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Sometimes, Barok found it hard to believe that he had been blessed with a partner like Kazuma.
When Barok lost everything, every reason to keep going and even his will to live, Kazuma was there to keep him moving forward—even if against his will. Despite everything, he refused to give up on Barok, staying by his side, offering his support in that aggressive but earnest way, while also showing him kindness in every gesture and unspoken word.
Barok had loved that man as his nameless apprentice. And not only was that feeling still alive, but he came to adore Kazuma Asogi with his entire being—in a way that grew inside him every day, consuming his every thought, strong enough that he sometimes feared his own feelings.
He wanted to yell them out of his chest. Hold Kazuma close to him, taste his lips, feel his warmth. Even the thought of being away from him became terrifying… Losing him would be like losing all light in his world.
When Kazuma first declared his love for him, Barok thought those feelings would finally be sated and he would find peace. But instead, it only seemed to make them stronger inside him. No matter how close they were, it was never enough; no matter how many loving embraces they shared, it was never enough. He was certain that, even if he found a way to meld their souls together for eternity, it still wouldn’t be enough to satisfy him.
He did what he could to keep those thoughts quietly hidden inside him, not wanting to accidentally push Kazuma away with those embarrassing feelings—or worse, frighten him. As long as he could keep things as they were, he could deal with his insatiable love for that man on his own.
“You look distracted.”
Kazuma’s voice brought him back from his thoughts. They were having tea in Sholmes’ place that afternoon, the table covered in snacks that Kazuma and Iris had prepared together for his arrival—which didn’t fail to fill his heart with warmth. Not even Sholmes, with his habitual annoying manners, would be able to ruin his mood that day.
“I simply haven’t slept well these past few days,” he explained.
Kazuma creased his brow. “You should take better care of yourself. If you don’t, I might have to move back into your home to take care of you.”
There was nothing Barok wanted more than that, but he knew Kazuma was just being playful, so he responded in the same tone.
“That sounds like the end of my quiet, peaceful days.”
“Then, you better not test my patience.”
Their exchange made Iris laugh. “But he’s right, Uncle Barry. You need to sleep properly, or it will reflect badly on your health.”
Being scolded by a twelve-year-old was quite embarrassing, but the care in her words was more than enough to compensate for it.
“My apologies,” he said. “I shall go to sleep earlier today.”
“Not only today,” said Kazuma. “Do it every night, or I swear I’ll appear at your place to haunt you.”
“When did you become a ghost?”
“When I died almost three years ago.”
Barok’s expression soured. Before he could complain about Kazuma’s grim sense of humor, however, Sholmes spoke with an amused smile.
“You should take his threats seriously, dear Barok. I know better than anyone that our Kazuma is willing to go to terrifying lengths to keep his word.”
“Come on, Daddy…” Iris barely suppressed a sigh. “It’s not his fault that you’re so hard to wake up in the morning.”
Kazuma crossed his arms, narrowing his eyes at Sholmes. “You’re putting it lightly.”
Sholmes turned his eyes to Barok, seeming quite dejected—an expression that would have fooled him if he didn’t know that menace of a man as well as he did.
“I must agree with my apprentice and niece,” he simply said. “You seem to cause them even more trouble than I do.”
Sholmes slouched forward, dramatic as only he could be. “Understood… I apologize for my shortcomings as a man. It seems that being the greatest detective, father, and friend in London is not enough to compensate for my morning habits.”
“Stop exaggerating.” Iris poked him with her elbow. “And if you don’t drink your tea soon, it’ll get cold.”
“Oh,” Sholmes quickly straightened his back, free from his depression. “A good reminder, dear Iris. I simply cannot waste a drop of your delectable tea.”
Iris giggled, pleased by the comment. That reminded Barok that he hadn’t drunk his tea, either; he took his cup, taking a sip from it. It was slightly sweeter than usual, but that detail wasn’t enough to spoil the flavor, especially when accompanied by those delicious baked treats.
“You shouldn’t forgive him so easily,” said Kazuma. “He’ll think that a few compliments are enough to get him out of any trouble.”
“You’re right…” Iris sighed. “But sometimes going against him feels like even more trouble.”
Sholmes grinned widely. “And that’s why you should never do it.”
His words made both Kazuma and Iris stare at him, while Barok quietly drank from his cup, choosing not to offer himself as Sholmes’ next target.
“Don’t test your luck, detective,” said Kazuma.
Iris nodded. “We have been gracious enough to you today.”
Sholmes laughed, seeming terribly pleased at himself for being an annoyance—as he often did. Kazuma and Iris exchanged a look, then shrugged it off, aware that it was impossible to win against that detective.
“Did you enjoy the sweets, Uncle?” Iris changed the subject, looking at Barok. “Kazie and I made them together.”
“They are delightful,” said Barok. “I appreciate all the effort you put into this afternoon tea.”
“It’s nothing.” Iris smiled. “I’m just happy that you came to visit.”
She said that with so much sincerity that her words seemed to fill Barok’s heart. He should be the one saying that, having found such a precious family when he thought he had none left.
