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Dear Shepard,
I can’t believe you turned yourself in. That’s a lie, I can believe it. It’s exactly the kind of stupid, honorable thing you would do. You knew they were going to come down hard, make an example out of you, and you still showed up with your best Commander face hoping they’d see sense.
You’re ridiculous. Write to me.
Joker
He didn’t get to see her until they docked at the Citadel. He got a glimpse as they carried Kaidan through the airlock, and she gave him something that was more grimace than smile before disappearing again. She was worried; he knew it. For the Galaxy, for Earth, for Kaidan. Stupid, heroic Kaidan.
Hey Shepard,
Did you get my last message, or are those Alliance fuckwits blocking your comms? Are you ignoring me on purpose? Did I do something? Is it because I called you stupid? Because I followed that with honorable so really I think that cancels out.
Write me back or I’m coming to get you myself (that’s a joke, I can’t take Alliance guards in a fistfight).
Joker
He distracted himself by wandering the commons, or as much wandering as he could manage. About a year ago, he’d bought a blanket here for Shepard, after she kept falling asleep in the cockpit. Nothing he could buy would make things better now. He bought some chocolate anyway.
Dear Shepard,
You’re not getting these, are you? Did they even tell you they were restricting your messages, or do you just think no-one cares? I hope you don’t. I care. I’ve talked to Thane, Zaeed, Chakwas, Garrus and Tali, they all tried to reach out too. Nobody’s heard from you.
This fucking sucks,
J
She found him on a bench by the market stalls. There was no hugging this time, no tearful reunion. She sat next to him, and he handed her the wrapped chocolate bar without a word. She gave a tired breath of a laugh and leaned her head on his shoulder. He was too afraid to say anything after that. She might pull away. He really, really didn’t want her to pull away. Joker would have liked to stay here, on this terrible, uncomfortable bench in the middle of the commons, until the Reapers came and ended them all. No fighting it, no watching her die for an ungrateful galaxy. Just her hair against his neck, her warmth at his side, and the soft sound of her breathing under the ambient noise of the Citadel.
Shepard,
I can say whatever I want, right? You’re never going to read these. I miss you. I love you. I wish I weren’t a coward.
J
The universe had other plans.