Archive of Our Own

Simon had only been home a couple of hours when it happened. He was in the middle of eating a midnight snack before bed, his temperamental pet lizard, Ellie, running loose through his apartment. He always let her have the run of the place when he got back from work. Especially if he had to go for a late night shift at his new bartending gig.

He hated leaving her cooped up, even if her enclosure was twice the size recommended for a bearded dragon. She usually was so happy to be let out that she would ignore her dinner for at least a half an hour.

She had been idling around on the carpet since he had finally convinced her to eat- he had to bribe her with berries. Once she was calm, he was able to make himself some food. It had taken him a good twenty minutes to clean the grime from the bar off of his hand and arm, but once he was sure he wasn’t going to give himself some sort of disease by handling food, he got to it. Occasionally hearing the scritch-scratch of Ellie’s claws as she sprinted from one end of the room to the other.

He sat down at his small table, smiling as Ellie came over and bobbed her head up at him a few times. He tried to reach down to pet her, but as she was known to do- she nipped at his finger instead and scurried away. Sighing, he turned back to his food. He literally had only gotten the stupid lizard because everyone told him they were good, social pets for people who couldn’t have, or didn’t want, cats or dogs. Somehow he managed to get the only bearded dragon that hated literally everyone.

He had so many scratches and bites from her over the years.

Now she at least tolerated him and appreciated the food he gave her. But even that had taken a long time. Sometimes he swore the little demon wanted to eat him. He caught her staring and licking her lips often enough. Did lizards have lips? He guessed not.

Mid-bite of a simple sandwich, Simon heard a soft click off to his right. Looking up, he saw his apartment door opening up. Fuck, he had forgotten to lock it after him. The one fucking night he forgets- someone’s breaking into his house!

Standing up, food forgotten, he moved to grab some sort of weapon to defend himself. The intruder coming into his apartment spoke as they stepped inside, though, and he paused. A sing-songing voice called out in a way that Simon immediately recognized as drunk.

“Heyyy Col’, ‘m home, blugh,” the man currently stumbling his way into Simon’s apartment said, closing and locking the door behind him.

Oh, great. Simon dropped whatever he had grabbed for his makeshift weapon. It might have been an umbrella. He didn’t even look. There was a drunk stranger in his house. Lovely.

The sound of scratching met his ears and he swore, trying to move forward fast to catch Ellie before she attacked the stranger.

He didn’t make it in time.

The man, who Simon noted had messy, dirty blond hair and glasses half hanging off of his face, spotted the little lizard scuttling across the carpet and his face split into a big, wide grin. Classic drunk guy face. “Aaaawww hello~~!” He stooped down, reaching his hands out.

“No, wait, don’t!” Simon tried to say, tripping over himself trying to save this man from getting bit.

But- he didn’t get bit.

Ellie came right over to him, nudging her head under his fingers and let him pet her. Simon couldn’t fucking believe it. He gawked as the man scratched under her chin lightly and swore when Ellie actually closed her eyes and scooted even closer to the drunk stranger. “You fucking bitch,” he hissed, scowling at his pet.

The man heard his voice, then, and a pair of cloudy blue eyes looked over at him. The man’s surprised, confused face, broke into another smile when he saw him. “Ohh heyy,” he said, hiccupping, “I didn’ know we had friennnss over.”

Simon pushed himself up off the ground where he had fallen. The stranger’s eyes followed him slowly. Now that he was forced to look up from where he was squatting, Simon could see the man wobbling and swaying ever so slightly.

Still with the dopey, drunk smile on his face, the man said, “Myyy name,” he hiccupped again, “Is Grace.” He pointed at himself as he said it, not noticing how Ellie bobbed her head, annoyed that he had stopped petting her. “Are you a frien’ of Colt’s?”

Frowning, brows furrowed in confusion, Simon said, “I don’t know anyone named Colt.”

“Oh.” Grace’s face crumpled into a confused pout and he looked back down. Noticing Ellie again, he smiled and started petting her once more. “Hi pretty~,” he cooed, stroking over the top of her head. “Yer sssso cute.”

Simon could see Ellie preening under the attention.

What the fuck.

He probably should kick this guy out- or call the cops. He had literally just wandered his drunk ass into his apartment.

Although… The fact that Ellie actually liked this guy was huge. Ellie never liked anybody! Even Simon himself! And he fed her! That had to mean something right? Animal intuition or whatever it was? Animals were able to sense if someone was a good person or not, right? That was the saying? This guy had to be a good person if he could manage to get his little demon of a lizard to actually cuddle up to him.

And, seeing the way he was barely keeping himself standing, Simon didn’t feel even a tiny bit threatened right now. He had been kinda freaked out when he first broke into his apartment- because, like… duh. Someone was breaking into his fucking apartment. But right now? Watching him squat on the ground, struggling to balance, and running his fingers in a repeating motion over the top of his little lizard’s head? This dude looked like he could be knocked over by a summer breeze. He was plastered.

“Hey,” he said, making a decision that he may or may not regret. “Grace?”

The man looked up at him, smiling sleepily. “Hm?”

Making his way over, stopping closer to him, Simon offered his hand. “You were asking about Colt earlier- were you out drinking with him?”

Grace giggled at that, taking Simon’s hand, but not moving to pull himself up. “Noooo,” he almost sang the word. “Was out with Rocky.” His dazed blue eyes looked down at where their hands were clasped and he giggled again. “Heeeee~.”

“What?”

“Yer holding my hand~~,” Grace said, closing his eyes and smiling big and goofy. Simon found himself actually snorting out a laugh at that. He hauled Grace up to his feet, then, trying to go slowly so the man wouldn’t step on his lizard- or puke.

He didn’t manage the second one. As soon as he was standing again, Grace went green around the gills and Simon had to quickly grab his closest trash can for him. Ellie chuffed angrily up at the two of them before scurrying across the carpet, climbing up the little ramp Simon had built for her that lead to the top of his couch. (Simon was just glad she was out of harm’s way.)

Carefully, he put his arm around Grace’s shoulders and walked him over to the furniture in his living area as he heaved into the little bin. Lowering him and the small trash can down to sit, Simon spoke in a soft voice. “I’m gonna go get you some water and something for your stomach, okay?” Grace only groaned miserably in response to that, so he made his way back to his kitchen.

