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Celebrating Halloween had become somewhat of a miracle.
Twenty years ago, Halloween would have meant crowded streets in too small of neighborhoods, the bowls that had overflowing candy, and the sound of children arguing over who had the better costume. Now though with the world having ended, the holidays that used to have such great meaning have disappeared beneath the need to survive.
Jackson had brought them back slowly over time. It wasn't the exact same, with large rows of houses, or candy that came from the grocery store. But it had been close enough for everyone to recognize that there was some sense of normal.
Across the courtyard there were tiny paper ghosts that were attached to string between each of the buildings. There were surprisingly pumpkins that lined the main street in town, with every single one being carved by someone different.
Some looked great (probably made by adults with skilled hands), and others looked as if they had gotten into a fight with a kitchen butter knife (Probably made by the children of the town). Lanterns that glowed warm against the darkening October evening sky.
All while the soft music drifted through the air and seemed to coax people back to life. Kids were running between the booths, some wearing costumes that were stitched together by whatever scraps that people were able to find.
A little girl had proudly declared herself a princess even though that young girl was wearing a crown made out of entirely cardboard. A set of boys argued over who had the better cowboy outfit. Someone had also managed to make a fake spider that most of the kids stayed away from out of some old falling apart fishing net.
It wasn't before, it wasn't even perfect, but it was a sign that everyone was alive.
You spent some time wandering around the crowd with a warm mug of hot cider that warmed up your freezing hands. You smiled at people, and kids passing by. Maria stood near the town hall pretending like she wasn't keeping track of how the evening was going.
Joel leaned up against a far fence with Ellie not too far behind him. Both of them were watching a pumpkin carving contest that was taking place not too far from them. Ellie looked like she wanted to join but was unsure how to say the words.
Tommy had up and vanished a few hours ago, probably getting himself roped into helping someone with something that often happened. Everyone in town trusted Tommy, maybe it was because he was always looking like the man had more heart to give.
The celebration continued til the sun had disappeared under the mountains and the skys had turned a beautiful radiant of different fall colors. The bone-fires started and all flickered across the main street.
Children taking advantage and roasting marshmallows. Some teenagers dared each other to go through the haunted barn that someone had decorated with 'fake' clickers that had been carved out of wood.
The sound of laughter echoed across the buildings. Loud, warm, and safe.
It was that kind of night that made everyone remember why they always fought so hard to keep Jackson standing tall like it did.
Eventually you slipped away from the crowd of adults, and children. You needed some time to regroup after hours of endless conversation. There was a secret place you had found a few years back. The overlook that was just beyond the stables, it had over the years become your favorite spot in the entire town of Jackson.
From the overlook you could almost see the entire town, the lights that twinkled below, the smoke that was curling from someone's chimneys, the music that seemed to float through the crisp autumn air.
The air around you made you wrap yourself just a little tighter in your jacket as you felt the wind glided up and over the hillside.
"Are you hidin' from the party too?" Tommy's voice made you smile before you even turned around.
"There you are." Yeah there he was with two steaming mugs in his hands. "You took forever to find."
"I wasn't even hidin'."
"Sure, Tommy."
"What, you don't believe me or somethin'?"
"Not even one bit." You said with a small shake of your head.
He handed one of the mugs to you. "It's cocoa." You peaked into the lid taking a small and quick whiff of the liquid. "You remembered?" You asked the younger Miller. "Of course I did."
You accepted the mug with a grateful smile, and for a while neither of you spoke. Instead you both simply watched the town below. How the sound of the celebration drifted upwards, the sound of children laughing, someone cheering far off in the distance, the music that was carried up by the wind.
Tommy leaned into the wooden fence with what looked like relaxation written across his face. But you had been around enough to know that it was just on the surface. That something was sitting heavier on his mind. You watched as Tommy's fingers tapped absentmindedly on his mug. His shoulder stayed a little too tense.
"You okay?" Tommy didn't answer at first instead opting for an automatic smile. "Yeah." With just one raise of a brow, he sighs accepting his defeat. "How do you always know?" You rolled your eyes blowing into the steaming up of cocoa. "You have a tell." "I do not." He said quickly. "You totally do."
"What's my tell then?" He asks with raised brows. "You get all quiet." He smirks as if he can go out with you. "I'm quiet all the time." You shake your head, "This is a different kind of quiet." Tommy stares at you for a minute, and then casts his eyes over the town of Jackson.
It's several long moments where he doesn't answer. Then finally he speaks. "Do you ever think… how easy would it be?"
"Easy for what?" You ask utterly confused. "For this to all just disappear." He answers his eyes never once leaving the lights that sparkle across the town below. "It would just take one bad winter." He says nodding towards the town. "One bad infected horde."
"A fire, raiders, a bad crop season, it could all just be gone." You don't interrupt. Maybe because rarely does Tommy ever let himself talk like this. "When the outbreak happened…" He says quietly, taking a long sip of the cocoa. "I just stopped lettin' myself care too much." He admits, and you feel yourself look at him.
