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“Teach me how to be a cowboy.”
“You’re kidding.”
Buzz straightened up the best he could. Even though he was just a few inches shorter than his country boy companion, his drawn back shoulders and confident posture spoke for itself.
“Ok,” Woody drew out the word and crossed his arms. “You’re not kidding. Is this about Jessie?”
“Umm…affirmative.”
“I’ve told you several times, Buzz. If you want to impress her and win her over, you just have to be yourself.”
“Well…I’ve been doing that. And there’s been no sign of progress.”
“So your solution is to be like her?”
“Similarities lead to talking points, which lead to connection, which lead to romance. Or so I’ve been told.”
“By who?”
“The potato man.”
“You know his name, Buzz. No need for your foreigner act. And besides, he’s already married to someone who was literally designed to be his perfect counterpart. So maybe his advice isn’t all that helpful in your case, you know what I mean?”
Buzz nodded. “Which is why I came to you with my request.”
“Ha, more like your demand.”
“Just help me with this, Woody. Please.” Typically, Buzz was an independent fellow, but in this particular instance, he knew he had to be proactive. He had to dive right in, bite the bullet, get into the belly of the beast. And that meant asking for assistance.
Thankfully, Woody accepted, flashing a knowing grin. “Ok then. Give me an hour and I’ll put something together.”
Buzz saluted. “Sounds good, cowboy. I’ll go distract the cowgirl.”
They parted ways, and as Buzz leapt off the windowsill, he cracked a half smile. Phase One of his plan was underway. Phase Two was coming up, then Phase Three (the training montage, as Buzz thought of it), and to finish, the decisive Phase Four.
There was nothing to worry about. Nothing at all.
More often than not, Buzz’s plans proved to be successful, even if they were hastily put together. This one, however, had been in his mind since Jessie’s arrival. And he knew this was going to work, because he had the support of every other toy in Andy’s room.
With Buster’s help, he guided Jessie to the backyard, along with Rex. Between the three of them, they could play and laugh for hours, leaving plenty of time for the training montage.
“You’re up to something, Buzz,” Jessie said, pointing an accusing finger at Buzz’s face. He stood on the threshold of the backyard door, equal height with Jessie, who stood on the porch.
“Are you suggesting that I’m scheming? Because I can assure you, ma’am, I’m doing no such thing.”
“I’ve got my eyes on you.”
“I wouldn’t expect any less.”
“C’mon, Jessie!” Rex suddenly shouted, breaking up the pretend tension. “Buster found one of his old toys that he buried!”
“That’s my cue!” Jessie cleared her throat, switching from momentary excitement back to anger. “You’re not off the hook yet. I’ll figure out your plan sooner or later.”
“No doubt about it.” Buzz left with a firm wave, making his way back to upstairs to Woody.
Phase Two was complete. Now was the training montage, a sequence of shots he had in his mind but couldn’t really be prepared for. He asked to become a cowboy, and now Woody would answer, in whatever was he deemed fit.
When Buzz returned to Andy’s room, he was pleasantly surprised. The entire space was divided into sections, courtesy of multi-colored mini bricks, labeled in a way that made Buzz proud. It was almost like being in a convention, with different activities being offered everywhere he looked.
Woody sauntered over to Buzz and slung an arm around him. “You ready for my Wild West school, partner?”
“As I’ll ever be.”
First off was something easy: lingo. They started with catchphrases from Woody’s pull string, and even those took a while to get right. Buzz didn’t know what the problem was.
“I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong. I’m saying your phrase with precision,” Buzz insisted.
“Yeah, but that’s the thing: you’re adding too many words and your tone is way too serious.”
“All because I said, ‘There appears to be a reptilian creature, most likely a snake, located on the bottom of my ultra-thermal protection boot’?”
“Yes, exactly!” Woody cried, exasperated. “Look, if you want to do it my way, Jessie’s way, then you have to say it right.”
“Ok, then.” Buzz took a deep breath, like he was about to dive into the ocean, and said in the most carefree manner he could muster, “There’s a snake in my boot.”
“There ya go! Now with more gusto!”
“There’s a snake in my boot!”
“Perfect! That’s it!”
