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“You don't have a defect.”
“The difference is… I had him.”
Those words echoed in Beta's mind as she slowly traversed up the stairs of the base in the quiet of the night. Her arms were wrapped around her as if it was cold, hugging herself in search of a warmth that eluded her soul rather than her physical body while her steps remained quiet and measured. Quiet and out of the way as she often was.
Those words were uttered seemingly so long ago, before her recapture, before the death of the Zeniths, before the… The dust had cleared now, yet nights like this had the younger clone still startling in the night, waiting for a Specter to come down on her from the shadows. Right now she didn't feel like the brave Elisabet Sobeck. Right now she felt like the forgotten little Beta. Maybe having my room be in the basement wasn't the best idea…
The main room was empty and still, the lights dimmed to reflect the time of day. Zo and Kotallo weren't on base, having currently returned to their tribes to check up on them after the final battle. The faintest sound of a snore could be heard breaking the stillness from the sleeping barracks where Erend slept, a bag packed outside the door for his trip to Hidden Ember in the morning. At first she felt bad for Alva having to sleep so close to that, until she caught a glimpse of the curious Quen woman dozed off at a small table and chair pulled up to the holographic archive tower, a writing implement on the floor near her foot where it most likely fell. These small signs of life helped to calm Beta's nerves some, reminding her that she wasn't alone again, that there were other people here still. Varl may have been the one to coax the most out of her at the beginning, but she felt a weird kinship with each of the other members of this ragtag little team, this little group she could hopefully see as the family she didn't have before. Yet this wasn't what brought the young woman up from the depths.
Light feet pivoted towards a closed door not far from the eastern exit, the bright blue light above it used to mark the room as her sister's. It still felt odd, that thought. Sister. Was that really what they were? Both of them were clones of the same woman, with Aloy only being about a year older. It wasn't a title she would have thought to pick had the elder sibling not used it when speaking to Tilda in the data channel. After so many years of no familial ties to anyone, it was both easy and hard to wrap her mind around the concept, to realize she did technically have blood family in this world. Honorific or not, though, she wasn't looking to chase down the warrior. Beta thought she heard something about Aloy being out upon the request of one of the Tenakth commanders, which is the only reason Beta felt brave enough to come to her room at this hour. Despite their rocky start, she felt a level of safety with the huntress, and sometimes it helped to just exist in the space, pretending like Aloy was there to comfort her after nightmares invaded her sleep.
That was supposed to be the plan, anyway. Normally when Aloy was on base at night, the door was locked. Having grown up out in the wilds, Beta assumed after a conversation with GAIA that this was Aloy's way of making sure she could sleep deeper and not be worried about who or what could come in while she slumbered. So when she turned the dial to open the unlocked door, Beta assumed Aloy had stayed at the settlement or one of the shelters on the way back. She didn't expect to see the warrior's current spear resting point-up against the desk acting as the barrier between her bed and the door, or the current bow and quiver she was using set haphazardly next to it. Green eyes widened as she heard a quick inhale followed by the startled rustling as Aloy shot upright, armor still half on as a similar set of eyes shot over to look at her, the fog of sleep clearing quickly as her face morphed from defensive to confused.
“Beta?” Aloy rasped before clearing her throat. “What are you doing here?”
“I'm sorry,” Beta exclaimed, trying to keep her voice down even as she stumbled backwards into the door, the thud sounding more like a drum of thunder in what was a quiet night. “I'm so sorry! I thought you weren't here! I -” The feeling of flight kicked in as she kept reaching behind her at the door, trying to find the digital knob as her breathing increased to panic levels. “I mean, not that I come in here when you aren't here! I just - I'm sorry!”
In the midst of the panicked struggle, Aloy pulled herself up, shaking off the stiffness of sore muscles as she approached the younger woman, hands up in appeasement hoping to calm her.
“Hey, hey, calm down. I'm not yelling at you. Beta, hey!” In the haze of panic fueled by interrupted sleep and embarrassment, Beta's legs seemed to give, her back sliding down the door as a quiet tear slid down her cheek. She couldn't look at the room's owner, her pale cheeks flushed a vibrant red as she gripped the fabric of her pants in an attempt to self-soothe. “Beta, talk to me. What happened?”
Aloy looked on in confusion, trying to figure out how she went from falling asleep in the midst of removing her armor to trying to figure out why there was someone else in her space, why her sister was crumpled onto the floor like a thrown blanket. She came closer, already noting the familiar pattern of shutting down that kept Beta from doing more than looking down and shaking her head. There was no forcing out words right now; she would have to wait for the younger woman to finish processing whatever set of thoughts were going through her mind at this rate, so instead of badgering for answers and seeing no immediate threats, she joined her on the floor, sat next to her like they were the day of their argument. The knee she landed on while getting out of the way of an irritated Bristleback was complaining with this action as she briefly rubbed it, sighing as she leaned back against the cold metal.
It took a lot less time than Aloy had predicted, with Beta's breathing calming down and no longer shaking her head, though the younger still couldn't bring herself to look over to the elder. She also seemed to shrink away from Aloy a bit, as if touching shoulders would make her angry.
“I'm sorry,” Beta said again, so softly that had they not been right next to each other, Aloy would have needed to strain to hear it.
