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Exorcist Vacation

Summary:

While reviewing the numbers for this year's extermination, Adam decide's his army deserves a reward for their phenomenal work.

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The reports had been sitting on Adam’s desk long enough to become personally offensive.

He long accepted that every successful extermination produced several pounds of paperwork despite Hell being the place where everything actually died. The first man was sitting sideways in his chair, one leg hooked over the armrest, staring down at a glowing projection hovering above his desk.

Casualty reports, unit returns, formation assessments. Weapon losses, injury summaries, engagement totals and extraction times. Adam flicked through them one by one with increasing interest.

For once, he wasn’t doodling in the margins. Lute noticed.

She stood on the opposite side of the desk with her hands folded neatly behind her back, armor immaculate again after several hours of cleaning and maintenance.

Adam leaned closer to the figures, then closer. His eyebrows rose. “Huh.” Lute waited. Another page. “Hm.”

“Sir?”

Her commander held up one finger as a fifth report slid into view. He stared at it, before slowly sitting upright. “Holy shit.”

Lute’s posture straightened. “What?”

Adam spun the projection toward her. “Look at that.”

She stepped closer. The figures reflected faintly across her eyes. Every deployed unit had returned. No missing personnel or fatalities. Injuries were considerably lower than previous operations.

Several formations completed extraction ahead of schedule. A handful of newer exorcists performed well above projections.

The lieutenant's gaze moved rapidly through the reports, expression controlled. Only the smallest lift of her chin betrayed satisfaction. “Our formations held exceptionally well.”

“Exceptionally?” Adam slapped the desk. “Babe, we fuckin’ killed it.”

Lute glanced at him.

Adam paused. “Okay, terrible wording considering what we were doing, but you know what I mean.”

“I do.”

He dragged another projection forward. “And look at Unit Seven. Those girls were getting torn apart during formation drills three months ago.”

“They improved.”

“Because I yelled at them.”

“Because I retrained them.”

Adam pointed at her. “Because we yelled at them.”

Lute stared, his grin grew wider. Then he looked back toward the reports. Something in his expression changed. The smugness and pride stayed, but beneath it came something warmer.

Every name on the deployment list had a return mark beside it. Adam scrolled slowly through them. He knew more of those names than most commanders probably would have.

Some were veterans who fought beside him for centuries. Newer soldiers who still stiffened whenever he entered a room. Then there was a group that worshipped the ground beneath his boots. While others complained about him the moment they thought he couldn’t hear them. Those who thought he was an incredible commander and more who probably thought he was completely insane.

They all come home.

Adam leaned back. “They did good.”

Lute’s attention shifted from the projection to him. “Yes.”

“No.” He tapped the table. “I mean really fuckin’ good.”

A pause.

Then he suddenly pushed himself upright. “We should give them something.”

The woman in front of him blinked. “A commendation?”

“No.”

“Additional leave?”

“Boring.”

“Unit recognition?”

“Way too much paperwork.”

“A formal banquet?”

Adam grimaced. “Worse.”

He began pacing around the office. Lute recognized this immediately, her commander had an idea. This was rarely good news for Heaven’s administrative infrastructure.

“They just spent twenty-four hours flying around Hell stabbing sinners,” Adam said. “Then they came back, cleaned their shit, filed reports and half of them are probably already thinking about training tomorrow.”

“That’s their normal schedule.”

“Exactly.” He pointed dramatically at her. “That’s fucked.” Lute stared at him once more.

The man stopped, “okay, coming from me, maybe that means something.”

“It certainly does.”

He resumed pacing. “They need something fun.”

“There are several recreational districts.”

“Nah.”

“The Zenith Forum.”

“They’ll just spar.”

“The Fairgrounds.”

“That’ll  turn everything into a competition.”

“Tidepark.”

“Same problem, except wet.”

Adam suddenly stopped moving, his eyes widened. Lute immediately disliked the amount of inspiration appearing on his face. “Oh.”

