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To Live is to Suffer

Summary:

Peter Parker knows death. Better than most.
He's grieved, and he's regretted. But he's learned to let go.
But when the Avengers bring back people who are long dead, Peter isn't so sure if he can stand beside him anymore.
Because to live is to suffer, and they've suffered enough.

Chapter 1: Just Because You Can Doesn't Mean You Should

Notes:

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Chapter Text

“You shouldn’t bring someone back just because you can, Harley!” 

Harley whirled around, snarling, “You don’t understand, Peter! Tony was everything to me! If I have a chance to bring him back, I will!” 

Peter closed his eyes, his breath heavy. “I don’t understand?” He laughed, the harsh sound making Harley wince. “Harley, I would understand more than anyone! I’ve lost everyone, Harley. Everyone. And if I could, I would do anything to see them again. But I wouldn’t bring them back. They’ve lived their lives. We have to respect that. We have to move on.” 

“Just because you’ve moved on doesn’t mean I have!” 

“You think I’ve moved on?” Peter asked, his hands clenched into fists at his side. “I haven’t. I probably never will.” 

Running a hand in his hair, Harley had smiled, “So you get it, don’t you? Why I want to do this? Why I need to do this?” 

“No, I don’t!” Peter shouted. Harley reeled back, stunned into silence. The soft whirling of the lab was almost deafening. 

 Taking a slow breath, Peter had calmed himself. When he finally spoke again, his voice was softer. Lower. “Tony Stark is dead. Natasha Romanoff is dead. Pietro Maximoff’s been dead for thirteen years!” 

In the corner, Wanda took a step forward.  

“Peter.” Her voice was low. Dangerous. “You didn’t know Pietro. And you didn’t know Natasha. We did. You don’t know what we’ve lost.” 

The others nodded. Steve, Bucky, Sam, Bruce, Clint and Thor. The people who were the closest to the deceased.  

Dr. Strange stared down at Peter. “You’re still young, Peter. You wouldn’t understand.” 

A flash in Peter’s eyes told Harley that Dr. Strange said something wrong.  

Fists clenched, Peter turned, walking out of the lab.  

Harley didn’t chase Peter. He didn’t make a move to stop him.  

Perhaps he should have.  

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

 

Running a thumb over the picture, Harley sighs.  

Peter looks so happy in the photo, his hazel eyes lit up in the moonlight as he stares at Harley. And Harley looked even happier, his lips pulled into a large grin.  

When was the last time he smiled that brightly? 

Since before Peter left?  

Six months ago? 

He turns to Bruce, “Are we doing the right thing? What if Peter was right?” 

Smiling sadly, Bruce places a hand on Harley’s shoulder. “Maybe Peter was right. Maybe he wasn’t. We may never know. But the only thing we know right now is that we have a chance to bring people we love back.” 

Placing the photo down, Harley nods, “Yeah.” 

“You miss him.” 

Looking up from her seat, Wanda stares at Harley.  

Of course he misses Peter. It’s been six months. Six months since Peter walked out of the lab and never looked back. He hasn’t called, texted, anything. Just... disappeared. And no one knows where to find him. He may be Peter Parker, but he’s also Spider-Man.  

And, to everyone else, Peter Parker doesn’t exist. All thanks to Strange. 

Clint smiles at Harley “We’ll find him. He can’t disappear forever, right?” 

Scoffing Bucky shakes his head. “If we haven’t found him by now, it means he doesn’t want to be found. It’s been six months. And he’s been avoiding the best SHIELD agents, half the Avengers and all the New Avengers.” 

Sighing, Harley rubs his temple, “Are you sure Yelena doesn’t know anything?” 

“Even if she did, she wouldn’t say anything. She’s loyal to a fault.” 

“Harley!” 

“What?” 

Dr. Strange raises an eyebrow at Harley’s outburst. “We’re ready.”  

Heart pounding, Harley nods.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Tapping his leg, Harley watched through the protective glass as Strange uncovered the bodies.  

Besides him, Wanda gasped, bolting up and pressing her hand against the glass. Her fingers trembled against the glass. Her eyes were fixed on her brother, a distant glaze clouding her face. As Harley watched, he notices that they resemble each other but no longer look like twins.  Pietro looked far younger than Wanda. A sick feeling rose in Harley’s stomach. Wanda and Pietro were twins. But now, she’d be over ten years older.  

Bruce was in no better condition, frozen to his seat, his eyes fixed on Natasha’s face.  

Dragging his gaze away, Harley found himself staring at Tony’s body instead. He looked the same. His wounds healed, his face set in a peaceful expression, void of stress lines. Tony Stark, for the first time since Harley had known him, looked at peace.  

Was this what Peter meant when he said they had to respect that they were dead? 

Well, it was too late to go back, regardless.  

The room is quiet. Eerily so, as everyone watched Strange work. The sharp scent of antiseptic clung to the room. Faint, but strong enough to make Harley uncomfortable.  

Besides him, Pepper reached for his hand. Harley takes it, squeezing as Strange starts the spell.  

As green light flooded the room, Harley could hear his breath exhaling, his heart beating against his ribcage. Even when as the light brightens, he couldn’t look away. Not even when all he could see is the faint shadow of Dr. Strange and the bodies.  

And, suddenly, the light stops, casting the room in shadows.  

If possible, the room becomes quieter, so quiet, that Harley could hear the others breathing.  

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.  

The steady beeping broke through the silence. Three heart monitors echoed in the room. Wanda screamed. Pepper sobbed. Bruce was frozen in his seat. The others smiled, tears running down their own cheeks. 

Harley wiped at his cheeks, the steady beeping anchoring him to this moment. “We did it. They’re...they’re alive.” 

The door opened, and Dr. Strange stepped in. His hair was wild, his eyes distant, his face bewildered. “It actually worked.” 

Wanda stared at her brother through the glass. “Can we see them?” 

Strange shook his head. “Not yet,” he answered. “We need to give them time to recover.” 

“How long?” 

“A few days max.” 

Nodding, Wanda finally tore her gaze from Pietro. “I can sense Peter.” 

Harley froze, his heart sinking to his stomach. “What?” 

Steve turned, staring at Wanda. Harley noticed that Clint grabs his bow, nocking an arrow.  

Taking a shaky breath, Harley called, “F.R.I.D.A.Y.?” 

“Hello, boss.” 

“I need you to go through all the security cameras. Locate Peter Parker.” 

“Got it.” 

As he waited, Harley stared at Tony. His chest rose and fell. He’s alive. He’s okay. 

“Harley?”  

“Whattya got, F.R.I.D.A.Y.?” 

“Nothing, boss.” 

Scowling, Harley shook off Clint’s hand on his shoulder when the archer tries to console him. Why did Peter have to leave? When Harley needed his support the most? 

Frowning, Wanda stared at the ceiling. “But...I can sense Peter. He should be here.” 

And as if on cue, the window behind Harley shattered.