Work Text:
"Hey have you seen them today?"
"Totally! They look cute but it's strange, y'know?"
"I get it. It's just a silly phase. Some teenagers are so emotional nowadays."
"Right? It's abnormal. They're abnormal."
"If they don't want people talking about them. Why don't they just dress normally?" A fit of snarky giggles followed.
Mizuki kept her smile perfectly pinned on her face, floating passed them like a ghost. She dressed specially cute today, with her signature side ponytail, a few keychains clanking together on her backpack. It was her favourite one, the one where Ena dragged her to find the lost keychain during the festival.
Warmth filled her chest when she recalled Ena's determined eyes and firm grip on her wrist as they searched the whole festival.
But.. but,
Her knuckles turned white on her backpack straps. It isn't going to last forever. It never does.
Mizuki stepped in the classroom. Instantly, the ongoing conversations died down between her classmates, a few eyes bored holes into her. Loud chatters turned into quiet whispers.
Do they really think I can't hear them? Mizuki took her seat and pressed her palms against her ears. Loud, like a broken radio that can't turned off no matter how much she tried to stop it.
I'm not an exhibition for them to gawk at.
At the school rooftop.
She skipped classes during lunchtime. Her mind was going to explode if she stayed a second longer there. The heat of the metal railing bit into her palms, but Mizuki welcomed it. It was the only sharp, real thing in a world that grounded her in this suffocated school. Below her, the school courtyard looked tiny, populated by ants who wore the right uniforms and spoke the right words.
Abnormal huh.
Mizuki heard worse than that. She looked down at herself. Underneath her favorite cardigan and cute skirt, her skin felt too tight, like a costume she could never properly fit into, no matter how hard she tried.
A sickening feeling took over her. She stared at her burning hands on the railing. Hands that were way too big than she wanted. Her throat had an odd spot that stucked out, her adam's apple. Her completely flat chest. Her-
A flash of Ena's expression shined in her mind when she knew about Mizuki's sceret, 'born in a wrong body'. Is this really how she was going to say it?
Nightcord at 25:00 was her sanctuary, but it was built on a foundation of sand. It had a deadline. The moment the music stopped and the screens went dark, she would still be this "abnormal" thing. How long until Ena, Kanade, and Mafuyu looked at her with those same boring, judgmental eyes?
She felt nauseous. She was disgusting, an sore eye, a weird teen, an outcast, a nobody, a..
"Ah.. Looks like I'm skipping food again," Forgive me, mom. If I take a small bite of food, I'm afraid I would puke.
The bell rang, signalling that it was time to leave. Mizuki sat on the bench for way too long, she was drowning in her own thoughts. It really was lonely, way too quiet without another 'outcast' around to accompany her in the past.
Needing an escape from her own suffocating mind, she didn't go back to take her supplementary classes. Instead, she walked straight out of the school gates and headed toward Ena’s house.
An hour later, Mizuki was sitting on Ena's bed, swinging her legs with a practiced, casual rhythm. Ena wasn't painting. She was leaning against her desk, arms crossed, studying Mizuki with sharp, unblinking eyes.
"Mizuki," Ena said, her voice dropping its usual sharp edge for something much flatter, much heavier. "What happened today?"
Mizuki blinked, then laughed. It was a bright, perfectly rehearsed sound, a shield she had spent years polishing. "Eh? What do you mean, Enanan? I just missed my favorite artist and wanted to grace you with my presence! Aren't you lucky?"
"Stop it," Ena snapped, her posture tightening. "Don't do that. You've been staring at the wall for ten minutes, and your eyes look completely hollow. Did something happen at school?"
"Wow, building up a whole drama in your head, are we?" Mizuki joked, waving a hand dismissively. She shifted her weight on the mattress, trying to ignore how empty and hollow her stomach felt, a reminder of the lunch she couldn't bring herself to eat. "Maybe you should switch from painting to writing novels. I'm totally fine! Just tired from-"
"Do you know how much it hurts when the person you love is avoiding you?"
The words cut through the room like a physical blade.
Mizuki froze. The playful grin died instantly on her face, the fake warmth vanishing from her expression. Her breath caught in her throat, and her heart hammered violently against her ribs. The person you love? Did Ena mean...?
She looked up, wide-eyed, finding Ena glaring down at her. But Ena’s eyes weren't angry, they were turning red at the rims, her lower lip trembling slightly with a mix of frustration and raw vulnerability.
"You do this everytime!" Ena clenched her fist, her eyebrows furrowing into a frown, "You push me away with jokes and deception. You pretend everything is fine when it's obviously not! Do you think I'm blind?!"
"Ena... I'm not trying to avoid you," Mizuki whispered, her voice barely audible. "It's just... some things are hard to say."
"Then don't say the whole thing!" Ena stepped forward, reaching out and grabbing Mizuki's hands.
Ena's grip was just as firm and warm as it had been at the festival, but Mizuki's hands were iced cold."But don't shut me out," Ena pleaded, her eyes searching Mizuki's face. "Don't act like you're completely alone in the world. It makes me feel like... like I don't matter to you at all."
"That's not true!" Mizuki cried out, the raw emotion finally cracking through her facade. She pulled her hands back slightly, though she didn't break the hold entirely. "You matter so much..! All of N25... you're everything to me. That's why I'm scared! I'm scared that if you look too closely, you won't like what you see. I'm scared it won't last, Ena. It never lasts."
Ena squeezed her hands tighter, refusing to let her slide back into the dark. "You're confusing the past with the present! I don't care about whatever stupid thing you're hiding. I care about you. The Mizuki right here. And I'm not going anywhere."
...
They stayed like that for a long time. Mizuki didn't confess her secret, Ena didn't force her to. The core wasn't magically fixed, it was just there, playing around their minds. But the immediate, crushing detachment receded, anchored down by Ena’s hold.
"You're such an idiot, Enanan.." Mizuki let out a stray laugh, she wiped her tear with her sleeve.
"You're the idiot here. Clearly," Ena muttered, letting go off her hands and quickly turned her head to hide her her own flushed face.
An hour later, the unresolved tension still lingered in the air. They moved to the living room couch, a cheesy horror movie played on the TV.
"Ugh!! Why did she go to the basement?!" Ena groaned, gripping her hair in frustration, "Horror movie protagonist has zero brain cells."
"Hey, don't judge her," Mizuki teased, leaning her shoulder against Ena's, feeling the steady, comforting warmth of her presence. "If a ghost offered to give me fashion advice, I'd go into the basement too."
"The ghost would probably scare you to death because your taste is ass," Ena retorted, but there was no venom in it. She shifted slightly on the cushions, letting her weight rest comfortably against Mizuki.
A moment later, a jump scream popped up onto the screen. The volume was loud and blasting, almost shocking Ena's soul out of her body.
"Uwaa!!" Ena screeched. She wrapped her arms around Mizuki without thinking.
"Pfft!!" Mizuki had a different reaction. Whether from laughing at Ena's sudden jump or laughing at how ridiculous the jumpscream was, she didn't know.
For tonight, Mizuki didn't have to run.