Chapter Text
Summer happened in a blip, over just as it started, without even time to blink twice, over it just was. Sun kissed skin and soaked hair, the smell of chlorine lingering, the ghost of a smile, always there, reassuring, loving. In just a mere instant, over was the time spent laying on almost too hot grass, hands intertwined. And with the end of summer, came the end of the life they had, away from prying eyes and judging looks, away from the fear and the sad, away from reality.
That was what struck them first, reality, the brutal come back to it, reminder that summer was over, as soon as they step foot in the crowded hallway of McKinley High. A faint smell of sunscreen still lingered on their skin, painful reminder once again of reality.
Summer was over, that was a fact soaked in sadness. But their love was still there, maybe hidden underneath red and white uniforms, but stronger than ever. Reinforced by a summer spent smiling and kissing and laughing, simply being and loving, because that was all they needed. Their love was still there, in every smile, every shared look, pinkies linked, skipping through bonded hallways, close enough to feel each other warmth.
With summer came the hope of a life, their future, so full of happiness that their heart might just burst from all that love they experienced. So yeah, summer was over, along with the peace they lived with, but what was most important stayed.
Love.
All they wanted to do, really, was to be able to hold hands and kiss and just be, like they did all summer long, away from reality, living in their own bubble of happiness, without a care in the world of what was happening behind walls and fences, just loving each other.
One day, surely, they would do all of that, out in the open, without the fear lurching in their stomach when they would so much as look at each other a second to long, when they hugged just a bit more than friends should, or where linked pinkies became held hands.
May they be different, their fear was there.
The looks and snarls and insults and talks were what scared Santana so much. So much that some nights she just stared at her ceiling, at the stars outside her window, at the pictures on her walls and desk and bedside table, showing their love to just her eyes, wishing that she could stop being so afraid. But it was there, all those thoughts of judgment and rejection, keeping her from being herself in front of the world.
These were not the source of Brittany’s fear, and maybe it was wishful thinking that people would not care about them, but she knew that as long as they were together everything would be alright. What kept her up at night, eyes closed to stop the almost there tears to roll down her cheeks was the fear of losing. Losing her best friend, their love and all of those things they shared thanks to it. She knew what it was to lose Santana because of her own fears, and all she wanted was to never live with this feeling again, without being able to smile or talk or touch her without Santana jerking away, running, head down and tears at the brink of falling.
But despite all the fear and the sleepless nights spent thinking and hoping about what could be, their love remained true. Yes, hidden between layers of carefully placed walls and pointed remarks to everyone around, hidden between linked pinkies and matching bracelet and knowing smiles, but true, and that was all they needed.
For now.
Their first days of senior year were busy but they spent them together, Cheerios’ practice and class and glee club. And even though the come back to reality was brutal, and they couldn’t be just them around everyone, those moments in the choir room, sitting at the back, close enough that their knees would brush, sending chills down their arms, pinkies linked or hands held or hair twirling between each other fingers, where when they were as close as possible to being free, minds full of what ifs and endless possibilities of a future together.
The following weeks were made of happiness and friendship and love, with Santana finally realizing they were dating since before the summer, amongst the Troubletones and being able to show for once what they could really do, and most importantly together, forged by the love they shared.
With every day that passed, their love only deepened, their confidence only grew and their fears started to fizzle, both slowly realizing than nothing mattered more than them. With every day that passed, Brittany let go of the fear of scaring Santana away. And with every day that passed, Santana began to let go of the fear of rejection and shame settled oh so deep inside of her.
They were almost there. Almost ready to be fully themselves, Brittany holding Santana’s hand every step of the way, a smile always present on her lips, eyes shining with pride.
It was too good to be true, they should have known, because reality came back, again, to crush them, drown them, swallow them whole, once again. Twisted and cruel and mean reality, without a care in the world of the ripples it caused, just too heavy, leaving them unable to do anything about it.
Always.
Brittany found a crying Santana sat in the middle of the choir room, hands squeezing her knees so hard her knuckles were white, struggling to breathe properly. Immediately, she locked the door, before rushing to her side, wrapping Santana from behind, her body stiffed and tears still rolling down her cheeks.
Brittany waited for Santana to calm down, her breathing evening out, hands still clenching her sides but finally not trembling anymore.
“Santana.” She breathed out, and before Brittany could do or say anything else, her girlfriend turned around in a blur, throwing her arms around Brittany’s body, sniffling against her chest, drenching her uniform in tears. “Oh honey… What happened ?”
