Chapter Text
Yizhuo shot upright in bed, her body drenched in a cold sweat as she sucked in a sharp breath. Her eyes darted around the room, searching the darkness that swallowed everything whole.
She couldn’t see a thing. That only made it worse.
Her heart hammered against her ribs, each frantic beat louder than the last. Maybe it was just her imagination, but she could’ve sworn someone was there. Watching. She could feel it.
The thought sent ice through her veins.
This was the third nightmare she’d had over two days. They were getting more frequent, and the strangest part was that she couldn’t even remember them. Whatever she’d seen vanished the second she woke up, leaving behind nothing but raw, lingering terror. No faces. No voices. No memories. Just fear.
With trembling hands, she yanked the blanket over her head, curling into herself as if a thin layer of fabric could keep… something… out.
She didn’t even know what she was hiding from. It was ridiculous. She was trying to hide from a nightmare she couldn’t remember, from a threat that probably didn’t exist. But the fear did. It existed. It settled somewhere deep inside her, refusing to loosen its grip.
Sleep never came again that night. She lay awake until morning, staring into the darkness beneath her blanket, choosing to suffocate, waiting for the feeling to pass.
It never really did.
.｡ｏ♡🦋🌙
They had practice the next day.
Yizhuo walked into the practice room, her body feeling as if it weighed ten times more than usual, her eyelids threatening to close with every step she took.
She was exhausted. Running purely on an iced americano and the fact that her work still, unfortunately, had to get done. She barely had enough energy to lift her dance bag onto one of the chairs before she heard Minjeong yelling across the room.
“Ningning! Come here!”
Yizhuo looked up.
All three of her members were huddled in the corner of the practice room.
Well… two of them were huddled together. One, Aeri, was practically clinging to Jimin like a lifeline, staring wide-eyed at the huge beetle that had somehow wandered into the room.
Yizhuo couldn’t help the tiny smile that tugged at her lips.
It was honestly kind of adorable. Aeri’s fear of bugs had become something everyone knew about. The girl could perform in front of thousands of people without blinking, but one little insect? Suddenly, she forgot how to function.
Since they were around each other so much, Yizhuo had somehow become Aeri’s designated human bug shield. Whenever a bug appeared, Aeri’s first instinct was always to grab onto the nearest person. More often than not… that person was Yizhuo.
Though, she didn’t really mind. Actually, Yizhuo kind of liked it. Like the grabbing. Getting pulled closer without warning. The warmth that always came with it.
Yizhuo crossed the room, peeking over Minjeong’s shoulder at the beetle balanced on her finger.
“…Eugh,” she muttered, looking into its black eyes.
Minjeong gasped dramatically, whipping around to face Yizhuo. “It is not eugh,” she scolded, holding her finger closer to her face as she carefully inspected the tiny insect. “It’s actually kind of cute.”
“Cute my ass!” Aeri cried from behind Jimin. “Throw that thing outside!” Her voice echoed through the practice room, making Jimin wince as she covered both ears.
Aeri immediately grimaced. “…Sorry.” She took one cautious step away from Jimin. Her eyes, however, never left the beetle.
Minjeong noticed. A mischievous grin spread across her face.
Slowly… very slowly… she took one step toward Aeri.
Aeri pointed a finger at her immediately. “Don’t you fucking dare, Kim Minjeong.”
Minjeong took another step.
Aeri took two back.
“I-I swear on everything I love.”
Yizhuo almost laughed. Almost. But the feeling disappeared as quickly as it had come.
Something wasn’t right.
She looked around the practice room. The lights were dim, which wasn’t unusual. They all preferred practicing with softer lighting this early in the morning. The mirrors reflected the room in dull shades of gray, speakers resting against the wall, a worn-out couch shoved into the corner.
Everything looked normal. So why did she feel like someone was watching her?
Goosebumps crawled up both of her arms. Her chest tightened. She looked toward the doorway. Nothing. Toward the mirrors. Nothing. The storage closet. Nothing.
She couldn’t shake the feeling. The laughter behind her slowly faded into meaningless noise.
Her heartbeat grew louder. Her palms felt cold. She swallowed. Was it because of the nightmare? She couldn’t even remember it. Not a single detail. Only the fear it had left behind. It felt exactly the same now. Like something was standing just outside her line of sight. Watching. Waiting.
Yizhuo’s breathing became a little shallower. She wrapped her arms around herself without even realizing she’d done it.
Then—
A hand rested gently on her shoulder. Yizhuo nearly jumped out of her skin. She spun around so quickly her ponytail whipped across her cheek.
Aeri.