“Sir.”

“Oh, that’s perfect!”

“What is?”

He turned toward her. “The Isles.”

“The Halcyon Isles?”

“The Halcyon fucking Isles.”

Adam spread his arms. “Whole army.”

Silence.

Then Lute clarified, “The entire Extermination Host?”

“Yep.”

“For a vacation.”

“That’s right.”

“At once.”

Adam hesitated. “…Mostly at once.”

“Sir.”

“Oh, don’t start.”

“You cannot remove Heaven’s primary offensive military force from operational readiness because you are pleased with their performance.”

He planted both hands on the desk. “And why the fuck not?”

“Because we are an army, we have responsibilities and require personnel available for deployment.”

“And?”

Lute’s eyes narrowed. Adam smiled triumphantly, dismissing the projections with a swipe. “Rotating reserve. Emergency recall wards. Command Wing keeps a skeleton crew here. Everyone else gets five days.”

“Five?”

“Seven.”

“You just increased it.”

“Should’ve agreed faster.”

“Sir.”

“Ten.”

Lute folded her arms. Adam immediately reconsidered. “Okay, seven.” She sighed. There was, however, no actual objection in it anymore.

His smile softened. “You’re coming too.”

“Obviously.”

“No.” He stepped around the desk. “I mean you’re actually coming.”

“I just said—”

“Not as my lieutenant.” That stopped her. Adam leaned against the desk. “No patrol schedules. No training. No inspections. No waking everybody up at dawn.”

“I wake at dawn.”

“Tragic. We’ll work on that.”

“I do not require—”

“And no itinerary.” Lute looked personally wounded. Adam pointed at her. “Especially no itinerary.”

“An organized schedule would prevent wasted time.”

“It’s a vacation! Wasting time is literally the point.”

The lieutenant's expression suggested this was one of the most offensive philosophies her commander ever introduced to military doctrine.

He loved it. “C’mon.” Adam nudged her shoulder. “They earned it.”

Lute’s gaze drifted toward the extinguished reports. That quiet pride returned. “They did.”

Adam grinned. “And you earned it.” Her eyes returned to him. For once, she didn’t immediately respond. The first man’s voice became lighter before the moment could settle too deeply. “Plus, apparently Solara Cay has private pools.”

Lute sighed. “There it is.”

“And room service.”

“Of course.”

“Unlimited room service.”

 


 

The following morning, the Exorcist Host assembled in the primary briefing hall.

Hundreds of soldiers stood in immaculate lines. Armor polished. Weapons secured. Posture exact. Lute stood to the right as Adam walked onto the elevated platform carrying absolutely no briefing materials.

That was the first warning, the second was his shirt. It was violently tropical. Golden palm leaves covered black fabric beneath his partially fastened command jacket. 

Several soldiers exchanged glances. One of the professionals in the second row visibly closed her eyes. Adam spread his arms. “Ladies.”

The room snapped to even greater attention. He looked across them and a grin slowly appeared.

“You crushed it.” Several exorcists blinked while their leader continued. “I reviewed the reports.”

That produced more surprise than the shirt.

“All units returned. Injuries down. Response times up. New formations worked. Nobody got left behind.” His tone became firmer. “You fought hard.”

A murmur of pride moved through the room. Adam let them have it. “So I’m rewarding you.”

The devoted immediately brightened. One whispered, “Medals?”

Another, “special assignment?”

Lute heard both, she said nothing. Adam raised his hand dramatically. “For the next seven days…”

The room waited.

“…we are invading the Halcyon Isles!”

Several hundred exorcists stared. He frowned. “That was a joke. We’re not invading anything.”

A hand rose hesitantly, he pointed. “Yeah?”

“Sir, what is the objective?” Adam stared, then repeated her question.

He looked at Lute, who looked forward. She wasn’t helping him. The first man turned back. “Vacation.”

A second hand went up. “What is our deployment configuration?”

“There isn’t one.”