“Britt” Santana muttered, voice breaking, unable to say another word, her body starting to shake once again, only settling down once Brittany kissed the top of her head softly, resting her cheek against dark brown hair, humming Songbird, because it kind of was their song now.
Brittany pulled back after a few minutes, just enough to see the other girl face, eyes puffy and red, tears dried on flustered cheeks, lips wobbling, hair escaping from her once always a tad too tight pony.
A ghost of a smile appeared on Santana’s lips when her eyes met Brittany’s, soon covered by soft lips, grazing hers, offering some sort of comfort, a reassurance, a presence. After briefly pressing a kiss to her girlfriend’s nose, Brittany held her face, thumbs wiping slow tears still rolling down her cheeks, looking into her eyes with oh so much love Santana thought she might just combust from it.
“I love you, San.” Brittany looked at the Latina, brows creased, searching Santana’s face, looking for some kind of answer, or perhaps for a way to comfort her. She wasn’t always great with words, even when it came to Santana, but she knew sometimes all her girlfriend needed was to be reminded that she did love her, with all her heart and might and soul.
“I’m sorry.” Worry creaped inside Brittany, already thinking about the worst scenarios that always lingered at the back of her mind, still searching for something behind Santana’s almost hollowed eyes, sadness and pain written all over her face.
Before Santana could even mutter another word, her eyes locked onto Brittany’s, instantly realizing that she was panicking, all to the fault of her stupid words and stupid mind and stupid demeanor. Guilt started to swallow her, just like that, because Brittany always found the right words, and she couldn’t even say a semi decent sentence before screwing up, once again.
Brittany looked at her with those big and hopeful and sad and tears filled ocean blue eyes, and the last shred of dignity or pride or resolve she still had when it came to her girlfriend just crumbled beneath those oh mesmerizing eyes.
“Oh, Britt… I’m sorry, I just… I love you, so much. So much that sometimes I think that I’m just going to combust on the spot when you just so much as smile, or look at me, or laugh, or talk, or always, really. I love you, Britt.” Words came rushing from Santana’s lips, all pressed up together, the occasional still there breaking her rapid tirade, tears welling up in her eyes not of pain and sadness, but love and love and love this time.
Relief came crashing down, and Brittany thought she was probably going to drown from it, the emotions she felt so suddenly dripping from her eyes, tears catching to her lashes, Santana’s face blurred as she blinked to chase the remain of doubt and fear away from her eyes.
As if they shared one mind and heart and soul – which, truth be told, they probably did – they both lurched forward, lips crashing down, tears rolling down already wet cheeks, nails scraping neck and scalp and hair. And maybe they were kind of out of breath, and their lips were salty, and strands of hair were sticking out from their pony, but they just couldn’t let go.
Not yet.
They settled right in the middle of the choir room, Santana’s side pressed against Brittany’s front, hugging tightly her girlfriend by the waist, offering the comfort she needed. Santana’s mind was bubbling, with all the pain and doubt and fear, giving her a splitting headache, the only thing grounding her being Brittany holding her.
It took time for Santana to calm down, shallow breaths turning to steady ones, sobs and hiccups disappearing, tears drying on her still red cheeks, eyes puffy but no longer filled with water.
Brittany was gently stroking her hair, now out of her ponytail, murmuring sweet words and lyrics and promises of love, slowly rocking back and forth, Santana’s cheek resting right where her heart is.
That’s when words began to spill out of Santana’s mouth, lips quivering every few words, tears welling up once again in her eyes. And so, she talked, head tucked beneath Brittany’s chin, about how she tried to apologize to Finn – because she really tried, as crazy as it may sound – but how it just half yelled in the crowded hallway that she loved Brittany and she was a coward and how Brittany didn’t love her back.
Santana could feel her girlfriend tense underneath her, arms tightening around her body, as she breathed out those last words said by Finn, kissing the top of her head, offering comfort and love and support without stopping her half-whispered words.
So, Santana continued to talk, about how she was shaking when she came into Sue Sylvester’s office, taking account of all those faces looking right at her, like they could see right through her, with eyes filled with compassion – and how she hated those eyes and those faces.
She talked about this stupid smear campaign about their cheerleading coach, and how it actually was about her, how she got caught up into this adult and politic bullcrap because of stupid Finn Hudson. And then she talked about how all of this was actually the result of her own doing, because she was always so scared and mean, and how she was a coward and sorry and sorry, because all of this was going to impact Brittany too.