"Not gettin' attached, hurts less." There's a humorless laugh that escapes from the younger Miller. "Didn't exactly work though." "No?" You ask him. "No" You watch as his fingers tighten around the mug, knuckles turning a shade lighter than normal. "I lost Sarah too." He admits, and swallows hard. "Sometimes the folks around here forget that."
You reach over on instinct and rest your hand over his arm lightly. "I know that, Tommy." With a sigh Tommy continues. "I may not have been her daddy, but…" His voice grows rough. "Sarah was still my niece, I watched her grow up, I watched Joel become a single father. God I even watched that little girl wrap him around her finger."
His eyes glisten, "And then" He can't finish, but he doesn't have to. There's a silence that settles between you. The only sound is from the far distance of Jackson. Eventually Tommy continues. "I lost Joel, too." You frown, "But you got him back." "Yeah but for years" He shakes his head. "I figured he was pretty much dead, and even after we did find each other again…" His laugh carries no humor.
"We weren't exactly brothers anymore."
"You became brothers again."
"We've been tryin'."
Tommy smiles softly, "Better than we were." You follow his gaze towards the town, and see Joel standing below talking to Ellie. She shoves his shoulder and he rolls his eyes at her. You can practically hear the sarcastic comments that Ellie must be making. Tommy smiles at the sight.
"Look at him, he laughs now." Tommy mutters into his mug. "You noticed?" You ask. "course I noticed, he didn't use to" You watch longer as Joel throws what must be a fake pumpkin at Ellie. She's quick to toss it right back at him. "She gave him something back." You nod in agreement.
"and then." His voice goes nearly silent. "Then I found you." You look over at him, but his eyes stay trained on the sight of his older brother finally letting loose. "I don't think I've ever told you that." You shake your head. "I spent so damn long convincing myself that life was just…" He stops searching for the right word.
"Surviving."
"Waking up, working, patrolling, sleeping, and that cycle is just on repeat." He glances over at you. "Then somewhere along the way… You come home too." You feel your chest tighten, and he laughs softly like he's embarrassed. "Guess that's a hell of a thing to admit, darling." You give him a shake of your head.
"I think it's a beautiful thing." He looks back towards Jackson. "You see the problem is…" He takes a slow breath in, "I think the more good things you get… the more there is to lose." You hum along because there it was, the fear that he was carrying around with him. It's not about the infected, or the raider.
But the loss
Again.
"I just keep thinkin'."
Tommy's voice cracks under the pressure, and weight.
"What if one of these patrols goes wrong?"
"And what if somethin' happens to Joel and he doesn't come back?"
A small, but tired smile crosses his face.
"What if Ellie gets herself into trouble cause she's too damn stubborn?"
His smile fades just as quickly as it came on. Then finally he looks over at you. 'What if I lose you?" His voice is barely above a school house whisper. "I know now that it's selfish. That everybody around here is riskin' their lives every day. Hell, so do I." He shakes his head in frustration.
"But after everything with Sarah, and then losing Joel for years… after watching people I cared so much about just disappear one after another…" His thumb traces circles into the side of his mug.
"I'm not sure if I've got another loss in me." Tommy let out a quiet, and humorless laugh. "Didn't even think that I'd ever let someone get this close again." Tommy green eyes found yours. Vulnerable in a way that you had never gotten the chance to see. "Then all the sudden up you came along, now you're the first person that I look for when I get back through those fuckin' gates." He admits to you, with a crooked smile on his face.
"You darlin' are the personI want sittin' next to me during supper, I want you to be the one that I picture beside me when I'm thinkin' about five years from now." He lets go of a breath slowly. "And I was just mostly scared to tell you, darlin."
"What were you scared about?" You ask him. "All this." Tommy says gesturing around, but mostly to himself. "I didn't wanna sound weak." You smile up at him sadly. "I don't think that loving people has ever made anyone weak, Tommy."
Tommy laughs quietly. "Do you know that you always are gonna end up sayin' the right thing?" He asks you, "No, Tommy I just know you." The words settle warmly in between you. Down below the fireworks are suddenly bursting across the night sky, and no they aren't the modern ones.
They're the ones made at home, small and simple. Golden sparks that bloom above Jackson before they eventually fade into the darkness of the October sky. From down below the entire down of Jackson erupts into cheers. Tommy looks down towards the celebration and then back towards you.
Without another spoken word, Tommy wrapped both of his arms around you. The hug was firm, protective, and had the faintest hint of desperation. You let yourself lean into the hug, resting your cheek against his chest and listening to the steady best of his heart beneath the layers of flannels.
After what seemed like a long while, Tommy whispered into your hair. "I've spent years thinking' that the world had already taken' everything that was worth having." His arms tightens around you slightly. "But I'm thinkin' that I was wrong."
You let your eyes close, and feel the cool October wind blow past you. Hearing the sound of laughter that drifts up and away from the gathering happening below. All while another burst of golden light spread across the sky.