“Mind telling me what you're sorry about?” There was no malice in the tone, just a tired curiosity as the back of her head leaned back. At first there was no answer, so Aloy almost asked again.
“I didn't know you were here. I just… sometimes it helps, when the nightmares come. I just didn't wanna be alone.” Beta slowly glanced towards the other woman, expecting to see the mounting irritation that had been normal in their earlier interactions when Beta couldn't bring herself to put on a brave face. Instead she saw Aloy's eyes soften and nod slowly after a moment, as if evaluating a cauldron puzzle and looking for the final piece of information.
“Why here?”
“I don't know,” Beta's eyes dropped to where her fingers were rubbing the fabric of her pants between her fingers like a child would a security blanket, trying to find any grounding force to speak again. “I just… I was scared.” The final puzzle piece clicked into place for both of them, the silent acknowledgement that their conversation from before seemed to continue and conclude. Where Aloy found strength in her connection to Rost, Beta was finding this same grounding strength in Aloy, as if the chain of safety was extended to wrap around them both. Aloy gently placed a hand on Beta's forearm, not to stop her picking, but to offer a physical form of that connection. Neither were familiar with abundant physical affection; hugs seemed to be for near death experiences and dreams for Aloy currently, but in the quiet of the night, she still offered that borrowed strength to her younger sister, helping to hold her up in the only way she knew how to.
“How often do you come in here when I'm gone?” The question was innocuous, simply for curiosity, but Beta still stiffened in response.
“Not often, I swear,” she said, shaking her head to enunciate her point. “Sometimes there's still someone in the common room, so I can just distract myself with whatever they're looking at or doing. But sometimes it's too quiet, like tonight.” She tightened her grip on the fabric, curling her fist into it like a guard. “You don't always sleep here, but it still has enough of your things to feel like you're here, I guess.” The thought struck Aloy, eyes slowly wandering over the fixtures of the room from where Fashav's knife lay, to the training dummies, to the small stand with the charms for both Rost and Elisabet. Aside from the house she grew up in, which was decidedly too close to the Proving carnage now to completely feel like home to Aloy anymore, this was actually the closest to that feeling of home that the woman had felt since that fateful day.
“Huh. I guess you're right.”
“What do you mean?” Beta finally looked over fully, confused at the response to her statement.
“I'm so used to being on the move that I didn't really pay attention to how much I have here.” She gave a generalized gesture towards the room to prove her point, lips pursed. “I never really did pay attention to how much like home this place has started to feel like.” Beta nodded at this, starting to understand the elder's thought process now. Both of them were trying to carve out a new normal for themselves, trying to ground themselves to something as close to normal as they could have with the chaos that lives around their bloodline.
“Why are you back so soon?” The question was born of curiosity, but it was also recognized as the distraction Beta normally looked for after a nightmare, which Aloy realized was much like herself.
“Erend leaves tomorrow. I wanted to make sure he had a machine ready to get through the desert.” Something tickled Beta's fancy at that, remembering Erend putting his arm around Aloy after the final fight with Tilda and her own rescue.
“I'm surprised you're not going with him to Hidden Ember.” Aloy looked over at this, brow raised. “I'm sure he wouldn't mind the company.” Something in Beta's tone, while barely there, sent off friendly fire alarm bells.
“As much as I've become fond of the showmen trio, I don't think I have it in me to decipher Stemmur's poetic speak and temper Morlund's excitement or Abadund's pessimism enough to get a straight answer out of them after how this week has gone.” It was mentally noted that she didn't mention reigning in Erend himself. The topic was left to stew as a comfortable silence took over, the flight leaving Beta as the weight of the aforementioned week settled over them. Nemesis was coming and HEPHAESTUS still needed to be recaptured, but for the moment, the immediate threat was gone. It was a time for rest, if only for a moment.
With what felt like great effort, now that the exhaustion in her bones had returned with full force, Beta pushed against the door to get up. Aloy groaned as she did the same, that injured knee letting out a pop in defiance as she stretched upwards. She turned to Beta, startled when met with a hug from the younger woman.
“Thank you,” Beta said, muffled somewhat by Aloy's longer locks. The shock wore off at this as Aloy returned the gesture, taking some comfort in the embrace herself.
“I didn't do anything,” Aloy said with a half-smile after a moment, pulling away before turning back towards the candlelit corner, already feeling awkward with the show of emotion. The dial that had eluded a panicked short-haired redhead now turned easily with the flick of the wrist, with Beta looking back at her sister returning to her bed, the remaining armor pieces being unclasped and untied. There, in the dim lighting, she looked older than her twenty years, a resigned tiredness sitting heavily in her eyes when she thought no one was looking. Beta hoped a proper sleep would lessen that dragging feeling for her, but there just seemed to be so much to do.
“Yeah, you did,” Beta replied softly as she stepped out of the door, allowing the elder to have her privacy back. As she crossed the dark common area again, the Apollo prodigy noted the lighter feeling in her heart; somewhere inside a flame flickered, each day a little stronger than the last. Tomorrow will be another day to overcome, but for tonight, within these walls, she leaned on that borrowed strength just a little more until she could one day return it in kind.