Then, she talked about how much she was afraid, afraid of the looks and the talks, afraid of telling her parents and her abuela, afraid of being forced out of the closet so violently, when she was finally walking away from the wall to the door, hand almost reaching it.
Almost.
Brittany was furious.
She was not a violent person, by all means. But after hearing all the words Santana just said to her, half sobbing, half shaking, rage just kept bubbling inside her. And she really, really, wanted to act on it, go slap Finn or Sue or that stupid niece of Reggie ‘the sauce’ Salazar – anyone, really, would do.
But she couldn’t, because as mad as she was right now, her girlfriend, strong, beautiful girlfriend was halfway to a full-blown panic attack, tears welling up again in her eyes and rolling down her face, uncontrollably sobbing, breathing shallow, fists clenching her shirt, whole body shaking.
“Santana, honey… Breathe, please…” Sadly, that was not the first time Brittany had to deal with Santana having a panic attack, and maybe this one was worse than most of the others, but she knew how to handle it. So, as to not startle the girl holding onto her for dear life, she slowly made her way from Santana’s waist to her face, tucking behind her ears the hair stuck to her cheeks because of all the tears that still spilled out from her eyes.
“Oh, San… I’m here, I love you, it’s all gonna be okay, I promise you.” Holding Santana’s face, looking into those sadness filled brown eyes, blurred by tears, Brittany peppered kisses all over her girlfriend’s face, humming words of love and Songbird lyrics in between each of them, rocking both their body back and force, chasing tears and pain and sadness away with love and love and love.
After what felt like an eternity, Santana’s breathing evened out, slow and steady against Brittany’s skin, now hugging her with all her might and all her love, still whispering I love you’s every now and then.
Before either girl could even speak again, the loud ring of the bell made them almost jump, Santana breaking out from Brittany’s embrace just enough to see her face, eyes locking into each other’s, knowing all too well what that bell meant.
“We don’t have to go, San.” A small smile stretched across Brittany’s face as she looked at her girlfriend’s, hoping to offer every last shred of hope and love she could.
“But we do, Britt.” Santana’s voice came out hoarse and unsteady, raw from all those tears that could still be seen, dried, across her cheeks. Slowly, she got up, dragging the dancer along with her, smoothing her crinkled Cheerios shirt, taking in account how disheveled Brittany looked, blonde strands of hair sticking out from her ponytail and falling down her face, shirt wet from all the tears she spilled, a now unsteady smile on her – gorgeous – lips.
“I’m sorry…” “Don’t even think about apologizing, San.” Brittany cut her off, standing even closer from Santana, hands back on her waist, kissing her gently, conveying all the feelings and words she couldn’t communicate otherwise.
“You’re going to go up on that stage, and sing, and dance, and you’ll shine so bright, San. I believe in you, and I know you’ll get through this, because we will face everything together. I promise.” A smile made its way to Santana’s lips, Brittany mirroring it because Santana’s face belonged with a smile on it, and after all this tears and sobs and pain, her girlfriend’s smile was truly a sight for Brittany’s sore eyes.
“I love you, so much.” Kissing Brittany one last time, Santana took her hand, lacing their fingers together after wiping the trace of tears from her face, before leading them out of the choir room, through the now – thankfully – empty hallway.
The pain and the fear were still rooted deep inside Santana, but right now, holding Brittany’s hand, feeling the warmth of her body just beside her, everything did not seem as scary or as painful. And that left her with the hope of a maybe, with the sight of the both of them living happily without a care in the world of what other people would think.
Someday.
They must have looked crazy when they walked into the auditorium’s changing room, because every single one of the Troubletones eyes went wide, looking baffled and shocked, not saying a word, probably trying to act like nothing was out of the ordinary. But well, that without taking Mercedes into account.
Brittany and Santana were just closing in onto the two last dresses still hanging on the rack, when they were quite literally body blocked by one Mercedes Jones, dress, makeup on, and hair done, brows creased and concerned look in her eyes. She looked at them for what felt like hours for the two other girls, before twirling around and leaving them without saying a word.
“Hey, you’re sure you want to do this ?” Now standing in front of Santana, Brittany took a hold of her other hand, searching for any form of doubt in the Latina’s eyes, tugging her just a little closer that friends usually should be. Accepting the nod Santana gave her, she moved to grab the two dresses with one hand, the other still tangled with her girlfriend’s, before leading them to the back of the room, behind a curtain meant to give privacy – which was needed, especially right now.
