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Arima watched the sunshine reflect upon the surface of the small pond. Sakura petals adorned the ground beneath his feet. The pink of the leaves mixed with the rich color of the soil. It was a very beautiful view. The serenity of the atmosphere calmed the war inside his mind and soothed his nerves. He wasn’t supposed to be here but there was no going back now. He had made up his mind.
This system, this cruelty… It had to stop. He couldn’t bear it any longer. The pain of being crushed under the iron fist of his masters was too much. Being used, being tied down, never having anything of his own… He felt as if his lungs were being twisted inside his chest as he remembered the memories he had buried deep inside his mind, never to be dug out again. Despite the pain they gave him, they were also what drove him to do this in the first place. He didn’t want anyone else to suffer like he did. Especially since his last visit to the Sunlit Garden. It hurt to remember it. It hurt so badly, he could feel his eyes burn and tears prickle at their corners. All those children… Stored and crammed inside a facility until they were ready to be let out like dogs trained to serve their masters. Promises of promotion and glory instead of meat to lure their innocent minds into this misery.
A scene played before his eyes from many years ago. A memory from one of his many visits to the Garden…
“Onii-chan!”
He heard quick footsteps behind him, light feet brushing against the grass. He had almost turned to face the owner of these footsteps when something hit him from behind, nearly knocking him over. He heard a giggle and smiled to himself. He wouldn’t have been caught off-guard like that if he hadn’t been lost in thought. Being back here brought so many memories back. He lightly touched the arms wrapped around him from behind so they would release him. With another giggle, she complied.
Hairu.
She took a few steps back so he could see her.
“You’ve grown.” He patted her head.
It had been years since he had last seen her. It was a surprise she remembered him at all. She had been so small. Running and playing around, she had always been more cheerful than the other children who had grown up there. He wondered if she would continue to be like this when she was released.
Released?
There was no release.
It was all a lie. He wasn’t any freer than he was in the Garden. He hated it. He hated them all. The Washuu, the V… He was just a toy, ready to be tossed aside once it was broken. His life had wasted away before his very eyes and now he was dying… Slowly, painfully, his own body was betraying him.
Maybe it was revenge, after many years of abuse he had put it through.
It’s not like he had any choice.
He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. There was no point in getting angry about it now. Whatever happened had happened. There was nothing he could do about it. He sometimes wondered. Could he have run away like Rize if he had tried? Would anyone take him in the way Shachi did? Would his life been different then? He didn’t even know what he would have done with all that freedom. Perhaps seen more places, travelled outside of Japan to see the world… That would have been nice.
This will be over soon.
He watched the water for a little longer before he returned to his table. The café was located right next to the pond. It was modern architecture met with ancient ornaments. Their table was positioned outside with a clear view of nature. His fingers played on the intricately designed railing running next to his chair. It was peaceful. Now seated, he admitted to himself that Eto had good taste when it came to picking places to eat.
It was a shame she herself wasn’t here.
Sighing, he rubbed his temples. They had met a few times before in more discreet places to discuss what they would do. Arima had to be careful so the V didn’t find out about them. At the beginning of their alliance, their meetings had been short; Arima simply informed Eto on the structure and strategy of the CCG so she could figure her enemy out and strengthen Aogiri. It wasn’t easy to put together an organization like CCG. She needed executives, supporters, resources…
He had no idea how someone so messy had managed to put together something like that.
She was late again.
He leaned back on his chair and gazed up at the sky.
“Is this seat empty?”
“Is that a disguise?”
Eto made a face at him and grinned.
She was wearing a burgundy wig, a yellow summer dress and sunglasses. She was even wearing heels on her small feet and a hat to match her dress. He decided that her fashion choices weren’t as good as her café preferences. “Is this meant to be discreet?” He questioned. He didn’t understand her even a little bit.
“It is meant to hide my identity.” She corrected. “Can’t Arima Kishou be meeting with a pretty lady on a nice Saturday morning?” She smirked, waving her hands around.
He kept staring, unfazed.
“Come on, Arimaaa,” She sang. She waved her finger at him playfully. “Don’t be boring. Besides, people may recognize me if I go around like my usual self.” She laughed. “I’m a celebrity, you know!”
He tapped his fingers on the table. It was always risky, meeting in public. He tapped his fingers on the table. It was always risky, meeting in public. They had only done this twice before, both of them many years ago. Eto had insisted back then, claiming that it would be a nice change. He had complied reluctantly.
This time it was him who had insisted.
“So… Did you miss me?”
When he didn’t answer, she rolled her eyes. “We haven’t seen each other for months, you know.” She looked at him pointedly.
“How is the Tree progressing?” He played with the corner of the table cloth.
She rolled her eyes again and huffed. “Fine, if you want to talk business all the time…”
A little girl?
The person lying on the ground, defeated, was no older than 14. Her body was bloodied and torn, pieces of her kakuja hanging from her shoulders. When she looked up, a trail of blood was streaming down from the corner of her mouth.
“Why?”
The ghoul eyed him suspiciously.
“Why are you doing this? What are you hoping to achive?”
She stared at him for a moment before letting out a hoarse laugh. “You… want a reason?” She coughed up blood. “A…reason…” Despite her efforts to hide it, he could see her struggling to breathe. Finally, she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and looked back up. A hostile, mocking gaze straight into his eyes, she was defying him even in her weakened state.