She was standing beside her with a small crease between her brows. Gone was the girl screaming over a beetle. Now she just looked concerned. A stark contrast from her normally calm demeanor.
“You okay?” Her thumb rubbed absentmindedly against Yizhuo’s shoulder. It was such a tiny gesture. Yet somehow, it grounded her. The panic loosened its grip almost instantly.
It always happened like that. Whenever Aeri was around, everything felt a little quieter. A little safer. Yizhuo let out a slow breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding.
“Yeah.” Her voice sounded smaller than she’d intended. She glanced around the room one last time. Nothing. Nothing at all. Maybe she really was just imagining things.
She looked back at Aeri and forced an easy smile.
“It’s nothing.” She shook her head softly. “I’m okay.”
Aeri tilted her head. Yizhuo thought she looked like a cute floppy-eared puppy.
“You sure?”
Yizhuo’s smile became genuine this time.
Aeri was so caring, she thought. She wished Aeri knew how much that really meant to her.
“Yeah,” she said quietly. “I’m okay, unnie.”
Aeri studied her for another second before smiling back and softly saying, “Good.”
The moment lingered just long enough for Yizhuo to feel herself truly relax.
“Girls!”
Their choreographer’s voice echoed through the room. All four of them looked over at once.
“Practice. Now.”
The bubble around Yizhuo and Aeri burst almost instantly. They exchanged sheepish smiles before hurrying over to join Jimin and Minjeong.
As Yizhuo took her place, she let out a deep sigh.
Everything was okay. There was no reason to be scared at all. It was just a dream, and none of it was real.
…
The rest of practice came and went.
Yizhuo couldn’t remember half of it.
She moved when everyone else moved. Counted when everyone else counted. Smiled whenever she was supposed to smile. It all felt automatic, her body carrying her through the choreography while her mind drifted somewhere far away.
“You’ve been off all day.”
Yizhuo looked up.
Aeri had wandered over to the small couch she was sitting on sometime during the break, a towel draped around her neck and strands of brunette hair sticking to her forehead from sweat. She tilted her head ever so slightly, studying Yizhuo’s face.
“Yeah?” Yizhuo asked, blinking up at her, trying to put on a façade. Trying to hide the exhaustion that ran through her body.
“A little,” Aeri admitted with a small shrug. “You missed two counts earlier.”
Yizhuo’s eyebrows knit together. “I did?”
“Mhm.” Aeri smiled softly. “You covered it well, though. I don’t think anyone would’ve noticed if I wasn’t staring.”
Yizhuo’s face warmed at the unexpected confession. “Uhm… why were you staring at me?” she questioned, brows furrowed.
Aeri looked caught off guard for half a second, like she hadn’t meant to say that out loud, before fiddling with her hands. “I-I don’t know.” She laughed awkwardly. “I guess I just notice you a lot.”
Silence settled between them. It was the gentle and calm kind instead of the awkward kind. Never awkward. The kind of silence that you could comfortably sit in and enjoy.
Yizhuo looked down at the floor and muttered a small, “Sorry.”
Aeri frowned immediately at the younger woman, her heart twisting at the sight of her looking so upset. So exhausted.
She had noticed before. She had noticed how Yizhuo seemed to walk more sluggishly recently. How she was constantly looking over her shoulder like something would come at her if she wasn’t constantly aware of her surroundings. And she noticed how she was trying to hide it all. Although, she wasn’t very good at it.
“For what?”
“I’ve just…” Yizhuo fiddled with her own hands now, picking at her nails subconsciously. “been weird today.”
“No, you’re tired today,” Aeri corrected gently.
Yizhuo let out a quiet breath through her nose. She wanted to protest. To get defensive. To hide how she was truly feeling. But Aeri seemed to know how she was feeling before she herself even knew. So it was pointless.
“I am tired.” She simply admitted.
Aeri nodded slowly, not taking her eyes off the younger woman. She gently sat down next to her, one leg folded under her, facing Yizhuo. Her voice was soft when she asked, “Tired because you stayed up drawing again?”
Yizhuo hesitated. Her fingers picked and pulled at the loose strings of her sweatpants. “Something like that…”
She hated lying. Especially to Aeri. But telling her the truth somehow felt worse. How was she supposed to explain that she’d started dreading the moment she closed her eyes? That sleep itself had begun to scare her?
Before Aeri could ask another question, their choreographer clapped loudly from the front of the room.
“Ten-minute break’s over!”
Groans immediately echoed around the studio. Jimin dramatically let herself fall backward onto the floor. “I’m dead,” she complained.
Minjeong walked over, crouched beside her, and held out a water bottle.
“No,” she corrected. “You’re dramatic.”
Jimin huffed, taking the bottle. “I’m both.”
