Work Text:
Best Boston Bros No Cap
CC: so…
CC: im not going crazy right
Carmy: youre always a bit cray
Carmy: better get your head checked
CC: 🖕
CC: i mean what do yall think
CC: gf or no gf
Hammer: nah
Hammer: we went out together in san fran
Hammer: chatted up a couple of girls
Hammer: he def went back with one of them
Hammer: or maybe both
Hammer: i asked if he wanted to do a 4-way but he said no
St. Vicky: wtf hammer TMI
St. Vicky: we really didnt need to know what kinda freak you get up to
St. Vicky: and san fran was months ago bro
Carmy: not freak shaming you do you bro
Carmy: vanessa would kill me
Carmy: but i also dont wanna know
Hammer: ur loss bro
Hammer: or rozs loss i guess
Hammer: it could have been fun
Hammer: coulda been a nice trip to paris
St. Vicky: nope
St. Vikcy: no one wants to go to paris with you
Hammer: like i said ur loss
CC: stfu hammer
CC: so roz
CC: he never hooks up in montreal
CC: not in a long time
CC: now he always disappears right after the game sometimes before if we get in early
CC: and hes been hooking up less in boston
Carmy: he does seem to be glued to his phone more
Carmy: i think hes texting the same person
CC: remember he never used to sleep with the same person twice
CC: let alone give one of his hook up have his phone number
St. Vicky: thats… all possibly true
St. Vicky: ok maybe youre onto something
Carmy: whos he texting
St. Vicky: some girl whos willing to put up with him
CC: our caps a catch
CC: good looking and rolling in cash
Carmy: and emotionally not available
Carmy: lets be real the wags have stopped introducing their friends after the first couple of years
Carmy: roz is not the settling down kind
CC: and yet
Marly: hey fuckers
Marly: are we speculating about rozs sex life again because yall pathetic
St. Vicky: i have to say im invested
St. Vicky: you know
St. Vicky: as a concerned friend
Marly: whatever makes you sleep better at night vicks
St. Vicky: good of you to ask
St. Vicky: i do sleep better when roz is not taking all the hot ladies
Marly: get real vicky
Marly: chicks dont want you with or without roz there
St. Vicky: fuck you marly
Carmy: wtv all weve got is that hes been texting some chick
Carmy so what
CC: and hes hooking up less in boston and maybe other places too
Hammer: dont know if thats true
CC: also shes probably from montreal
CC: maybe ottawa cuz roz disappeared there a few times too
Hammer: whats in ottawa
CC: how should i know
CC: ask the canadians
St. Vicky: nobody knows
Carmy: 🤣
Marly: no shit weve all seen him texting
Marly: he tries to hide it from us but its pretty obvious
Marly: yo rookie i know youre lurking
Sebby: Yes?
Marly: have you noticed anything about rozs partying less
Sebby: No?
Sebby: But I guess he’s not picking up as much? Maybe?
CC: i still think hes got a girlfriend in montreal or ottawa
CC: pretty sure hes been texting this girl for years
Marly: i think hes been texting this girl since rookie year
Carmy: and you think its getting more serious now
CC: could be
CC: thats why im asking you lot
Hammer: you think if roz wants a girl and he cant lock it down for years
Hammer: years and years according to you
Sebby: Is her name Alberta by any chance?
CC: wat
Hammer: wat no way
Hammer: roz hates both of the teams there and they hate him
Hammer: hed never get a girl from alberta
Carmy: montreal hates him and we are saying she could be from there
Hammer: nah french girls are freaks thatd be hot
Marly: for fucks sake Hammer
Sebby: You know what? Nevermind. Pretend I never said anything.
Sebby: Got it, her name’s definitely not Alberta.
Carmy: no shit
Marly: alrite i really shouldnt be saying anything
Marly: but i think her name could be jane
Marly: ive seen the name pop up a few times on his phone
Marly: but roz is too good at hiding the actual texts so ive not seen any of their convos
St. Vicky: jane…
Carmy: jane… doesnt seem real
CC: really?!?
CC: thats a fakeass name
Hammer: dont be assholes bro
Hammer: discriment some chicks name
Hammer: not like she chose it
Hammer: plain name but i bet shes a freak in the sheets
Sebby: Do you mean discriminate?
Marly: yo hammer cut it out
Marly: no talking about caps girl like that
Hammer: sorry bro u know i dont mean it like that
Hammer: if roz likes her she gotta be nice
Hammer: in all the ways
Hammer: u no what im saying?
Marly: just stop talking hammer
Hammer: i respect cap but fck u marly
Marly: right back at you hammer
St. Vicky: hammers right now
St. Vicky: she gotta be special for roz to keep her for this long
Marly: maybe… i dont know bro
Marly: a while back i sorta brought up him hooking up with the same chick and texting her
Marly: and all roz said was to mind my own business and that shes boring
Marly: but obviously hes going back for more
CC: bro that explains zero
Carmy: nah that explains it
Carmy: roz cant lock that shit down
St. Vicky: ah fuck not a good look for roz
Hammer: what a legend
Hammer: i bet shes way out of his league
Hammer: bro i cant wait to meet her
St. Vicky: ngl id like to see whos keeping roz on a leash
CC: same bro
Marly: and laugh in rozs face for the rest of our lives
Marly: agree hes definitely picking up less
Carmy: totally whipped
CC: yo do you think we can figure out who she is
Hammer: probly
St. Vicky: i mean roz has a type
Marly: no he doesnt
St. Vicky: sexy ladies
St. Vicky: all bodies ages styles
Marly: ok thats not helpful
St. Vicky: just saying we can probably do it
Marly: maybe a select few
Marly: but i do know yall too stupid
Carmy: it cant be that hard
Hammer: i bet we’ll know once we see her
Marly: true
Marly: like itll take a special lady to tame roz
CC: bet
Marly: obv this all stays here
St. Vicky: without saying
Carmy: have some faith in us bro
Marly: i regret everything
Sebby: Please leave me out of this.
Sebby: I don’t want Cap to kill me.