They changed as fast as they could, bags discarded against the wall, without exchanging a word, only glances – worried ones from Brittany, Santana’s looking for comfort – before making their way back to the rest of the group, this time only pinkies linked, arms brushing with every step they took towards their fellow Troubletones.
Shelby shot them a concerned look when they silently tied their hair in a side pony, mimicking the other girls, adjusting their makeup just a tad – thank God for waterproof mascara – a ghost of a smile on both their lips whenever their eyes crossed in the mirror, exchanging way more than just words could convey.
Brittany watched Santana throughout the whole performance, catching her eyes whenever she could, offering every ounce of comfort she could to her oh so brave girlfriend. She watched Mercedes step up when Santana could not, and was so proud when she finally took the lead, pouring her feelings through the lyrics spilling out of her mouth like cutting blades.
As the song ended, Brittany caught sight of Finn leaning closer to Rachel, whispering words to her, and she knew Santana saw that too, because as soon as the last word rang out in the auditorium, she beelined onto Finn, half screaming at him.
And then, Santana slapped him, leaving both glee clubs stunned, students and teachers alike, the only sound being Santana’s heels clicking on the floor as she ran out of the room in a twirl of fury, only disguise to her pain.
Brittany was the first one to move, jumping in front of the chairs, just like her girlfriend did a moment before, towering over a red cheeked Finn, hands on her hips and lips tight with anger.
“What the hell ?!” Rachel stood up, looking as baffled as everybody else, brows furrowed, looking at Brittany for answers as to the magnificent slap Santana just sprawled across Finn’s face.
“You should ask your boyfriend that question.” Anger was bubbling up inside of Brittany, wanting to get this over quickly, wanting go after Santana, while knowing she probably needed those few minutes to find somewhere to either calm down or let her rage out.
Eyes jumped from Brittany to Finn and back, looking for some sort of explanation, gaze mostly settling on an uneasy looking Finn Hudson, hand now holding his probably – hopefully – aching cheek.
“I just- I didn’t do anything !” Doubt could be seen behind his eyes, as if he wasn’t sure himself of what happened, just a hint a fear flashing in those dark pupils when he looked over at Brittany, looking at him as if she couldn’t believe the words that just went out of his mouth.
“Let me be clear here.” Brittany straightened her spine, hands now linked behind her back, looking at the New Directions in front of her, turning slightly to the Troubletones still on stage, before resettling her gaze on her former glee club. “First of all, if Santana didn’t slap the shit out of Finn, I probably would, because he deserves a lot more than that, for sure. Finn here likes to make dumbfounded assumptions about people, and yell those for everybody to hear, without even thinking about the repercussions his words could have.”
Brittany tried – really, she did – to keep her calm, voice steady and anger toned down, but all of those eyes on her made it oh so difficult. She was not one of many words, especially not serious ones. Most likely, people knew her as the stupid – how she hated that word – cheerleader, following the lead of others, their brows furrowed whenever she talked, as if every word that spilled out of her mouth was just pure nonsense. And maybe sometime it was, for those who did not know her, at least – and very few did. So, she took a deep breath, leaving expectations and looks and mean comments behind her, because her love for Santana meant so much more than all of that.
“As mean as Santana sometimes can be, never, and hear me when I say that, never as she used against anyone of you, your deepest secret to crush you down, to make you feel like less than you are, to make you want for the earth to just swallow you whole. Santana, she’s harsh and she’s mean, and everybody just thinks that she’s like that because she likes it. And maybe in some ways she does, because it gives her control, control over a life she didn’t chose. But most of all, she does it because she’s scared.”
Now, the Troubletones were amongst the New Directions, in front of her, everybody looking at her expectantly, taking into account every word that came out of her mouth. Brittany was worried that she was saying too much, that Santana probably did not want every single one of those persons to know about all these things Brittany was saying about her. But she just couldn’t stop, words just spilled out of her, uncontrollable. So, she went on, this time focusing her gaze on Finn.
“Santana… Santana, she may hate me if she heard what I was saying, but because of Finn, it doesn’t even matter anymore. You stole from her, you stole whatever piece of her she still owned fully, and exposed it to everyone, just like that. And she was getting there, but no. You took without a care in the world. Everyone deserves to come out in their own terms, their own timeline. But because of you, Santana lost that, she lost her choice.”