Sifting through his kitchen, Simon paused briefly, considering what the fuck was even his life right now.

He had gotten home from the bar only a couple hours ago- it was like, what, three in the morning right now? And he was looking for saltine crackers for a drunk stranger who had broken into his apartment. All because his stupid pet lizard liked him!

What the fuck was his life.

Sighing, he snagged a brand new sleeve of the bland crackers and brought them over to Grace’s spot on the couch. The man looked up at him, saw the food, and whined. Simon just set the crackers down next to him for now and went back to get the man some water. He spent enough time with drunk people at his side-gig, he was pretty sure he could handle this guy by himself.

He set the water on the coffee table before going to his bathroom and looking to see if he had any antacids or stomach chews or anything. He had a little bottle of those chalky chewy things that tasted gross, but they’d probably help, so he brought that out to the living room.

Grace had set the can down on the floor now, but he still looked pretty pathetic. He had opened up the saltines and was currently nibbling at one of them. His tired, confused blue eyes lifted up to look at Simon as he came back. “Hold out your hand,” Simon told him simply. Grace held the cracker in his teeth and obediently held out an open palm. Tipping the container of chews, Simon dumped two into his hand. “Eat these.”

Ellie was currently just lounging on the top of the couch by Grace’s head, but the drunk man hadn’t noticed her yet. Simon watched as he grimaced, chewing on the tablet things. He smiled in sympathy, saying, “Yeah, I don’t like them either.”

Grace took a drink of the water after he finished eating the medicine, swallowed, and stuck his tongue out with a ‘bleck’ noise. Blinking his eyes no less than seven times, he looked back up at Simon. Smiling, he asked, “When’s Col’ gettin’ back?” Humming, Simon looked at him. Yeah, there was an issue- who the hell was Colt? Grace had mentioned him a few times now. He seemed to think Colt lived here, maybe they were roommates? Scratching absently at his neck, he considered how he wanted to answer. Grace looked at his hand, then, eyes going wide and gasping. “Woahhhh.”

Quirking a brow at him, Simon asked, “What?”

“Your arm’s huuuuge,” Grace said, motioning with his hands like he was making a measurement. He then pouted exaggeratedly, jutting his lower lip out. “Wha’ happened to yer other one?”

Simon glanced down at his left side, where his t-shirt sleeve hung empty, considering whether he even bothered answering that question. Grace was clearly very drunk. The likelihood that he’d even remember this conversation in the morning was slim to none. Grace got distracted then, noticing Ellie sitting up near his head, and he cooed at her before stroking his finger over the top of her head. Simon swore that the little lizard was looking right at him as she leaned into Grace’s petting. He scowled at her.

Finally, though, he made a decision. Stooping down a bit, he spoke to Grace in a quiet voice. “Hey, Grace, why don’t I give Colt a call and see when he’s gonna be back? Does that sound good?” The drunken man smiled and nodded, forgetting about Ellie and picking up another saltine cracker. “Can I have your phone, please?” Simon asked, holding out his hand.

It took a moment of fumbling before Grace managed to yank his phone out of his pocket, but he did eventually manage it. He placed it into Simon’s hand, saying, “Only because you said please!” Simon snorted at that, grinning. Stupid.

“Do you remember your password?” He asked, tapping the screen and seeing the lock screen. A photo of a nebula shone back at him- Simon was pretty sure he knew this one. It was the one that looked like a penguin and egg. Pretty background.

Munching on three crackers at once, Grace hummed before saying a garbled, “Skwiffers.”

“What?” Simon blinked at him.

Swallowing, Grace raised a finger and wagged it around, spelling out loud, “S, K, W, I, Z, Z, L, E, R, S.” That… definitely was not a word. With a shrug, though, Simon typed that in. To his surprise, the phone did unlock. Weird.

Now the background of the phone was a picture of Grace with a couple other men all standing with their arms over each other’s shoulders. One of the men looked surprisingly similar to Grace. A brother, maybe? Oohhh, maybe that was Colt.

Clicking on the messages, Simon hoped that Colt was one of the most recent people Grace had been texting. He saw messages from a ‘Rock’ contact, followed by messages from a ‘CoCo (Dumbass)’ exactly. He had to guess that was probably Colt.

Pressing on the recent messages from the CoCo contact, he figured it’d probably be best if he called the guy so he could hear that Grace was okay, just drunk off his ass.

He hit the call button before looking back at Grace. The drunk man was just staring up at him with big, starry eyes. “You good?” he asked.

“You’re so hansum,” Grace said, resting his chin in his hand and smiling all dopey.

Face flushing, Simon quickly turned and stepped away as the phone rang. Not what he was expecting the other man to say.

Finally after nearly giving up, the call was picked up. Simon immediately was hit with a man shouting, “Ryland fucking Grace, do you have any idea what time it is!?! Where the fuck are you- I swear to Christ, if you’re still out with Rocky, I’m gonna-!”

Simon chose that as his moment to interject. “Uhh, hey, sorry to interrupt- are you Colt?”

The other man fell silent.

“Who is this,” he spoke, voice eerily calm now but quickly gaining anxiety and fear again. “Why do you have my brother’s phone?? Is Ry okay? He’s not hurt is he? Oh my god, is he in the hospital? What’s going on? Do you have him hostage??”

“Ey, ey, relax,” Simon said, walking back over to his kitchen, looking down at his forgotten sandwich. “If Ry is Grace, then no- he’s not hurt. He’s super fucking drunk, but other than that he’s fine.” He glanced back at the other man and found himself smiling a little as he watched him taking one of the throw blankets off the couch and snuggling down into the pillows.

That was cute.

The man Simon assumed was Colt, because he still hadn’t answered that, let out a long, loud exhale of breath. “Oh, thank goodness. Where is he? I’ll come get him.”

Watching Grace yawn, Simon smiled again. Colt wasn’t gonna like this next part. “He kinda broke into my apartment, actually.”

“He did WHAT!??!”

Simon had to hold the phone away from his ear for that.

