Chapter Text
Nakamura Okuto was beyond saving at this point. He knew it. After his “date” with Hirose, he knew that any misconceptions he tried to have of being able to just be his friend was nothing more than a fantasy. He had learned a lot about the younger boy over the last year. The boy he once saw as an overwhelming force of light in any darkness, while not wrong, was a severely oversimplified interpretation in the grand scheme of Hirose Aiki.
Nakamura had come to learn that Hirose shared a few unexpected traits with himself. He was shy. Not generally so, like Nakamura, but specific topics of conversation would cause him to go quiet and retreat.
Early on into their friendship Nakamura would wonder if Hirose was being kind to him just because that’s how he is with everyone. However, Nakamura learned that despite Hirose’s outgoing personality. After spending more time with the younger boy, it was clear that he acts differently around Nakamura than he does with anyone else. Even more so if it’s just the two of them together. He was incredibly loyal to the people he decided were important to him. Just one more thing that Nakamura felt he could relate to. One more thing about Hirose that he could admire.
The trait that he never, not in a million years, expected Hirose would share with him though… was his own debilitating feelings of self doubt. Low self esteem. Nakamura was used to it at this point, struggling every day to be more comfortable with himself. When he was talking with Hirose after his breakup with Hana, and listened as Hirose opened up his heart to him. He recognized almost too well the hesitation and pain in his words.
“I really am super boring, I’ve always been this way.”
Nakamura felt like he had been slapped in the face. Hirose had made him feel a lot of things over the last year. Too many things. But not once had he made him feel bored. He could feel the tears starting to well up in his eyes. He didn’t like hearing Hirose say that because it felt all too similar to his thoughts about his own self image. He didn’t want that for him. Not ever.
“So, when you said I was charming it really made me feel happy!”
Hirose continued with a breathtaking smile, looking back now that he was on the other side of the crosswalk. Nakamura felt an unusual urgency take hold of him. He wanted Hirose to know that he wasn’t boring. That anything he could say, to Nakamura’s ears, was anything but.
“H-Hirose! Bye. Hope we can talk again soon. Please. Tell me anything a-and I’ll listen. Swear, I’m always down to chat if you’re in the mood… or if you need help. You can always count on me you know…”
He didn’t know it at the time but those words would become something very important to the boy he had spent the last year admiring from the back of their shared classroom. He did know from previous conversations the two had shared that Hirose didn’t really understand girls, but he never allowed himself to think too deeply about that. He knew that he didn’t exactly have the strength to deal with that kind of a disappointment if he had made an assumption and it turned out wrong, so he tried not to get his hopes up. He kind of just assumed that Hirose was more confused about dating than specifically with girls.
They had exchanged contact information that day. Something that shouldn’t have surprised him as much as it did. They were friends after all. That night they even made plans for a movie the next day which made him equal parts elated and sick with worry. That wonderful day went by with surprising ease, and by the end of it Nakamura was convinced that this boy and him were meant to be together. That whole day had been like a dream.
Back in his room he looked at the octopus keychain that Hirose had given him and thought about their talk at the park. The day before, Hirose had questioned him about what he found so charming about the boy.
“E-EVERYTHING!”
His answer had embarrassed him then, but not as much as it did now. He had never felt as comfortable talking with the boy as he had that afternoon, and he was regretting not being able to be a little more specific with his response.
He did wonder why Hirose had been so curious to know what he thought. They were apparently closer friends than Nakamura had realized so maybe his opinions of the boy were actually quite important to Hirose? He seemed like he was in good spirits that whole day but maybe… Nakamura knew that Hirose didn’t always show when he was feeling off about something. ‘Does he not think he has any charm?’ Nakamura couldn’t help but worry at the thought.
His gaze drifted over to his phone charging on his desk. He stood up and grabbed it. He opened up the chat between them and stared for a few minutes. Hesitating what to type, he paused. Then without giving himself time to consider why he shouldn’t, he hit the phone icon and called him.
Surprisingly quickly his ears were filled with beautiful music.
“Nakamura?”
“Oh H-Hi Hirose.”
“What’s up? It’s pretty late, is everything alright?”
Nakamura took a breath. He didn’t know how to say what he was thinking.
“I… I think so. I just was thinking about you and what you said the other day.”
Another pause. He didn’t want to say anything that made Hirose uncomfortable but even through the phone he could tell that Hirose was waiting for him to continue. So he did.
“I think I’m pretty boring.” Nakamura said.
“That’s nonse-“
“Hold on.”
Hirose paused to let Nakamura continue.
“I think I’m boring sometimes and it makes me sad. I’m weird even… I think that I don’t really understand how to be normal around other people. It used to hurt me when I would see other people getting along so easily that I wondered why I couldn’t be like that too.”
Nakamura took a big breath this time.
“When you said that the other day, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing because I would never use boring as a word to describe you. I just wanted to tell you that you shouldn’t believe that about yourself Hirose. Not for a second. You shouldn’t think that you need to put on any kind of mask to feel comfortable around anyone… or to try to impress anyone. Especially not me.”
The line went quiet for a moment before Nakamura continued.
“I wish I would’ve said more than just ‘everything’ yesterday when you asked me what I thought was charming about you. B-But I was kind of nervous if I’m being honest. I’m nervous now if I’m really being honest, but I want you to know that to me you are… perfect.”
-silence
“I said I think I’m boring sometimes and while that’s true, the more time I spend with you the less I think those kinds of things about myself. I very much enjoy being around you Hirose, if it was up to me we would be together all of the time. Your smile is enough to brighten my day no matter what I’m going through and when you ask me about how I’m doing, I feel like my answer actually matters to you. I don’t get that feeling with really anybody else. Your kindness is something I admire and your sincerity is something I hope I can match one day. You don’t seem to ever get mad really… maybe mildly annoyed sometimes. You do get sad though and I want you to know that I see it. That I see you. When you feel like that I want you to know that you can come to me about it. If something makes you upset or sad, you can talk to me and I’ll help you anyway I can. Whether it’s giving you reassurance or just an ear for your thoughts. What ever it is, it doesn’t matter. I’m in your corner Hirose and I’m not going anywhere.”
Nakamura heard a strange sound on the other end of the line. It was quiet and muffled but it sounded like a sniffling mixed with fabric shuffling.
“Thanks Nakamura… that really means a lot to me.”
He was quiet and his voice had cracked slightly. It sounded almost like Hirose was crying. He couldn’t help but think maybe he had said WAY too much.
“IM SORRY! I DIDN’T MEAN TO-“
A light hearted chuckle coming from the phone speaker cut him off and he stopped to look at the phone gripped too tightly in his hand.
“Don’t worry Nakamura. I just didn’t realize how much I needed someone to say that to me until you said it. I promise I’m not upset.”
Relief washed over the older boy instantly and he let out a small sigh.
“You know Nakamura you really are a great guy. I’ll tell you what… You can stand in my corner but only if you let me stand in yours too.”
Now Nakamura was crying.
“If that’s what you want then…”
“I don’t want to stand anywhere else.”
Nakamura grinning through the tears spoke slower.
“Thanks Hirose.”
“No. Thank you, and please… call me Aiki.”
Nakamura died.
“I’ll uh- I’ll talk to you again soon okay?”
“Sure.”
“…Goodnight Aiki.”
“Goodnight Okuto.”