Archive of Our Own

The recording session should have wrapped up two hours ago.
But for an indie band that never knew the meaning of punctuality, two hours was barely enough time to argue over whether the chorus needed guitar or synth.
Jay twirled his pen with one earbud in, eyes fixed on the computer screen. He scanned the music bars and lyrics, thinking about what to change. Humming along, he picked up his guitar to try something, but soon gave up with a click of his tongue.
“There’s just something missing in this part.”
“Money, maybe?”
“I know that already; say something actually useful.”
Ni-ki sat there giggling; he loved teasing the group’s eldest member. Sunghoon, holding his bass, idly plucked a few meaningless notes before stretching and letting out a long yawn.
“Let’s take a five-minute break; at this rate, my heartbeat’s going to turn into the sound of a metronome.”
Ni-ki dropped his drumsticks on the sofa and ran after the bassist to get some water. Soon after, Sunoo turned off his keyboard and flopped onto a seat, asking the others to bring him a mint chocolate ice cream bar. Jay grimaced at the request, grabbed his water bottle, and focused back on the computer screen. The backing track had stopped, and the only sound left was the hum of the fans. Quiet moments like this were rare in the studio, but Jay liked it better when music was playing; it helped him relax. He had just deleted a line of lyrics when he noticed the band leader standing behind him. Jungwon grabbed Jay’s shoulders and shook him, still looking at the unfinished lyrics. Seeing the line Jay had erased, Jungwon smiled and teased him:
"Did you delete that to add a cat to the lyrics? I mean, it’s fine, cute even. But our band isn't exactly a cat shelter, you know."
"What’s wrong with cats?" Jay sounded irritable, yet he let Jungwon keep shaking him while he secretly considered whether he actually *should* add a cat.
"It’s just... unusual. A guy like you, who’s only ever cared about guitars and music production gear, suddenly taking an interest in kitty kitty cat cat."
Jay glared at Sunghoon as he walked in, carrying an ice cream bar and a few bottles of water. Sunghoon plopped down, handed the ice cream to Sunoo, and shot a glare right back at Jay; he raised his eyebrows, implying that his earlier remark had been spot-on.
“But seriously, you’ve been talking about cats a ton lately. Just today, you were even thinking about changing the band’s logo to a cat, remember?”
The drummer, who had just returned, glanced briefly at Jay and waved his hand in the air, tracing the outline of a cat.
“Well, he *is* like a cat, specifically, a black cat.”
Jungwon chuckled, pulled up a plastic chair and sat right next to him. Jay sighed as he felt the other members’ attentive gazes fixed on him; he removed his headphones and spoke slowly:
“Cats do their own thing. They’ve got nine lives; they live those nine lives however they please without depending on anyone.”
Sunghoon smirked and chimed in:
“Are you sure about that? ‘Do their own thing,’ my ass. Even with nine lives, they still have to stay indoors waiting to be fed. If the humans serving them don’t know how to take care of cats properly, they might end up living a more miserable life than us humans.”
“You’ve got a point there,” Jungwon interjected. “Jay-hyung, I thought you were planning to make music, but turns out you wanted to be a cat? Or were you actually a cat in a past life?”
“Nope.” Jay shrugged. “If I were a cat, I wouldn’t have to tweak demos until three in the morning.”
“I think you’re more like a ‘servant’ to a cat.”
“Totally. Especially since you got a roommate,” Sunoo added brightly, having just finished his ice cream.
Jay froze.
“What was his name again? It slipped my mind.”
“Jake.”
“Oh, right. Jake.”
“We hear you talk about him all the time, but we’ve never actually met him.”
“You should bring him to the studio sometime!”
Jay took another sip of his drink.
“I’ll consider it when I’m free.”
“It’s been months, and you still haven’t had free time? Are you hiding something?”
Sunoo grinned mischievously, his fingers still fiddling with the empty popsicle stick.
“There’s nothing to hide.”
“Yeah right, ‘nothing to hide.’” Sunghoon rolled his eyes. “Just the other day, you bailed on us to go buy stuff for him. If Jungwon hadn’t told us, the whole group would’ve thought you were bedridden with an illness.”
“He can’t just be a roommate. What kind of roommate wouldn’t let anyone meet the other?”
“So, how exactly did you ‘pick up’ Jake-ssi? You kept dodging the question the other day.” Ni-ki finally asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.
Jay’s gaze wandered, drifting unconsciously to a corner of the studio where a velvet-upholstered stool sat right next to his guitar spot. Three months ago, that corner had been completely empty. Now, whenever Jay brought Jake to the studio, specifically at times when no other band members were around, that stool was Jake’s. Jay’s thoughts drifted back to a certain two-in-the-morning night a few months prior.

It had been a bitterly cold, windy night, with a steady drizzle falling outside.
He had fully expected to finish the demo before eight in the morning, but the more he tweaked it, the worse it sounded. Nearing two o'clock, with his mind in a muddle, he decided to pack up and head home.
Jay opened the studio door, intending to grab his phone and call a ride, only to be startled by a huddled figure slumped right outside. Beside the person lay a phone with a dead screen and a collapsible white cane tossed carelessly aside. Clad in a flimsy, oversized jacket, floral shorts, and striped socks - a garish, unsightly clash of colours - the stranger’s fashion sense struck Jay as truly terrible, even pitiful.
Assuming it was just some drunkard who had fallen asleep at the door, Jay frowned and started to walk past. But as he stepped closer, the stranger looked up; his voice was hoarse from the cold night air, yet it still held a sharp, irritable edge:
"I'm not drunk."
"Did I say you were?"
The other man simply sniffled, clutching his phone tightly as he huddled into himself. With his free hand, he brushed strands of rain-soaked hair away from his face. He turned his head toward Jay, yet his brown eyes gazed into the distance, as if searching for something. Jay took in his dishevelled appearance, his red, tear-rimmed eyes and then the white cane resting beside him.
A heavy silence hung in the air for a few moments.
Jay bent down, opened his umbrella to shield the stranger from the rain, picked up the cane, and placed it into the man's hand.
"You'll catch a cold sitting out here like this."
The man didn't reply; he simply fiddled with the cane he had just been handed.
It wasn't until they got into a taxi that Jay realised Jake truly wasn't drunk, nor was he just a random passerby. He had just left his ex-lover's apartment and had nowhere else to go.
That night, Jay brought Jake back to his place to wait out the storm, made him a cup of instant noodles, and plugged in his phone to charge.
Neither of them said much.

