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I.
Caroline, fifty-four years old and ready to see at least a prospective son-in-law, watches as her son Wifies tries to explain to her for the thousandth time that he doesn't need her to set up a blind date.
"You're twenty-four years old and still single," she points out. "And don't tell me you're aromantic, because you've told me you're gay more times than I can count."
"I have a boyfriend already," Wifies says. "His name's Hummer."
Caroline raises an eyebrow. "Is this one of those fake dating stories I see you reading all the time?"
Wifies splutters. "No! He's real! He just lives in California, okay? We're doing long-distance."
"Sure," Caroline drawls. "And I suppose he also can't come and meet us during the holidays?"
"He can't," Wifies admits. "But he's real!"
Caroline hums doubtfully and continues perusing Tinder for someone she thinks her son would like. Wifies throws his hands up in exasperation and leaves the room.
Later that night, Caroline pauses at Wifies's voice coming from his old room. He lives in a dorm now, of course, but spends the holidays here in his room. It sounds like he's on a call with someone. A friend?
"She thinks I'm making you up, Hummer!" Wifies huffs. "It's not funny!"
There's a pause for the next few seconds. Wifies must have his phone turned down lower than he used to, because she can't hear anything. If Hummer is really his boyfriend, he's not doing a great job of proving it. She really, really hopes Wifies hasn't lost it and hallucinated up a whole relationship.
"I know, I know," Wifies groans. "But you're busy on your degree, aren't you? Engineering, right?"
Another long bout of silence. The only noises coming from the room are the sounds of Wifies moving around on his bed and the occasional noise of affirmation. Seriously, he must've developed some kind of crazy hearing power if he can hear Hummer's voice at that volume.
Caroline draws three possible theories from this conversation.
One: Wifies actually does have a boyfriend who talks really quietly or uses sign language.
Two: Wifies has completely lost it at Harvard and imagined a relationship with a guy named Hummer who doesn't exist.
Three: Wifies asked a friend to pretend to be his boyfriend so she wouldn't set him up. The most likely option, in her opinion. But for now, she'll leave him alone. The list of potential dates can wait until after he comes clean.
II.
"Hey, Parrot!" Wifies greets, his cheery grin audible through the call.
"Good to see you, bro," Parrot returns. "How's college going?"
"Good, good," Wifies replies. "My mom keeps trying to set me up, even though I'm literally dating someone, though. She doesn't believe me."
"You're dating someone?" Parrot says incredulously. And- okay, it's not like Wifies is completely without admirers, but he can't blame his mom for being skeptical. Wifies is notoriously love-life-less, preferring to focus on studying and YouTube. He's rejected everyone who asked him on a date so far, saying that he wasn't ready for a relationship. It's not like he couldn't suddenly have a change of heart, but really, there's no way he's dating someone when he stays holed up in his dorm all day, unless-
Oh.
"-his name's Hummer, you've gotta meet him sometime, but he lives in California, so-"
"Wifies." Parrot cuts him off mid-yap. "Do you actually have a boyfriend?"
"Not you, too," Wifies groans. "Yes, I have a boyfriend. He's doing his engineering degree right now."
"Mhm." Parrot rests his chin on his hand. "What university?"
Wifies rattles off the name and goes into a another long yapping session about Hummer. Parrot tunes his poetry waxing out and clicks on the university website. The engineering classes show up easily, proudly displaying each student's achievements, and-
There it is. No Hummer. Or any name that could realistically be shortened to that.
"Parrot?" Wifies breaks into his thoughts. Parrot hastily returns his attention to the call.
"Yeah, yeah, Hummer's the light of your life, the apple of your eye, the peanut butter to your jelly, awesome. When did you meet him?"
Wifies heaves a sigh. "I just told you-"
III.
Lucas hasn't been rejected by such a strange person since his first crush on his first-grade classmate who ate crayons whole, paper and everything. Wifies may not stuff colored wax down his throat, but he's not a far-off second.
Because just after he told Lucas that he had a boyfriend, his phone rings. Apparently, it's a call from said boyfriend.
And isn't that a little too perfectly timed?
"Uh-huh, yeah, I'll get you those weird chips you like for when you visit," Wifies says, nodding along. He mouths an apology to Lucas, who's still standing right there and feeling a little too awkward to leave without so much as a goodbye.
He feels a bit affronted, having to stand there and listen to Wifies talk to his boyfriend, but it's impolite to just walk off in the middle of the situation. His parents have drilled that into his head.
Whatever. It's probably just the pining crush speaking. Lucas just needs to get over it, and then everything will make sense, and he can try asking out that hot guy in his English class.
What's strange, though, is that there's no sound coming from the other end. Wifies talks and pauses normally, as if he's actually talking to someone, but the lack of a voice on the other end leaves a long stretch of awkward silence each time.
