as her fingers come up to touch her lip, which is now bleeding again.
They stare at each other without talking for a split second, and then they both burst out laughing.
“My confession was a mess and now this during our first kiss,” Ena says in-between giggles. “We don’t have any cute stories about our relationship at all.”
Mizuki shakes her head as her laughter dies down.
“We have forever to fix that.”
Ena stares at her breathlessly.
Forever, she thinks, incredulous, Mizuki said ‘forever’. She finds herself suddenly grinning at Mizuki, knowing full well she looks embarrassingly in love and not caring in the least.
“Yeah. We do.”
Wordlessly, they rearrange their positions so that Ena is sitting with her feet in the water of lake, and Mizuki is lying down with her head in Ena’s lap, looking up at her. Ena smiles down at her and brushes her bangs out of her face.
“Forever,” she can’t help but whisper, feeling giddy and in love.
Despite her mighty blush, Mizuki grins back at her.
“Forever,” she repeats as her hand comes up to caress Ena’s cheek with one finger—a feather-light touch.
Ena’s heart is going to explode—this is too much happiness for one person. With a lovesick sigh, she bends down to kiss Mizuki on the tip of her nose. Mizuki adorably scrunches up her features and let out a lovely giggle.
Ena cannot wait to spend forever with Mizuki. She’s sure they’ll make it a good one.