At first, Jay only intended to let Jake crash at his place for a few days. But a few days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. Eventually, the topic of moving out was dropped entirely. Now, they’re like cats and dogs; not a day goes by without an argument. Sometimes, Jay even regrets "picking up" this stray. Their lifestyles and habits are completely out of sync. As a musician, Jay often pulls all-nighters, sometimes at the studio, sometimes out meeting friends, or sometimes just disappearing until dawn. His room is a disaster zone of scattered clothes, with unfinished musical scores strewn all over the house. Jake is messy too, but he tends to clean up right after making a mess. Once, Jay couldn't find a score; he frantically tore the apartment apart looking for it, only to discover it sitting neatly on his nightstand, a spot where he was certain he hadn't left it. Jay grumbled at Jake for wasting his time, but Jake shot back:
"I managed to tidy up even without being able to see; are your eyes just for show?"
"What do you know? I'm making art here!"
The two of them would go back and forth arguing until one of them got too annoyed and walked away, usually Jay, while Jake just grinned, stoking the fire of Jay’s irritation even higher. Yet, living with Jake sometimes left Jay baffled. It wasn’t that Jake was unpredictable, but rather that he had a habit of asking questions that were both nonsensical and oddly controlling, as if he were trying to manage Jay like a pet cat.
Take this afternoon, for instance: Jay had just put on his jacket and was getting ready to head out when Jake suddenly appeared, leaning against the wall.
“Where are you going?”
“To work.”
“What time will you be back?”
“I don’t know.”
“What time is ‘I don’t know’?”
“I don’t know.”
Five minutes later, as Jay was slipping on his shoes and reaching for the door, Jake asked again:
“When are you coming back?”
“Stop asking; you’ve probably asked six times already.”
“So, when are you coming back?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then I’ll ask a seventh time.”
“…”
Furious, Jay flung the door open, locked it behind him, and stormed off. His roommate’s irritating laughter still echoed in his mind; the guy was probably gloating over having managed to get under Jay’s skin. Jake asked the same questions every single day; whenever Jay stepped out, he insisted on knowing where he was going, when he’d be back, and who he was with. Sometimes, Jay felt like a stray cat being grilled by its owner about whether it had been up to any mischief.
But escaping the ordeal at home only led to the ordeal at the studio. The group wasn't making much progress; while people did listen to their music, it wasn't enough to provide a comfortable living for the members. Jay was fortunate that, even after moving to Korea, his parents back in the States frequently checked in to see if he needed anything, occasionally sending packages despite his protests, which made his life easier. The other members, however, had to work part-time jobs to make ends meet, meaning there were only specific times when the whole group could gather. This time, Jay was determined to compose a song that was truly outstanding - a real hit - hoping it would finally improve their fortunes.
Despite his best efforts, every time the members gathered, they acted like a bunch of kids seeing an aeroplane take off for the first time, making an absolutely deafening racket. Since he was the only producer in the group, even when the other members tried to help, the results rarely met Jay’s standards. Fortunately, he recently recalled a suggestion Jungwon had made a month ago: incorporating cats into the track. Although the original composition hadn't featured any animals at all, Jay decided to add them this time. As soon as he stepped into the studio, Ni-ki, likely noticing his disgruntled expression, called out:
“Did you get into an argument with Jake-hyung again?”
“Yeah, he’s just acting weird.”
Jay plopped down in front of the computer and quickly pulled the unfinished track he was working on out of his pocket. Sunghoon sniffed and looked at Jay, asking in a disappointed tone:
“Why didn't you bring Jake along today?”
“If you like him so much, go hang out with him at my place; I don't have time to drag that stray dog ​​all the way here.”
Jay grumbled and shot him a glare before putting on his headphones, ready to listen to the recording Sunoo had sent the night before.
“But Jake is friendly; he’s not a stray dog; he’s more like a well-kept pet. He even told me the other day he wanted to practice bass with me.”
“It’d definitely be more fun with him there; Jake-hyung is hilarious,” Jungwon added, already reminiscing about their last get-together.
“Speaking of which, that outfit Jake-hyung wore the other day looked really good. You picked it out for him, didn’t you?”
Sunoo turned to ask Jay, who had been pretending to be busy to avoid listening to his friends talk about his roommate. Hearing the question, Jay let out a breath, and the corner of his mouth quirked up into a faint smile as he replied:
“Yeah, the guy doesn't even have eyes. He couldn't pick out an outfit to save his life.”
“That explains why he’s always wearing your clothes.” Sunghoon rolled his eyes. “Jake told me that, but whenever I see him, he’s in brand-new outfits, though none of them seems to be yours, since they’re not really your style.”
“Well, I can’t exactly lend him clothes all the time. Borrowing stuff to wear at home is one thing, but he needs something different when he goes out.”
“But you buy an absurd amount of clothes for Jake-hyung. At this rate, he’s basically becoming your personal model.”
“No.”
Jay shot a glare at the team leader before turning his gaze back to the computer screen. Ni-ki, who had been quiet for a moment, suddenly spoke up:
“Well, Jake-hyung *is* really handsome. And since you’re into fashion, Jay-hyung, whenever you’re with him, it’s like a cat finding a human servant it can boss around.”
“Who’s bossing whom? I feel more like the owner than the cat, constantly having to look after this dog who tears the whole house apart.”
“Jake-hyung is so gentle, yet you call him a troublemaker.” Ni-ki sighed, twirling his drumstick. “He’s gentle enough to let you drag him around trying on all those different outfits.”
“Can you blame me? His taste in clothes was absolutely atrocious. It’s a waste to have a face like that and dress the way he did.”
Jay muttered, recalling the first time he’d bought clothes for Jake.