The two shared satisfied smiles, then it was off to the next task. This one was easy enough, simply slipping into a flannel and chaps made by Bo Peep and Mrs. Potato Head.
As Buzz admired his new gear, he gave a grateful salute to their makers. “Thank you, ladies. You sure whipped this up in no time at all.”
“If you ask me, you should’ve made the switch a long time ago,” Mrs. Potato Head added. “This new look suits you.”
“I don’t disagree. I suppose you could call me a space cowboy now.”
Bo laughed. “That’s a good one, Buzz,” she said, placing a cowboy hat on his head, more brown like Woody’s rather than Jessie’s red. Behind her, he saw Woody with his arms crossed, trying to suppress a delighted smile. Buzz winked, hoping that it would make Woody know that it was ok to lighten up.
He laughed, then gestured for Buzz to come closer. “C’mon, cowboy. There’s a lot more to it that just looking the part.”
“But I’m looking good,” Buzz countered with a smug grin. “Aren’t I?”
“You sure look like something, pal, but I don’t know if ‘good’ is the word for it.”
Buzz frowned. “What’s wrong with it?”
Woody looked at Buzz for an unreasonably long time, his eyes going up, then down, then up again. Buzz wasn’t really an insecure guy, but there was only so much scrutiny someone could take.
Finally, Woody quietly said, “I think the word I’m looking for…is perfect.”
Well. The was unexpected.
Before Buzz could formulate a response, Woody was pulling him by the hand to the next area.
This one was all about mastering lasso skills. Buzz had watched Jessie, Woody, and even Andy wield the rope many times before. In theory, he should’ve been a pro.
The reality, however, was much more complicated.
“It’s no use, Sheriff,” Buzz sighed. He tossed his lasso to the side after failing to wrap it around the monkey barrel for the hundredth time. “Like you said, I just look the part.”
“No, that’s not what I said at all!” Woody retrieved the lasso and put it back into Buzz’s hands. “You can do it. Sure, it takes a little more practice than shooting a laser, but you’ll get there. Now get your head out of the rainclouds and try again!”
“It won’t work. We’re just too different, Woody.”
“That’s not true. You’re trying, and that’s what counts. I can see it. Jessie will see it. So why can’t you?”
With that, Buzz instantly snapped out of his dreariness. Woody's confidence was all he needed. He gripped the lasso, twirled it around, and with a big “Yee-haw!” like he heard all the cow folk say, he threw it.
The rope seamlessly wrapped around the barrel. Woody laughed, a joyful sound, and Buzz tugged, pulling the barrel towards them.
“How was that? Pretty impressive, eh?” Buzz asked.
“Most definitely. But let’s not stop there! Keep going!”
After a blur of lassoing objects (and Woody cheering him on), they transitioned into horseback riding.
Bullseye was eagerly awaiting a rider, trotting back and forth until Woody stopped him. He laced his fingers to give Buzz a foothold. Once Buzz was holding the reins, Woody gave him instructions. “Don’t pull too hard or you’ll hurt him. Think of them like guides. Use your voice and stay calm. He’ll do the rest.”
“Understood.”
“Steer him around for a lap or two, and once you get the hang of it, we’ll throw in some obstacles. But don’t worry about that for now.”
“Roger that, cowboy. Are you ready, Bullseye?” The horse let out a giddy neigh. “Alright, then. Hyah!” Buzz pulled on the reins and adjusted his posture for optimal riding. This was something he actually had experience with, even though it was brief. Still, he felt like a natural, steering Bullseye in a grand circle, even lifting a hand to wave to the toys supporting his endeavor.
Two laps later, Woody and the soldiers pushed various blocks and balls in the way. Buzz turned left and right and even managed to jump over them. When he skidded to a stop, he was met with an audience’s thunderous applause.
“Thank you, thank you,” Buzz said, stepping down from Bullseye. His grin widened with each “Wahoo!” and “Go get ‘em, cowboy!”
Woody was the happiest of them all. “That was fantastic!” he shouted, shaking Buzz’s shoulders like he was a Magic 8 Ball. “Jessie’s going to love it!”
“I’m going to love what?”