The only logical explanation Lucas can think of is that Wifies faked a call to an imaginary partner to spare his feelings. He appreciates the effort, but he'd rather just have Wifies tell him outright that he's not interested. There really isn't a reason to go this far.
"You're coming over? That's great! My friends would love to meet you!" Wifies says with a delighted laugh.
There's dead silence on the other end, but Wifies continues the conversation easily, as if the pause was filled with words. "Yeah, miss you too, see you New Year's!"
He ends the one-sided conversation with a click of a button and pockets the phone, then turns to Lucas. "Yeah. Um. Sorry. I'll see you around?"
"See ya," Lucas says, completely dumbfounded, and walks away.
IV.
Mochi is possessive of his human. Extremely so. Which is why, when Wifies pulls out his phone in their shared time on their walk, and talks to someone else, he is very much upset.
"Hey, Hummer," Wifies says with a smile. "Didn't expect you to call me now. I'm walking Mochi." There's a pause on the other end, complete silence, but Wifies doesn't seem to mind.
Mochi paws at his human's legs. This isn't the time for strangers called Hummer to talk to Wifies. This is Mochi-Wifies Time, not Wifies-and-Stranger Time.
"Say hi, Mochi!" Wifies says cheerfully, bending down. Mochi growls lowly. This stranger needs to back off.
There's no sound on the other end. Anger turns to confusion. Who is Wifies talking to, if they're not talking back? Are they ignoring Wifies? He sniffs at the phone and yips.
Wifies gasps suddenly, jerking back up. "What do you mean, you're here?" He stands up immediately and starts looking around wildly.
Mochi sniffs the air. Is the stranger here? He better not be. Interrupting through the phone is bad enough, but now taking Wifies away physically?
He growls at the scent of seawater and wet wood. It's fresh.
Wifies suddenly makes a noise, and Mochi looks up sharply. Before he can process it, Wifies drops his leash and runs, bumping into something Mochi can't see and wrapping his arms around it.
It's the source of the seawater-wood smell. That stranger dared to interfere and touch his human.
The park is empty. Nobody around to stop Mochi as he advances slowly.
But when he gets close enough, there's... nothing there. Wifies has his hand out like he's resting it on something, but there's just... air. Wifies is talking to the air.
Mochi circles them, sniffing around. The scent is definitely there, pouring off the thing in waves, but there's nothing there.
Then a hand reaches down and brushes over his head.
When he looks up, Wifies is smiling down at him, as he should be. But the hand didn't smell like Wifies. It smelled like the Hummer stranger. Maybe Wifies is spending so much time close to him that the scent is getting on him?
Wifies keeps talking to the air, but reaches down and gives Mochi periodical scratches behind his ear.
Well, as long as this stranger didn't get too close, maybe this isn't so bad.
A while passes.
"I'm gonna go home now, you wanna come?" Wifies asks the stranger, standing up from the park bench. There's a pause, before Wifies nods. "Okay, see you tomorrow!"
The cool night air whisks the seawater-wood smell away easily. Wifies is smiling a lot.
"That was my partner, Mochi," he says.
Mochi's confused. As in a mate? How can Wifies be mated to the air?
His human is strange. But humans can lie, right? Maybe this is a lie?
Yeah. Probably a lie. Wifies doesn't have a mate. Whatever that stranger was, it isn't Wifies's mate.
Mochi isn't sure what to think.
+ V.
"Hummer, I don't get it," Wifies said, pacing around his room. "Nobody believes you exist. I've called you in front of them, my dog saw you, but nobody believes me! I swear, even Mochi thinks I'm making you up.
Hummer places his hand on Wifies's shoulder. "Um. About that."
"What?" Wifies suddenly feels apprehensive.
"So..." Hummer winces. "Don't be mad? I was gonna tell you earlier, but I wanted to do it in person?" His voice squeaks a little at the end.
"What, Hummer?" Wifies asks cautiously.
"I... may or may not be a supernatural entity that only you can see and hear?" Hummer says, all at once.
Wifies blinks slowly. "What?"
Hummer inhales. "I may-"
"No- I heard you." Wifies sits down. "But what?"
"Sorry?"
Wifies drops his head into his hands. "So... all those times I called you, it was just dead silence?"
"Yup," Hummer says. He looks a little less nervous now.
"And that's why everyone looked so shocked that you were here? Even though I told them?"
"Mhm."
"Okay. Okay." Wifies stands up again and bodily drags Hummer up. "Here's the plan. You're gonna come with me to my college campus. And my house. And the park. And the coffee shop. Everywhere. Visibly. Is that clear?"
Hummer gives him a thumbs-up.