Chuckling, Simon said, “It’s okay, he didn’t really- my dumb ass forgot to lock the door and he just kinda walked in. He seems to think this is your place.” Colt groaned on the other end of the phone. Ellie had slid herself down on top of Grace now, and the sleepy man was cooing softly at her again. “My name’s Simon, by the way,” he said.

“Right,” Colt sounded exhausted on the other end of the line. “Well, Simon- thank you for not immediately calling the police on my dumbass brother. Can you please tell me where your apartment is so I can pick him up?”

Ellie was now trying to chew on Grace’s glasses, so Simon quickly stepped over to the couch. “Ah- Ellie, no, don’t eat those.” He had to pinch the phone between his shoulder and ear and scoop her up.

She switched to trying to bite him instead.

He cursed as she chewed at his fingers. “Fuck, ow.”

Putting her back into her enclosure and shutting the door, he returned to the phone call. “Sorry, had to stop my fuckin’ pet from eating your brother’s glasses.” Colt made a noise at that, but still sounded tired. Grace was already asleep on the couch now. Looking down at him, Simon spoke again. “Wouldn’t you rather wait? He just fell asleep on my couch- what if I send you my address and a picture of him so you know I’m not just lying to you- and you come pick him up in a few hours so we can all get a little bit of sleep? I know you’re probably worried about your brother, but I’m pretty sure if you wake him up right now, he will throw up all over himself, you, and your car. He’s really not in any state to travel.”

Colt immediately said no. “What? No- I’m going to pick up my brother- I’m not leaving him with a stranger! I don’t care that you’ve been nice so far, I don’t know you! I don’t care that it’s late!”

Simon could respect that. Sighing, he asked, “Fine, but could you at least give me like an hour so I can shower and eat? I just got back from work and haven’t gotten to do shit.” Colt didn’t like it, but begrudgingly agreed. “Cool, I’ll text the address here once we hang up.” Clicking to end the call, Simon did as he said he’d do- typed his address in a message to Colt, then took a photo of Grace sound asleep on his couch and sent that over.

Thankfully Grace had fallen asleep on his side, so Simon didn’t really need to worry about him choking on his own vomit. Turning his head toward his pet, he said, “Keep our guest company, okay Ellie?”

The little lizard bobbed her head up and down at him, and he took that as a yes.

He plucked Grace’s glasses from where they were barely hanging off of his ear and set them on the coffee table. After making sure the man wasn’t likely to turn onto his back, he left and walked to his bathroom. Turning on his shower, he shucked off his clothes and hopped in. Even though he asked for an hour, he didn’t take a very long time in the shower. He just took the chance to rinse off the sweat from the day and wash his hair and stepped back out to dry off.

Once he was dry enough, he tugged on some loose fitting, comfy clothes. His hair was still dripping onto his shoulders a little bit, but that was fine. Going back out into the main room of his place, Grace was exactly how he had left him. Good.

He sat back at his table to finally finish his food from earlier.

What a weird night, he mused to himself.

Looking back at Grace, he found himself smiling. The man may have technically broken into his apartment, but at least he had been entertaining. His cheeks warmed when he thought of how the man had complimented him.

See, working as a bartender on the side, he was pretty used to people flirting with him. Especially drunk people.

They just usually were a lot more vulgar about it.

Grace commenting on his arm being huge was pretty funny, though.

He was putting his plate into his dishwasher when he heard a knock at his door. Glancing at the clock, he wasn’t surprised to find that Colt was early. The guy was obviously worried about his brother.

He didn’t have siblings, but he imagined he’d also be worried too.

Unlocking and opening the door, he stepped back and came face to face with Grace’s doppleganger. “Huh.” He blinked at the man on the other side of the doorway. This was definitely the guy on Grace’s phone background. Maybe they were twins? He looked just like Grace, just without the glasses. “You Colt?”

“Yeah,” he replied, looking nervously past Simon’s shoulder. “Is Ryland okay?” Stepping to the side, Simon motioned his arm toward the sleeping man. Colt’s shoulders, which had previously been high and tight near his ears, dropped almost immediately.

“Oh, thank fuck,” he exhaled, walking into the apartment and heading right toward the couch. He grimaced when he saw the trash can by the furniture. “Ugh, geeze, guess you weren’t lying about him throwing up.”

Simon came over and looked down at Grace, placing his hand on his hip. “Oh, yeah, I forgot to take the bag outta that and toss it. Gimme one sec- he’s probably gonna need a fresh one if you’re about to wake ‘im up.”

He took the bag lining out of the bin and tied it shut, always a little difficult with only one hand, making an unhappy face the entire time. He tossed it into the bigger bin he had in his kitchen, then grabbed another small bag for the one by the couch. When he came back, Simon saw Colt looking around at his apartment. He didn’t comment on it.

“You’ve got a lot of plants,” Colt said after a moment.

Glancing up at him, Simon replied, “Uhh, thanks?”

Once Simon was standing back up, Colt exhaled again, looking at him. “Thanks for not calling the cops,” he said. Simon could see the bags under his eyes- poor guy had probably been worried sick about his brother all night. This must have been a big relief for him.

Smiling, he rolled his shoulder in the direction of Ellie’s enclosure. “Don’t thank me- thank my stupid ass lizard.” Colt turned his head to look at the huge glass structure, seeming to just now be noticing it. “She fucking hates everybody, but she seems to really like your brother.” The lizard in question was bobbing her head aggressively at the two men.

“I figured if he managed to get on her good side, then Grace must not be too bad.” Simon looked back at Colt, then back at Grace, still smiling.

Colt stared at him.

“You… let my brother break into your apartment… because your pet lizard liked him…?” He sounded like he was reciting the dumbest script in the entire world as he spoke, and Simon snorted a laugh.

Shrugging, he said, “Hey, it kept him outta trouble, didn’t it?”

“Oh! Wait, I wanna try something!” He went and picked up Grace’s glasses from where he had set them on the coffee table.

He held them out to Colt with an excited grin. “Put these on!”

Colt stared at him.

“…. Why…?”

Rolling his eyes, Simon said, “You look just like Grace- I just wanna see if Ellie can tell you apart.”