At her last words, gasps and huhs and whats rang out in the auditorium, eyes wide open and brows furrowed, some shooting dark glares at Finn. Brittany stood in front all those people, some she learned to call friends, all speechless after all she just said. All of those things might not have been unknown from everybody here, but the fact that Brittany, the Brittany they thought was stupid and quiet and strange, acknowledged it came as a shock to everyone.
So, Brittany turned around, eyes following her as she left the auditorium, dress flowing around her body, head straight and gaze focused on the door, tears welling up in her eyes, thinking of Santana and the reality of what was about to happen.
Bound to.
Santana was suffocating, back once again in the choir room she learned to appreciate, hand hurting from the force of the slap she gave to Finn. She sat down on of the plastic chairs, the closest she could find, breaking out in sobs, covering her face with shaking hands.
Mere minutes later, though it surely felt like hours, Santana heard the door open, almost jumping from her chair, ready to face whoever dared come in announced, seeing her so disheveled and probably crazy looking. However, she met blue eyes when she lifted her head, this time bolting from her chair to wrap her arms around Brittany, settling her head in the crook of her girlfriend’s neck.
And just like that they were swaying across the room, Brittany humming some random song in Santana’s ear, shoulder wet with tears, hands running down her girlfriend’s hair and back. Slowly, they moved across the room, before stopping next to the piano, Brittany’s back against it, hands settling on Santana’s waist, who still had her arms tightly wrapped around the blonde’s middle, face pressed against her body.
They stayed like that for what seemed like forever, bathing into each other’s embrace, both still holding onto the other, Santana looking for the comfort Brittany was offering. The dancer could feel the weight of her girlfriend’s body on her, warmth flooding through her as she realized Santana was slowly falling asleep in her arms.
Brittany tried to stay as still as possible, tightening her hold just slightly on Santana’s waist, not wanting her to fall to the ground, resting on the piano a bit more, steadying herself. She pressed a soft kiss on top of her girlfriend’s head, who hummed in response, the vibration of the sound against Brittany’s skin sending a chill down her back.
Santana was soon fully unconscious in Brittany’s embrace, respiration steady, arms now loosely wrapped around her girlfriend, face still hidden against her neck. Brittany wrapped an arm around her waist, the other one chasing strands of hair away from Santana’s face, a concerned look on her face, thinking about how everything just crumbled around her girlfriend, leaving this usually so confident girl a slumbering mess against her.
That’s how Mercedes found them, pressed against each other in the choir room, Santana still sleeping in Brittany’s arms, the latter holding both of them up against the black piano. She opened the door as silently as possible, attracting Brittany’s attention, deposing both their bags on the ground. Words weren’t exchanged between the two girls, Brittany only giving a small nod to her friend, reassuring her that she had the situation under control, before Mercedes walked back out, closing the door behind her.
Santana jolted out of Brittany’s hold when the bell rang out, still looking half asleep, eyes darting all around the room, looking so lost and in pain Brittany’s heart twisted with sadness. “You’re okay, Santana.” Brittany took her girlfriend’s hands in hers, keeping her close, offering a reassuring smile, letting Santana gather her wits as sleep left her body.
“What… What time is it?” Santana’s voice came out hoarse and weak, still looking a bit disorientated, looking at Brittany like she held all the answers in the world. “We have class…” Her voice trailed out, as her girlfriend cupped her face with warm hands, eyes full of love, a ghost of a smile on her lips.
“Don’t worry about that, we’re gonna go home, okay ?” Brittany waited for Santana to nod, before taking her hand, leading them to the door, grabbing both their bags, making an exit after checking that the hallway was clear through the glass part of the door.
Brittany led them to the parking lot, Santana’s hand still in hers, opening the car with only a slight struggle, throwing their bags at the back of the car, opening the passenger’s door for Santana, quickly walking to the other side and sitting down, taking her girlfriend’s hand across the console as soon as she was buckled in.
They drove in silence to Brittany’s house, not letting go of their hold on each other, the air heavy around them, heavy with the weight of the day, heavy with the weight of reality crushing them down once again. Santana waited for Brittany to open her door before following her to the house, stopping in under the porch, quivering as she looked at Brittany fumbling with the keys to open her house, both girls feeling the cold in the air, their dresses not offering them a lot of warmth.