“No… just dramatic.”
Aeri laughed. The sound made Yizhuo glance over without thinking.
Aeri laughed with her whole body. Her shoulders bounced, her eyes disappeared into crescents, and the little dimple in her cheek made another appearance.
She laughed so hard at the silliest things. Yizhuo found herself smiling before she even realized she was doing it. But not at Jimin and Minjeong.
Aeri caught it. Of course she did. She looked back to Yizhuo, smile still on her face. “What?”
Yizhuo’s smile immediately disappeared.
“Nothing—” she quickly said.
Aeri folded her arms, pretending to be suspicious. “You’ve said ‘nothing’ like five times today, Ning.”
“Really?” Yizhuo played dumb.
“Yup.” Aeri stepped a little closer, lowering her voice. “You know…” Yizhuo looked up and was met with soft and worried brown eyes looking down into her own. Eyes that practically begged her to get lost in them. “If something’s bothering you…” Aeri hesitated for a moment before finishing quietly, “you can tell me.”
Yizhuo’s chest tightened. She knew that. She knew she could tell Aeri anything. That was the problem. She wanted to. She just didn’t know how. Instead, she offered the smallest smile she could manage.
“It’s nothing.”
Aeri sighed, though there wasn’t an ounce of frustration in it.
“Okay.” She smiled anyway. “But if you change your mind…” She lightly bumped Yizhuo’s shoulder with her own. “I’m around.”
Yizhuo grinned at her for another second before giving a tiny nod. “Okay.”
.｡ｏ♡🦋🌙
Practice finally ended sometime after midnight. Yizhuo barely remembered leaving the building. Her body felt heavy, her eyes burned with exhaustion, and all she wanted was to crawl into bed and disappear beneath the blankets.
No matter how much she tried to stop, she kept thinking about the dream from the night before.
She couldn’t remember what had happened. She couldn’t remember what she’d seen. But she remembered the feeling. That awful, suffocating fear that had followed her even after she’d opened her eyes.
And now, standing alone outside in the dark of her apartment, she couldn’t help but wonder if it would happen again.
Yizhuo quickly shook the thought away.
She was tired. That was all.
By the time she reached her room, she didn’t even bother changing properly. She kicked off her shoes, tossed her phone onto the mattress, and crawled underneath the blankets.
Maybe if she fell asleep quickly enough, she wouldn’t dream at all. Maybe if she thought positively enough, nothing would happen.
She closed her eyes.
For a while, the silence was deafening. She tried to distract herself by thinking of puppies and cute kittens. Cliché, yes, but it was all she had left. She desperately wanted the nightmares to stop.
She lay there for awhile, eyes heavy, body aching.
Then she was somewhere else.
Yizhuo opened her eyes.
This dream was unlike any other dream she had ever had. Everything was so vivid. So real. The weirdest part was that she was sitting beside Aeri, somewhere she couldn’t recognize. It was quiet, almost peaceful. The two of them sat together on a bench, their shoulders barely touching.
For a moment, Yizhuo felt completely safe. Like she always felt when she was around the older woman. Aeri seemed to have some kind of magical power or aura that was so calming to be around. So peaceful.
Then she spoke. Her voice soft, gentle.
“I have to go.”
Yizhuo turned toward her. “What?”
Everything felt so real. The hard material of the bench beneath her. The wind that blew gently. Aeri’s presence.
Aeri looked down at her hands, a strange sadness in her eyes. “I can’t stay anymore.”
Yizhuo’s chest tightened. “Why?” she asked, her face forming its own sad look.
Aeri didn’t answer.
“Aeri, why?” She reached over, grabbing Aeri’s sleeve before she could stand. “Did I do something?”
Aeri looked at her, and god, if Yizhuo could take a picture with her mind, she would. Aeri looked so effortlessly pretty. She always did. It was like she never had to try, she simply just… was. Yizhuo could and would stare at that face for as long as Aeri would let her.
“No,” Aeri said, now looking away.
Yizhuo swallowed the lump in her throat. “Then why are you leaving?” Her voice cracked. She didn’t understand. Everything had been fine. Aeri had been there. She had always been there. She was supposed to stay. “I don’t want you to leave.”
Aeri gave her a small smile before softly saying, “I know.” Then she gently pulled her sleeve from Yizhuo’s hand.
Yizhuo stood immediately.
“Wait.”
Aeri turned away.
“Aeri, wait!”
She started walking. Yizhuo followed.
“Please.”
Aeri kept walking. Yizhuo tried to catch up, but her legs felt heavy. Every step became harder than the last, like gravity was working against her.
“Don’t—don’t leave me. I’m sorry.”
