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Sending Xiaoman home claiming he did not need anything else, thank you very much, had been a mistake. Ba Ye’s head was pounding and he was sweating, was chilled to the bone next. Maybe he’d be better off in bed but moving was... not an option. He’d tried to get up, had only just managed to catch himself on a corner of the table when the room had begun to tilt.
Sinking back in his seat he rested his head on his arms, figured he’d sleep here at the table for a while. He must have caught the flu or maybe possibly the plague from the owner of the teashop three doors over.
A hand gently but insistently shaking his shoulder, a voice worriedly calling his name woke him. Maybe he’d only just closed his eyes or maybe he’d slept for a long time. The pain in his back was no indication; his entire body was aching.
“Ba Ye?” a face swam into view; a beloved face that was so clear in his dreams every night, a face that was blurry now. Hazily Ba Ye remembered taking off his glasses before slumping down on the table, half-heartedly felt around for them. The face came closer, remained obscured and only now Ba Ye realized that the other man was wearing a mask. Of course he was, he always wore a mask.
A cool hand on his forehead and Ba Ye wanted to keep it there, partially for the relief it brought to his aching head, much more so for the relief it brough to his aching heart. He didn’t get his wish, of course he didn’t, there were many things more important in this world than he was, and Fo Ye’s fuguan left Ba Ye once more, “Stay here, I’ll be back.”
There was no sweet kiss this time to accompany that promise
The frontdoor closed quietly, then almost immediately opened again. Or maybe Ba Ye was losing time or had simply fallen asleep again. Zhang Fuguan had brought a Western doctor, who told Ba Ye what he already knew, left him some medicine which Ba Ye already knew that he would hate. Returning after seeing the doctor out Zhang Fuguan located Ba Ye’s glasses for him, put them on for Ba Ye’s in the same casual and gentle way as he always did, tenderly brushed Ba Ye’s sweaty hair back from his forehead, “Come, take these, they’ll make you feel better,”
When he frowned like that Ba Ye had never been able to deny him anything, he reached out to try and smooth away that worried frown like he’d been allowed to but his coordination was off, his hand was caught, let go off again, and then he was coaxed into taking the bitter medicine. He shivered and a coat was draped over his shoulder. Turning his head Ba Ye tried to inhale the scent but his nose was blocked and when he, a little lightheaded from moving his head like that, looked at where the other man had been, he found that Zhang Fuguan was gone again. Ba Ye vaguely remembered him muttering something about food. Or maybe that had been at another time and another occasion? Zhang Fuguan always ensured that there was something to eat for Ba Ye, ever since that day when he’d had offered the bun he’d been given by some woman who had pitied him to Ba Ye during their seemingly endless search for Fo Ye.
Resting his head in his hands Ba Ye fought to remain upright, wanted to stay awake until Zhang Fuguan returned but his eyes kept drifting closed. The pounding headache was nearly gone but his mind was much fuzzier.
“Ba Ye, wake up. You need to have something in your stomach.” The tip of a spoon was gently being pressed against his bottom lip and Ba Ye obediently opened his mouth. The soup tasted like Fo Ye’s, the recipe one of the few things left to him of his family. Fo Ye had passed it on to his fuguan, to Ba Ye’s Zhang Fuguan. Zhang Fuguan must have passed the recipe on to this Zhang Fuguan for the soup tasted exactly the same. Or maybe it didn’t, maybe his taste was affected too… He was so tired, was getting more and more confused, or maybe had been confused the whole time. Had been ever since Zhang Fuguan had left him, had been since this Zhang Fuguan had come into his life. The two men so alike, so different from each other. And Ba Ye’s heart… his love for him… for both of them… they were both his Zhang Fuguan.
“Let’s get you to bed,” Zhang Fuguan helped him stand up. On the table there was an empty bowl. Ba Ye hadn’t noticed finishing the soup. Despite the strong arm supporting him around the waist he still swayed on his feet, leaned into Zhang Fuguan. He was a little taller than this Zhang Fuguan, had been a little taller than the other Zhang Fuguan.
And then Zhang Fuguan carefully gathered him in his arm, scooped him up bridal style, and that was not right, Zhang Fuguan did not do that. He always simply tossed Ba Ye over his shoulder and carried him like a sack of potatoes, his hand warm and big and steadying on Ba Ye’s thigh.
But now Ba Ye was looking up at the underside of that black mask and he wanted… he wanted bunny teeth worrying a full bottom lip. He wanted to see this Zhang Fuguan’s whole face, did not know what he looked like except for the part not covered.
Zhang Fuguan was bundling him into bed, set Ba Ye’s glasses on the nightstand, exactly there where Ba Ye himself always put them. His vision was blurry again and it hurt how much Zhang Fuguan was like him. Ba Ye has been confused a lot in the past few months and the pang of pain every time when realizing his mistake… He could no longer bear it, grabbed Zhang Fuguan’s sleeve as the other man made to turn away, “Please take off your mask, just for a moment.”
A moment’s hesitation and then Zhang Fuguan took off the black mask. The eyes were him and his manner was him but the face wasn’t right. Impatiently Ba Ye gestured, “No, you know what I mean, take off the skinmask. I want to see you, I have been missing you so much.”
His heartache finally spilled through the cracks, made his voice break, “Isn’t that strange; you are right here. You have been right beside me all this time and I have been missing you so much.”
Zhang Fuguan sat like frozen beside Ba Ye’s bed, his eyes wide and Ba Ye would recognize those eyes anywhere, “I know it’s you A-Shan. How could I not? I want to see your face, I want to see you smile. Just this once, I won’t ask again. I won’t let on I know it’s you.”
His vision went even more misty with tears. And then Ba Ye blinked and Rishan was there.
And then Ba Ye didn’t see his face any longer but it was because he was hugging Rishan tightly, had buried his feverish face against Rishan’s neck. Rishan’s skin was blissfully cool, the position blissfully familiar and after a moment where Rishan was all tense, then trembled a little, his arms went around Ba Ye and Ba Ye fit there just like he always had, felt no longer untethered. A hand carded though Ba Ye’s hair and a voice Ba Ye had missed so much, had not been parted from, softly murmured, “Ba Ye…” He trailed off, left much unsaid but the love in his voice was unmistakable.
Finally, finally, Ba Ye’s confusion cleared and held by the one who loved him he drifted off.
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When he woke up, he was alone. His fever had gone, his fears and doubt allayed his heart was calm for the first time in a long time.
After only a little while Xiaoman came in with tea, “Zhang Fuguan has just left. He looked a little different this morning?”
“How do you mean?”
“I don’t know, he wore his mask and all but he just seemed just different. He said you had a high fever last night and might have been hallucinating?”
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