Luckily, Brittany’s house was empty, with her parents being at work and her sister in school, leaving her and Santana the quiet and peace they needed after everything that happened in such a short amount of time. They quickly took of their heels, heading upstairs to Brittany’s room, fingers intertwined, flopping onto her bed, Santana settling against the blonde’s side, who wrapped her arms against the shivering body of her girlfriend. Santana quickly fell asleep again, relaxing in the other girl’s embrace, thinking of how lucky she was to have Brittany here, with her, loving her.
However, Brittany was left wide awake, eyes resting on Santana’s peaceful face, faint smile on her lips, her girlfriend’s eyes closed and tears long gone, left thinking and thinking and thinking. May she not be one for words, Brittany was very much a thinker, always having something on her mind, from Lord Tubbington’s criminal activities to the state of the world around her, but always – always – with Santana somewhere in a corner of this deemed stupid brain of hers.
So, there she was, holding her girlfriend, her strong and brave girlfriend that did not deserve even an ounce of the crap life threw at her, that did not deserve to be walked on, put down, and now outed to the whole state of Ohio. But there they were, tangled under the covers of Brittany’s bed, their relationship exposed for everyone to see, control escaping from their already shaky hands.
And now, now Brittany was more scared than ever. The fears that she started to let go of since the beginning of summer. The fears that used to keep her up at night, thinking and thinking and thinking. They all came back, right there, Santana’s head resting on her chest, painful reminder of all she could lose, it almost felt like irony. The very subject of all her deepest fears laying half on top of her, peacefully sleeping, blissfully unaware of the turmoil going on inside Brittany’s brain.
Because Brittany, she already lost Santana once, situation then not even half as complicated and twisted as it was now. Last year, Santana only confessed to Brittany and Brittany alone, already too scared of the looks and the comments, backing down and seeking refuge not with her best friend but a new boyfriend of her own. Now, as many step forward as Santana took since the end of junior year, she was still not in the place she needed to be to face the repercussions of coming out.
That is why Brittany was still so scared. She knew Santana loved her irrevocably, love so deep and rooted she herself told Brittany she might burst from it. No, Brittany was scared of Santana going far back into the already so deep closet she built around herself all those years ago, back when they started feeling that tiny little spark when their fingers brushed oh so slightly. She was scared of Santana being so overwhelmed by fear and shame that she might lose her forever.
All those thoughts kept twirling in Brittany’s head as she held her girlfriend tighter in her arms, as if she could just stay there with her forever, soft breath against her plain skin, brown hair sprawled across almost too pale skin. All those fears just made their way back to her heart and soul, hint of panic coursing through her veins as she imagined a reality where Santana and her were not together anymore.
Left in her thoughts, Brittany did not here the door creaking downstairs, keys being dropped in a bowl amongst useless junk they kept there ‘if needed’, shoes tossed loudly against the wall, a loud sigh echoing through the house.
Brittany finally came back to her spirits when she heard loud footsteps heading upstairs, carefully untangling herself from Santana, who grunted and scrunched her nose before Brittany quickly pressed half a dozen of soft kisses on her face, quickly returning back to her peaceful sleep.
Slowly, the dancer made her way out of her room, closing the door as silently as she could, pressing her back against it when she heard it click, letting a breath she probably held since her eyes landed on Santana’s crying form back in the choir room. Tears welled up in Brittany’s eyes as she was without her girlfriend, a sad mess but still offering an oh so comforting presence, for the first time since reality came crushing them down once again.
Brittany quickly chased the tears away, heading for the stairs, taking probably three steps before almost bumping into her overly excited little sister, a ponytail on each side of her still round face, two front half-grown teeth visible when she stretched her lips into a wide grin when she looked up and met Brittany’s eyes.
“Britt ! You’re home ! Why are you home ? Your dress is so pretty ! School was so great ! Mom bought cookies ! And look my tooth is all wiggly ! I’m going to be so rich !” Her now jumping sister was maybe just what Brittany needed right now, a pure bundle of joy just so excited to see her home before she usually was, cutting contrast with the thought of her girlfriend wrapped under pink sheets in her bedroom, dried tears on her cheeks.
“Hey Ash ! Let’s go downstairs, yeah ? I- I need to speak to mom, and you can tell me all about your day, so let’s go eat those cookies, what do you say ?” Fingers crossed behind her back, Brittany just hoped her sister would just nod and head back down the stairs, not making any overly loud noise in her room that could most certainly wake Santana up. And she so needed to sleep right now.
