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He loved her. No, he loved the idea of her. Somewhere deep inside.
It's not like his appearance mattered, so didn't the public opinion. Both went down the drain, Morty didn't have time for any of that. Mentally, he was sick from life.
Maybe it's a simple desire to be someone else, detached from who he was. Maybe when he looked in a mirror and wished she was looking back — it was nothing but yet another spot to hide.
Bittersweet comfort of searching for that feeling, touching the other side of social distance between what Morty presented to other people. He met himself in dreams and transformed into her like that was the way it was always meant to be.
Yet he didn't feel discomfort, he felt himself. Everyday and each day he was okay with what he woke up with.
So, surely, there's nothing to address here?
At times he wished to kiss a girl who's also kissing a girl, as in only the two of them. Geez, what a pervert. Such a stupid fantasy.
Once he stayed after classes, in hopes that no one would look for him ‘till the very evening. There was another creepy thought in his head. A desire to know more about Jessica.
Morty followed her home once again. Never daring to come close. It all started when he heard on the news that someone was killed. He wanted to protect the girl and ended up being the one she might need protection from.
There should be a better way around it.
Jessica mentioned a game she has been playing for enough time to reach the top 100 rank worldwide.
Morty made an account. Fair mechanics, cool graphics… but not what he was after. It took a few weeks until he got a chance to hear her voice through the mic.
It took his breath away, the already squeaky voice got even more pathetic. He greeted her with trepidation, it seemed.
"Oh, hi! Glad to play with another girl again. That's rare on the higher levels!" Yes, most guys got obsessed with games to the point of competitiveness. Morty cheated, he asked Rick to help out with the code or whatever that was needed.
"You wanna carry…?" Morty said quietly, he didn't care for a reason, now that Jessica was happy about playing together: "I'm not the best at it."
Jessica was fun, nothing like how she seemed in school. Sweet, funny, yes. But not "fun", not in the way Morty ever interacted with her before. His shyness didn't go away when she was showering him with unfamiliar expressions and topics. On the other hand, they talked for hours after the game ended.
That was fresh and new. Nothing like the experiences he had with boys.
"Add me on Instagram."
"Yes!" Morty got excited to the point of whizzling. Proceed to open the app and see the account with a few of his photos and a shitton of game screenshots with memes.
Thoughts rushed through his head "Wait, Jessica thinks I'm a girl… Why does she? There's no time for that, that's my only chance!" He archived the most exposing ones and shared the username.
"You're so nerdy, It's sweet! I don't post much about what I like..."
"I- I thi- think you are re-ally cool the way you are, Jessica! I love you!" Oh.
Did he just confess?
"Awwww, I love you too!"
Huh?
"We need to play more this friday, whatcha think?"
Wait, go back to what you said. Wasn't... wasn't I creepy?
"Anywaaays, I hope you rest well. I don't know about you but I have school tomorrow…
Today already."
The goodbye was sleepy. Full of exhaustion.
He shouted out a confession out of the blue. Now he's rethinking it over and over again.
That however was nothing much to the counterpart who fell asleep immediately after resting her head on the pillow.
Thoughts bothered him. There weren't many questions about the suddenly shared feelings, but the identity… of their relationship. Now, as they were both girls, they were friendly. No lie can be hidden forever and the worst part was excitement burning in Morty's lungs, catching his breath into a dance for life.
The night passed and so did the day. So did the next... Morty waited for a message back in anticipation. It took a while to send and even more to think it through.
Stupid words.
When Jessica opened it, she paused.
That was a fairly long constructed text. Office colleague vibes. Was that an invitation for a game or a professional meeting? She pursed her lips and squinted her eyes. It wasn't funny. Her cheeks got blessed by a blush. Not funny at all.
She threw the phone away and started laughing.
What kind of stupid girl wrote that? So shy and with a bad sense of humor! "I wanna talk to her."
Morty jumbled on the street, startled by a text back, FINALLY!
"Geez, I thought you forgot about me. Hope you had fun this week!" What's that pathetic undertone supposed to be.
"Sry, I got fired up for party. Mom lets me go out if grades r goooood yk"
"Haha
Yeah, totally" not at all, Morty sucks at every subject and even more at partying. Should he write "tots" or… mmmmm
"We can play and yap abt history? I have an exam
If you don't know stuff I'll just rehearse mine"
She's smart. Beautiful. Smart. Beautiful and smart. He ran home faster than the guy on the bicycle behind him.
Jessica is so fucking cool.
Geez, she was a yapper while simultaneously nailing that shit. Morty tried to speak up, acting cooler than he was. He googled a few history facts to impress her. Shit didn't work, she knew those already. Geez, it's like falling in love all over again.
Again and again they played each week more and more until she said:
"Wanna meet up?"
"Yeah, this Tuesday? I'd be up for everything with you. You still didn't give me that sweet tea on your friend's situation-shit." Morty sunk down in his chair.
"I meant in real life, silly!" Jessica got up to check her wardrobe. She knew they live in the same town and… for some reason she wanted to dress up for their first time together. Her freshly painted nails and make up that she was doing as they were talking was for nothing. She knew they wouldn't meet today. She still wished for it.
"Oh..." Morty gulped: "...a-are you su-suree?"
"Yes.
I feel comfortable with you.
...
I wanna..." that stupid shy girl with the weird attitude, why did Jessica…: "I want to hug you." She could have sworn that there was a puppy whining on the other side of the phone.
"I-- I wanna h-hug you too."
Jessica put down the phone immediately.
Why is her heart beating so loudly? Why is she picking out the outfit? It's almost 11pm!
She sat on the floor and hid her face between the knees: "Stupid shy girl, get out of my head!"
Jessica didn't even know her real name and calling her "Balls3000" was ridiculous. She probably was some type of nerdy kid that got bullied. When they will meet Jessica will help her with the appearance.
"I know she's beautiful. I can feel it." Jessica mumbled.
Morty got up and looked in the mirror: "I can just say I got sick." Chubby round face. Big blue eyes. "Or got hit by a car." Small frame and particularly babyish height.
Morty sneaked into his sister's room. Prohibited territory. According to her oversharing, there were some clothes she "will fit into when I lose a couple pounds".
Crop top and a skirt. Summer kept some wigs for practice before cutting people's hair on a bet… she got plans but threw them away after the first failure.
Morty put everything together. Wonky.
Mirror said otherwise.
They met in a cafe. Public place as it should be with online friendships turned offline.
Tall redhead, in full glam and model posture.
Little gremlin with a severe case of tomato-face. Blush was crawling down the neck. Round watery eyes were calling for Jessica as the petite girl in front of her said:
"My name is Morticia."
That was the first time she introduced herself by that name.
It felt so right.