Another soldier raised her hand. “Required equipment?”

“Swimsuit.”

Someone else: “Weapons?”

“No.”

The entire atmosphere changed as several exorcists glanced toward one another. One looked genuinely uneasy. “No weapons?” she repeated.

Adam’s grin faded slightly. “You’ll have storage in your rooms.” The soldier nodded. “But you’re not walking around the resort armed.”

Fourth hand. “Training schedule?”

“No training.” A whisper rippled through the ranks. Adam frowned. “Why are you all acting like I just announced somebody died?”

The hand of a particularly young exorcist shot in the air. “What are we supposed to do?”

He looked at Lute again. She raised one eyebrow. Adam’s gaze returned to the soldier. “Whatever the fuck you want.”

The young woman seemed even more confused. “But what do you want us to do?”

And there it was.

Their commander stepped closer to the edge of the platform. “Okay so, that’s not what we’re going to do.” The room quieted as he pointed toward the assembled Host. “What do you ladies want?”

Nobody seemed to have an answer.

Adam surveyed them and recognized the problem immediately. These women were created to fight. Trained solely for it. Promoted and praised. Their schedules told them when to wake, when to drill, when to eat, when to maintain weapons, when to report. Even their recreation frequently became competition.

That’s when the first man folded his arms. “Alright, new order.” Every exorcist immediately straightened their posture. Adam grimaced. “Temporary order.”

Still straight.

“Fuck it. Listen.”

He pointed toward the doors. “For seven days, you’re not soldiers unless Heaven catches fire.” A few expressions changed. “You don’t salute me.”

That caused visible distress. “You don’t ask me permission to eat.”

Worse.

“You don’t stand outside your room waiting for somebody to tell you what breakfast is.”

Three exorcists abruptly looked elsewhere. Adam narrowed his eyes. “…That already happened before, didn’t it?”

Lute quietly answered. “Yes.”

“For fuck’s sake.” He rubbed his face, then looked over them again.

“Swim. Sleep. Eat too much. Read. Sit somewhere. Go hiking. Get massages. Ride a boat. Throw each other into a pool. Find something you like.”

His tone became unexpectedly serious. “Something that has absolutely nothing to do with killing anybody.”

The hall went still, he shrugged at their reaction. “You’re my army when I need an army.” He pointed at all of them. “But that’s not what I need this week.”

Several soldiers stared at him, Adam smiled. “So go figure out what the hell else you are.”

For once, nobody saluted.

 


 

Horizon Terminal never experienced anything quite like the arrival of the Extermination Host. The staff had been informed in advance, they prepared accommodations. 

Extra villas opened across Solara Cay. Several Stillwater pools were reserved. Messenger transit routes adjusted.

Nothing, however, could prepare resort staff for hundreds of extremely disciplined women arriving simultaneously and arranging themselves into perfect military columns on the arrival platform.

A hospitality angel approached carefully. “Welcome to the Halcyon Isles!”

Silence.

She smiled. “You may…disperse.”

Nobody moved.

The woman looked at Lute, who looked at Adam. He turned towards everyone. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

The formation broke immediately, though not naturally. More like a wall collapsing. Suddenly soldiers began drifting in uncertain groups toward directories, luggage platforms and transport signs.

Adam watched them. “Well.”

Lute joined his side, “this may take time.”

One exorcist approached. “Sir?”

He pointed toward the sea, causing the soldier to freeze. “…Adam.”

“Better.”

“I was wondering whether my unit should remain together.”

“Do you want to?”

She hesitated. “I don’t know.”

Adam nodded toward the three other women already wandering toward a ferry. “Go find out.”

She stared at him for another moment, then slowly followed them.

He smiled, pleased. “See?”

Lute’s gaze followed the comrade, “one success.”

“Damn right.”

“Out of several hundred.”

“Progress.”

Solara Cay worked faster than either of them expected. By the second afternoon, the Host was fragmenting into something far stranger than military units.