Thankfully, her sister skipped to the living room, Brittany following her quietly as she went on about her day at school, both of them flopping down on the couch in unison, Ashley almost immediately hugging her big sister by the waist, eyes sparkling with joy and a wide smile on her face.
Brittany’s eyes began to fluster, back pressed on the oh so soft couch, before her mother called out her name, surprised to see her here, knowing she usually wasn’t back at least an hour later than it was now. So, she looked right into her mother’s eyes, mind racing as how she could explain everything to an already worried looking Whitney. Brittany smiled softly, gesturing for her mother to sit beside her, breathing deeply before talking in a barely audible whisper, as to not worry her sister. Because that what it was supposed to be, a whisper, and not a loud ad on television.
A whisper.
Santana sat up suddenly, eyes wide open, tears streaming down her face, the image of her parents looking at her with so much disgust it did not seem like the nightmare it was, but like the reality she thought will probably soon happen.
Her hand it cold sheets on her side, Brittany’s place on her bed ruffled but missing its owner, leaving her all alone in this room that held so many loving memories. Memories she couldn’t think about without a smile stretching across her face. Memories of lingering kisses, naked bodies tangled up in bedsheets, quiet I love yous whispered in the dark of the night.
Ungraciously, Santana got up, dress all crinkled, half her hair out of the side pony she had, legs unsteady beneath her. As sleep left her once and for all, she heard the faint sound of voices downstairs, the unmistakable sound of Brittany’s laugh, even muffled by walls and doors, because this laugh, she could recognize anywhere.
Slowly, she made her way to the door, body still a bit drowsy with the sleep that already left her mind, walking the way she knew all too well to the stairs leading to Brittany’s living and dining rooms. Before making her way down, Santana released her from the black hair tie she then wrapped around her wrist, smiling at the sight of the silver pendant resting above her left hand, gift from Brittany back when they still had pigtails and missing teeth.
Smiling at the memory, Santana walked down the stairs, creaking in the usual places, not even having the time to take the last step before blue eyes met hers, a smile stretched on thin lips she couldn’t help but kiss by just leaning forward, the step taking her to her girlfriend’s level.
“Hi.” Santana muttered against Brittany’s lips, hands finding their way to her hips, grasping the tissue of the dress she wore earlier that day. She closed once again the gap between their faces, conveying into this kiss all the gratitude that was held so close to her heart, next to all that love she had Brittany, beautiful and perfect Brittany, all eyes and smile, standing right in front of her.
“Hey. Feeling better ?” A sheepish smile stretched across Brittany’s lips as she tilted her head, cursing in her head, because how could Santana feel better when all was going to shit around her. But her worries were washed away as her girlfriend kissed her once again, lips brushing for mere seconds before Santana pulled back, favoring Brittany’s hands to her waist, faint smile on her lips. So, Brittany tugged the other girl closer, forcing her to take the last steps, taller once again, kissing softly the side of her head. “Come on, mom is probably holding back Ash from just tackling you on the ground right there.”
A laugh came out of Santana, voice still hoarse as she smiled at Brittany’s remark, tugging her close as she began to walk in the direction of the Pierce’s living room, her girlfriend giggling softly in her ear, only making Santana grip the blonde’s hand tighter, smile still on her lips.
Santana spotted Brittany’s sister on the couch, only the back of her head visible, black hair sticking out of her ponytails, talking to a smiling Whitney that waved to the girls when she saw emerging from the hallway. Silently approaching, Santana let go of Brittany’s hand once they were just behind Ashley, putting both her hands on the younger girl’s eyes.
“Who’s there ?” Ashley let out an excited scream as she bolted from her seat on the couch, quite literally jumping into Santana’s arms, the latter struggling to stay upright with the sudden weight of the already too tall ten years old, Brittany’s finding her way to her lower back, stabilizing her, laughing at her girlfriend holding her little sister.
“Tana ! Look, look, look !” Dropping on the ground, Ahsley pointed to her two missing front teeth, earning a wide grin from Santana. “I’m so excited you’re here, Brittany is like, boring !”
The latter gasped in false shock, hand on her chest, reaction exaggerated, resulting on her sister laughing, hugging Santana for a few seconds before tugging her around the couch, settling next to her. Brittany followed them, sitting right next to her girlfriend, their hands immediately linking, right on top of Brittany’s crossed legs, right there for everyone to see. Not that there was a load of people, but they usually held back from being all touchy feely with each other – at least more than they usually were now that they started actually dating – even in front of Brittany’s family, who never asked questions about the nature relationship, just being a comforting presence for the two girls.
