Chapter Text
“I don't know why we always come here.” Taehyun pursed his lips. Beomgyu just shrugged. It was the usual talk anyway. The cafe was always crowded, always full of chatter, and the songs from a decade ago rang a little too loud on the speakers. But it was their place since their first meeting. It was close to the faculty and the ideal place for an in-campus hangout. The coffee was good too. That was the most important part. The campus was cheap, yes, but the quality of coffee decreased with the cheapness.
“Oh, Lord,” said Taehyun as Yeonjun set the coffees on the table. “You're still drinking iced?”
“What's wrong with ice?” Beomgyu spoke defensively as he took the straw. Yeonjun nodded in agreement. Taehyun took the only hot latte on the table.
“Nothing, it's just zero degrees outside.” Taehyun said, trying to remind them they were shivering five minutes ago on the street.
“I have built-in heaters, I don't get cold.” Beomgyu stuck his tongue at him.
“Well, you're still a bad influence. Junnie here just trembles with actual heaters but still gets his coffee iced.” It was Yeonjun’s turn to stick his tongue at Taehyun this time despite wearing three layers and still feeling the cold.
“I’m gay, I am not allowed to drink hot coffee,” was Yeonjun's defence. Beomgyu held his hand up for a high five instantly. Taehyun rolled his eyes at the sound.
“Guess my application won't be accepted.”
They just grinned.
“Anyway, are you guys free this weekend?” Yeonjun asked, and Taehyun started grinning. Beomgyu knew that glint in Taehyun’s eyes; either he was going to get bullied, or this was about Kai.
“Why?” Beomgyu asked. “What are you planning?”
“Well, Soobs was saying he wanted to hang out, and a little birdie told me Hyuka wants a reading.” Yeonjun winked at him. Beomgyu blushed slightly. It could easily be the cold, anyway.
“Ooh, this might be the opportunity for you.” Taehyun wiggled his eyebrows at Beomgyu. Beomgyu scrunched his face.
“I thought he didn't believe all this stuff,” he said instead of paying attention to Taehyun. He had gotten used to it, but his friends hadn't gotten tired of it.
“I thought so, too. But apparently, he wants one. He even asked Soobin himself,” Yeonjun grinned. “Or maybe it's not about the reading at all.”
Beomgyu looked at Yeonjun like he was talking about tickets to a Queen concert. Sure, his friends were supportive and that was nice but pfft.
“Yea, sure,” Beomgyu said dismissively. He and Kai weren't close, barely even friends. They did spend time as a group every once in a while, as he was a package deal with Soobin, but they rarely spoke, almost never hung out alone. So all this teasing was just, well, teasing.
“I’m free Saturday.”
***
Beomgyu enjoyed the getting-ready process. He always felt upbeat and ended up leaving satisfied no matter how he decided to dress. He knew he would rock it anyway. Today, though, he found himself staring at his closet from the corner of his eye as he laid face down on his bed. Every limb felt heavy, and scrolling was much too tempting.
It wasn’t supposed to be like this, he thought; Kai wasn't supposed to make him feel like this. It was all too much, and out of nowhere. He couldn’t grasp it, not the beginning nor the development. He thought it was just an interest that would end up fizzling out. Needless to say, it didn’t. The feelings kept growing, and the anxiety grew with them. He stared at the ceiling; the sheets felt warm under his back.
It didn’t matter; Beomgyu was a confident person. He nodded to himself. Yes, he was a confident person, and maybe he wasn’t going to make a move because of so many reasons, but not flirting with his crush did not mean he wasn’t confident. He got up slowly and took a breath. He could still talk to Kai, do the reading as he always did, perfectly, and be a friend.
He exhaled, and then another breath. His closet stared back at him. The clothes he loved wearing sat there quietly. Beomgyu would find one; he put his getting-ready playlist on.
***
Kai believed in magic, only not the tarot and witchcraft parts. He believed in the magic of the world, the magic of the words and white lies. Actual powers, though? He was a skeptic at heart, after all. Nothing was set in stone; that was the magic he believed in. That’s why everyone was surprised when he asked for a reading. Kai thought it was obvious, though. Belief required experiment. He wanted to know what it would be like, to judge it for himself. That’s how he ended up walking next to Soobin, a little too excited for a hangout.
“You're jittery today,” said Soobin, smiling at him. “I remember meeting Beomgyu; that's how we met, you know. I asked him to do a reading for me. I wasn't sure how he knew all that by looking at me. Not that I believe it.”
“You sound like you do,” Kai grinned. Soobin shook his hand dismissively.
“Doesn't matter, it still felt like he knew. I wouldn't really believe it if it was anybody else, I think.”
Kai took a sip of his tea. He didn't understand why the person who does the reading matters. If it was what it's said to be, then everyone should be able to do it.
“Do you have questions?” Soobin asked.