He was surprised when she answered.
“Because I want to take this fucked up, piece of shit world, fuck it up even more, and then give it a factory reset.”
He could see her trembling with anger. It was difficult to believe someone so small could harbor so much hatred. He could see a couple of tears escaping her left eye. Human eye, he thought. Half-human, half ghoul… Just like himself. Were those tears out of the same desperation? The need to escape this horrible world? The need to be free?
This courage, this strength… Her dedication… Despite her limited resources, she had done what he could never be brave enough to do. She had defied the system that imprisoned them, taken action instead of mourning for the life they could have had.
“I see.”
As he stared into her wide-open, shocked eyes, he could barely hold back his laughter. He let his lips curl into a small smile instead. Had he found hope in the most unusual place?
Was this his ticket out of this misery?
This had been before the fateful morning when he had discovered that first strand of white hair.
He had dismissed it at first, refused to tell anyone about it but soon, more had started to appear. After a while, it had become impossible to ignore them. He had been called to the doctor’s office for an examination as soon as they had discovered it. They had watched him closely after that. Drawing blood, regulating his diet… His colleagues had started to realize it as well. He was in his early 20s, how could he be graying so quickly? He had become even weirder in their eyes. It was then when he started to panic, thinking there was something wrong with him.
That was when the doctors had told him of his condition. He had mere years left to live.
His heart was pounding in his chest. The scene played before his eyes again and again. The doctor’s lips moving, his own hands trembling, the painful wait… The reveal… The shock… He had simply thank the doctor and walked out to his car. As he sat before the wheel, the reality had slowly sunk in.
He was going to die.
It seemed like a dream. He had to wake up.
He had never woken up.
The nightmare had continued and all he could do was wait for the inevitable end. He had never taken death seriously as young boy, when had just started. Killing was a part of his life and his own death had seemed impossible.
And now, once again, he was waiting for death. He was waiting for the only one who could kill him.
“Arima?”
Would he be able to do it?
“Arima?”
Would Arima be able to do it?
“Kishou!”
“Hm?” He snapped out of his daydream. He stared at Eto blankly, who seemed annoyed and confused.
“What’s the matter?”
“Nothing.” He reached to take a sip from his tea.
Wait.
Eto laughed. “Your expression was hilarious! You should have seen it.” He threw her head back to laugh again, still giggling as she spoke. “I gave the order while you were in dreamland. Dİd you really not realize it?”
He shrugged and took another sip.
Eto huffed. “This was your idea, Kishou. Why did you propose it if you weren’t going to be happy about it?”
“Who said I wasn’t happy?”
“The hell is your problem, then?” She exclaimed and Arima had to shush her so people didn’t turn to stare at them.
“It’s just… Noth-” He paused when Eto glared. He decided to be honest. “I’m not sure if I… I mean I am sure but…”
“Are you afraid?”
He bowed his head. They had come all this way, walked this path together and now he…
Eto sighed. “I’m not saying that this will be easy.” She reached out to cup his face and he looked back up in surprise. “But think of the world we will leave behind. The things we will change. We are going to fix this broken world.” She spoke softly. “He is going to become their hope.”
Just like he became for us.
He found himself smiling.
Haise… She knew that he had a soft spot for him, didn’t she? She knew how much he meant to him, just how much he loved him.
He bit his lip. Tears were filling his eyes and he couldn’t hold them back any longer.
They just weren’t meant to be.
Nothing ever was for him.
The people he had loved, he had cared for… He was always separated from them, one way or another. He wished he could have closed his heart, frozen it the way people assumed it to be. He wish he was the cold and ruthless killer everyone thought he was. It would have made his life so much easier. He didn’t want to feel anything anymore.
Soon, this wish would become true.
It was times like this when death didn’t sound so bad.
“Kishou?”
He shut his eyes tightly, refusing to look back at her.
“Kishou,” she repeated. “We’re in this together.”
He let out the breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. It was right. They had been in this together from the start. Before Haise, before Take, Eto had been there for him. No matter how little they had seen each other, the knowledge that there was someone out there, who shared his feelings… It had given him strength. She had eased his loneliness.
“Thank you, Eto.”
“For what?” She raised an eyebrow.
“Everything.” He stared into her eyes, taking in the green, observing the softness that had won over the aggression for once. And for once, he himself, let his guard down in front of her.
“I couldn’t have done this without you.” His voice was barely above a whisper. “You were the first to give me hope.”
She opened her mouth but couldn’t find her voice. She just stared at him with her mouth hanging open. When she finally pulled herself together, she looked away before speaking. “So, you can be nice.”
For once, she looked a little shy.
“That’s rich, coming from you.”
She slapped his arm and he laughed. When he started he couldn’t stop. He laughed, carelessly and light-heartedly, until Eto join him and tears stared prickled down from his face. Though still heavy with emotion, he could feel the tension in his body dissipate.
His cheeks ached and he wiped the tears with the back of his finger. He felt like a mess but in a good way.
“I can’t believe you made joke.” Eto giggled, wiping her own tears.
He smiled at her.
It wasn’t so bad this way. He wasn’t so lonely.
They were in this together.
He closed his eyes and felt the wind one more time. He gazed at the sakura petals, took in the sight of the pond.
He braced himself for what was to come.