A shy smile appeared on Santana’s lips when she caught Whitney’s gaze on their linked hands, Brittany’s head resting on her shoulder, maybe not as close as they were sometimes, all wrapped up under covers during movie nights, but surely way more intimate, in a settled way, openly bathing in the other’s love.
They didn’t talk about it, they didn’t need to, because nothing was really left to say. At least right now. Santana and Brittany’s relationship had always been something nobody ever dared talk about within the Pierce household – everywhere, really – because as confident as Brittany was regarding all of this, Santana was for sure not. So, all four girls sat there, listening to Ashley talk, mostly, with the occasional sibling squabble, leaving Santana and Whitney laughing, all teeth and eye rolls.
After almost an hour, both teenagers began to feel uncomfortable in the dresses they wore, fabric starting to feel weird and kind of scratchy. Brittany got up first, hand never leaving Santana’s, who followed her upstairs after smiling to Whitney and Ashley. They walked back into Brittany’s room, sheets all crumbled on the bed they immediately sat on, silence surrounding them.
Santana’s head soon rested on Brittany’s shoulder, where she belonged, really, all pressed up against each other, their palms almost sweaty after being held for so long. They stayed like that for a few minutes, faint sound of laugh downstairs, no need for words, just being there, together, quiet and love surrounding them.
As is they were one – which they were, most of the time – they got up, letting go of the other’s hand to take their dresses off and grab more comfortable clothes from Brittany’s closet. Santana’s hands found her girlfriend’s worn-out Cheerios’ baggy shirt she always wore when crashing at Brittany’s for the night. Across from her, Brittany was finalizing putting on sport shorts, yellow tank top already on, smiling when she caught Santana looking at her.
“Like what you see ?” Brittany’s smile turned to a smirk as she put her dress on a hanger in her closet, before walking the few steps that separated her from Santana, tugging her by the waist so that their bodies were all flushed together, a faint blush creeping on the shorter girl’s cheeks.
Santana hummed in response, her lips crashing into Brittany’s, arms wrapped against her neck, hands catching strands of blond hair, fully pressing her body against her girlfriend’s. Soon, Brittany’s hands found their way underneath Santana’s shirt – hers, truly – soft skin shivering as she dragged her fingers on the Latina’s lower back.
Breathless, they parted ways, gasping for air, foreheads pressed against each other, before Brittany pulled Santana into a soul crushing hug, a smile stretching on both their hips. I love yous were exchanged in the out of breath that usually followed those passionate kisses they started to share more and more in their daily life since they began dating.
They stayed wrapped in each other’s arms, hearts beating in harmony, right in the middle of Brittany’s room, Santana occasionally pressing soft kisses at the base of her girlfriend’s neck, just grateful for her steady presence, being the rock she needed since she left Sue’s office.
After a while, they moved to lay on Brittany’s bed, legs tangled together, Santana’s head resting on the crook of her neck, Brittany smiling when she felt the Latina’s breath on her bare skin.
“Hey Britt ?” Santana asked after some time, and was answered with a soft hum, nudging her to continue. “Can I stay over tonight ?” A sheepish smile appeared on her lips as Brittany tugged her closer, now almost on top of her, so that their eyes could meet. Santana stared at her girlfriend, whom was looking at her with those bright blue eyes, as she was baffled by the brunette’s words.
“Come on, San, you know you don’t have to ask. Mi casa es tu casa, or whatever they say.” Smiling fondly at the girl in her arms, Brittany began thinking about how much they both changed since last year. Before, Brittany was so afraid of pushing Santana away than she never dared talk about what was actually going on between them – or at least dropped the subject quickly. She just went with what the other girl said, because before she even realized it, she loved her oh so deeply, and was going to follow her now girlfriend wherever she wanted them to go.
And then she fumbled. So hard. Maybe Brittany was not fully guilty of their falling out, but she would forever regret breaking Santana’s heart into those million pieces, breaking hers too in the process. Because Santana, before, she was so afraid of everything – and maybe she still is – but most of all she was afraid of what they were, of what they could become. So, she pushed Brittany away, as that was all she could do, to protect herself from the truth, and bury deeper and deeper this fear.
Now, however, Brittany marvels at how far they both came., at how far Santana came, to be able to love her like never let herself before. So, she smiles, and Santana smile back, resettling against Brittany, lips still stretched as they fell into a peaceful silence.
Peace.