“No, not really. Should I?” Kai didn't know he had to prepare stuff.
“I don't think you need to, but if you're doing it for fun, don't you wanna ask something in particular?” Kai frowned.
“Ask about your love life for sure,” came a voice from the back. He turned to see Yeonjun with Taehyun, grinning. “We need another couple, please. I cannot take all the heat anymore.”
Taehyun flicked Yeonjun’s forehead and smiled. They found their place back after grabbing their drink.
“Stop with the drama,” he said to Yeonjun and turned to him. “But it's a good topic.”
“Maybe I'll ask if I can get my GPA higher this term,” he said, laughing. They booed at him.
“I will not be answering boring topics like academics for free,” Beomgyu said, joining them. “It’s supposed to be fun.”
“It is fun to learn about it,” Kai grinned.
“For me,” Beomgyu put the deck on the table and smiled. “It’s supposed to be fun for me.”
“Damn it,” Kai said jokingly. “I’m going to have to try my best to entertain you then.”
“Exactly,” Beomgyu winked. Then he started to explain how he does it. Kai didn't listen very well; instead, he watched Beomgyu shuffle the cards. It wasn't that he didn't care; he wanted to listen, but he did get preoccupied with the cards. It was obvious that Beomgyu had been doing this for some time. Kai had been interested in learning how to shuffle playing cards once, but he hadn’t been successful at it.
“I usually just let the cards drop, but you can also pick if you want to. Which one?” Beomgyu asked.
“Hm?” He replied dumbly. “Oh, yeah, I’d like to pick them, like in the movies.”
He realized all of a sudden that their audience was not making any sound. Maybe they didn't hang out that often, but quiet never meant anything good as far as Kai knew. He looked at them; they were watching, whispering to each other, but not interfering.
“Oh, they're used to it by now, no commenting while I'm doing a reading,” Beomgyu laughed. “I know it's weird to see them quiet.”
Kai laughed, too. In truth, it felt like impending doom.
“As long as they don't explode by the end,” he said.
“So,” Beomgyu looked at him directly, stopped shuffling the deck, and laid the cards open on the table. “Do you have any questions or specific information you want?”
Kai took a moment. Love life was very popular for these things. Obviously, he wanted to know about academics, but it was still very far-fetched, as it was the future. He didn't really know what he was supposed to ask or how.
“I don't really know, I don't think so,” he said with a sheepish grin.
“That's okay. We can do a general reading. We can ask if there's something you should know during this time of your life. What are your expectations from this? Why did you want a reading in the first place?”
Kai didn’t know Beomgyu well, but he hadn’t ever seen him like this. Beomgyu was a relaxed, easy-going kind of charismatic, but right now he looked very professional. His eyes followed the cards, the table, and him at the same time. His normally loud voice was replaced by a calm one. Kai did feel like he could ask him anything.
“I don't know, I wanted to try it.” Kai chose to say. He did know and didn't know at the same time, so it wasn't a lie.
“You’re giving me nothing, damn,” said Beomgyu, looking a bit more like the Beomgyu Kai remembered.
It was okay; Beomgyu could work with nothing, but he was still going to complain about it. He laid the cards on the table and looked at Kai.
“Pick three,” Beomgyu said, waiting patiently. Beomgyu had read for people who hadn’t been very trusting or had been very doubtful. Sometimes people did it because of peer pressure, even. He knew to wait quietly until Kai picked the cards he wanted. Kai looked focused, thinking about which one to choose, like there was a correct answer. His eyebrows were slightly furrowed as he tried to look at every card on the table with a question.
“It’s not about finding the right one; it’s about picking the one that wants to come up for you,” Beomgyu said gently, trying not to speak very loudly. A sheepish smile appeared on Kai’s face as he looked up at Beomgyu.
“I am not very good at not thinking,” Kai said, his eyes moving between the cards and Beomgyu.
“Sometimes I go like this.” Beomgyu smiled and slid his hands over the cards, not touching. “Try to feel if any of them call out to me.”
The others were whispering to each other, trying to keep the silence for the reading but also not being able to keep quiet. Kai repeated the act shown to him, trying to feel. Well, he felt nothing. Maybe believing the cards could call out to him was an important part. He decided to pick three random ones.
“Alright,” said Beomyu, turning the cards over to see. “Page of Pentacles, Four of Cups, and Four of Pentacles.”
“Something has been calling out to you,” Beomgyu started. “It’s clearly a call you want to listen to, but you don’t know how. It could be about school, a career opportunity, or something new that will change you. You’d rather sit and figure out all the logistics of how, but it’s a call to action, not a call to plan.”
“Seems rather vague, huh?” Kai said, feeling called out but holding on to the part of his brain saying this could be anyone and anything. Beomgyu responded by looking at him sharply. Kai remembered the no-comment rule and gestured to locking his mouth and throwing away the key. Beomgyu smiled and continued.