Aeri finally stopped. For one second, Yizhuo thought she’d turn around.
She didn’t.
And then she was gone. Yizhuo stood completely still. The silence that followed was so empty. So lifeless. She looked around, searching for her. She saw nothing. Aeri had vanished.
“Aeri?” Yizhuo’s voice trembled. “Aeri!” Nothing answered. Yizhuo’s eyes burned as she desperately looked around the empty space.
She was alone.
She dropped to her knees, staring down at her hands, wondering what had gone wrong. What happened? She felt hot tears streaming down her cheeks.
“No.” She wiped at her tears, her mind racing. How could she have let this happen? How could she have made the person she loved with her whole heart and soul leave? How? How.
“No, no, no, no, no—”
Yizhuo jolted awake.
Her breath caught in her throat as she sat upright, eyes wide and heart pounding. For several seconds, she couldn’t tell where she was.
Her room slowly came back into focus.
The darkness. The familiar shape of her desk. The faint light coming through the curtains.
Yizhuo pressed a trembling hand against her chest and took a slow breath. She felt her heart pounding beneath her palm.
It was just a dream. Again.
She rubbed her eyes, trying to calm herself down, but the feeling wouldn’t leave. Her throat felt tight, and she hated how helpless she suddenly felt.
Reaching for her phone, she checked the time.
3:17 a.m.
There was a notification waiting for her.
Yizhuo frowned, checking to see who it was.
A message from Aeri.
She unlocked her phone after blankly looking at the name on her lock screen for a moment.
Aeri-nim: you awake?
Yizhuo stared at it. The message had been sent almost twenty minutes ago. She hesitated before typing.
Ningie:yeah
read appeared under her message almost immediately.
Aeri-nim: really?
Aeri-nim: i thought you would’ve been asleep by now
Yizhuo swallowed. Her fingers hovered over the keyboard. She didn’t know why, but suddenly she wanted to tell her. Maybe because Aeri had been the only person who seemed to notice that something was wrong.
Ningie: i had a nightmare
The typing bubble appeared immediately after.
Aeri-nim: oh
Aeri-nim: are you okay?
Yizhuo stared at those three words for a long moment. She almost typed yes. She almost gave her the same answer she’d given everyone else.
Instead, she wrote:
Ningie: not really
There was a pause.
Then:
Aeri-nim: do you wanna talk about it?
Yizhuo pulled her knees toward her chest, resting her chin against them. She didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t bring herself to tell Aeri that her nightmare was about her. That she was so incredibly scared of losing her that the feeling was now invading her dreams. That she couldn’t imagine a life without the other woman.
Ningie: I don’t remember it. I just remember being scared
Aeri replied a few seconds later.
Aeri-nim: that’s okay :)
Aeri-nim: you can just stay here with me for a while, yeah?
Yizhuo’s eyes softened, and she typed out:
Ningie: you’re not sleeping?
Aeri-nim: nope
Aeri-nim: can’t sleep
Aeri-nim: apparently my brain decided 3am was the perfect time to think about everything i’ve ever done wrong lol
Yizhuo let out a quiet laugh. It was small, barely audible even to herself. But it was the first genuine laugh she’d made since waking up.
Ningie: you’re an idiot
Aeri-nim: wow
Aeri-nim: i’m trying to comfort you and this is how you repay me?
Yizhuo smiled down at her phone.
They kept talking. Talking about nothing important at first. Music. Food. Practice. The stupidest things Aeri had done as a kid. The weirdest things Yizhuo had ever eaten.
Eventually, they started talking about things neither of them usually told people. And somewhere between one conversation and the next, Yizhuo realized something.
She wasn’t scared anymore. She was just listening to Aeri talk. And for tonight, that was enough.
.｡ｏ♡🦋🌙
Yizhuo woke up with the feeling that she’d forgotten something.
For a few seconds, she stayed completely still beneath her blankets, staring at the ceiling. Her room was quiet. Morning light seeped through the curtains, painting pale lines across the walls.
Then she remembered: Aeri.
Her stomach twisted. Yizhuo squeezed her eyes shut, trying to push the dream away. It hadn’t been real. She knew that. Aeri hadn’t left. She was still here. Everything was fine.
So why did the thought of losing her still make her chest hurt?
Yizhuo reached for her phone on the nightstand, mostly to distract herself. She had a few notifications waiting, but one immediately caught her attention.
A message from Aeri.
Aeri-nim: good morningggg
Aeri-nim: oh nvm lol I didn’t check the time. I guess good afternoon
Aeri-nim: are you awake?