Had he ever told Iris how much he loved her? Knowing himself, probably not. At that moment, however, the feeling was so strong it felt wrong to keep it locked inside, as he often did.
“Oh, Iris…” he said. “You have the intelligence of your father, but the grace and charm of your mother. You are the most wonderful niece I could have ever have wished for. I am saddened that I missed your early years, but I feel so blessed for having the chance to be part of your life as you grow.”
“Uncle…”
Iris seemed surprised, but soon a bright smile grew on her lips. Sholmes looked at Barok, seeming amused.
“That is a nice thing to say, especially for someone as closed off as yourself.”
Barok groaned. “You say this because you know that, despite my usual words, I am deeply grateful for everything you did and still do for my family, and have even come to see you as part of it.”
Sholmes’ grin widened. “Did you, now?”
He knew he wouldn’t normally say those things—especially to that detective—but at that moment, he couldn’t keep the words from flowing, nor did he want to.
“Don’t pretend to be surprised,” he continued. “You know how important being part of this family is to me. I have felt lonely for a long time… Sometimes, it is hard to believe I am surrounded by such wonderful people who care so much about a man like me. It means more to me than anything else in my life.”
Sholmes nodded, clearly pleased. Iris’ smile, however, seemed to falter a little.
“Uncle…?”
“Wait…” said Kazuma. “Something is wrong with him. He isn’t usually this—”
That lovely voice made Barok look at him: the man who had completely captured his heart and soul. Unable to contain himself, he brought a hand to Kazuma’s face, cupping his cheek, looking into those beautiful dark eyes.
“Every time I look at your face,” he said, “I wonder how the most gorgeous and admirable man in this vast world chose me as his partner.”
A red flush spread through Kazuma’s face. “Barok, that’s—”
But Barok’s feelings were so strong he couldn’t wait for Kazuma to finish speaking. “If only the laws of this country would allow me, I would ask for your hand in marriage this very moment. I can barely keep myself from asking you to once again share a home with me. Because I would never want anyone but you by my side… Even the thought is enough to upset me. I want no one but you… All of you, every single piece. Even your sharpness and anger, even the sides you hate the most. All of you, and no one else.”
The words wouldn’t stop, flowing out of him like a river, only stronger as he looked at the surprised expression on Kazuma’s reddened face. So beautiful, so precious… He simply couldn’t hold those feelings back.
“You are my everything. I would cross hell itself for your sake. I would offer my entire life and soul. I offer my entire being to you because I adore you in a way I could never hope to explain. I love you, Kazuma Asogi… You are my entire world, my reason for living, my love, and my future. I love you, I adore you with everything I have. I love you so deeply I can no longer imagine myself without you.”
Kazuma didn’t respond for a long while. Then, to Barok’s surprise, he turned his head to glare at Sholmes.
“Mr. Sholmes, what did you do to him?”
Iris grabbed Barok’s cup, looking into it, then sniffing its contents. A scowl took her face as she, too, glared at Sholmes. “Daddy!”
In response, Sholmes shrugged with a slight smile. “Just a small experiment that was a resounding success. Though I must admit that it was even more efficient than I initially thought.”
Barok blinked, those words feeling like an anchor pulling him back from a trance. “Experiment?”
“I thought our dear Barok needed some incentive to voice his feelings,” Sholmes explained. “And since he has such a high tolerance for alcohol, this seemed like the best solution.”
Kazuma blinked in disbelief. “You got him drunk?”
“Not quite,” Sholmes continued. “It is more like a small concoction that temporarily freed him from his inhibitions, without the other effects so typical of alcoholic intoxication.” His smile widened. “So, there is no reason to worry about his health, he won’t even experience a hangover tomorrow. And all of his memories will be perfectly intact as well.” He paused as he met Barok’s gaze. “Every single one.”
Barok was so taken aback by that turn of events that he couldn’t even respond. Kazuma, on the other hand, hissed like a furious cat.
“You…” He inhaled sharply, glaring at Sholmes. “Herlock Sholmes, you scheming, ridiculous, impossible detective! Do you have nothing but endless mischief in this empty head of yours?”
Sholmes forced a saddened sigh. “You hurt my feelings, my dear Kazuma.”
“You deserved this one, Daddy…”
“Oh, my… Not even my sweet daughter is on my side.”
“Seriously…” Iris scolded him. “You know how shy Uncle Barry is. Can you imagine how mortified he will be when the effect of your concoction passes?”
“I certainly do!”
“Don’t sound so proud of it!” Kazuma snapped.
Once again, Sholmes wilted into his dramatized depression. “Woe is me, no one in this family appreciates my genius and good intentions.”
“You’re not fooling anyone,” said Kazuma.
“Is that so?” In a moment, a slightly mischievous grin was back on Sholmes’ face. “But hearing Barok say those words succeeded in making you quite joyful, isn’t that right?”
Kazuma couldn’t respond for a moment, then looked away, clicking his tongue. “That doesn’t matter.” He stood up, grabbing Barok by the arm. “Anyway, I’m taking him back to his home.”
“According to my research,” said Sholmes, “the effects should start gradually diminishing a few minutes after ingestion, but a bath and a lot of water might help bring the effects to a halt more quickly.”