Eventually Colt sighed and took the glasses out of his hand. He put them on and walked over to the enclosure with Simon. Simon opened the door and told Colt to let her look at him, then try and pet her.

Ellie immediately tried to bite him.

Swearing, jumping back, Colt hissed out, “Jesus, what the fuck man!?”

Hand on his hip, Simon huffed. “Huh- I really thought that’d work… I wonder what it is with your brother, then…” Colt took the glasses back off and stared at Simon then, as he closed the doors again to Ellie’s house.

Colt stood there, brows furrowed, eyes looking Simon up and down in bewilderment. He looked like he didn’t know what to make of Simon- couldn’t really blame him, though. It was a pretty strange situation to be in. Your brother breaks into some dude’s house and the only thing keeping him out of jail is a furious little lizard? Weird as fuck. Eventually, Colt seemed to come to a decision in his own head, because he nodded and took his phone out of his back pocket. “Yeah, sure… Look, uh- can I like… Venmo you some money or something? As thanks for not getting Ryland sent to jail?”

“Oh, you don’t have to,” Simon said, lifting his hand up. “It’s fine.”

Colt was giving him the same look again, like he couldn’t figure Simon out. Then, sighing, he asked, “All right, well can I at least get your phone number? I’m sure Ry is going to want to apologize tomorrow- once the hangover wears off. I wanna give him the option.” Thinking about it, Simon shrugged and agreed to that. He told the other man the information he needed to know and Colt tucked his phone away again with a nod. Turning to where his brother was sleeping on the couch, he squatted down to his level.

“Ry? Hey, wake up, RyRy,” he said, voice quiet. He reached a hand out to gently shake his shoulders. All Grace did in response was grumble and try to turn his face deeper into the pillow of Simon’s that he had chosen to rest his head on.

Colt chuckled softly. “Ryland- we gotta go home, bud.”

“Mmm noooo,” Grace groaned, tugging the blanket he had closer to his chin. “Five more minssss…” Simon laughed himself, at that.

Cute.

“Grace, Colt’s here to take you home,” he said from where he stood.

Peeking one eye half open, Grace pouted at the two of them. “But I’m so comfyyyyy,” he whined. Simon laughed again and Colt exhaled. Grace’s gaze slid slowly over to his brother and he smiled. “Hi Colt.” Like he hadn’t even realized Colt was there until that exact second.

“Jesus, Ryland, how much did Rocky convince you to drink?”

Colt gave up on being slow and gentle and ended up just sliding his hands underneath Grace. Trying to lift him was a struggle, and after a moment of the drunk man wriggling and whining like a toddler in his attempts to fight him, Simon stepped forward. He used his arm to lift and push Grace into a sitting position. Almost instantly he started to gag a little bit. Grimacing, Simon let go of the man and picked up the trash bin again. Colt made a noise of disgust as his brother flopped his head forward to hang over the little bin- dry heaving.

“I’m gonna look for peppermint, one sec,” Simon told Colt before going back to his kitchen. He hoped that maybe he had candy canes or something left from the holiday season.

He only ended up finding one, but that was better than nothing. Ripping it open with his teeth, he came back out and held the sweet under Grace’s nose.

Colt made a face at him. “What the fuck is that gonna do?”

“Peppermint helps with nausea,” Simon answered. Colt grumbled something that sounded like ‘how do you even know that’ but Simon ignored it for now, in favor of helping the drunk man on his couch. Grace had been bent over the trash bin again, but smelling the candy cane he perked up the tiniest bit. He opened his mouth and closed his lips around the candy, then, humming loudly. He had ended up half licking Simon’s fingers in the process, but with how inebriated he was, Simon really didn’t expect much else.

As his brother continued to try and help him, Grace lightly slapped his hands against Colt’s chest. “Colt,” he whispered around the candy in his mouth, “Colt I am so drunk right now.” In response, Colt huffed and said he knew. Grace just giggled and said it again, whispering like it was a secret.

Looking back up at Simon, eyes flicking down from his face to his arm briefly, Colt asked, “Can you help me out here?” With a nod, Simon bent forward and reached his hand down and hooked his arm in a loop underneath Grace’s armpit, hefting the other man into a standing position with relative ease.

Relative, being the key word. Grace stumbled a little bit as he was pulled to his feet, and he half fell into Simon. The candy still in-between his teeth, his cheek smushed into Simon’s shoulder, the hand on his free arm coming to rest against Simon’s bicep none too gently. He let out a sad little ‘oof’ noise on impact.

“You okay?” Simon asked the man.

Grace blinked at him like he had forgotten he was even there, before smiling wide again. Yep, classic drunk guy. Object permanence of a baby, honestly.

His hand started petting at his bicep, then, and Grace was mumbling, still with the same dopey smile on his face. “So big- yer like… one of those uhh whassa word,” he giggled lightly, lowering his head back down to nuzzle at his arm. “So hansum. Hmmmm, hannnndsome.”

Colt, who had just stood up, snorted loudly as Grace rubbed his cheek up and down against Simon’s shoulder and bicep. “Oh, man, I should get a picture of this,” he snickered. “Ry’s probably not gonna remember any of this, but I am not letting him live this down.” He pulled his phone out quickly and snapped a photo of his brother. Honestly, these two were lucky that Simon wasn’t bothered by all the chaos. How many other people would let some strange drunk dude cuddle up to them while their, also strange, brother took blackmail photos?

Once the other man tucked his phone away again, he quirked a brow up at him and asked, “You done?”

“Yeah, I’m done, sorry- couldn’t resist.” Colt made grabby hands and pulled Grace into his arms, in a sort of pseudo-embrace. Grace, for his part, just laughed and said a happy little ‘Hi Colt!’ before his head lolled to the side and rested on the other man’s shoulder. “All right, RyRy, let’s get you home so we can sleep this off, yeah?”

“Okay!” Grace agreed with a hiccupping laugh. He turned his head in Simon’s direction as Colt began to walk them toward the door. Waving his hand in his direction, he called out, “See youuuuuu tomorrow, lizard man~!”

Simon chuckled at that, raising his hand to wave goodbye.

Grace’s eyes lit up, practically sparkling, and he said, “The lizard man likes me!” He slapped his hand against his brother’s face a few times. “Colt! Colt, the lizard man likes me!”