Yizhuo stared at the screen. A small smile tugged at the corner of her lips before she could stop it. She looked up at the time. It read: 12:15 p.m. Thankfully, they had a later practice today, so she was able to relax for a bit.
Ningie: yeah
Ningie: just woke up
The typing bubble appeared almost immediately again, like Aeri was sitting and waiting for her to respond.
Aeri-nim: same
Aeri-nim: i’m so tired 😭 i don’t think i can survive today
Yizhuo let out a quiet laugh, rubbing her eyes.
Ningie: dramatic
Aeri-nim: says the girl who screamed bloody murder when a bee landed on her the other day
Ningie: can you really be talking..?
Aeri-nim: damn..you’re right. forget i said anything
She couldn’t help it. Yizhuo smiled. The strange heaviness she’d woken up with hadn’t disappeared completely, but it wasn’t pressing against her chest anymore. Somehow, just seeing Aeri’s name on her screen had made it easier to breathe.
Yizhuo stared at their conversation for another few seconds before realizing what she was doing.
She quickly locked her phone, turning it face down in her lap.
Why was she smiling like that? She tossed the phone onto her bed somewhere far away and turned to bury her face into her pillow. She was being ridiculous. The warmth to her face was ridiculous. The way she couldn’t get rid of the stupid smile on her face was absolutely ridiculous.
Aeri was just her friend. That was all. Her friend.
…Right?
.｡ｏ♡🦋🌙
By the time Yizhuo arrived at practice, she’d mostly convinced herself that the nightmare hadn’t affected her.
Mostly.
She pushed open the practice room door and immediately spotted Aeri. She was sitting on the floor beside Jimin, messing around with something on her phone. Her hair was pulled back messily, a few strands falling around her face.
Yizhuo stopped in the doorway.
There she was. Safe. Yizhuo hadn’t realized she’d been holding her breath until she finally let it out.
Aeri looked up. Her face immediately brightened.
“Ningning!”
Yizhuo’s chest did something strange. She walked over, trying to act normal.
“Hi.”
Aeri smiled up at her. “You look tired.”
“So do you.”
“Wow.” Aeri placed a hand dramatically over her heart. “And I thought you were going to be nice to me today.”
Yizhuo rolled her eyes, but the smile on her face betrayed her. Aeri noticed. She always noticed. There was nothing that Yizhuo could hide from her.
“You’re smilinggg,” Aeri pointed out.
“No, bro, I’m not.” Yizhuo tried to hide the smile, but her lips continued to curl against her own will at Aeri’s face.
Aeri’s face seemed to light up like she had won something. Like her goal was to make Yizhuo look like a middle schooler when she saw her crush in the hallway.
She patted the ground, urging Yizhuo to sit.
Yizhuo sat down immediately, obeying. It was almost robotic. She sat so close that her knee brushed against Aeri’s, her skin feeling soft against her own. She thanked herself for having chosen to wear shorts today.
The best part was: Aeri didn’t move. Not an inch. In fact, she scooted closer so that they were side by side, so close that Yizhuo could feel the warmth radiating from her and the sweet, woody perfume that she had on.
Every inhale she took smelled like Aeri. Every time she moved, she felt Aeri’s knee against her own. Her senses were being overwhelmed. But her body was craving her. Craving closeness. Craving… something more.
.｡ｏ♡🦋🌙
The next day, Yizhuo woke up feeling strangely rested.
Not completely. She still felt tired, and there was a faint heaviness behind her eyes, but it was nothing compared to the exhaustion she’d been carrying around lately.
Maybe it was because she’d actually slept for a few hours without waking up.
Or maybe it was because she’d spent half the night talking to Aeri.
Yizhuo reached for her phone before she could stop herself. There were a few messages waiting for her. Her eyes immediately found Aeri’s name.
Aeri-nim: good morninggg
Aeri-nim: don’t forget to eat breakfast again!!!
Aeri-nim: this is your official warning
Yizhuo stared at the messages. A small smile appeared on her face as she typed back.
Ningie: you’re not my mom
The response came after a few seconds.
Aeri-nim: No, but someone has to take care of you
Yizhuo’s fingers stopped above the keyboard. She reread the message. Once. Twice. Three times. Heat traveled from her neck to her face. Her cheeks slowly warmed, turning a hue of light pink.
She locked her phone and tossed it onto the bed.
What was wrong with her? It was just Aeri being Aeri. She was friendly with everyone. She cared about people. That didn’t mean anything.
But why did it feel so good?
…
By the time Yizhuo arrived at practice, she’d convinced herself to stop thinking about it.
That lasted approximately thirty seconds.
“Ning-ah!”