That afternoon, he had dragged Jake to a clothing store near their place to try things on. Jay hadn't been satisfied with any of the outfits Jake tried, so he kept handing him new ones.
“I can’t even see myself, so why buy them? I’m fine just wearing your clothes.”
Jake waved his hands in protest as Jay thrust a soft linen shirt into his grasp.
“But other people see you.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
Seeing Jay persist in thrusting clothes into his hands without a word, Jake was left speechless; he simply gave in, too lazy to argue.
“I don’t get you. Whether I wear this or not, I’m still just me; it’s not like I’m suddenly going to look any better,” Jake grumbled as he stepped out in the new outfit. “I could’ve just worn the same thing I had on the day we met.”
“You mean the outfit your ex picked out for you?”
“Yeah. What’s the difference?”
Jay didn't say it, but he had already thrown that hideous outfit away. Sometimes, Jay thought of Jake as a butterfly, unable to see its own beautiful wings. Yet, Jay wasn't about to let that butterfly stay hidden in its cocoon forever. He wanted Jake to shine in all his beauty, for everyone to realise just how stunning he was, even if he couldn't see it himself. Even if that ex-boyfriend had tried to mask and conceal that beauty from the world, Jay was determined to show Jake off to everyone.
The other day, when they were meeting up with the band, Jay helped style Jake’s outfit, from his shirt, trousers, and shoes to his scarf, hat, and even a watch, despite knowing Jake couldn't see the dial. Just before they met their friends, Jake turned around and asked,
"How does this outfit look?"
"It's alright," Jay scoffed, but he still carefully rolled up Jake’s sleeves.
At some point, Jay’s gaze began to linger longer than necessary. He found himself watching Jake more intently, observing his every gesture and movement, the soft features of his face, and that bright, warm smile that inevitably reminded him of an energetic dog. Perhaps because Jake couldn't see his eyes, Jay felt free to stare without embarrassment; yet, for some reason, he also felt a twinge of disappointment.

Recalling that embarrassing memory made Jay shake his head, trying to refocus on the recording before him. Sunoo’s voice was as emotive as ever; it was the lyrics that had Jay truly stumped. He couldn't stop thinking about that final part.
“By the way, why have you been heading home so early lately? You usually don't get back until one or two in the morning, but yesterday you were rushing off in a panic just past ten.”
Jungwon’s question snapped him back to the present; startled, he looked up to meet the younger boy’s curious gaze.
“Yeah, he’s been writing love songs lately. It’s pretty intense.”
Ni-ki grinned at Jay. Jay let out an annoyed sound and ignored him.
“But why are you so hung up on this song? I mean, you wrote the rest faster than usual, yet you stalled right at the end. At first, we thought you were on a roll, but now it’s been weeks and you’re still stuck on the finale, and whenever we suggest reviewing the other parts, you flat-out refuse to change a thing.”
“You’ve clearly got plenty of inspiration, yet you keep acting all secretive about it. Aside from you and Sunoo-hyung, nobody’s even seen the lyrics. I only found out there was a cat in there because Sunoo-hyung mentioned it the other day.”
“I’m just saying, the new song is really good and meaningful,” Sunoo chimed in. “It honestly feels like he’s in love.”
“I thought you were taking my side.”
“Oh, I’m so curious! Hyung! Hurry up and finish the last part so we can hear it.”
“Just wait; what’s with the rush?”
Jay pushed Jungwon’s shoulder away as the younger boy lunged in for a hug. He listened to Sunoo’s recording and pondered, poised to write but hesitating. So, while the rest of the group spent the afternoon practising the other songs on the album, Jay remained engrossed in the lyrics. The others would occasionally come over to tease him or offer suggestions, since Sunoo had shared a bit about the song’s content, but by eleven at night, he was the only one left in the studio working away.
Remembering that Jake was still at home and that the brat was likely waiting for him to return for dinner, he sighed and gathered his things, wrapping up a day that had yielded no new progress. On his way, he stopped by a nearby corner store to pick up some rainbow gummy candies; he wasn't sure if he’d run out, but with Jake around, they were almost certainly gone. He also stopped by to see the shop owner’s cat - an agile, energetic creature that loved to roam freely.
It wasn't without reason that Jay had been talking about cats lately; in fact, even before returning to Korea, he had felt a twinge of envy at the idea of ​​them having nine lives (even though he knew it was just a joke) and not having to agonise over whether they had made the wrong choice. Humans have only one life, and every decision sets off a chain of countless changes. Sometimes he wonders if his life would be this financially difficult now had he stayed in the U.S. to take over his father's company. Ever since he decided to move to Korea to pursue his passion for music, the image of the cat had haunted him. Whenever the group's new songs fell short of expectations, he would blame himself, thinking that if only he had trimmed this part or added that one, the other members wouldn't have to take on so much extra work. With every phone call from his mother, he felt increasingly weary, torn over whether to return to the U.S. to build a career and leave everything in Korea behind. Even when Facebook surfaced old photos from his youth, Jay would wonder: if he had studied harder, gotten into a more prestigious university, and settled down as his relatives expected, perhaps he wouldn't be envying a cat right now. Yet, on second thought, he might not have fared any better than the cat anyway; after all, with every choice he made, he had sacrificed the things that mattered most: his passion, his friends, his freedom. Lately, he had been reflecting deeply on what to do with his only life. Perhaps that was why he found himself talking about cats so often; even his latest song hinted at a longing for those nine lives. But this time, even though he still envied them, he decided that with this single life of his, he would…
He would… what would he do? Jay hadn't figured that part out yet, but he felt the answer was incredibly close, right within reach, yet he simply couldn't put it into words.

