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The waiting was the worst of it; hours of staring at blinking screens and straining to hear the hint of a crackle on silent comms, it would be enough to drive anyone crazy. But this time was different. Hours turned into days, she was out there alone, and nobody seemed as worried as he was. He burst into the main battery on the second day to ask Garrus what he knew about the mission, only to receive a noncommittal shrug. ‘Only that it’s high priority and Hackett specifically requested she go alone’. With one look at Joker’s face, he softened and added, ‘She’ll be okay. She can handle herself.’
Yes, Joker thought, until she can’t.
Tali was more sympathetic, but no more helpful. ‘I know you’re worried, I am too. But this is Shepard we’re talking about. She’s been to hell and back, and she’s always made it through.’
Always. Always so far. It only took one time, and she was never coming back.
EDI refused to divulge any information about the mission. ‘There is nothing I more I can tell you, Jeff.’
‘Come on, you see everything. You know what Hackett said to her, where she was going.’
‘That information is classified.’
He slapped the armrest of his chair, a little too hard. ‘You’re unshackled. I unshackled you. You can say anything you want.’
‘I can. And I choose to respect the Commander’s wishes. This is a highly sensitive mission, and its specifics should remain between Shepard and Admiral Hackett.’
‘This is why I’m not letting you fly the ship.’
EDI’s voice resonated, calm and measured as ever. ‘Because I denied your demand in favour of Shepard’s request for privacy?’
‘Yes.’ Joker sighed, wiping a hand across his face. ‘No. I don’t know. What am I supposed to do?’
‘I suggest you engage in leisure activities to distract yourself from your concerns.’
‘Great, I’ll do that.’ Joker grumbled. He opened his omnitool, scrolled through his game backlog, then closed it again. Two days. It had been over two days.
A crackle sounded through the comms. Joker froze. Listened. Another crackle.
‘Shepard to Normandy, I need evac, now!’
His hands moved before his brain could catch up. Narrow down the location, plot the fastest course, set the engines to overdrive. She sounded afraid. He couldn’t think about that. He also couldn’t stop thinking about it. EDI’s display blinked in the corner of his eye.
‘I have to recommend against the plotted course, Jeff. The Normandy will come dangerously close to an incoming asteroid.’
An asteroid? What the hell was going on?
‘Heard and ignored, EDI. We’re going.’
In her dreams, Mindoir was burning. Her home, her school, the woods where she used to build stick cabins and pretend to be a space witch. The atmosphere was full of smoke and ashes, filling her lungs, suffocating her. Screams echoed all around, too many to count. She heard her mother’s voice, other mothers too. Parents calling for children calling for parents, a cacophony of fear and suffering. She tore blindly through the fog with aching legs, looking for someone, anyone to help, to save. The first face she saw was Batarian. So was the second, and the third. No, that wasn’t right. They did this. They didn’t need saving. Where were her people? Her family?
And yet the Batarians were burning, they were calling, they needed her. She reached out for a hand and came up with nothing but smoke. She shouted, and no sound left her throat. She looked for water, shelter, anything, but all she saw was flames. She woke up screaming.
‘Hey, hey!’ A hand tightened around hers. The lights were blinding. ‘Chakwas? We need help over here!’
She was gasping for air, forcing her eyes to stay open against the unbearable brightness. ‘You’re okay, Shepard. You’re okay, you’re on the Normandy. You’re safe.’
Joker. This was Joker’s voice. Her heart rate slowed down a fraction. She opened her mouth, and all that came out was a rattling cough. A gentle hand was placed on her shoulder, steadying her.
‘Commander.’ Another voice called. Cool. In control. Chakwas. She could see her silhouette now, still blurry against the light. She let herself be manipulated, raised to a sitting position, poked and prodded, and a glass raised to her lips. The water felt good, like it was clearing out years' worth of ashes from her throat. ‘Rest,’ Chakwas ordered. ‘I’ll be back soon.’
An unsteady breath at her side brought her back to herself. She turned to look, ignoring the stiffness in her neck. ‘Joker…’
Her vision wasn’t fully back, but she could have sworn his eyes were red. ‘You scared the shit out of us.’
She shoved the pang of guilt aside. ‘The Batarians…’
Joker shook his head. ‘I don’t know much, but from what I gathered, it wasn’t good. It was a close shave even for us.’
‘I’m sorry-’
‘What the hell happened?
She closed her eyes. ‘It’s a long story. I just doomed an entire system to delay the Reapers by…I don’t know. A few months at most.’
‘Fuck.’
She nodded. Silence fell, heavy with tension. When she spoke again, her voice was broken, barely audible over the hum of the ship. ‘What if I made the wrong call?’
‘You didn’t.’ He squeezed her hand to make her look at him. ‘You saved us all. We’re not ready to face an army of Reapers.’
‘Will we ever be?’
Seeing his face made her want to cry. She couldn’t cry. Not now. A thought popped up, saving her from breaking completely.
‘Wait, we’re not docked, are we? Is Haynes flying the ship?’
‘Haynes is on leave. EDI’s at the helm.’
She looked at him like he’d grown horns.
‘You let EDI fly the ship?’
‘I let EDI do lots of things now.’
‘Not that.’
‘Well, this was an emergency.’
She paused to look at him, his reddened eyes and rumpled uniform. His cap was askew. ‘How long have you been in here?’
He looked over to the side, fiddling with a loose thread on his knee. ‘Since we picked you up.’
‘How long ago was that?’
‘Two days…maybe three.’
She jerked forward, cringing at the pain shooting from her ribs. ‘Tell me you and your janky bones haven’t been sitting on this chair for three days.’
‘Of course not,’ he pointed to her other side. ‘I slept on that cot.’
‘Joker!’
The infirmary door slid open before she could get in her strides. ‘I tried to get him to leave,’ Chakwas offered. ‘I threatened to let Grunt fly the ship. Nothing worked.’
Shepard raised an eyebrow at the pilot. He avoided her gaze.
‘Now she’s awake, will you please go stretch your legs and get something to eat? You look like a corpse.’
‘I’m fine, I can stay.’
Chakwas stared him down. ‘I need to examine the Commander. Thoroughly.’
‘Oh!’ Joker scrambled out of his chair, trying and failing to hide a wince of pain. ‘Right, I’ll just, uh…call me when you’re done?’
‘Certainly,’ the doctor offered, her tone suggesting the opposite. She shooed him out of the room, a sliver of a smile betraying her, before returning to Shepard’s side. ‘That man is stubborn as a Varren.’
Chakwas lifted her gown and inspected her broken skin, letting her catch her breath before proceeding with a thorough cognitive examination.
‘You have a concussion, a broken rib and heavy bruising. I would suggest rest, and a lot of it, but Admiral Hackett has indicated he wants a full report as soon as possible. He would also like to talk to you in person. I would personally very much like to tell him where to shove it, but needs must. He seemed adamant the situation was dire.’
‘Right.’ Shepard sighed. ‘Can’t escape the Alliance for long.’
‘I’m afraid not,’ Chakwas sighed, reaching over to her desk and handing her a datapad. ‘You get started on that report, I’ll make sure our pilot is taken care of.’
Despite everything, Shepard smiled. ‘Thank you.’
‘Anytime, Commander.’
The door closed, and the infirmary fell silent. Somewhere inside her pounding head, the Batarians were still screaming.