All of the toys turned and gasped at Jessie, who stood in the doorway with her hands on her hips. It was dead silent and no one moved an inch.
“No one’s going to tell me?” Jessie asked, stepping forward. Behind her, Rex huffed.
“Sorry, I tried to stop her! But she’s just too fast!” he exclaimed regretfully.
Jessie waved him away, now square with Buzz. She gave him a quick up-down look, then poked his chest. “I told you I’d figure out what you were doing! You’re trying to fit in with me and Woody and Bullseye by going into Western mode! Well, Buzz, forget it, because we like you just the way you are!”
“That’s what I tried to tell him!” Woody said from Buzz’s side. He nudged Buzz forward. “Why don’t you tell her the real reason for this, lover boy?”
Buzz nervously glanced from side to side. Phase Three was done, but he didn’t expect Phase Four to come so soon.
“’Lover boy?’” Jessie quoted. “What the heck is he on about?”
Taking a deep breath, Buzz stepped forward, situating himself equidistance from both Jessie and Woody. The rest of the toys closed in, gathering in anticipation.
“The truth is…I wanted to impress someone. And I thought that I had to be like them for it to work. They didn’t take to my Space Ranger persona, so I assumed I was doing something wrong.”
“Don’t worry about it! Just shed the chaps and go back to being you!” Jessie interrupted. “Whoever you’re trying to impress will have to suck it up and deal with it! I like the Space Ranger that you are, and I’m sure they will, too.”
“Oh my goodness,” Woody sighed, palming his face. “I can’t believe how oblivious you are. He’s talking about you, Jessie! Buzz likes you and he wanted to become a cowboy instead of telling you how he felt.”
Jessie looked shocked. Buzz couldn’t tell if it was because she was overjoyed or disgusted. If she was happy with the revelation or never wanted to talk to Buzz ever again. Still…the time had come.
“Sheriff…that’s a negative. It’s not Jessie I was turning cowboy for. It was you.”
Woody was even more slack-jawed than Jessie.
Buzz quickly explained, “Ever since the ordeal with your family—and almost losing you in the process—I realized that I didn’t want to be separated. Truth be told, I don’t think I could bear it. I know it sounds like a lot, but…I wanted your lessons because I thought if I was more like you, then you wouldn’t want to leave again. Or if I did it sooner, you never would’ve considered leaving in the first place.”
“So…you lied to me about liking Jessie?”
“Well, I never officially confirmed it. Sorry if I let you down, pal. And my apologies, Jessie, for getting your hopes up.”
“Eh, don’t worry about it,” Jessie said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “I don’t need a man, anyway.”
“Wait, hold on, I still don’t get it,” Woody said. “Buzz, you’re saying that you did all of this crazy stuff for me? That this whole time, you just wanted to, what? Spend time with me? Learn about my interests? Impress me?”
“Affirmative.” After a beat, Buzz added, “Did it work?”
Everyone waited for Woody’s response, Buzz most of all. The sheriff shifted on his feet, hands on his hips, his gaze on the ground. The silence carried on from seconds to minutes and Buzz was starting to severely regret every single decision he’s ever made in his life.
Finally, Mr. Potato Head shouted, “Just say something, you idiot!”
All eyes turned to Woody, but he was only looking at Buzz. Words that seemed to be waiting on the tip of his tongue finally slipped out. “You sure are a strange one. And your new outfit is perfect. I didn’t lie about that.”
“And?” Buzz gently prompted.
“And…I think you’re a sly, sneaky guy that should just be upfront about his emotions.”
“Right. Like you are right now?”
“Uh…well…” Woody shook his head as he laughed. “You got me there, Deputy. I’m not going to be all sappy like you, so…alright. Let’s give it a try.”
The toys around them applauded in the same manner as wedding guests. Buzz and Woody stood side by side watching, matching head to toe. As the cheering went on and on, Woody leaned down to Buzz and muttered, “Does this mean I need Space Ranger lessons?”
Buzz chuckled, reaching up to wrap an arm around Woody, the same way Woody always does with him. “It’s up to you, cowboy. Don’t be afraid to ask.”
And with that, Mission: Cowboy Lessons was complete.