In his first life
Jay would dedicate his time to truly understanding his parents. He would open up to them, asking about the hardships and worries they had faced, and listen to stories from their childhoods. Neither of his parents was born wealthy; they married in the suburbs before striking out on their own to build a career in New York. They juggled multiple jobs and saved money to educate themselves in business before returning to Seattle to launch their own travel company, the foundation of the massive enterprise and enviable fortune they eventually achieved. Jay would be present for every medical appointment, every professional milestone, and every special occasion in their lives. He would take them on a trip to Australia so they could experience the fresh atmosphere and unique people there. He would remain by their side until they peacefully passed away in their sleep, free from any cares or worries.

In his second life
Once he fully understood his parents, he would strive to fulfil all their dreams and aspirations. He would teach his mother to ride a motorcycle and arrange for her to go skiing with old friends in New York. He would let his father happily watch baseball for hours with his old buddies from back home and teach him to play chess with the neighbours. He would allow them to relive the childhoods they had missed out on. He would buy them those packs of rainbow gummy candies, the ones they had once watched others eat with longing, unable to afford them themselves. He would let them live life on their own terms, unencumbered by the constraints of marriage, family, or even him - their only son. Instead of being successful businesspeople and simply "his parents," his mother would become a writer, travelling the globe in search of inspiration, while his father would become a dedicated teacher, sharing knowledge with his students. And he would simply watch them succeed and find true happiness.

In his third life
Jay became the ideal son. He consistently excelled in his exams and was a top student in every subject, particularly in Math and Physics. He remained in the U.S. to take over his father's travel agency, expanding it into various branches and earning the trust of everyone around him. He never touched alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs, growing into a knowledgeable, well-informed, and highly respected man. He married a woman chosen by his parents, and together they had two children. His eldest child eventually took over the family business, while the younger one founded a separate company that proved equally successful. Only then did he and his wife return to care for his ageing parents, who were living in the suburbs.

In his fourth life
He became reckless, disregarding his parents' opinions and advice. He travelled extensively, tried his hand at various jobs, and signed up for countless clubs. Such an adventurous lifestyle left him short on funds, and he grew increasingly thin, subsisting day after day on nothing but ramen. He also experimented with diverse fashion styles, ranging from the rock look he had always loved to mysterious gothic, colourful scene aesthetics, and even elegant, composed looks. Jay defied conventions and norms, yet he never compromised his own moral principles or ideals. He lived out his days as a free spirit; no one knew where he was, what he was doing, or how he was living.

In his fifth life
Jay left Seattle and everything he had in the U.S. behind, flying off to a different country. Now, he lives in the countryside, far removed from the city and its hectic atmosphere. He spends his days gardening, harvesting crops, and tending to animals; he has even adopted a cat and a golden Border Collie. The peaceful, unhurried pace of life puts him at ease as he watches the world go by. His clothes are worn, threadbare, and sometimes dirty, yet Jay never minds. Occasionally, he loads his cat and dog into his small truck and drives into town to buy ice cream for himself and treats for them. At night, he gazes at the stars shimmering against the dark expanse of the sky, reaching up as if to catch them, while breathing in the tranquil country air.

In his sixth life
He settled down with a woman he met in college. They went on dates, took a honeymoon, and shared the same bed. He devoted all his time to his two children, wholeheartedly indulging and supporting them. When they were young, he often bought Lego sets to build impressive models with them. Now that his eldest son wants to be a baker, he has signed him up for classes; on weekends, he acts as a taste-tester, sampling the boy's creations and offering feedback. When his second son expressed an interest in becoming a tattoo artist, he found a mentor for him. Whenever the mentor sent a progress report, he would spend ten minutes admiring the photos of his son's work before searching online for additional tutorials to share with him. As for their mother - his wife - whenever she wanted a getaway, he would take her to the countryside, resorts, or spas. He lived out his life with his little family, ensuring everyone’s happiness.

In his seventh life
He lived alone. Having cut off all contact with family and friends, no one knew where he was living. He had moved to South Korea and settled into a small house in Seoul, subsisting on his office salary. His interactions with colleagues were merely perfunctory; he only attended social events or gatherings when they were truly important. Every day was the same, and he had no friends outside of work to go out for drinks with on weekends. Instead, he spent his weekends fishing, even though he rarely caught anything. Jay led a dull, monotonous, and quiet life. Yet he never complained; he never has.

In his eighth life
Jay pursued his passion. He loved music and dreamed of becoming a renowned guitarist. Along the way, he met others walking the same path and formed friendships with some of them. His bandmates were good people who shared the same vision and goals, and he built strong, close bonds with them. Jay devoted most of his time to producing music and writing new songs. Occasionally, he would cover tracks by established artists or other bands, experimenting with genres beyond the pop-rock and rock styles he was accustomed to. His band had the opportunity to perform at one of Japan's biggest music events and went on to play in five other countries; every performance was just as electrifying and exciting as the first time he had stepped onto a major stage. He also took up the violin but never truly mastered the instrument.

In his ninth life
He lives waiting for something to happen. Even after eight past lives, Jay still feels like something is missing. Yet, right now, he has absolutely no plans. He doesn't worry about the future; he simply waits to see what life will bring his way. He lives much like a cat: leisurely basking in the sun, occasionally wandering far from home for days on end, and eating whatever food friends share with him. He sleeps in until noon, then spends his time watching birds and small creatures. He lives with a friend, someone who always comes looking for him whenever he vanishes or leaves without a word. That friend tidies up the house and waits for his return so they can share a meal.
However, he does not have nine lives. He has only this one. He is no cat; he is merely a human being filled with uncertainties and struggles. And so, he spends this life…