Kazuma nodded. “Alright, I’ll take care of him. And you, Iris, take care of this scheming fox of a detective.”
“Don’t worry, I will.”
This time, Sholmes didn’t even bother to look sad. “Enjoy your evening, my dear fellows!”
“Daddy… We need to talk about testing your experiments on my uncle.”
“Oh, dear… Sounds like I am in deep trouble.”
“You brought it upon yourself.” Kazuma retorted, then offered Iris a smile. “I’ll see you later.”
Iris returned the smile. “Take care of Uncle Barry for me.”
Too scared to open his mouth, Barok simply returned Iris’ wave with one of his own. By her side, Sholmes gave him the widest grin—he had no regrets at all.
They boarded a carriage, sitting side by side. Kazuma observed him, seeming concerned.
“Are you feeling alright?”
Barok simply nodded in response. Kazuma didn’t try to force the words out of him, instead reaching for his hand, holding it until they arrived at his place. He wasn’t feeling dizzy or anything that resembled drunkenness, but Kazuma still walked close to him, offering his arm as support until they were inside, with Barok safely sitting on the couch.
“You should have a bath and rest a little.” He paused, examining Barok’s face more closely. “You’re really not feeling unwell, are you?”
Barok shook his head, and Kazuma smiled patiently.
“Are you afraid of talking?”
Barok looked away, responding in a low voice. “How could I not be?” He paused, hesitant. “Were you distraught by the things you heard?”
His words seemed to amuse Kazuma. “What do you mean by distraught? If anything, I’m happy to know you love me this much.” He brought a hand to Barok’s head, caressing his hair. “Barok… I want to stay with you too. Always, or at least for as long as you’ll have me.” A small, slightly hesitant pause. “And, if you really want me to live with you, then you should have said so.”
The mention of that subject was enough to make him anxious. “I wasn’t sure of how you felt about this.”
“You could have asked me, then.” He lowered his eyes. “Though I can’t really blame you for it… I never found the courage to talk about it, either.”
Barok’s heart jumped. “You have thought about it?”
“More times than you think.” He sat by Barok’s side on the couch, caressing his face. “And, honestly… I’m happy to know I wasn’t the only one.”
With those words, Kazuma leaned forward to kiss his lips. The sweet gesture made Barok forget about all else for a moment, caressing the side of Kazuma’s neck. It was lovely, but too brief, leaving him longing for more when their lips parted.
“It is so hard to resist when I have you close. I want to do this to you all the time, and the urge is so strong I can barely…” He soon realized what he was saying and stopped himself. “My apologies, it seems that cursed concoction is still in my system.”
But his words made Kazuma laugh. “I would be lying if I said I’m not enjoying this.”
Seeing his reaction helped Barok relax. “I deeply adore even this mischievous part of you.”
“Really? I’ll remember this next time you complain about it.”
“I suppose this is fair.”
Kazuma smiled, an expression so adorable that Barok couldn’t help but taste it with his lips. It lasted longer this time—slow, gentle, sweet. He was so used to Kazuma’s forwardness and playful provocations that those moments when he treated Barok so tenderly never failed to make him swoon. When the kiss was finally broken, Kazuma looked at him with a barely contained grin.
“Before the effect passes for good… Do you really love me that much?”
“Did you not have enough enjoyment at my expense already?”
“Looks like it’s mostly over now…” Kazuma pouted, then shrugged in resignation. “Well, it was nice while it lasted.”
“Don’t sound so disappointed. You heard every word I said, have you not? They are all true, even if I cannot bring myself to repeat them now.”
Those words were enough to brighten Kazuma’s face. “All of them?”
“Every single one.”
Once again full of light, Kazuma cupped his face with both hands, giving him another brief kiss. “You know I really love you too, don’t you?”
“How could I ever doubt it?”
“I like that confidence.” He leaned forward, this time placing a kiss on Barok’s forehead scar. “Anyway, I’ll go get you some water.”
He stood from the couch, and despite knowing that he wouldn’t be gone for more than a minute, Barok’s heart ached with longing. Before the effects of that concoction faded for good, he had one last thing he hoped it would help him pull out of his chest.
“Kazuma…”
Kazuma stopped, looking at him over his shoulder. Barok took a deep breath, then finally let those words out.
“You are the reason why I am alive.”
Kazuma said nothing for a few seconds. Then, a small but content smile spread through his lips.
“And you are mine.”
As if embarrassed by his own response, he rushed to the kitchen, leaving Barok there, with a foolish smile on his face. Kazuma never lied to him, so he didn’t doubt those words or what Kazuma had said about living together again. And knowing that he wasn’t the only one who missed those days made Barok so glad he didn’t know what to do. Perhaps talking properly about it later was a good first step—free from his fear of rejection, it felt like such a simple thing to do.
All things considered, letting the ones closest to him know how deeply Barok loved them was far from a bad thing, despite all the embarrassment that came with it. Would he willingly go through it again? Certainly not. Would he have done things differently if he had the chance? Surprisingly, no.
He would never admit it to Sholmes, though—if he gave that man any opening, he would do even worse next time.