Yizhuo looked up. Aeri was standing across the room, waving at her with the biggest smile on her face. And just like that, the strange warmth returned. Yizhuo hated how easily Aeri could do that. She hated how her eyes automatically searched for her whenever she entered a room.
She hated how much she noticed the little things. The way Aeri smiled when she was excited. The way she stuck the tip of her tongue out whenever she was concentrating. The way she always seemed to find Yizhuo first.
And most of all, she hated how much she liked it.
Aeri walked over and stopped in front of her. “You’re early,” she said, her voice way too bright.
“So are you.”
“I wanted to see you.”
The words slipped out so naturally that Aeri didn’t seem to realize what she’d said. Yizhuo froze. Aeri froze too. For a second, neither of them spoke. Then Aeri cleared her throat and looked away.
“I mean… I wanted to see everyone, obviously,” she muttered with an awkward laugh.
Yizhuo looked at her questioningly, eyebrow raised. “Right… everyone.”
Aeri nodded quickly. “Everyone.” She repeated, a light blush now dusting her cheeks. Yizhuo, again, couldn’t help the tiny smile that appeared at the way Aeri tried her hardest to go back to looking “cool,” but failed miserably and ended up looking even more like an awkward Chihuahua.
Neither of them said anything else. But for the rest of practice, neither seemed particularly interested in putting any distance between them. Sitting as close as they possibly could during breaks. A thing that had become so normal for them over the years.
.｡ｏ♡🦋🌙
Yizhuo was really starting to worry Aeri.
She worried her because Aeri had noticed how the younger woman seemed to be up during ungodly hours of the night, active on Instagram. Or how she frequently seemed so paranoid during practice, or even when they were simply sitting together in her apartment eating food.
She constantly checked over her shoulder, jumped at noises from outside, and always turned the nearest light on whenever she had to go somewhere remotely dark or dim. Like she had to see her surroundings to make sure they were safe.
And now, the girls were on another one of their outings together, which was unfortunately coming to an end.
They’d had fun. They ate hotpot, talked about their lives, and reminisced about how much they missed their hometowns. They ate ice cream together, and Aeri could’ve cried when hers ended up flopping onto the ground, leaving mint chocolate chip to paint the sidewalk.
It was a good day. Aeri thought it was an amazing way to spend an off day, especially since she got to spend it with her best friend.
Friend.
That word was thrown around so loosely. It had turned from something meaningless into something that was now questionable.
Aeri had felt the tension between them turn into something much heavier. Much deeper over the years.
Aeri found something in Yizhuo that she hadn’t been able to find in anyone else. Yizhuo made her happy. Her other friends made her happy, yes, but it seemed different with Yizhuo. Aeri wondered if she could feel it too. Feel the way Aeri practically craved her presence. Sought her out like she was starving. Starving for her attention. To be as close to her as possible.
“Oh, it’s raining.”
Aeri looked over. Yizhuo was looking up at the sky as tiny dribbles of rain began falling onto her face.
She looked so pretty.
Maybe Aeri was just a simp, but the way the fading sunlight hit her face through the clouds made her look like an actual angel. Her soft, doey eyes, her long lashes, smooth skin, the gentle curve of her jaw…
Aeri forced herself to look away, which was pretty much equivalent to a punishment.
She held her hand out, feeling the small droplets land softly against her palm. “Bummer,” she said, frowning. “I was having fun.”
Yizhuo looked over at her with an awkward smile. “Do you… wanna go back to yours and watch a movie?”
A grin reached Aeri’s face before she could stop it.
“You read my mind.”
…
As soon as the girls stepped foot into Aeri’s apartment, they showered, changed, and instantly settled down on Aeri’s couch. They put on the newest Deadpool, though Aeri had to convince Yizhuo to let her watch the movie again for the umpteenth time. But it didn’t take long for the younger woman to give in to her insistent whining.
They were currently sitting side by side, sharing one blanket. Deadpool was in the middle of fighting with Logan’s skeleton when Aeri felt a knee brush against her own.
She looked over at Yizhuo, who seemed to act as if nothing had happened.
So she didn’t move. It wasn’t like she minded at all. But the heat that warmed her entire body made her want to squirm around.
Aeri tried to focus on the movie. She really did. But after a few minutes, she became painfully aware of the fact that Yizhuo was slowly getting closer.
Not intentionally. At least, Aeri didn’t think so.
The blanket had slipped down Yizhuo’s shoulder, so she tugged it back up. Then her arm settled against Aeri’s.
Aeri’s entire body went still. She glanced sideways. Yizhuo didn’t seem to notice. She was staring at the television, her eyes becoming heavier with every passing minute.
Aeri smiled.
“You tired?”