Just as he was on the verge of figuring out the ending, Jake’s phone rang. They had just finished dinner, and he was waiting for Jake to finish showering so he could take his turn. Jay sighed, annoyed at having his train of thought interrupted and started to call out to alert Jake about the call, but ended up answering it himself before hearing a reply.
"Hello? Is that Jake? Why did you change your number months ago so I couldn't reach you? Where are you?"
The voice on the other end was rapid-fire, arrogant, and possessed an infuriatingly casual air. Jay furrowed his brow; his intuition told him something was wrong.
"Who is this?" Jay asked coolly, sidestepping the question.
"Wait... isn't this Jake?"
"No. Who are you?"
A soft chuckle came from the other end of the line.
"You answer first."
"I'd rather not say."
"A friend of Jake's, then?"
"Maybe."
"Oh, well, could you do me a favour and put Jake on the line?"
Jay leaned back in his chair, his brows knitting together.
"Jake isn't here right now."
"So when will he be back?"
"I don't know."
A long silence followed; neither spoke until Jay heard the other person let out a soft but irritated sigh.
"Are you a new acquaintance of Jake's?"
"Who are you?"
The person on the other end exhaled, as if hearing a ridiculous question.
"I'm his boyfriend."
Jay froze for a moment, letting the other man ramble on. After a long pause, he slowly swallowed hard, feeling a sudden sense of betrayal, even though the two of them weren't a thing. Since when did Jake have a boyfriend?
"Boyfriend?" Jay sat up straight and asked quietly, trying to deflect. "I didn't know Jake had a boyfriend. Are you sure you dialled the right number?"
"Cut the crap; Jake’s definitely mentioned me a few times. After all, I’m the one who had to look after his disabled ass, taking care of everything from his meals to his sleep. Where is he now? Is he hiding out at your place? He sure as hell won't have it as good living with you as he did with me."
Hearing that, Jay felt a sharp pang in his chest. He knew who this guy was, Jake’s ex-boyfriend. Jake had mentioned him a few times, but always briefly, never going into detail. The only thing Jay recalled from those mentions was a sense of unease, a feeling of being controlled and trapped.
But wait, didn't Jake say he ran away from his ex's apartment the very first night they met? He had even changed his phone number for him; how did the guy manage to track him down? A whirlwind of worries flooded his mind, drowning out the initial sting of betrayal he had felt. Lost in his thoughts, Jay only snapped back to the conversation when the man’s tone shifted; the initial anger vanished, replaced by a note of unexpected gentleness:
“I miss him terribly; let me speak to Jake. He can be stubborn and gets a bit moody sometimes; that’s just how he’s always been. I spoiled him too much, which is why he acted out. A little discipline back home and he’ll be good as gold again, then I won’t need to bother you anymore.”
“I think you should just leave Jake alone. Let this end here.”
“…”
“End it? What do you know about us? He used to be so sweet; he only ran off that day because he threw a tantrum for no reason. He would have come back to me after a few weeks anyway. I was just trying to show him a little affection, but then he…”
Jay immediately hung up and stared at the number that had just called. When the call came through a second time, he hung up again and quickly blocked both calls and messages from that number. Only then did Jay finally exhale the breath he had been holding; he slumped into his chair and deleted the call log.
“Who was that?”
Jake had just stepped out of the bathroom; his hair was still dripping wet, and his damp shirt clung to his body. He held a towel in one hand and a toothbrush in the other.
“Just a scammer. I blocked the number.”
Jay looked up and carefully placed Jake’s phone on the table.
“And why are you coming out here while brushing your teeth? I’ve told you a million times, I’m not going to jump in the shower while you’re brushing just to save a few minutes.”
“What is your problem? It’s not like I can see anything, so stop acting so shy. Just go in, I’m almost done. If you shower this late and catch a cold, I’m the one who’s going to suffer for it.”