Finally managing to get them both out the door, Colt grunted as he fought to drag his drunk ass brother down the hallway. “That’s nice, Ry,” he said with a huff. “You can tell me all about it later.”

And that was the last Simon heard from either of them before the elevator doors closed and whisked them away to who knows where. Rolling his eyes with a smile, he closed and locked his door. Looking around the room, he was pleased with the lack of mess and damage. He would need to throw away his main kitchen trash, but he was tired now. At the moment he really wanted to go to bed.

Going to the couch, he picked up the half eaten crackers from earlier and took care of those. He came back for the nearly empty glass of water next, before stopping to double check if there was anything else he needed to do.

He could hear Ellie chuffing at him from her enclosure, and he turned to see what she was doing. Her little head was pointed over at the door to his apartment, bobbing up and down furiously.

Laughing a little, shaking his head, Simon walked over to her. “Oh, come on, you can’t tell me you liked that guy that much!” He whined, tapping at the glass doors near her. She completely ignored him, continuing to chuff unhappily in the direction Grace had left.

“He didn’t even feed you!”

Hours later, Simon woke to the vibrations of his phone on his bedside table. He picked it up with a groan, looking to see what time it was and who the hell was bothering him.

Almost nine in the morning- well, at least he managed to get a handful of hours of sleep… Sitting up, he unlocked the phone to see who was texting him.

He didn’t recognize the number.

Frowning, he opened up the messages. There were a few in all in a row- sent one right after the other.

“Hey, uh, sorry if I’m texting you too early- this is Grace.”

The next text immediately after that read, “The guy from last night.”

“Or this morning, I guess. Look, I just wanted to apologize for that. My brother told me what happened and gave me your number. I’m so, so sorry!”

Simon smiled as he read the last message. “Can I do something to make it up to you? I feel awful- I’d never normally do anything like that, I swear!”

Typing up a reply, Simon wrote back, “Tbh I’m shocked you’re even awake right now.”

His phone immediately showed the ‘read’ notification underneath his text. Of course Grace was probably looking at his phone and waiting for a reply. He could see the ‘number is typing’ notification on his screen now.

“Was I really that bad?” Grace wrote.

Snorting, Simon answered, “Did Colt show you the photo he took?”

He got up and went to his bathroom as Grace replied. Scrubbing his hand over his face, rinsing with water, he sighed. Not a long enough sleep, but he was awake now- may as well make the most of it. He started to brush his teeth when his phone pinged with Grace’s answer.

“He just did now- I’m so sorry!!” Grace added a couple crying emotes after that text. “Seriously, please, I feel terrible- what can I do to apologize?”

Simon saw Grace suggest sending him money- just like Colt had offered to do before. Keeping the toothbrush held in his mouth, he texted back, saying, “Not necessary. You didn’t break anything. There’s nothing to pay me back for.”

Grace kept insisting on doing something to make up for all the trouble he caused, though. Exhaling, Simon stepped out into his main room. Thinking for a minute, he decided. “Fine, how’s this? Since u kept me from getting my normal sleep, how about u buy me coffee and we call it even?” He looked at Ellie after sending that. She was currently lounging under her heat lamp, completely ignoring him.

Typical.

He wasn’t surprised when Grace absolutely latched onto the idea of buying him coffee. The guy seemed like he really did feel guilty. Honestly, Simon had half expected he’d just act like it never happened and try to move on with his life. Guess when Colt had said Grace would want to apologize, he meant it. If Simon had been in his shoes, he’d probably have just tried to put the whole embarrassing ordeal behind him.

Sending an address for a local coffee spot that he often frequented, Simon set his phone down and went to change his clothes. He stuffed his keys and wallet into his pockets, said goodbye to Ellie (who was still ignoring him) and headed out the door.

The walk to the shop wasn’t long at all. Just around the corner from where he lived, really.

Hanging around outside the front, he idly scrolled on his phone for a bit while he waited to see if Grace would actually show up. For some reason, he was pretty sure he would. The guy seemed shockingly genuine.

A pair of shoes shuffled into his vision, and when he looked up he found himself face to face with the same man that had broken into his apartment only a handful of hours prior. He tucked his phone into his back pocket just as Grace said a timid little, “Hi… again.”

“Hey,” he replied, smiling and giving the other man a quick once-over. His outfit from last night hadn’t been anything fancy, but what he was wearing now kind of reminded Simon of an old person’s home. Loose, clearly well-worn jeans on his legs and a cute knit sweater with flowers and leaf patterns on it on top. His hair was just as messy as it had been before, though. Guess that wasn’t messy drunk guy hair after all. That was just how he looked. And his glasses were askew on his face again just like last night too. Had Grace run here? Why was he wearing them like that?

“I’m uh…” Grace swallowed, the fingers of his hands nervously interlocking and twiddling around each other. “I’m Grace,” he finally settled on. For being taller than Simon was, he seemed so small right now.

Extending his hand, he introduced himself. Or re-introduced himself? Had he ever told Grace his name or had it just been Colt? Either way, he shook Grace’s hand, saying, “Simon.”

Grace pulled his hand back, nervously rubbing it against his chest. “I’m, uh, really sorry. Again. About last night,” he said.

Shrugging, Simon said, “S’fine. My fault for forgetting to lock my door after I had gotten home.”

“It is not fine,” Grace immediately pouted, “I broke into your apartment! I don’t even know why I was in your building!” He threw his hands up, exasperated. “I don’t know why I punched that in as my destination on my Uber home- I’ve literally never been in that building before.” Simon grinned, watching him get himself all worked up. Grace went on with a huff. “I don’t even wanna think about how many doors I must have tried before I ended up at yours.”

“Consider yourself lucky,” Simon said, turning and motioning Grace to follow him. He pulled the door to the coffee shop open, cocking his head to the side so the other man would go in first. “The guy who lives two units down from me has two huge dogs.” The color drained from Grace’s face at that.

“He’s not even supposed to have ‘em. My building doesn’t allow dogs.” Simon rolled his shoulders. “Pretty sure he’s friends with the landlord, though. Can’t do anything about it.”