A group of veteran exorcists discovered snorkeling and became obsessed with identifying reef creatures. Two irritated loyalists found hammocks and had not moved for six hours.

Several devoted exorcists were loudly debating which frozen fruit drink Adam would prefer until Lute told them to pick one for themselves. Another soldier discovered massage therapy and emerged from the Stillwater Terraces looking spiritually transformed.

While one slept through nearly an entire day, three began building an enormous sand fortress. Adam immediately joined them. Lute found him waist-deep in construction.

“This is suspiciously tactical.”

The man looked up, he was wearing sunglasses. “No.”

“There are defensive walls.”

“Decorative walls.”

“Watchtowers.”

“Decorative.”

“And the moat?”

Adam gestured toward the ocean. “We’re on a beach, Lute. Water happens.” The soldier beside him cautiously resumed digging.

Lute exhaled, removed her boots, stepped into the sand and crouched beside the outer wall. “This section will collapse,” she murmured. Several gasps made her frown. “I’m correcting a structural defect.”

He whispered to the other girls. “She’s building a sandcastle.”

“I am not.”

Thirty minutes later, Lute designed an entire western fortification. Everyone made the wise decision not to mention it.

 


 

That evening, Adam stood on the terrace outside his villa. The beach stretched below, exorcists were scattered everywhere.

Not formations. Groups, people. Swimming, sitting around tables overflowing with resort food. At some point, a musical instrument got involved. Several soldiers were laughing loudly over something. A woman slept in a hammock while another quietly placed a towel over her.

There were no helmets, hardly any armor. No marching or commands.

Lute stepped onto the terrace beside him, she changed too. Loose clothing. Bare arms, hair down. No sword. Adam glanced at her and immediately began staring.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re staring.”

“Not my fault you're hot.”

She sighed. “Are you capable of sincerity for more than ten seconds?”

“That was sincere.”

She began leaning against the railing. For a while, neither spoke. Below them, an exorcist shrieked as several others dragged her laughing into the water.

Adam smiled. “They look weird.”

Lute glanced at him. “Weird?”

“Happy.”

“They’re frequently happy.”

“You know what I mean. They’re always looking at me waiting for something.” His voice softened. “Orders. Drills. Missions.” He was now resting  his arms against the railing, watching a group begin arguing over which dessert to order.

“Feels good seeing them not need me for five minutes.”

Lute studied him quietly, only for Adam to immediately ruin the moment. “Also, room service is fucking incredible. I ordered everything.”

“I know.”

“What, how?”

“There’s fourteen trays in our room.”

Adam grinned. “You want dessert?”

“No.” A pause. “…What kind?”

His smile became wicked. “Knew that would get ya.”

She elbowed him in the rib. “You realize they will revert immediately once leave ends.”

“Yeah.” He watched them again. “But maybe not completely.” That earned her attention. “Maybe next time I tell them they’re off duty, they’ll actually believe me.”

Below them, someone screamed: “Commander!”

Adam leaned forward. “What?”

“POOL TOURNAMENT!”

His eyes lit up. Lute immediately grabbed his shirt,  he twisted around. “What?”

“You said this vacation was not becoming another competition.”

“That was before pool tournament.”

“Adam.”

“They need enrichment!”

“You need restraint.”

“I was challenged!” Adam attempted to pull free, Lute tightened her grip. Several exorcists below began chanting his name, that only delighted him. He turned toward her with the helpless grin of a man being called toward his destiny.

“Babe.”

“No.”

“Winner picks tomorrow’s dinner!”

She paused. Adam saw the opening and grabbed her hand, Lute barely had time to protest before he vaulted over the railing, dragging her after him. Their wings opened halfway down and exorcists erupted into cheers. 

And for the first time since the extermination, Heaven’s most lethal army gathered beneath its commander without armor, weapons, orders and anyone needing them to be useful.

The tournament lasted until the artificial stars came out. Lute won. 

She later denied participating.