Early the next morning, Jay left before Jake woke up, leaving a sandwich he’d made on the table before rushing to the studio. He had almost figured something out the day before; had it not been for that wretched phone call, today might have gone better. But just as he was about to open the studio door, a tall, burly man stood blocking the entrance. Jay glanced at him, assuming it was just another person who hadn't read the sign and mistook the place for a music shop; he tapped the man on the shoulder, intending to inform him. The man turned and suddenly slapped Jay’s shoulder hard.
“Are you Jake’s friend? Why did you block my number yesterday?”
Startled, Jay recognised the voice and finally took a good look at the man. He was tall and muscular, with sharp, masculine features. Dressed in a white shirt and holding a cup of coffee, he looked just like someone waiting for a friend. His gaze was friendly, yet unnervingly calm.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
"Look, buddy, I know the whole story. You’re Jake’s roommate, right? That explains how you have his phone at that hour; Jake never stays out late. But I’m Jake’s boyfriend. Don’t you find it a bit odd to keep him from seeing his own boyfriend?"
“Not boyfriend, *ex*-boyfriend. You two broke up. You have nothing to do with Jake anymore, so it’s best to go your separate ways; there’s no need to meet.”
“Ex-boyfriend?” He chuckled. "Is that what Jake told you? He must have been joking. It turns out he actually likes the way I look after him. I take care of everything; I provide his food and a place to stay, and I teach him to be obedient. It’s only natural to want to keep the person you love close by, isn't it? I’m just a *little* bit possessive, that’s all."
“That’s still a ‘no’.”
Jay sidestepped the man to enter the studio; the more the man spoke, the more irritated Jay became. It was partly due to the content of his words, but mostly because of his tone, as if his actions had been perfectly normal, devoid of a shred of remorse.
“Jake chose to leave your apartment on his own. Don't go looking for him anymore.”
“You’re just Jake’s roommate; there’s no need to be so over-involved.”
The man took a step forward, holding the studio door open just as Jay was about to enter.
“Do you even know what happened between us?”
“I don’t need to know.”
“Then you don’t need to concern yourself with Jake like this. This is a private matter between us; let Jake come see me himself to sort it out.”
“No.”
Jay looked him straight in the eye.
“It used to be a matter between the two of you. Not anymore.”
He gripped the door handle tightly, pulled it shut, and locked it, ignoring the man’s persistent knocking. Eventually, the frantic pounding ceased, and Jay caught a glimpse of the man walking away out of the corner of his eye. Yet, knowing the man would likely return, Jay resolved to be more vigilant than ever.
Jay returned home that day without having made any progress on the song, nor did he mention the encounter with the ex-boyfriend to Jake. However, the man kept lurking, constantly trying to get close to Jake. Jay found himself constantly keeping watch over Jake’s phone; every time a phone rang, he would startle, checking to see if it was Jake’s device. He often held onto Jake’s phone himself; since Jake was blind and used the device primarily for setting alarms or listening to music, Jay would swap phones whenever he had to go out, instructing the band members not to call his number. He even swapped their phone cases and set the emergency contact to Jake’s, ensuring that if Jake ever needed anything, he could call Jay using Jay’s phone (since Jake had always saved Jay’s number as his emergency contact, Jay saved Jake’s number as an emergency on his phone).
After that encounter outside the studio, Jay began to change in a way that even his bandmates noticed.
Band meetings were constantly being rescheduled.
There were days when, with only half an hour left before a recording session, Jay would message the group about an urgent matter and ask to move it to another day. Once, while fine-tuning a mix, he suddenly stood up, shut down his computer, announced, "We're calling it a day," and left without a word of explanation.
Jungwon was the first to call him out, followed by Sunghoon, Ni-ki, and Sunoo. But Jay would only give perfunctory answers, offering no further explanation.
He stopped bringing Jake to the studio as well, always locking the door securely whenever he stepped out to ensure no one could break in.
He also stopped taking his usual route to the studio. Some days, he would drive in circles for nearly forty minutes just to make sure no one was tailing him. If he spotted a vehicle appearing too frequently along the same path, he would turn off in a different direction, stop at a convenience store, or linger at a café until the vehicle disappeared.
Jake’s phone was now in his possession. Occasionally, calls from unknown numbers would come in, and Jay answered every single one. Sometimes, the caller would hang up the moment they heard Jay’s voice. At other times, the man would linger a bit longer to try and persuade Jay, only to be promptly blocked, without stirring a single ripple of emotion in him. The block list grew longer by the day.
Anxiety gnawed at Jay, clinging to him every second of every minute. There were nights when his unease spiked so sharply he dared not return to his own apartment, fearing that the slightest slip-up while moving about might inadvertently lead that pervert straight to Jake’s doorstep. Instead, he opted to crash at cheap hotels near the studio, locking himself within unfamiliar walls to work while keeping watch via a newly installed remote camera system.
But Jake wasn't stupid. Jay was constantly disappearing, ignoring calls, and hurrying out at the crack of dawn before Jake could even say a word to him. Yet, Jake never asked. Perhaps it was because he knew Jay was a straightforward person; if he had wanted to share anything, he would have done so already. Or maybe he was simply afraid of the answer, afraid that asking about the disappearance of the person he loved would only lead to being hurt all over again. So whenever Jake managed to speak to Jay before realising he was about to leave, he would ask just one question, over and over again:
“Are you coming home today?”
Some days Jay would say “Yes,” other times “I don’t know,” but mostly, Jake was met only with silence. Jake would simply murmur a response to that silence, as if he had grown accustomed to the waiting.

The other day, Jay returned home just shy of three in the morning. Overcome by lingering fatigue, he didn't bother checking if he was being followed; he simply took a taxi straight from the hotel to his apartment.
The hallway was eerily quiet.
Jay stepped out of the elevator and was unlocking his door when he froze.
A huddled figure slumped right there, his head bowed in front of the doorway. Beside him lay Jay’s phone and a collapsible white cane tossed carelessly aside. Clad in a pair of Jay’s thin blue pyjamas and the long coat Jay had bought him the other day. Hearing the noise, Jake merely sniffled, clutching the phone tightly as he huddled into himself to make way. With his other hand, he brushed the long, straggly strands of hair away from his face.
He wasn't sleeping; he simply sat in silence amidst his own pitch-black void, looking small and utterly alone.
Jay approached, his heavy footsteps coming to a halt right in front of Jake. He dropped to one knee, his voice raspy with exhaustion and a bitter edge:
"Why aren't you asleep yet?"
Jake lifted his head slightly toward him, though his gaze no longer held that distant, faraway look from when they first met. Those brown eyes stared straight at Jay, vacant, yet more vulnerable than ever. His lips parted and then pressed together; his tightly furrowed brows slowly relaxed. He remained silent for a moment before speaking in a voice so faint and fragile, it seemed a mere breath of wind could sweep it away:
"I'm not sleepy."
Jay still detected a faint tremor at the end of his sentence; it seemed the winter wind had chilled his breath.
He took in Jake’s weary appearance, those large, round brown eyes now half-closed, and then the white cane resting beside him.
A heavy silence hung in the air for a few moments.
Jay bent down to pick up the cane, then hoisted Jake up with his other arm, guiding Jake’s free hand - the one not holding his phone - to clasp his own hand that wasn't holding the cane.
"You'll catch a cold sitting out here like this."
Jake didn’t answer; instead, he toyed with Jay’s knuckles before timidly rubbing the calloused tips of his fingers, hardened from playing guitar.
That day and the days that followed, Jay stayed home with Jake, cancelling all the plans he had made for the week.
Fortunately, the man seemed to have given up and stopped hounding Jake. Jay stopped receiving calls from the unknown number and gradually began to relax, though he remained vigilant, fearing the man might return one day. Their lives were improving, even though Jay had been busy with the group due to the early breaks he took previously (he had apologised to the team and promised it wouldn't happen again), he still managed to return home almost every day, even if it was late at night.
Today, Jay had nearly finished the group's new album after months of preparation; only one song remained, with its ending still proving elusive. He finally stopped keeping it to himself and let the other members listen so they could brainstorm together, but their suggestions didn't quite satisfy him, so the track remained unfinished. Initially, Jay had intended to stay at the studio a bit longer, but since everything else was already done, he decided to call it a day early and go home to have dinner with Jake. He stopped by a convenience store he hadn't visited in a while to pick up some rainbow gummies and ramen, then swung by the supermarket to buy a steak and a few other items. He even bought a bottle of wine for them to share and enjoy together.
Jay had planned to cook something and then pretend he’d just happened to come home early.
But the moment he stepped inside with the bag of groceries, before a smile could even form on his lips, he saw Jake sitting at the living room table, phone in hand, staring blankly into space.
The first thing Jake asked wasn’t "Why are you home so early?" or "Where have you been?"