Grace looked like he might be sick again. “Geeze, guess I really did get lucky, then…” He hung his head for a moment, and Simon felt bad for him. They made their way up to the counter, though, and he perked up a bit, pulling a wallet out. Simon hadn’t even started saying his order, before Grace was informing the barista that he would be paying for both of their drinks.

Smirking, Simon asked, “What if I wanted a donut?”

Spluttering, cheeks going pink, Grace said, “We-well-well you-! You can- you can totally have one! I didn’t mean just the drinks- I just- I meant- what I meant was-!”

Now chuckling at the poor man, Simon pressed his hand to Grace’s shoulder. “Grace, relax, I’m just fuckin’ with ya.”

“O-oh.” Grace’s whole face was red now. The barista offered him a sympathetic smile and then Simon recited out the same order he got every single time he came to this place. He stepped to the side and waited while Grace said what he wanted. Once he paid, they both stepped out of the way for the next person in line.

Standing there waiting for their orders, Simon could see Grace wringing his hands out of the corner of his eye. He waited, though. Waited to see what the guy would say. He was curious.

“Are-are you sure there’s nothing else I can do?” Grace finally asked, looking at him with big, sad eyes. “I feel terrible for how I acted.”

Tilting his head to the side, Simon asked, “Do you even remember how you acted?”

Cheeks going pink again, Grace stammered, “Ah-well-well, uh- I-I don’t remember much, just-just… flashes.” He had been looking down at his shoes, but stole a glance up at Simon. When he saw him looking back, he looked down again. Simon was pretty sure he saw his cheeks getting darker. “Colt, uh- Colt showed me the photo he took.”

“Yeah?” Simon grinned. Watching this guy all nervous and embarrassed was kinda fun- he was cute.

Grace clearly wanted to say more, but was interrupted by one of the other employees calling out their order numbers. Grabbing his drink and goodie bag in his one hand, Simon suggested, “Why don’t we sit outside and talk?” Nodding a little too quickly, Grace agreed and hurried to grab the door for him.

When Grace also pulled out a chair for him at the table they chose, Simon smirked again. “What a gentleman,” he teased, enjoying watching Grace splutter some more.

“S-sorry,” Grace said. “I- I wasn’t like- I just- I.” He stopped, then, and frowned when he saw the smile on Simon’s face. “You’re messing with me again, aren’t you?”

“Yep.”

Grace sat down across from him with a tired sounding huff. Simon picked up his cup and took a sip, waiting again to see what the other guy would do. He ended up taking out the muffin he had gotten for himself and breaking off a piece.

“I really am sorry,” Grace said after a bit of quiet.

Simon sat there, continuing to chew on his muffin. Swallowing the bite, he replied, “It’s fine.”

“You’re not… upset?”

With a roll of his shoulders, he leaned forward, putting his weight on the table. He saw Grace’s eyes flick down to his arm, before they quickly returned to his face. “I mean, yeah, when you first just walked into my fuckin’ house, I was a little freaked out- but it was pretty obvious you had no fuckin’ clue where you were.” Grace hunched down into his shoulders at that, face going pink yet again. “I’m pretty sure you thought it was your brother’s place,” Simon said, watching him.

Grace groaned, lifting his hands away from his own drink to hide his face behind them. “God, that’s so embarrassing.”

Taking another piece off the muffin and popping it into his mouth, Simon said, “Seriously, dude, I’m not like- gonna yell at you or anything. Just a piece of friendly advice, hm?” Grace peeked at him from between his fingers. “Maybe next time go easy on the booze?”

Groaning a bit louder this time, Grace said, “Yeah, I know… Normally I stick to a three drink limit. Problem is, yesterday my best friend got this big promotion, so he invited a bunch of us out, and when he gets going he gets everybody going. I’m honestly not sure how he made it home after all that. He was already super drunk by the time I had my second drink.” He paused. “Sorry, rambling. I don’t want you to think I’m making up excuses- just. Yeah… Sorry.”

Simon only hummed with a small smile, continuing to enjoy his breakfast.

“Why- uh- why didn’t you call the police, anyway?” Grace asked after tapping his fingers against the side of his cup for a bit. “Colt said you called him instead.”

“Oh- Ellie liked you,” he replied, taking another drink.

Swallowing, Grace watched him, asking quietly, “Is- uh- is Ellie your, uh… Your girlfriend?”

Snorting, nearly choking on his coffee, Simon laughed. Grace hunched up his shoulders again, as Simon coughed and laughed all in one. “Oh, fuck, sorry that was really fuckin’ funny,” he said, coughing and patting his hand against his chest a few times. “No, Ellie’s not my girlfriend. She’s my dumb fucking pet lizard.”

Grace’s eyes went wide. “So I didn’t imagine it- there was a lizard!” Simon chuckled at him from across the table. “I thought I had dreamed that!”

Continuing to chuckle, Simon shook his head. “I assure you, she is very real. Little shit’s always biting and scratching me- up until last night, I thought she hated everyone!”

Grace had been smiling as Simon talked, but his face fell, a little confused, when he said that. Simon was pretty sure he could see yet another blush dusting across his cheeks. “L-last night?” He parroted back at him.

“Yeah, she loved you,” Simon said. “Smug fucking thing sat there and let you pet her for like twenty minutes.” Grace blinked at him, and Simon went on. “She barely lets me pet her! And I’m the one who buys her food and cleans up her poop!” Grace gigglesnorted at that.

They both sat there laughing quietly together for a minute or two. When their giggles finally died down, Simon let himself lean back in his chair. Slowly he dragged his eyes down the upper half of Grace’s body. (Since his bottom half was hidden by the table.) He really was pretty cute. Even if he did kind of dress like a grandpa. “So whaddo you do for work, Grace?” He asked after a moment.

Blinking for a sec, Grace smiled. “I’m, uh- I’m a teacher. I teach science over at Grover middle school.”

Simon frowned, thinking. “That’s like forty minutes from here- what are you doing on this side of the city?”

“Oh, my building had a really bad leak a couple weeks ago. Tons of us had to clear out of our units- I’ve been crashing with Colt while it’s fixed.”

Simon nodded. That made sense. “What’s he do for work?”

