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Coco jumped up and down, eyes bright and starry.
She had drawn spells—not unusual, she drew spells all the time—and casted with herself. She casted feeling her body. She explored the spells' lifespan full of joy and wonder. She had drawn this extremely complex series of spells... just for her.
A spell where she thanked the clouds with her joyful voice and they rhythmically glowed in response. A spell where she could sing her kindness to the wind and colors danced in the wind toward Agott, carrying the feeling of her song. A spell where she twirled and petals from wildflowers and seeds from the tops of wild grasses blew up and swirled around her. A spell where sparkling shapes and glowing animals danced up from her feet with each step on the earth. A spell that crafted a large, beautiful ribbon with fanciful patterns and bells and tassels out of the air, which became a part of her dance. A spell to end the dance by, her arm and the magic together shooting straight into the air, one straight burst of color cutting through the sky that slowly folded out into a silent, complex array of colorful patterns that fell softly over the land with a final glow. And she bowed, reverently. Agott imagined her thanking the sky.
Agott witnessed Coco join in the joy of the world around her, and take her place in it.
Agott knew that in these spells, Coco experienced herself—her voice, her feelings, her movements—living.
And Agott got to witness it.
Agott got to see her live.
Agott felt her cheeks warm, her eyes well up, her stomach flutter, her chest fill with light, and her throat tighten a she tried not to cry.
“Oh my stars oh-my-stars, Agott! Agott!” Coco called as she ran down the hill toward her with her arms wide as if she was flying.
“Yes, glowbug?” Agott called back as she rapidly approached her.
“Did you see? Did you see it?” Coco nearly squealed.
“I did!” Agott was hit by the force of Coco’s glomp, nearly falling to the ground and catching them both at the last moment.
They squeezed each other tight, overwhelmed by the shared joy of the moment.
“I’m so proud of you.” Agott's voice was high and tender.
“I’m proud of me.” Coco’s voice was equally high, excited, and full of feelings. She pulled back just enough to look at Agott’s face. “Isn’t that so cool?”
“That is so cool!”
Coco giggled. “Agott, why are you crying?” Coco held her cheek tenderly and looked into her eyes for just a moment before pressing her forehead against hers.
“I’m just—I’m just so happy. I’m so proud of you. You’re so proud of you,” Agott managed to squeak out. She felt like kicking her feet with the feelings overflowing her body. Instead she swung Coco side to side excitedly and tapped her feet as she flung them side to side. Her heart fluttered at Coco’s bright playful laughter. She felt like calling out over the ocean for everyone to see—immersed in the joy of standing on a small boat rolling over waves, feeling the wind, feeling everything connected. Feeling the love of the world in your hands. Feeling a part of everything. Feeling safe.
She made an excited, high-pitched, vibrating sound without opening her mouth and Coco mirrored it back to her.
“I’m happy too,” Coco laughed as tears streamed down her face as well.
“You did so much work to get here, Coco. I’m in awe of you.” Agott’s heart was full to bursting. She wanted to sing to the world about her beautiful friend, her love, her partner, the glowing being she hoped to live the rest of her life alongside of.
She quickly flipped through daydreams of them across time—when they sat on the wall as little kids and she showed Coco her glow magic, the first time they danced, painting on each other's bodies, eating freshly baked muffins in their kitchen a few years from now, holding hands as they pointed out moss and lichen to each other as old witches, and settled on the feeling of waking up in the morning, opening your eyes, and with a soft breath of surprise, “Oh hello love. You again,” with such a joy in your chest it could be broken open, and such a softness that you relaxed into your body instead.
“Can you believe it?” Coco giggled as she cried. “Can you believe I made it here?”
“I can.” Agott took her cheeks in her face and kissed her on the forehead. “I’ve always believed in you. I’m just so happy I get to see it.”
Coco stepped back and took Agott’s hand. “Come with me!” she shouted over the wind as she pulled her up the hill. Agott smiled, jogging and stumbling after her.
“Look at it, Aggie,” Coco said as they reached the top. She gestured across the landscape. They could see over the sea, over the hills, the mountains far to the south, the forests to the east. If Agott felt hard enough she imagined they could reach their childhood home from here with their memories.
“It’s beautiful.” Agott was gazing at Coco, at her joy, rather than the scenery. The wonder that had been protected and walled off for so long was dancing minutes ago atop this hill, flowing freely. The wonder that had always lived inside of her was here.
Wonder and glee like she hadn’t seen in years.
Coco giggled and rolled her eyes, but just tilted her head to rest it against Agott’s. Agott wrapped her arms around her, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. She listened to the wind and the ocean. She smelled vanilla and witchhazel and the native plants and the earth. Coco wrapped her arms in hers.
After a while Agott realized they were humming one of their favorite tunes that had grown with them over time. It was a call and response, a mutual song of love and laughter and pain and forgiving and choosing to live and feeling alright.
“I wish I had found it sooner,” Coco whispered, plopping to the ground and gently pulling Agott down with her.
“You protected it, love." Agott nestled her face into Coco's hair. "Your little yous protected it so good and so well that now that you’re ready, now that you can... it was never missing. Your joy and wonder have been here with you. You kept it safe for yourself. You survived.” Agott stroked the back of her fingers tenderly down her cheek, and Coco turned to meet her gaze. “You survived long enough to live.”
The two smiled at each other for a moment before Coco turned to point out a large bird soaring overhead. Agott smiled, not knowing anything about it, but knowing that to Coco, seeing birds settled her into dreaming. “It’s an albatross—I think a wandering albatross.” She continued with a far-away, reverent voice, watching the bird glide over their cliffside and back to the sea. “They travel really far distances, not really from flying, but from gliding. They spend a long time with families and friends when they’re young. They learn and practice complex synchronized dances from each other for bonding with partners. They have one partner for life, usually. Even though they fly really far...” Coco reached up toward the sky, the albatross far out of view now, “they always return home, to where they were born, to lay their eggs. They explore. They put a lot into their family... their love...” Her voice trailed off.
Wandering Albatross
Wandering Albatross
“Why do they explore?” Agott asked, reaching out to draw her long hair out of her face.
Coco shrugged. “I don’t know. But you’re right,” she mumbled.
Her voice brightened. “I’m here. We can feel it now.” She smiled and twirled on her butt and hands, then flopped backwards into Agott’s lap. Agott looked down at her with a fond smile, enjoying her presence and her loving, playful smile. “I’m here. And so are you.”
“That doesn’t look very comfortable.” Agott mused.
“It’s not.” Coco reached up and twirled one of Agott’s curls. “But it doesn’t matter. I’m here.”
Agott smiled at her gently, her heart filled with a feeling she couldn’t name. “You are here.”