“You’ve already been feeling the boredom of a monotonous life and wanting change, right? This call for action is the change you want, but by focusing on the planning, your opportunity for change is slipping away. Every offer comes in time and leaves in time; you need to be able to seize your moment. Four of Cups is a reminder to look for the opportunities and act on them before it’s too late rather than looking for what you have and closing yourself off to change. This might be burnout, too. Give yourself space to exist and do what you want without planning all the time.”
Whispers grew louder around them. Beomgyu was always willing to let the whispers go by; it’s not like his friends are capable of shutting up for a whole ten minutes. So, he sped up a little.
“You are a careful person, aren’t you? You’re careful about your academics, your spending, your house, but also who you let in. You live by a safety guide,” Beomgyu said slowly, looking at Kai. Kai watched him, wanting to respond but waiting for him to finish. “It’s not a bad thing to be careful at all, but keeping distance or control doesn’t always mean being careful. If the line is blurry enough, you just might be keeping yourself from the world you want to be a part of.”
Beomgyu looked very sure of himself as he spoke, Kai realized. It was almost like he wasn’t even thinking about what he was going to say. He couldn’t help but wonder how Beomgyu could speak so easily and still say things worth listening.
Kai looked at Beomgyu, asking for permission to speak, checking if the reading was done. His hands were busy with his cups, taking the lid off and putting it back on. Beomgyu gave him a nod to say this part of the reading is done and takes a sip from the cup. The ice had melted already; all that’s left is water droplets gliding on the plastic cup.
“Well, cryptic and vague words,” Kai said, shaking his head. “This could’ve been for anyone for sure.”
“I am not supposed to make you believe in the cards,” Beomgyu replied calmly. “I only say what the cards believe you need to know. I am a messenger, per se, not a prophet.”
“He just says that because he got read to filth right now,” Yeonjun exclaims with excitement now that they can speak.
“I did not,” Kai says stubbornly.
“Oh yes, you did,” Soobin cuts Kai off. “I’m your best friend; I would know. You gotta take more risks.”
Yeonjun and Soobin fist bump as Kai shakes his head and turns to Beomgyu rather than engage with them, knowing his best friend well enough that he can’t win that argument. Fine, he will admit, even only to himself, that it’s not fully incorrect. There are things he heard from his friends before in Beomgyu’s words, but it doesn’t make sense that he would know that without knowing him much.
“You can ask three questions,” Beomgyu says, lighting his cigarette. It’s a filthy habit, sure, but Kai thinks it suits him. The image of cigarettes in his hands is similar to those of tarot cards; it fits.
“Alright, let’s say these are true. What is the new thing that's calling out to me?”
Beomgyu showed him the cards, expecting him to draw one, while he let out a breath to give the smoke a way out.
“Two of Cups. Interesting,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows. “Anyone you might be interested in right now?”
Kai looked at him questioningly. Beomgyu sighed.
“Ugh, party pooper.” He said, exaggeratedly bored. “It doesn’t always mean a romantic relationship, but it is human connection. Getting closer with someone in your life or meeting someone who will become close to you. Someone who will help you with your life and your actions maybe.”
“Wow,” Kai said, exasperated. “My fate is that I will meet my soulmate, is it?”
“Could’ve been if you were a fun person.” Beomgyu said, sticking his tongue out, looking more like himself. “But no, it’s only suggesting that you might also realize that you want that connection; you just need to do something about it rather than plan it.”
Kai took a sip, considering this possibility. “Sure, let’s say I believe it.”
“You seem invested to me, but sure, let’s say.” Beomgyu looked amused, waiting for him to ask the question. Kai kept silent, looking somewhat shy.
“What’s this opportunity I am missing then?” He asked, drawing a card without waiting to be said. Beomgyu couldn’t help his smile after seeing Kai getting more comfortable with and interested in the cards.
“Huh,” Beomgyu said, looking at the Queen of Cups. “Aren’t you an emotionally closed-off guy?”
“Whatever do you mean? I am very in touch with my emotions.” Kai said, putting his hand on his heart and looking shocked over this slander. Beomgyu laughed lightly with the group.
“Whatever you say, dear.” Beomgyu replied, mocking. “ The cups are emotions; what you’re not seeing is an emotional offer. Maybe a kindness, an ear offered to listen, or a person offering a space.”
“So I am ignoring someone's feelings?” Kai’s eyes furrowed, thinking again. Beomgyu looked at the cards again; conveniently, it was harder to see his face like this.
“Maybe someone’s or yours.” Beomgyu clarified. The whispers got louder again; Beomgyu looked at the group, shushing them.
“Okay, what is this thing that’s holding me back?” It wasn’t that Kai had started believing tarot, only that just because a story wasn’t the truth, it didn’t mean it wasn’t intriguing.