“No,” Yizhuo mumbled, though it was painfully obvious by the way she was fighting to keep her eyes open.
Aeri raised an eyebrow. “You know, you can just go to sleep, Ningie. No one’s forcing you to stay up.”
“I’m not tired.”
“Right…”
Yizhuo finally looked over, giving her a tired glare. “I’m watching the movie,” she said, with the smallest smile.
“You’ve watched this movie like eight times with me already.”
“And?”
Aeri laughed quietly. “And nothing.”
Yizhuo rolled her eyes and turned back toward the television. A few seconds later, her head slowly tipped toward Aeri’s shoulder.
Aeri felt her heart jump. She waited. Yizhuo didn’t move away. Instead, she settled against her, cheek resting comfortably against Aeri’s shoulder.
Aeri’s lips curled into a smile. She didn’t dare move. For once, Yizhuo looked completely relaxed. No checking the door. No glancing toward the windows. No nervous fidgeting.
Just sleep.
Aeri lowered the volume on the television and glanced down at her.
“You really are cute when you’re asleep,” she whispered. Yizhuo obviously didn’t hear her. Aeri was glad, honestly. She would’ve never heard the end of it if she did.
Eventually, the movie ended. The credits began rolling across the screen, filling the room with soft music.
Aeri looked down again. Yizhuo hadn’t moved.
“Ning?” Nothing. Aeri gently nudged her shoulder. “Ningning.” The younger woman only mumbled something and buried her face further into Aeri’s shoulder.
Aeri’s smile widened. “Okay. I guess that’s my answer.”
She carefully shifted out from beneath her, but Yizhuo immediately stirred.
Aeri froze. “Shh. I’m not leaving.” She softly said.
That seemed to calm her.
Aeri slipped one arm beneath Yizhuo’s back and another beneath her knees, carefully lifting her from the couch.
Yizhuo instinctively curled closer, her head resting against Aeri’s shoulder. Aeri’s heart nearly melted. “God, you’re so cute,” she squeaked out, almost tripping on a loose sock on the floor while admiring the woman she was carrying.
She carried her down the hallway toward the spare bedroom, trying not to think too much about how naturally Yizhuo fit in her arms.
Once inside, Aeri gently lowered her onto the bed. She pulled the blanket over her, making sure her shoulders were covered before stepping back.
For a moment, Aeri just stood there. There was something strange about seeing Yizhuo in her apartment like this.
Something that made the place feel warmer. It wasn’t the first time she’d been here. And definitely not the first time she’d slept over. But it never failed to make Aeri see how much she appreciated Yizhuo. How happy Yizhuo made her. Just watching her sleep was the most precious moment she’d had all day. To see Yizhuo relaxing somewhere she knew she was comfortable and safe: with Aeri.
Aeri shook the thought away, sighing. She walked to the door, but before she left, she glanced back at Yizhuo’s sleeping figure.
“Goodnight, Ningning,” she whispered, a smile on her face.
She quietly shut the door.
…
Yizhuo was standing. Maybe floating? She didn’t know. She couldn’t see anything. There was nothing beneath her feet, nothing above her, nothing around her. Just darkness swallowing her whole.
Then she heard a voice.
“Aeri?” Her own voice echoed back at her. She turned around. Nothing.
“Aeri?”
This time, there was a sound. A faint laugh. Yizhuo’s heart jumped.
“Aeri!” She ran toward it. The darkness began to disappear, revealing a familiar figure standing several feet away.
Aeri.
Yizhuo stopped. Relief flooded through her so quickly that she almost cried.
“Aeri…”
Aeri smiled at her. But something was wrong. Yizhuo couldn’t move. She watched helplessly as Aeri slowly began fading away, her figure becoming more transparent with every passing second.
“No.”
Yizhuo tried to run toward her. She couldn’t.
“No, no, wait!”
Aeri only smiled. Then she disappeared. Again. Leaving Yizhuo alone for the second time in pure darkness.
Yizhuo woke with a sharp gasp.
Her eyes flew open, her chest rising and falling rapidly as she stared into the darkness of the unfamiliar room.
For a few seconds, she didn’t know where she was.
Then she remembered. She was in Aeri’s apartment. As her vision adjusted to the dark, she recognized the room as Aeri’s spare bedroom.
The dream.
Her hands began trembling. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to convince herself that it had only been a dream, but the feeling wouldn’t leave. That horrible emptiness in her chest remained.
“Aeri…” The name escaped her lips before she could stop it.
It was only a dream. It wasn’t real. Aeri was here. Somewhere down the hall.
The thought should’ve comforted her. It didn’t. Not enough. Yizhuo climbed out of bed, her bare feet touching the cold floor. She hesitated outside the bedroom door, staring down the dark hallway.
