Chapter Text
It all started with a video.
Shane Hollander was in front of his laptop, recording with a webcam. He was still in a sling, wearing a crumpled t-shirt, with a blanket over his shoulders. This was a far cry from the usual tidy, perfectly styled interview outfit that he was known for. His hair was ruffled, he was wearing wired headphones, and he had glasses on. He scrunched his face, eyes scanning the screen for a while, clicking things, before finally looking at the camera.
The video quality was not great; the box with the game footage in the corner too small to really see any of it, the headphones making a crinkly sound every now and then. It was not scripted. It was not made with instructions from someone who knew what they were doing. It was just Hollander, at home, in his bedroom. Going stir crazy.
Hello everyone,
I'm Shane Hollander! But you probably know that.
I've never done this before, but I've seen that there are youtubers that react to games, so thought I might give it a go. I am very bored.
I have been on concussion protocol for weeks now. They've been hiding screens from me. They've been hiding hockey from me. I have been going a bit insane. No grown man should be around his mother this much. It's not healthy.
So, lots of people have been asking me about my opinions about this game, but I have not actually seen it, so couldn't really comment. I guess I thought that, instead of answering everyone one by one, I will just make this video. Then everyone can leave me alone and stop asking.
I will be reacting to the Metros versus Raiders game that ended my career guys! Woo.
My therapist and my parents think it is a terrible idea, but they're not here right now so... Ha.
I've been told it was bad.
Let's see!
Look at me go. Left you in the dust Rozanov!
...
Oooof
Didn't even see him coming.
God, I look like a rag doll.
In my mind, I know that that is me on there, on the screen, but it doesn't feel like it's me. I don't remember any of this.
Look at Rozanov. He looks like he's seen a ghost.
I'm alive!
[in-game commentators: Not even Rozanov wants to see someone hurt like that]
Not even Rozanov? What the fuck does that mean?
Why are they making him sound like an evil villain?
"Not even Rozanov". Shut up.
Jesus. Everyone is a bit shaken up aren't they?
Rozanov is going at like half-speed and still everyone is just failing to steal the puck from him.
Fuck Drapeau. What was that. I could have caught that and I played goalie for exactly ten minutes as a four year old. He best not have blamed that on me.
He's never liked me.
You know what kind message he put on the get-well card from the team? 'From Patrice and Anne Drapeau' written in his wife's handwriting. No visit either.
Do you know who did visit me?
Rozanov.
At least he's a bit decent.
I wasn't awake, so I don't know for sure, but I think he said something like:
*bad Russian accent* 'Hollanderr, you are best playerr. You are betterr than me. You were always betterr than me. Hockey is nothing without you. I will miss losing to you.'
And then he fell to his knees and cried.
As I said, I wasn't awake but that's what I think happened.
Anyway. This game is kind of depressing.
Can no one else play on this team?
Jesus.
I would have made that.
I am so glad I did not have to witness this.
I would have made that.
Drinking game idea.
Drink for every shot they fumbled without me.
Okay, maybe I'm being harsh. Maybe they were shaken up.
Fu—I would have made that!
This is painful to watch.
Can I like, fast forward?
I'm fast forwarding.
Goodbye Playoffs.
I liked the first three minutes of the game.
Kind of went downhill from there.
Anyway. Should I react to some of the other games that I missed?
Let me know what you think!
I hope I can edit this right! I'm not very tech-y. Wish me luck!
Byeee
**
Twitter had a lot to say, of course.
@hockeyizlife24
Wtf happened to Hollander? Is he.... okay?
@holymotherofhollander
I like deranged, media un-trained Hollander! Give me moreeee!
@rozysfuturewife
OMFG even Hollander agrees that that commentary was f*ckd up!
@nr1metrosfan
Never expected something like this from Hollander. Completely in bad taste. Unnecessarily cruel commentary about his teammates who were [1/ 3]
clearly in shock and struggling to finish the game. I guess he doesn't know what empathy feels like since he's a robot that only cares about [2/3]
hockey. They are better off without him. [3/3]
@hollanovtruther
Hollander defending Rozanov? Rozanov visiting Hollander in hospital? Guys... it's happening.
@ilyarozanov81 ✔
this is lie. I would never cry in public
@shanehollanderhockeyplayer ✔
Hi everyone! Sorry for any offense caused by the comments I made in the reaction video. If any feelings have been hurt, believe me, I've suffered more from that game than you have. Play better next time and I'll say nicer things.
@shanehollanderhockeyplayer ✔
I've been told people have a lot of questions for me. I am still on limited screen time, so I can't answer many. Everyone like your favorite questions and I will answer the top 5
@sexiesthockeygoalscompilationsdid they really want to make you a goalie?
@shanehollanderhockeyplayer ✔
Very briefly. I was a weird quiet kid, so they thought they'd put me on goal. I don't think I talked until I was four. I'm pretty sure [1/2]
my first full sentence was "I don't want to be a goalie. I want to score!" No offense to goalies. Love you. Can't play without you. [2/2]
@girlswatchhockeytooWhy do you hate Drapeau? What's the tea?
@shanehollanderhockeyplayer ✔
I don't hate him. He's a fine goalie. We were just never that close. And I like Jasmine tea best.
@hollanderstan4eva what are your plans now, after hockey?
@shanehollanderhockeyplayer ✔
You tell me! I don't know!
@rangersss2014 LOL you think Rozanov will even care you are gone?
@shanehollanderhockeyplayer ✔
I mean, we've stared into each other's eyes so many times over those puck drops. I hope he misses me at least a little bit.
@justmypuckWhat will you NOT miss about hockey?
@shanehollanderhockeyplayer ✔
bigots