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Day Twelve
Making it Work
The dim lighting of the room told her they were still in the night cycle of the ship, and the fatigue that burned in her eyes reminded her how late they had stayed up last night, again. She was glad the quality of her sleep had improved recently since the length of it was certainly suffering.
In the months since she'd received the Protheans' warning from the beacon on Eden Prime, her sleeping hours had been filled with nightmares. Plagued by the visions of the Reapers destroying their empire which had spanned widely across the galaxy. The horrifying images had intertwined themselves with her memories of Elysium to reach a new level of torture.
Since they had defeated Sovereign, she'd found some relief while dreaming, whether as a direct result of that victory or finding herself in the protective embrace of the man she loved almost every night since, she wasn't sure. Maybe it was a mixture of the two.
As they had been en route to Ilos, Shepard and Kaidan had finally given in to the desires they'd denied themselves for so long, igniting a fire of passion between them that only grew each time they were together.
Little more than a month had passed since that night and even after spending the entirety of their shore leave together, losing themselves in one another for the entire five days they'd spent on Earth, they both craved more. Always more.
Returning to the Normandy had been bittersweet. It was a relief to be back in the place that felt most like home, but they knew it meant they'd have to return to their clandestine meetings in the captain's quarters, hoping there wouldn't be any lingering crew members to spot Kaidan as he snuck out in the earliest hours of the morning.
Shepard rolled over to face Kaidan, who lay wide awake beside her. Her movement drew his attention and his unfocused gaze drifted from a spot on the ceiling to her face. She watched as his eyes become more focused in the dim lighting and a small smile tugged at his lips before he planted a soft kiss on her forehead.
"Didn't wake you, did I?" he asked gently, his voice deep with fatigue.
"No. Guess I sensed that you need to talk?" she replied as she propped herself up on her elbow, keeping her eyes focused on his as she shifted in the bed.
One of Kaidan's arms remained tucked beneath her, and she felt him begin to idly drag his fingers up and down the soft skin of her back. He let out a gentle hum as a faint blue glow filled the air. His fingertips lit up, leaving a trail of pleasant heat against her skin in their wake.
"I'm just—" He paused and looked away from her, grasping for the right words to express his concerns. "I just don't know if this is possible, Nat. How can we make this work?" he asked haltingly, his voice breaking as he spoke.
Shepard felt as if her heart had leapt into her throat and she struggled to swallow as she quickly sat up. "Whoa, Kay, look at me," she insisted, grasping both sides of his face with her hands as she looked into his eyes. "I know this crew is important to you, and it seems really hard because we're fresh off shore leave where we had unlimited privacy, but—" She paused to give him a soft, tender kiss. "I love you enough to find a way. I've built my reputation off doing the impossible. We'll just be careful when we're outside of this room."
Kaidan's eyebrows furrowed as he stared back into her piercing blue eyes, her hands still gripping his face.
"I love you too, Nat."
Shepard pressed her lips to his, feeling the soft, contented hum he let out as a small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. She relinquished her grip on him and settled down beside him again, feeling her heartbeat slow to its normal pace as he wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly against his body.
"You're right. We can find a way to make this work," he agreed softly.
She nodded her head in agreement and began tracing small circles against his chest.
"Do you know what time it is?" she asked as nonchalantly as possible.
A soft orange glow lit the room as Kaidan checked his omni-tool for the time. He sighed heavily and looked down at her.
"Almost 0400. I should get out of here before any of the crew starts to wake up," he answered. Shepard already missed the mornings they'd spent together on shore leave, and looked forward to the next chance they'd have at such luxurious privacy.
"I don't want you to leave yet," she responded with a frown, wrapping her arms around him tightly and holding him close. The warmth of his skin against hers was enough to keep the chill of the night cycle air at bay.
"You know I can't stay, Nat. We're still breaking regs here. I shouldn't be sleeping here overnight either," he answered sadly. She wished more than anything that he could stay. Regs be damned. "You know I want nothing more than to stay here, in this bed, with you all day. Just like shore leave. But we have Geth to track down, apparently."
She knew he was right, as always. She knew he needed to leave before the rest of the crew began their days. They had managed to keep their relationship hidden for many weeks now, but it was getting harder and harder to let him leave every morning.
They had both quickly adjusted to their new normal. While they were on duty they easily resumed their professionalism toward one another, but when they were off duty and alone… the entire dynamic between them shifted. When they were alone, Shepard was able to relax, and Kaidan easily took charge. He always made sure he was her soft place to land, and never asked anything extra of her. She dealt with enough of that from everyone else.
"Mm, you're no fun," she grumbled against his chest. He gently placed his finger underneath her chin and led her head upward until she was looking at him. He remained silent as he tucked a lock of her dark red hair behind her ear affectionately.
"Natasha Jane, you make it harder to leave this room every day," he scolded playfully as he placed a kiss on the tip of her nose.
"Please, Kay, just five more minutes?" she pleaded as she propped herself up again. He looked at her with a small grin and rolled his eyes playfully.
"Okay, Nat, five more minutes," he agreed as she snuggled against him happily.