“He’s a stunt actor,” Grace replied. “He’s usually the stunt double for Tom Ryder.” Humming, Simon nodded again. He knew the name, but was having a hard time placing who that actor was. If he saw the face, he’d probably remember. Ah well. He’d probably have to google it later. Grace spoke again, though, dragging him out of his musings. “What about you?”

“Me?” Simon watched Grace nod and set his elbow on the table, then his chin in his hand. “I guess right now I’ve technically got two jobs,” he said. “Been working at this garden center slash florist, I dunno what to call it, for uhh- for a while- hoping to get into the Botanical Gardens at the Golden Gate park someday. On the side I’ve been moonlighting at a bar not far from here for a little extra cash.”

Grace smiled. “You like plants, huh?”

“I dabble,” Simon replied with a smile of his own before finishing off the last of his coffee.

“Can I get you another?” Grace asked, free hand twitching on the table. “I feel like one’s not enough to make up for literally breaking into your apartment.” Rolling his eyes, Simon said ‘sure’ and passed his empty cup over to the science teacher. Smile beaming brighter than the sun, Grace said, “Won’t be long!” And he scurried back into the shop.

Simon continued to nibble on his muffin as he waited for Grace.

What a weird day, he mused once again.

Only just a few hours ago, he was meeting this man as he accidentally stumbled his drunk ass into his apartment, and now here he was having coffee with him.

What the fuck even was his life anymore.

“Got it!” Grace announced, coming back with his arm outstretched. “The girl behind the counter has your order memorized, for some reason.”

Simon took the cup with a quiet word of thanks, before smiling. “Yeah, they’ve told me it’s because it’s weird. I always ask for them to add two shots of blueberry into my drink.”

“Why is that weird?” Grace asked, sitting back down. “Don’t people get flavored coffee all the time?”

“They do, yeah,” Simon said in reply, taking a sip. “But that’s literally all I ask them to add, which I guess is the weird part. Black coffee, but with blueberry added to it.”

Humming, Grace shrugged. “Guess that is a bit weird- you don’t add any sweeteners?”

“Sometimes I do, but I dunno- the blueberry syrup thing they have is already pretty sweet on it’s own.”

Grace just hummed again, sitting there looking at him with a little smile. “So you really let me stay because a teeny tiny lizard liked me?”

Cocking a crooked grin in response, Simon said, “You can make fun ‘a’ me all you want- if you knew what she was like, you’d understand! She’s a menace.” Grace giggled happily at that, eyes crinkling closed.

“Maybe I could meet her sometime?” Grace’s eyes opened just a squint. “I mean, I know I technically did meet her once already, but like- maybe I can meet her where I’ll actually remember it.” Simon quirked a brow up at him. “Come on, you said she liked me! I just wanna meet her!”

With a roll of his eyes, Simon pushed himself up to stand. “Sure, why not. We can go now, if you’re game,” he said, chuckling softly. “If she suddenly hates you now, then maybe I can say she only likes drunk people or something.”

Grace hurried to stand as well, sidestepping around the table to end up by Simon’s side. He looked a bit nervous, but smiled. Simon motioned with his head for Grace to follow, picking up his cup. The teacher quickly matched pace with him, walking side by side.

“Have you never been drunk around her before?”

Simon shrugged, taking a sip from his cup. “I don’t drink,” he said plainly.

“Oh.” Grace looked away for a moment. “Any reason why?” When Simon raised a brow at him again, he quickly held up a hand and stammered out, “Not-not that you, you like-need to tell me or anything! S-sorry, probably an invasive question.”

They walked down the sidewalk back toward Simon’s place, having to swerve around other people walking either toward them, or in the same direction but going too slowly. Simon offered Grace a small smile, then, saying, “It’s fine- no offense taken. I just prefer not to. Ironic, huh? Working at a bar on the side and I don’t drink? I dunno, just don’t really like it.” Grace nodded, saying ‘that’s fair’ and they kept walking.

Simon ended up holding his cup out to Grace so he could unlock his door, once they arrived. Grace took it without comment, but Simon still felt the need to say, “Sorry- one hand, and all.” Still, Grace didn’t say anything. He just nodded and smiled at him, holding his cup in his hands alongside his own. Once he turned the key, he stepped inside and out of the way so Grace could come inside.

As the man came in and looked around, Simon closed the door and asked, “This bringing back any memories for ya?”

Turning back, Grace laughed nervously. “Uhhhh, not really,” he said, lifting his shoulders in a sheepish shrug.

Barking out a laugh, Simon replied, “That’s not surprising, to be honest- you were wasted.” He made his way over to Ellie’s enclosure, then, waving his hand toward the little lizard inside. “All right, well, here’s the little shit in question.” Grace came over and bent forward to look in at the bearded dragon, a big smile on his face. “Ellie, this is Grace- do you remember him?” Simon asked the lizard as she made her way out from one of her hide boxes.

Grace beamed at her. “Hi Ellie!” He cooed as she started bobbing her head up and down at him. “She’s cute!”

Scoffing, Simon reached forward to open up the door to her space. “You say that now,” he huffed. “She’s a lot less cute when she’s biting the shit outta your fingers.” He reached his hand inside to try and scoop her up, but was rewarded by the little lizard immediately biting him. It didn’t hurt too bad, but he still twitched a tiny flinch. Looking at Grace, he said, “Case in point.”

Turning back to his pet, Simon frowned down at her. “Can you be nice to me for once? We have a guest.” Finally he managed to get her to climb onto his palm and part way up his forearm and he stepped back so Grace could get a better look at her.

“I don’t remember her being so tiny,” Grace said, tucking one of the cups under his arm so he had a free hand. He reached his hand out to gently stroke his fingers over the top of her head.

Just like Simon figured- the little bitch lizard closed her eyes and happily leaned into Grace’s touch.

“You fucking suck,” he hissed, squinting at her. Grace blinked up at him, eyes wide with surprise. “Not you,” Simon clarified. “Her.”

“Oh.” Grace chuckled softly, turning his attention back to Ellie. He continued petting her, smiling softly. “She’s so calm. Is she really that mean the rest of the time?”

