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The Places That I'm Torn by HollowIsTheWorld
Fandoms: Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
06 Aug 2026
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Summary
He'd thought he was done missing Dallas. He should be done missing Dallas. That bridge isn't just burned, it's immolated. It's been bombed. Torn down for scrap. It's just his subconscious, scraping at a wound that would be healing a lot faster if he could just leave it alone.
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Bookmark Notes:
"Shane?" he manages to ask. "Can I... talk to you a minute?"
Shane looks baffled that he'd want to - Troy doesn't take it personally, Shane always seems surprised when people want anything from him that isn't expressly hockey related - but he nods. "I was just going to hit the gym until Ilya's done with all his captain stuff. Want to join me?"
In a lot of ways, Shane's even easier to talk to than Ilya. He's simple, straight-forward. When he's not on camera, putting his media-trained foot forward, what you see is what you get. He's a good refuge at parties too, when Harris has been pulled into a conversation with a dozen other people and Ilya's charming the pants off everyone who gets near him. The two of them often find themselves leaning against the same bit of wall, watching their partners socialize like it's nothing. He's not like any other friend Troy's ever had, in the best possible way.
The two of them hop onto treadmills side-by-side and run in silence for a few minutes as Troy tries to figure out what to say. Shane doesn't say anything. He's not one for pushing.
"I've been thinking about Toronto a lot," Troy finally says. He's not good at dancing around a topic, and he knows Shane isn't one for trying to follow it. "Can't get them out of my head today."
"Oh." Troy can practically hear Shane thinking. "I have days like that, with Montreal."
"It feels so stupid," Troy says. "I know I'm better off here than I ever was there. I didn't know it was even possible to be as happy as I am here. And I don't - God, I don't ever want to see Dallas again. But-"
"But he was your friend." Shane sounds miserable. Troy watches the readings on the front of the treadmill to avoid looking at him.
"I've never been the friendliest guy," Shane says after a few more minutes of no sounds other than the beat of their shoes and the whir of the treadmills. "I wouldn't say I was ever - close with any of the Metros, besides Hayden. Even JJ, like we were friendly, but we don't have a lot in common. But I was still - I mean, I was there for a decade. I went to their weddings, met their kids. I was Uncle Shane to a bunch of kids I'll probably never see again now. It's... weird."
"Yeah." Troy hadn't attended many weddings or met many kids - and he has a weird moment of feeling like Shane is a lot older than him all of a sudden - but teams live cheek-by-jowl for most of the year. He'd known them. Except he hadn't, really, and they hadn't known him. "That's pretty much the only word for it."
"I wouldn't change anything," Shane says. "I mean, how it happened wasn't ideal, but the Centaurs are great, and Ilya's so much happier now that we don't have to hide anymore. But sometimes..." He leaves that hanging for a long time. Troy doesn't speak.
"Sometimes I catch myself trying to convince them to... react differently, I guess. In my head, I mean. Thinking about how I handled it. What I'd say if we met off the ice and they'd listen. Like if I could just get the words right, I could get them to realize I'm still me. That we can still be friendly, that I'm not some - some different person." Another long pause. "Like I could fix them, if I could just... Be better."
Troy thinks about Dallas, that first game against Toronto after his trade. You were my best friend! "Yeah. I..." He chokes for a second, the words a physical thing fighting in his throat. "I know that feeling."
They're quiet for nearly half an hour, until Shane starts winding down the treadmill. Troy follows suit and makes a mental note that he needs to take it easy - he can feel the willingness to push his muscles as far as they'll go and then some and knows he'll hurt himself if he isn't careful. He already had the long run with Chiron that morning, plus practice, and now this - he should probably be done.
"I try to remind myself they could be better," Shane says, as though there hasn't been any sort of break in the conversation. "Without me, I mean. Plenty of guys are. Hayden never misses a chance to chirp Ilya, but he was with me one-hundred percent once he knew about us. JJ took a while to pivot, but he put in the work. The Centaurs' culture -" He waves a hand through the gym, like the team was there. "That isn't all Ilya. That's everyone. Montreal - they're shitty because they keep choosing to be."
As someone who used to choose to be shitty every goddamn day, Troy can't really argue with that. "Yeah. Thanks, Shane."
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We need more Troy and Harris. Thanks for this!
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We are our memories and Troy is working on understanding himself. A really lovely character study.