Chapter Text
"It's a beautiful day outside."
Kris slowly opened their eyes, the sun rays peeking through the curtains burning their eyeballs like Asgore burned the sausages at every BBQ. They slowly sat up and swept their bangs aside. Not enough that their eyes were visible, that would be absurd. They looked to their right to see a tall purple dinosaur monologuing to them, her hands clasped behind her back. Susie Dreemurr.
"Birds are singin'. Flowers are bloomin'. On days like these, kids like you..."
Kris finished Susie's sentence for her.
"What? No! I was gonna say we should be getting to the bottom of these juice cups, not burning in hell! What's wrong with you, dude?"
Kris gave their (relatively) new foster sibling a flat look as they swung their legs over the bed and got out.
"Anyway, mo...Ms. Dreemurr told me to tell you that we're late for school, so we should probably hurry if we don't want Alphys to publicly execute us."
K r i s S t a r t e d M o v i n g V e r y S l o w l y , A l m o s t A s I f T h e y W a n t e d T o P i s s O f f S u s i e . O r M a y b e T h e y J u s t D i d n ' t W a n t T o G o T o S c h o o l . O n e O r T h e O t h e r . S u s i e L o o k e d P i s s e d . T h e n S h e L o o k e d V e r y P i s s e d . T h e n S h e L o o k e d
"OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE NEVER MIND I'LL CARRY YOU"
Susie scooped up Kris into a bridal carry and jumped out the window, shattering the glass and alerting Toriel. As the two ran down the street away from a livid Toriel, Kris checked their watch.
It was 6am. Very late indeed.
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"Come on, I know a shortcut!"
Susie pointed at a nearby alleyway. Kris recognised it cause they used to use it all the time. Unfortunately, that creepy salesman dude had set up shop in the dumpster there, and he had ears like a dog. Or rat, considering his location. Kris tugged on Susie's sleeves, and reminded her of what lay in that alleyway.
"Oh, shit. Yeah...that weirdo."
Susie looked down at Kris, before shaking her head.
"Fuck that! I'll die before I let some homeless crackhead stop me from experiencing the best of what life has to offer!"
Kris pondered over whether a shortcut to school was the best life has to off-
"CHARGE!"
Susie grabbed Kris by the hand and dragged them along as she sprinted down the alleyway, eyes closed for some reason. Just as they passed the dreaded dumpster, Susie's random stupid decision of closing her eyes came back to bite her when she ran face-first into a brick wall, sending her flying back. As Kris and Susie lay on the ground, the dumpster swan open.
"HEY, HEY HEY HEHEY HEYHEYHEYHE Y HEY!!! IF IT ISN'T [[Christopher Walken]] and [NOT] [Valued Customer], IN THE [Eat my flesh]!!! WHAT BRINGS YOU OUT HERE ON THIS FINE [[Retail Rush]]?!"
The vertically challenged salesman of questionable sanity hopped out and immediately started screaming in Kris' face. Sigh. 'What life has to offer', Susie that idiot. Speaking of which...
"Hey, back off, you freaky goblin freak! I'll...hit you! With this...stick!"
Susie had gotten up and was wielding and admittedly large stick, though her nose was leaking bright red blood from the impact. She was two feet taller than the salesman, and could easily punt him to Timbuktu if she wanted. This didn't mean he couldn't annoy her to death, though.
"WOAH, WHY DON'T YOU [[Try Our New Sedative]]? YOU DON'T WANNA BE THE [[CRT]] IN THE ROOM, DO YOU? CAN'T YOU SEE I'M RUNNING AN [Number 1 Rated] [High-Value Community Store] HERE?"
Spamton seemed to be practically vibrating, Susie was worried he would start flying if he were to flap his arms. She poked him in the face with the stick, causing his long witch's nose to bounce like a rubbed band stretched too far.
"I AIN'T DEALING WITH THIS [[Human Feces, 30% Off]]!!! YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER [[HonestMan]] TO [[Harassment Helpline]], KID!!!
With that, the psychotic salesman retreated into the shadows of the alley, although the two heard a quiet oof as he backed into a wall. Susie waited for a few seconds to see if he was actually gone, before turning back to Kris.
"...Alright, I guess I deserve a 'I told you so', right? Lay it on me."
Kris chose to stay silent.
"...You can't even say?"
Kris shook their head.
"Come on man, get it over with. Otherwise I won't be able to sleep at night." Susie joked, growing nervous.
Kris started the sentence, before stopping midway and telling Susie they'd continue the sentence when she least expects it.
"What?! Not cool, man!"
"What's not cool? If you're hot, I can take your jacket!"
As Kris and Susie exited the alley, waiting for them was a reindeer carrying a stack of books and a pencil case. Susie's face lit up, and Kris' might've lit up as well though no one could know for sure.
"Noelle!"
"That is my name, yes!"
Susie looked confused at what was in Noelle's arms.
"How're you--Why are you carrying that stuff? The term started three weeks ago, even I'VE done my back-to-school shopping by now."
"The supplies Dess got for me got confiscated cause of the...colourful language she wrote on them. I had to buy this bland junk last night." Noelle answered as her face fell. "I liked the stuff she got me, too..."
"Damn, that sucks. Teachers can be such..." Susie trailed off as she struggled to think of an insult that wasn't a tier two-and-beyond swear.
"Shitheads?"
Susie gawked. "NOELLE?"
Noelle giggled. "I'm 13 years old, Susie!"
"Well...it's just...you're so...Noelle!" Susie floundered together a sentence.
Kris asked if the two were done.
"Oh yeah. Lead the way, Kris."
Susie and Noelle both filed behind Kris, waiting for the human to take a step.
"So can I take your jacket now?"
"What?"
"N-NOTHING!!!"
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Once they arrived at class, barely anyone was there. Not even Berdly or Seth had shown up. Kris was secretly relieved as they didn't know if they could bear any more of Seth and Noelle's arguments over whether the BloodCrushers (the band Dess was in) or the Seven Flowers (the band Seth was in) was better, but they weren't sure why they were disappointed to see Berdly not here yet.
"Sweet, back seats! Now we can play Run 3 the entire day, Kris!" Susie raced to the back corner seat and jumped up on it, spreading her arms out wide. Noelle gently reminded her.
"Um, Susie, the internet's still down. We can't play online games."
"FUCK"