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To my beloved Chuuya,
By the time these words reach your hands, I will likely have become a part of the void, dissolved into the cold emptiness of a world I never truly belonged to. Please, Chuuya, do not cry, for your tears are fire, are blood, are the only thing in this world that ever made me feel I still held some small worth to exist. But ah, Chuuya, my strength is exhausted, my spirit drained. My heart - already crushed beneath the countless thorns of ambition and sin - can no longer beat another measure.
You are my Chuuya, the most radiant flame that ever pierced the dark cellar where I imprisoned myself with my schemes and hauntings. Chuuya, do you know? In this brief, fleeting life, the name "Chuuya" has been the gentlest echo I have ever heard, the only hymn I ever wished to carve into my soul.
This world, Chuuya, is far more cruel than you imagine. From the very moment I became aware of myself, I was a heretic in their eyes. Simply because I was I, simply because my mind bore a shape unlike the molds they worshipped, their prejudice and hatred fell upon my shoulders like a mountain of ice. They looked at me with frightened eyes, they whispered curses about my existence to one another, as though I were a stain that must be cleansed from this earth. They called me by words that turned my heart to stone. Chuuya, they never understood that every one of their utterances was a blade driven into a pride already as fragile as shattered glass beneath a boot.
And at the place I called home - which should have been my final refuge - there lay a second hell. Chuuya, loneliness is not merely long nights without a soul beside you; it is wounds carved so deep into the spirit that no medicine can ever heal them. The suspicious glances, the murmurs behind my back, and the cold indifference of all humanity turned my life into a prison without escape. I tried, Chuuya - oh, how I tried - to become invisible, to swallow the darkness back down into myself, to force myself to fulfill the mission I had placed upon my own shoulders. Yet it was all in vain. They did not need a god. They needed a demon to blame, a tool to satisfy their own fears.
And then, amidst those long, grey days, when you and I faced one another in the dance of life and death, it was you who surrounded me like an inescapable storm. Chuuya, do you remember? All those times we met upon the battlefield, your eyes blazing with hatred, yet they were the only thing that ever made me feel I was truly alive. The challenges, the fists, and the moments you stood before me like an indomitable fortress - that intensity, Chuuya, was so warm that it stirred a heart I thought long dead. I used to believe I would collapse right there, amidst the schemes and the lies, had you not appeared and, by your very presence, dared to challenge the whole of my universe.
Chuuya, every memory of you is a slow-motion reel, beautiful and heart-wrenching. I remember so vividly the nights you dozed off in a chair after battle, that arrogant smile still lingering at the corner of your lips. Only you - only my Chuuya - dared to face me not with fear, but with a pride that filled me with envy. Every word you spoke, every gesture you offered, carried the warmth of an authentic soul - something I had never dared even to dream of in my entire life.
You taught me how to be weak, Chuuya. When I had given up, when I believed humanity was nothing but a swarm of insects to be purified, it was you who patiently showed me that even in the abyss, a light could exist. In those brief moments beside you, your presence was like a lighthouse in the storm, pulling me back from the ghosts of my own making. You protected me, Chuuya - not by sheltering me, but through your unyielding, invincible strength. You were like a true god who chose to remain beside a wretch like me, only to grant me the faintest taste of human sweetness.
But Chuuya, why does fate drive a person into such corners? I am sorry, Chuuya, I am truly sorry that I could not keep my promise to stay by your side forever. I once swore to myself that I would watch the sunrise with you over the port city, that I would walk with you through the last years of this sin-laden life. Yet, my dearest Chuuya, human endurance has its limits, and mine shattered long ago. I tried to hold on, tried to find a reason to remain, tried to look into your eyes and tell myself the world was still worth saving. But the darkness piled up, layer upon layer, crushing every last hope I had.
Chuuya, please do not blame me. Consider this my final moment of weakness, my final escape from this merciless reality. I am leaving not because I do not love you, Chuuya - oh, far from it - but because I love you too much to let you endure any more pain on my account. You deserve a life of freedom, a brilliant future, instead of being bound to a soul as shattered as mine.
When you read these lines, remember that somewhere out there, in every gust of sea wind, in every sunset as crimson as your hair, I shall forever love you - my life's Chuuya. Live proudly, Chuuya. Keep fighting, keep laughing with that defiance, let the flame within you - the thing I treasured above all else in this world - burn on, radiant and untamed. Do not weep for me, Chuuya, for I have found a peace I could never find in this world.
Thank you for everything, Chuuya. Thank you for being the most beautiful piece in the dark canvas of my life. Thank you for letting me know what it means to love and to be loved. My Chuuya, farewell to you, farewell to my only love, farewell to the last flame of my life.
Goodbye, Chuuya.
The only one I ever loved, and the only one who ever loved me completely.