"Did you talk to my ex a few weeks ago?"
Jay froze.
The bag in his hand suddenly felt incredibly heavy.
"..."
"... He called me this afternoon; that’s how I found out the phone I’ve been carrying around isn't even mine."
Seeing that Jay didn't answer, Jake grew even angrier. He stood up abruptly and turned to face Jay.
"You don't get to decide for me."
"So, you *do* want to see him?"
"That’s my business."
"You ran away from him; why do you want to see him again now?"
A silence fell, lasting only a few minutes but feeling like hours.
This was the first time they had truly argued. All the pent-up frustration, restraint, and exhaustion of the past few weeks ignited like a spark hitting a powder keg.
The night didn't end well for either of them, at least, that’s how Jay felt. He was still holding the bottle of wine he had bought for them to share.
After waking up this morning, he glanced at the unopened bottle of liquor by the bedside and then at the unfinished duet score, which Jake had returned and placed neatly beside it. He sighed wearily, forcing himself out of bed to get some breakfast. When he stepped out, however, Jake was gone; his shoes were no longer on the rack.
Jay tried not to overthink it, though a sense of unease lingered deep within him. He grabbed a few packs of pastries from the table and reached for his coat, intending to go look for Jake, when suddenly the phone Jake had left on the living room table the night before chimed with a notification. Initially, Jay had planned to leave immediately to ensure Jake was safe, but upon realising Jake had taken his own phone with him, Jay hurriedly picked up his own device, hoping for a message from Jake.
The notification that had just popped up was a voicemail from Jake.
“I’ve decided to go see him today. Don’t worry; I can handle it myself. I’ll be back soon, too. But... tonight... could you stay?”
Jay waited and waited all day long. He paced back and forth between the bedroom, the living room, and the kitchen, eventually leaning against the railing to peer down, hoping to catch a glimpse of a familiar figure. Jake had said he’d be back soon, yet it was already four in the afternoon. But what exactly did "soon" mean to him? Restless, Jay took out the groceries he’d bought the day before to start cooking, checking the time every five or ten minutes.
Jake returned just as Jay was finishing up the meal. Seeing Jake looking calm and, above all, safe, Jay let out a breath he hadn't realised he’d been holding. But he feigned nonchalance; he didn't ask about the outcome, simply pulling out a chair for Jake and serving bowls of ramen for them both, much like the first time they had met. The difference this time was that Jay had carefully topped the noodles with eggs, meat, and a variety of side dishes. Though neither of them said a word, Jay felt a profound sense of relief.
That night, Jay was startled from his sleep by a hard shove from the right side of the bed. He cried out in pain, instinctively preparing to strike back, but stopped himself upon realising it was Jake. He observed Jake’s inscrutable expression, a pensive gaze, furrowed brows, and pouting lips. Clutching a pillow and wearing Jay’s blue pyjamas, Jake was insisting that Jay scoot over so he could lie down beside him.
The room was silent; Jay suddenly felt his face burning while his body felt cold, so he tried to burrow deeper under the covers, not daring to turn toward Jake. The awkward atmosphere was only broken when Jake suddenly let out a sharp exhale and said:
“Go buy me a new phone tomorrow.”
“Don’t you have the money to buy one yourself? Oh, right, you don’t have a job. What’s wrong with the old one? Why aren’t you using it?”
“I smashed it.”
“…”

The next morning, the two of them went out to pick out a phone together. With a limited budget, they bought a compact model featuring only the functions Jake actually used, such as the alarm, music player, call, camera, and video recorder. Seeing Jake happily fiddling with the new phone, his fingers carefully gliding over the cool, flat screen, Jay found himself smiling instinctively; he couldn't help but admire the boy's rosy, cheerful expression.
They spent the day out together. It had been a long time since Jay and Jake had gone out just the two of them, especially since that man had shown up. Jay wanted to ask what Jake had said to the man the day before but stopped himself, deciding that silence was best for both of them. He viewed the outing as a sort of apology to Jake; even though he didn't say it explicitly, he hoped Jake would accept it.
They started by stopping at a bracelet-making workshop; Jay let Jake handle the charms himself to string them onto the cord, describing each piece whenever Jake asked. To be honest, neither of their creations was particularly stunning, though Jay felt his was slightly better, likely because he was an artist. Jake’s bracelet featured a blue theme with starfish and fish charms; he mentioned it reminded him of his younger days spent fishing in Brisbane. Jay’s design was simpler, sticking to a red colour scheme with geometric shapes and a single butterfly charm in the centre.
Afterwards, Jay took Jake to the supermarket to shop. He focused on picking out clothes for Jake, including some loungewear so the younger man wouldn't have to keep borrowing his. Spotting a newly opened curry shop inside the supermarket, they decided to have lunch there to show their support. Jay had eaten curry before, but it was a first for Jake; he looked genuinely surprised as he tasted it, finding the flavour quite different from what he had imagined.
As evening fell, Jay dragged Jake to the amusement park. The glittering lights reflected off the glass of their Ferris wheel cabin, highlighting the atmosphere, calm yet carrying the lingering chill of the winter wind. Jay gazed for a long moment at how those lights played across Jake’s straight nose, curved lips, soft jawline, and long brown hair; he felt a sudden sense of relief that Jake couldn't see the adoring look in his eyes. Their usual bickering had given way to a pleasant, strangely peaceful silence.
“Hey…”
Jake spoke suddenly, his previously bright expression shifting into one of hesitation.
“Yesterday, when I talked to my ex…”
Jay swallowed hard and straightened up. Jake was turning to look at him now, and that hesitant look made him feel anxious.
“Oh, right… so? What did he say? Did he tell you to move away?”
“Yeah, but I told him that I’m not going back to live with him.” Jake scratched his neck. “Basically, he won’t bother me anymore, though that’s not really what I meant to tell you.”
“So, what did you want to say?”
“…”
Jake turned his head away and took a deep breath before starting cautiously:
“He said I’d better get a job, since it’s a huge burden for you to support both of us. I agree with that; I’ll probably go look for work tomorrow.” His hands fidgeted, nervously toying with each other. “But… you wouldn’t mind if I kept living with you even after I’ve saved up enough money, would you? I mean - no, wait, I know I’ve been a burden to you these past few months…”
Jake thought back to the meeting from the day before.