“Okay, this is a different direction than I anticipated, hm,” Beomgyu thought, looking at the high priestess on the table. Kai looked at Beomgyu, his eyes focused on the card, the questioning look of his eyes, the frown on his face.
“Isn’t that what you told me not to do?” He asked, and couldn't help himself. Beomgyu looked confused. “Thinking too much.”
Beomgyu laughed wholeheartedly, irony getting lost in the room.
“What’s funny is that the thing that's holding you back is exactly that. Thinking too much, not giving yourself the freedom to act with your emotions, or show them. Yes you know your emotions, but knowing is not the same as feeling.”
Kai pouted at the reply, and Beomgyu started packing up the deck
“And that’s all from me today.” Beomgyu spoke, and Kai realized how much his demeanor changed even with starting to pack up. He already looked more himself.
“Oh god, we should definitely do this more often,” said Soobin, clapping his hands. Kai looked at him with an anger he couldn’t really muster.
“That comment rule is important, I see,” he mumbled under his breath.
“Well, I did warn,” Beomgyu said as he popped the card back into his bag and took a deep breath. “I am tired as fuck; do with that information what you will.”
“We have more important information to discuss right now,” Taehyun said, plopping back onto the couch next to Beomgyu. “Like who Kai is going to get with?”
“I am not getting with anyone; for all we know it could be one of you guys,” Kai said, rushing. “Oh, Soobin, is it you that’s giving me a hand?”
“No more hands for you,” Soobin said, making a show of holding his hands closer to himself.
“You need to find yourself a girlfriend, now,” Beomgyu spoke, his voice laced with amusement. “Or a boyfriend, but Soobin doesn’t seem to be an option.”
“How am I going to live with this, Soobs?” Kai managed between faux hiccups and wiping his nonexistent tears from his face. “I thought our love was real.”
“It’s not that it wasn’t real,” Soobin said, pouting. “It just used up. You deserve better than me.”
“But I need you,” replied Kai dramatically, playing his role. They all watched the scene unfolding in front of them with laughter.
“He just won’t leave me alone,” Soobin said, hiding behind Yeonjun.
“No, but really,” started Yeonjun. “Think about it, Kai. Cards have a way of saying what you need to hear. Soobin, maybe you should think about it too.”
“I am sure Soobin will not stop thinking about it for a while,” Taehyun joked, showing Soobin’s playfully scared face.
“I need to learn about all the emergency exits.”
***
Kai didn't realize Beomgyu was walking around the campus before. He hadn't seen how much their paths crossed. It was surprising they almost never had said hi to each other outside of the planned outings. Now, though, he saw him everywhere. Beomgyu was almost always running, or around people talking with exaggerated movements, turning around and walking backwards. Kai didn't know how he avoided falling, really. He wasn't surprised to see himself finding Beomgyu more in the crowd, but he was surprised to find out that finding him and talking to him was very hard.
“How have you been?” said Kai, walking at a fast pace and trying to catch up. He’d had to run for a bit to get close enough to talk to him. Beomgyu must have been trying to get to class, he thought.
“Oh, hi. Going to the shittiest class of the term, so not great. You?” Beomgyu returned the question, slowing down his pace. He didn’t really want to be in the class anyway; he could be a little late.
“Much better now that I am done with the classes for the day,” Kai replied, smiling and matching his pace with Beomgyu’s.
“Okay, show off,” Beomgyu said playfully. Kai laughed. “So, what’s up?”
“I’ve been thinking about what you said,” Kai said, shrugging. “I mean, I still don’t believe in tarot, but it was something to think about.”
“Just think a little longer; I’ll make a believer out of you,” Beomgyu said, smiling. “Which part kept you thinking?”
“Well, not a specific part of it.” Kai thought a little more, trying to find the easiest way to explain. “I guess the whole of it. It wasn’t fully incorrect.”
“Just say I was right, damn,” Beomgyu said, laughing. “It’s a thing that requires faith, so I understand that it’s hard at the beginning, but I believe it’s worth thinking about.”
They kept walking together, now at a comfortable pace for both of them. The campus was full of noise from the students that became background noise for their conversation. Kai looked at Beomgyu for a moment and considered.
“Yeah, that’s kind of what I have been considering too,” Kai said, nodding. “And I wanted to talk to you about it. Do you have time?”
“Not right now, obviously, but give me your phone.” Beomgyu stopped, realizing they had reached the faculty, and held his hand out, waiting. “You can text me, and we can talk about it.”
Kai watched as Beomgyu put in his number, fingers working efficiently. After Beomgyu was done, he held up the phone to Kai and turned to walk as Kai took his phone back.
Kai smiled, showing the phone. “Alright, I’ll see you then.”
Beomgyu was walking backwards, looking at Kai. He smiled back at him and turned around to walk to class. Kai realized a little too late, he was watching the now empty door.