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Sitting on his sofa together with his ”Rival with benefits” should feel more unfulfilling than it actually does.
But unfortunately it is anything but unfulfilling. Ilya feels fulfilled. Like he’s whole, after missing a part he never really knew he missed.
He obviously has slept with Hollander before. Many times. And many times have ended with small talks and them sitting beside each other.
But never have it felt so soothing and normal as this.
They are currently both occupied with their own thing. Hollander is watching the Admirals-Toronto game and Ilya is scrolling through Instagram.
But they have never been this domestic.
They have never just sat there without a bigger purpose, and never IN Ilya's house. And they certainly have never said each other’s first name.
And one thing Ilya was stuck with was the moment after. The millisecond where he was certain Shane would freak out. But he just smiled and kissed him.
He felt almost giddy just thinking about it.
Shane liked Ilya saying his name.
But before he could daydream about Shane’s smile, he saw a notification that peaked his interest.
It was a notification about the spotting of Montreal captain Shane Hollander and upcoming actress Rose Landry.
And worst of all it captioned “Montreal Captain Shane Hollander seen with his Actress Girlfriend at the premiere of the new Avengers movie”
“Hollander” Ilya said while staring horrified at his screen. His dirty blond hair falling into his eyes, but he couldn’t make himself to fix it.
Shane Hollander has a girlfriend.
The same Shane Hollander who he just slept with.
The same Shane Hollander who said his name and smiled at him. A real smile. Not a media half arsed smile.
No. A smile where his red cheeks shine and his freckles look even more beautiful than with his resting bitch face. Which makes rookies poop their pants trying to work out the courage to speak to him.
“Mm” He barely heard from the lips of the man on his right.
Hollander hadn’t even acknowledged him.
Has he imagined everything?
Maybe Shane just liked the danger.
Maybe he wasn’t the Golden boy of Canada. Maybe he was just like him. A fuck boy who just liked to mess around.
Maybe he did this often. Cheated on girls with men because nobody would expect him to do that. Or maybe he just liked Ilya because he was in control. And Shane wants to be controlled by someone willing. Which just happened to be him.
That’s probably why he’s always so eager. He wants him like a drug. But not anything else. He’s just easy. He’s just like the girls are to Ilya. A escape.
“Ilya? Are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Hollander was now on his knees in front of him.
If this was any other day he would be hard as hell right now.
But it isn’t any other day. He just found out that Shane has a girlfriend. Who apparently has been with him since high school. Which he has completely missed.
How could he not know this? How can he be so dumb to fall for a hockey player.
“Ilya, please! Are you okay?”
He felt like he was under water. He heard Hollander’s voice, but it wasn’t clear. It sounded far away. And like poison.
“How long?” He muttered out.
“What?”
“How long have you been cheating on your girlfriend with me? And who knows who else!”
He stands up and pushes Hollander to the side, making it possible to walk back and forth in front of the game. He runs a hand through his hair and takes a deep breath.
“What the hell is wrong with you! You come to my house and behave like, I don’t know, and then the whole time you’ve had a girlfriend!” He screams at Shane at this point.
He’s staring directly at him, while Shane still is sitting in front of the sofa and dares to look confused up at him.
“Rose? You think I’m actually dating her?” His voice cracks a little and tears form in his eyes.
“Don’t you dare play the victim! You- you- you who act all like angel, leagues golden boy. But guess what! You’re just as bad as the rest of Montreals dickhead of players,” now they are both tearing up.
“Rose is my best friend. She knows about you, or she knows about ‘Lily’. We have a deal. I help her with disgusting men and deals that discretely exclude her being able to be open with her girlfriend, and she helps me with getting through a racist and homophobic hockey league without being questioned. I thought you knew that.” Shane says standing up and moving back to the sofa.
Ilya almost misses the tears in his eyes and the crack in his voice.
“Not everyone can sleep with half the women in Boston —or wants too— and then be seen as some straight messiah.”
The tears in Shane’s eyes slowly roll down his cheeks.
Ilya usually loves his teary eyes when they are intimate. But gosh, does he hate them in this moment.
How could he have thought this about the quiet, awkward Canadian who apologises for everything and folds his clothes before intimate.
The same boy who awkwardly shaked his hand two times eight years ago and straight up told him he was amazing.
The same man who seeks his attention just to ask if he's okay in Sochi. And the same man who he saw the biggest and the most genuine brightest smile on —for the first timer ever— thirty minutes ago.
The same man who would ask him if he’s okay after he stabbed him.
But right now he’s not okay.
“I’m sorry, I probably should go.” He mutters as he straightens out his —Ilyas— clothes, making himself ready to leave.
“No. Please don’t leave. In sorrry. I-i-“ Ilya could barely form a sentence before bursting out in tears.
He hates this day.
He hates his father.
He hates his brother.
He even hates tuna melts.
But he loves Shane. He absolutely does.
Because Shane throws his phone on the sofa and almost runs into his arms hugging him tight.
He hugs Ilya who just screamed at him. Screamed at beautiful Shane Hollander, who cares too much about everything but himself.
He doesn’t deserve him. He really doesn’t.
“I’m sorry Ilya, I promise, I thought you knew.”
He whispers in his hair as he tugs him closer making Ilya collapse in his embrace.
But of course he catches him and sinks to the floor still holding him tightly and continues to whisper apologies.
Ilya could almost fall asleep here. Where he is safe. Here in Shane’s arms. Because he trusts Shane, he trusts him more than anyone.
Because he’s in love with Shane Hollander.