Simon nodded, watching him and his pet. It had to just be Grace’s energy or something that she liked. Ellie truly was a little monster ninety-nine percent of every single day. If she wasn’t biting or scratching him, she was purposely knocking things over or clawing open soft things. Or stealing food that she absolutely was not supposed to be eating off of his plates any time he ate. He had never actually seen her be this nice to anyone since the day he got her.

The woman he got Ellie from had warned him that she was kind of standoffish, but she had grossly undersold that.

“Can I hold her?” Grace asked after a moment.

Immediately Simon was nervous. He glanced down at the little lizard, who was currently bobbing her head again now that Grace had stopped petting her.

Could he?

Was he willing to risk that she was just pretending to be nice until Grace picked her up?

What if she bit him? Simon would feel awful if he invited this guy back to his place, just to end with him getting hurt.

Hesitantly, he said, “Uhhh, you can try…? Like I said, she barely even lets me pick her up like this…”

Grace turned to set their cups down on the coffee table before coming back, rolling up his sleeves, and getting a determined look on his face. Turning his hands palm up, he said, “Hit me, Simon!”

Nervous, Simon moved his arm closer until he was flush against Grace’s fingertips. Ellie scrambled off of his hand so quickly it was kind of funny.

If it wasn’t so annoying.

“You little fuck,” Simon gawked at his pet as she quickly settled into Grace’s hands.

For his part, the other man just laughed brightly. “Guess she really does like me, huh?” His smile was so big and so bright, Simon found himself starstruck.

Fuck, this guy was adorable.

He should tell him that. He wanted to tell Grace how cute he was. He wanted to compliment him.

He wanted to flirt with him.

“You are never allowed to leave,” came out of his mouth instead.

Grace’s cheeks went pink as he blinked wide eyes at him. “Umm…”

“Sorry,” Simon stepped back, patting his hand against his chest, his own face flushing pink as well. “Sorry, that came out wrong.” He had looked away, feeling embarrassed. Swallowing, he tried again. “What I meant to say was, uh… Would you, uh- would you like to stay? For-for a little while?” He looked back up at Grace then.

His nerves went away as he saw the teacher smiling at him. Ellie was completely calm in his hands as he stood there across from him. “Sure, I’d be happy to stay and hang out with you!” When Simon smiled at that, he quickly stuttered out, “A-and-and Ellie! Of course!”

“Y-yeah, course,” Simon echoed, nodding and reaching his hand up to rub the back of his neck awkwardly. “The, uh- the whole reason you came over in the first place. Right.”

The two of them ended up sitting on the floor with the little lizard after that. Grace had tried setting her down next to Simon, but she immediately scurried across the carpet back over to him. She crawled up into his lap where he had his legs crossed and Grace laughed as Simon groaned. He muttered about how much she liked Grace better than him. Watching Grace pet her, he asked, “You wanna feed ‘er?”

Grace nodded eagerly. So, pushing himself up to stand, Simon went to his kitchen. “Her favorite snacks are berries- especially blueberries,” he said. “These are usually the only way I can get her to do anything, by bribing her with her favorite treats.” He came back out with a container full of blueberries. “She’s not supposed to eat too many of these, but I think she’ll like you even more if you gave her a few.”

Sitting back down, he passed the container over to Grace.

“Is this why you like blueberry in your coffee?” Grace asked, popping it open and plucking a couple out. “Do you two share?” Ellie had noticed her favorite snack and was immediately interested. She hopped up and snatched a berry right out of Grace’s hand, startling the man.

He flinched and looked down at her. “O-oh! I didn’t know she could do that!”

Simon grinned. “Told you, they’re her favorite. And y’know, I never really thought about it, but maybe that is why I like the flavor so much. I’ve definitely caught myself snacking on them on more than one occasion since getting her.” He watched as the little lizard happily took her snacks from the other man’s hands. Grace was giggling as she continued to hop up if he held the berries out too far away.

He was so fucking cute.

Honestly, Grace wasn’t Simon’s normal type, but there was just… something about him.

Maybe it was the same something that got Ellie to like him so much.

Would it be weird to try and shoot his shot?

They didn’t exactly have the most conventional meeting, but… Grace had called him handsome a few times last night. When he was drunk off his ass.

“So, um…” He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Do you, uh- do you remember anything from last night?” Grace looked at him curiously, tilting his head to the side. “Like, um, for instance, do you remember uh… calling me anything?”

The other man’s eyes squinted a bit and his brow furrowed. He was clearly trying to remember. “I… feel like I remember calling you the lizard man, I think…”

Simon snorted at that. Okay, yeah, true, Grace did call him that.

Not what he meant, but that was okay.

God, he was cute.

Figuring maybe it was best to just give up on trying to get him to remember on his own, Simon leaned forward to take the berry container back, and said, “Look, I’ll just cut to the chase. Would you like to go to dinner with me or something tonight?” When Grace blinked at that, he added, “Not as payback for the apartment thing- as like… A date.”

Grace’s entire face went red.

“R-wait really?” He asked, already visibly starting to sweat. “You- you- this isn’t a prank, right? You actually wanna go out with me?”

“Why would it be a prank?” Simon was confused.

Wringing his hands together, Grace coughed and looked away, still sweating. “We-uh, never-never mind. Just- just surprised someone like you would be… interested in me.”

Simon smiled a little then. “You’re cute- what’s not to like?” If it was possible, Grace went even redder.

“But-but I broke into your apartment,” Grace mumbled. “I figured you’d never even wanna look at me again.”

Laughing a little, Simon said, “You know, it’s funny- I thought you wouldn’t ever want to see me after all that. I assumed you’d want to just move on and pretend like it never happened.”

A sheepish little smile crossed Grace’s face, then. “Guess what they say about assuming is true after all?” Simon pushed himself to stand, taking the container of fruits away from Ellie, who was clearly not happy about it. Grace watched him stand, eyes noticeably lingering on Simon’s lower body.

Okay, good, he hadn’t misread things. Grace did think he was attractive.

“I- I’d love to go out with you,” Grace said, looking up into his face with an incredibly earnest, soft, smile on his face.

Smiling back, Simon nodded.

Not the typical way to get a first date, but hell, what in his life was typical at this point?