On the evening of their argument, he used Jay’s phone to arrange a meeting with the man at a café. Only after confirming the message had been read did Jake delete the chat history.
The next morning, Jake wore a simple shirt layered with a sweater, all items Jay had bought for him. He arrived at the meeting spot ahead of schedule, yet the man was already there, waiting. They discussed the events of the past few weeks so Jake could get a clearer picture of the situation; nothing particularly noteworthy came up, aside from the man’s insistent demands that Jake return to him. Yet, the most “memorable” aspect of the meeting wasn't his justifications for forcing himself on Jake the night he ran away, nor the question of whether his feelings were genuine. Instead, it was the jarring contrast between his calm, gentle, and sweet demeanour and the hurtful words he could so easily utter.
"I know you hate me, and I’m not asking for your forgiveness."
He gazed at Jake for a moment, his voice as soft as it had been in the past.
"But do you really think he’s any different from me?"
Jake remained silent.
"He’s good to you, cares for you, takes you shopping, and drives you home. Of course, anyone who saw you back then, a poor blind man, would be moved."
“...”
“He’s just pitying you.”
The words were spoken softly.
But they were enough to make Jake freeze.
“You always make people want to help. But after a while, they just get tired and walk away.”
He gave a faint, cynical smile.
“He’s no different.”
“No...”
Jake whispered.
“No?”
“I...”
He didn’t know how to answer.
“I’ve been by your side for so long; I understand you better than anyone. You always think you’re a burden, don’t you?”
Jake lowered his head. His hand, gripping his white cane, turned white at the knuckles.
He was right.
Ever since leaving that apartment, Jake had constantly felt like he was a burden to others.
A burden to shop staff when asking for directions.
A burden to strangers when asking where the stairs were.
A burden to Jay, because every time Jay went out, he would ask:
“What time will you be back?”
“Where are you going?”
“Are you having dinner?”
There were even nights when Jay slept at the studio, yet Jake wouldn't dare call him.
He would simply sit by the door and wait until morning.
He always thought…
If only he were a little more well-behaved.
A little less demanding.
A little less of a bother.
Then maybe… they would stay longer.
The man smiled faintly.
“There will come a day when he gets bored. No one wants to take care of a burden. If it were me…”
“…I would still accept you.”

Jake swallowed hard, his hands clasped together.
“…I’m sorry.”
“What are you sorry for?”
“I…” Jake lowered his head. “I really have been a burden to you. Ever since I moved here, you’ve always had to look after me. You’ve had to change your schedule, come home late, buy one thing after another… I don’t do anything, I just stay home all day, while you’re constantly running yourself ragged to earn enough to support us both-”
“Jake, stop it.”
Jay’s voice cut in. Silence filled the cabin.
A moment later, Jake asked quietly:
“Someday… you’re going to get tired of me, aren’t you?”
Jay didn’t answer right away.
Jake waited, waited a long time, to see what Jay would say. He knew Jay was a straightforward man, but faced with such a silly question, he expected Jay to offer a vague, non-committal response or a few words of reassurance like, "What’s wrong with you? I’m not tired," or "Don't worry, I’m not going anywhere."
Instead, Jay simply looked at him, shook his head slowly, and said:
"I don't like making promises about the future."
Jake looked up at him.
"I don't know where I’ll be or how I’ll be living five or ten years from now. It would sound nice to say, 'I won't leave you,' but I can't be certain I could actually follow through on that. But... I’m here taking you out today, and I’ll be here tomorrow, too. The day after, most likely; a year from now, probably; but beyond that? I can't say for sure."
"But if I ever do leave, I’ll let you know beforehand. As for the future... I’ll leave that for the future to decide."
A long silence followed.
Jake was the first to laugh, just a faint smile.
That was so Jay.
It wasn't a grand, beautiful promise, yet it was the very thing that put Jake most at ease.
Somehow, Jay’s promise made him feel more secure than all the times his ex-boyfriend had said, "I’ll never leave you."

That evening, Jake listened for the first time to the recording of the song Jay had poured so much effort into, the very song for which the ending remained unwritten. Sunoo’s vocals were as emotive as ever, yet Jake found himself focusing solely on the lyrics, suddenly feeling a twinge of jealousy toward the person Jay had written the song for.
“Cat? That suits you. You were definitely a cat in a past life.”
Jay shot him a glare and gave his shoulder a playful tap.
“Why haven't you written the ending yet? If it were me, I would’ve finished it months ago, let alone weeks.”
Jay didn't answer; instead, he gazed at Jake’s intent expression as the other tried to look serious while offering feedback on the track. He smiled faintly, then used the hand that had just tapped Jake’s shoulder to pull him closer, saying softly:
“Oh, aren't you the expert? I’ve actually got an idea for the ending now. Want to hear it?”

Cats have nine lives, so they can live nine different lives. Jay, however, does not; he has only one. That is why he has no intention of wasting it on promises he might not be able to keep. He wants to spend this life continuing their endless bickering, cooking, picking out outfits, listening to an unfinished track together, simply eating, sleeping, and living out another perfectly ordinary day with him.