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Hirose wasn’t sure why he did it.
Maybe it was the excessive amount of booze they’d gone through during the evening. Or perhaps it was the romance movie they decided to watch, the credits now rolling across the screen. Or the fact that they were totally alone in Nakamura’s apartment, surrounded by half-eaten snack foods and empty beer cans. Or even that Nakamura looked strikingly handsome asleep next to him, defenseless and at peace. A thousand different reasons and excuses ran through Hirose’s mind as he slowly leaned closer to his close friend.
He couldn’t remember the exact moment he started having these feelings for Nakamura. Ever since they first met in high school, Hirose had always admired Nakamura’s self-assurance and kindness. He was different from anyone else Hirose knew, and he freely embraced that without hesitation. It wasn’t long until Hirose couldn’t take his eyes off of him, and feelings of admiration shifted into something else entirely. And now, those long-held feelings were demanding to be acted upon.
He sensed a set of eyes on him, glancing over at Icchan in his tank, staring firmly back at him. Hirose wondered if the octopus knew what Hirose was planning, quietly judging him for making a move while his owner slept. Hirose tried to play off his sense of guilt, placing a silent finger to his lips as if to swear Icchan into the secret. Not that Icchan had much choice in the matter.
Deep down, he knew it was cowardly to steal a kiss like this. A cowardice that he’d always hated in himself, but did not stop him from getting closer to Nakamura’s lips, slightly parted in his sleep. Hirose hesitated, wondering what he would say if Nakamura woke up. Would he make a quick excuse? Laugh it off as a joke? Or finally confess everything, and hope that Nakamura wouldn’t hate him for it?
His heart was racing, bracing himself to potentially risk it all for just an instant of desire. Years of longing bubbled up in him, begging for release. He brushed aside Nakamura’s bangs, taking one more look at his face, both to admire and assure himself that Nakamura was truly asleep… And then closed the gap between them.
Nakamura’s lips were soft but warm, tasting faintly of beer and snack foods. Hirose let himself linger for a moment, fully taking in the sensation and committing it to memory. Part of him wanted to try going deeper, but he knew he was already pushing his luck. Still, his thoughts seemed to dance as he reluctantly pulled back, dizzy with euphoria.
Nakamura stirred slightly, and Hirose felt a rush of panic. What if he really did wake him up with that kiss? Nakamura groaned and his eyes peeked open, still dazed and half-asleep. Hirose’s stomach dropped, franticly trying to decode what Nakamura was aware of. Nakamura met Hirose’s gaze as a small smile crept over his face.
“Nakamura, uh-” Hirose stumbled over his words, pulling back away. “I, uh, well-”
Nakamura did not answer, but instead leaned towards Hirose, taking him by the hand. Hirose’s confusion paralyzed him as Nakamura’s face softened with affection. Before Hirose could even process what was happening, Nakamura pulled him back in close. And Hirose tasted Nakamura’s lips for the second time.
The first kiss was all Hirose had prepared himself for, and this second kiss was far more involved. Nakamura had no such fear of waking Hirose, and the two fell back onto the rug, Nakamura cradling Hirose’s head to shield him from the impact. Hirose felt Nakamura suck at his bottom lip, urging him open. His mind was a jumbled mess of thrill and guilt, surrendering up to Nakamura’s touch.
Hirose squirmed as Nakamura’s tongue met his, mewling with a hint of shock and pleasure. The kiss itself was sloppy and somewhat awkward, but the sensations swept over him in waves that melted away any concerns he had. As he felt Nakamura’s leg shift between his, Hirose’s hands that were clenching Nakamura’s shirt relaxed. Abandoning doubt, he let himself wrap his arms around Nakamura’s back and fully enjoy the passionate embrace.
There were still so many questions he had left. If Nakamura knew he kissed him first, or if their feelings were mutual, if Nakamura wanted to go beyond just kissing. His biggest fear was that Nakamura had mistaken him for someone else. Maybe a girlfriend or a crush he’d never told Hirose about. That all this lust was never meant to be directed at Hirose. But stopping to ask any of these would mean an end to this moment, and Hirose had no intention of being the one to break away this time. Because now, he was in the middle of making out with his crush, and his crush was kissing him back, whether he knew it was Hirose or not.
He would have been content to stay like that forever, but Nakamura’s body grew limp in his arms, their kiss dissolving as he slumped over Hirose with a soft thud. Hirose glanced over, trying to decipher what all had happened, as Nakamura’s voice whispered in his ear.
“Hirose…”
Hirose felt his heart skip a beat at the sound of his name on Nakamura’s lips. Lips he’d just laid full claim to, lips he now knew intimately. And with that tiny whisper, any fear Hirose had that Nakamura’s kiss was for someone else flew out the window. It was enough to put him on the verge of tears, as he clung tightly to Nakamura.
“Nakamura, I-” Hirose began, ready to fully confess himself. Or at least he would have, had he not been interrupted by a loud snore. He glanced over, Nakamura back to sleep on top of him, as if nothing had happened at all. What seemed like a dream to Hirose was probably only a dream in Nakamura’s eyes, but the pounding in Hirose’s chest and the weight of Nakamura on top of him assured Hirose of the reality of the situation.
He tried to pry Nakamura off of him, only to find he weighed more than he had expected. Hirose caught sight of Icchan, still watching him, his unwilling witness now seemingly mocking his plight. Hirose let out a sigh, wondering if it would be best to just leave him like this until morning, enjoying his scent and the feeling of Nakamura’s body against his. Besides, he thought with a satisfied chuckle, he could always blame it on the alcohol.