She hated this.
She hated feeling like this. She hated needing someone. But she didn’t want to be alone. Her feet carried her toward Aeri’s bedroom before she could talk herself out of it.
She stopped outside the door. Her hand hovered over the handle.
What if Aeri was asleep? What if she woke her up? What if she thought Yizhuo was being weird?
A tear slipped down her cheek.
She knocked. Nothing.
She knocked again, quieter this time.
“Aeri?”
The door opened a few seconds later. Aeri stood there with messy hair, and half-open eyes.
“Ningning?”
Yizhuo stared up at her. For some reason, just seeing her made her eyes burn.
Aeri’s sleepy expression immediately disappeared. “Hey.” She stepped closer. “What’s wrong?”
Yizhuo opened her mouth. Nothing came out. Her lips trembled instead.
Aeri’s eyes softened.
“Oh, Ning…” She opened her arms. “Come here.”
Yizhuo stepped forward. The second Aeri wrapped her arms around her, she broke. She buried her face against Aeri’s shoulder, hands gripping the back of her shirt as quiet sobs escaped her.
Aeri held her tightly. “It’s okay,” she whispered. “I’m here.”
Yizhuo shook her head against her shoulder.
“I had another dream.”
Aeri rubbed her back slowly.
“Was it bad?”
Yizhuo nodded.
“Do you want to tell me?”
Another shake.
Aeri didn’t push. “Okay. You don’t have to,” she murmured, pulling Yizhuo impossibly closer to her.
Yizhuo squeezed her eyes shut. “I thought I lost you,” she mumbled into the older woman’s shoulder.
Aeri’s heart clenched. She pulled back just enough to look at Yizhuo’s face. Even with red eyes and tear-soaked cheeks, Aeri still thought she looked so pretty.
“You didn’t,” she reassured. Yizhuo looked at her through tear-filled eyes. “I’m right here, jagiya.”
Yizhuo swallowed. The words were simple. But somehow, they were exactly what she needed to hear.
Aeri gently wiped the tears from her cheek with her thumb. “Do you want to stay with me tonight?”
Yizhuo hesitated, looking into Aeri’s eyes. Then she nodded without another thought.
Aeri smiled softly. “C’mon.” She stepped to the side, letting Yizhuo step into her room, shutting the door behind them.
She went back to her bed and pulled the blanket back, letting Yizhuo climb into it.
Yizhuo crawled onto the opposite side. She remained stiff for a moment, unsure of what to do with herself. She had been in Aeri’s bed before, but not under these circumstances.
Aeri noticed. Noticed how Yizhuo seemed so frightened still. How her eyes darted around the room. How her hands were still shaking.
“Hey.” She nudged Yizhuo. “You can come closer. I don’t bite.”
Yizhuo’s eyes widened, and she let out an awkward laugh. “Yeah… right.” She slowly shifted closer until her shoulder touched Aeri’s.
Aeri pulled the blanket over them both.
For a few moments, neither spoke. They simply sat with each other. It was comforting. But anything that had to do with Aeri was comforting. Even if it was simply sitting in the dark.
After a moment, Yizhuo quietly reached over and grabbed the sleeve of Aeri’s shirt.
Aeri looked down. She didn’t tease her. She just simply moved closer, turning and wrapping an arm around Yizhuo, knowing exactly what she wanted but couldn’t verbalize.
And, to Yizhuo’s surprise, she pulled them both down onto the bed, the older’s hand on her back seeping warmth onto her skin through her shirt.
“Better?” Aeri asked.
Yizhuo nodded against her shoulder, her entire body warming. Her breathing seemed to calm, and her hands slowly stopped shaking as she relaxed into Aeri.
Aeri smiled. “Good.”
Yizhuo closed her eyes. She felt so protected. So safe. But it wasn’t enough. She didn’t think she could ever get enough. She was greedy.
Yizhuo slowly moved an arm to wrap around Aeri’s waist. She moved closer until she was pressed against Aeri’s chest. Until she could feel the beating of her heart. She smelt so good. Like lavender and vanilla.
Aeri tightened her grip not waiting another second to be closer. Not wanting to be even a centimeter apart.
She placed her head atop Yizhuo’s and whispered, “I love you.” It was so soft, so quiet, and so genuine that Yizhuo instantly melted. The words flowed through her like sweet honey. and yeah. She knew she could never get enough of this. Of Aeri.
Yizhuo would let herself be consumed by everything she felt for her if she wasn’t already. By every feeling that she was too scared to tell right now. By all the sweet words and actions Aeri gave her. By the gentle touch of the older woman in her arms. By everything.