Chapter Text
9:30 PM, the armed detective agency was already empty, except for Fukuzawa, who was still sitting at the desk of his office, reading a few cases to make sure all of them were already solved. That was just a distraction, he was waiting for something, or better said, for someone.
Then, the echo of familiar steps became closer. The door was pushed open.
"Until you finally decided to come. I've been waiting you for an hour."
Fukuzawa complained with a bored tone, adjusting his glasses. He didn't bother to look up at the person that just opened the door.
"Oh, my apologies, I've been too busy to arrive earlier. Thank you for waiting anyway."
A soft click filled the quiet room as the other man shut the door behind him. Mori Ougai smiled, and the president finally drifted his gaze towards him, just to see those same empty and drained eyes, hidden by a polished facade of fake composure and charm.
"I only waited because you don't call me frequently, and your tone told me this is going to be serious."
Mori's smile cracked slightly at Fukuzawa's response, because he was right. He wasn't here to talk bullshit, nor to manipulate or make stupid agreements. He wasn't the boss of the PM right now, he was just... Mori, if that even existed at this point.
"Well, you got me, I'm not here for business."
His silhouette slid gracefully towards the president's desk, leaning his hip against the wood as he crossed his arms across his chest.
"So, why are you here?"
A brief pause, the superficial smile of the boss fading into a dull expression, his voice dropping to something uncomfortably personal.
"I don't know what to do anymore, Fukuzawa."
The older man arched an eyebrow, his gaze now focused with full attention to the mafia boss.
"That can mean a lot of things, Mori."
The black haired man let out a dry chuckle, trying to suppress the burning sadness in his eyes.
"I'm just... tired. The weight of such a strict role, having to be cruel, to make others bleed, to use them and then step back as if nothing happened... I know it happened, and I can't change it."
Fukuzawa narrowed his eyes, contemplating the words of the other, charged with complex emotions no one else knew about. He sighed, taking off his glasses and setting them on the desk as he ran a hand through his hair.
"Yeah, who told you to accept to become the boss of the port mafia?"
"Oh, are you really that slow?"
Fukuzawa shoot a glare at Mori, asking in a defensive tone.
"Just say it."
Mori sighed, turning his head to the shut door as he murmured.
"Natsume-sensei, he knew about how war built me, and he told me I was the perfect man to take that role and 'save' the city from the hands of the last crazy boss, who was just destroying everything and causing more problems than they already were. 'Damaging for a greater cause', that is his legacy, and now it's mine too."
Fukuzawa went quiet, the pen he was tapping against the wood froze between his fingers.
He didn't know that, did he really found this out barely now?
"Wait, are you telling me you did all of this because... our sensei told you to?"
"..."
"Yes. I already lost myself in the war anyway, and he was right. The city is much more secure since I became the boss compared to what was before. Of course, what I do is not okay at all, but... this is how it ended up, and now I have no choice but to keep it up."
The president swallowed dry, feeling a chill running through his body. No, Mori was just evil, he hurt Yosano, Dazai, Kyouka, he keeps multiple mafia members as prisoners, he's...
"I know what you're thinking, Fukuzawa. I'm not telling you this to fell compassion towards me. I've done awful things, I'm very aware of it, and I'll most likely not stop, I don't deserve anyone's compassion."
The room fell into a heavy silence, Fukuzawa parted his lips to say something, but nothing came out of his mouth.
Then, rushed steps approached the door, which made both of them freeze in panic.
"Fukuzawa!! Are you still there??"
A Knock, two, three. Both hissed as Fukuzawa stood up abruptly.
"Fuck, fuck, she can't see you here. Get out of the room."
Mori didn't think twice. He activated his skill, manifesting Elise to pick him up by the collar of his uniform and get out through the window.
More knocks that became rougher and impatient.
"Fukuzawa, what the fuck are you doing?? Open the door!!"
Yosano exclaimed with irritation, her voice slightly slurred with booze. The door finally swang open, the president standing near the drunk woman. She frowned as she asked him.
"Finally! What a slow man."
"And what an impatient woman."
Fukuzawa answered dryly, looking down at her as he folded his arms across his chest. Then, his eyes narrowed, noticing the smell of alcohol in the air.
"You've been drinking."
"Uhg, don't mind that. I need to talk to you."
She stepped into the office, standing in the middle of the room as she turned to face Fukuzawa. She took a breath before she spoke, her tone lowering into something more apologetic.
"Look, sorry for appearing out of the blue like this, is just... I've been thinking about something, connecting dots, and I want you to hear me out."
The other sighed, his gaze softening into something more understanding.
"I'm listening."
"Well, okay, uhm. This is going to sound really weird, but...
What if I talk to Mori? I mean, he was SHIT, but then I realized, maybe he was a victim of war too, you know? I wouldn't forgive him, of course fucking not, but I want to understand, I want to know what made him become like this-"
Fukuzawa interrupted her before she continued, staring at the black haired woman with wide open eyes, something uncommon to witness from someone who always kept the same severe expression on his face. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"Wait, Yosano, you're drunk, the inhibition of alcohol is speaking for you right now, and if you act on it, you might regret it and feel even worse."
"I know!! But I just can't help it! I've been thinking about it for a long time, and I don't even understand why I care. I should just fucking forget about that creep, but...
I want answers."
Her head dropped, scowling with impotence. Fukuzawa's expression scrunched with something close to pained empathy, he didn't like to see Yosano like this. He approached with quiet steps, placing his firm yet gentle hands over her shoulders, trying to ground her.
"Hey, I get it, okay? But... you're intoxicated, you can't choose what to do right now."
The older man patted her head, his gesture almost paternal as he added.
"Go to rest, and if you want, we can talk more about it when you're sober, alright?"
Yosano stayed still for a moment, just to finally nod weakly, her voice came out smaller than expected, the turmoils of her own uncertainty and traumas made her look strangely vulnerable.
"... Fine. I'll just... go to rest then."
"Good. Sleep well, Yosano."
"Yeah, uh, goodnight..."
She exited the room, but the weight of her words and this whole situation hung in the air. Then, Fukuzawa caught the profile of Mori through the window, staring at him with the same disbelief he felt.
"...What the hell was that?"
The president shook his head, his gaze lost in thought as he replied.
"I don't know."
A heavy silence stretched between them, and then, Fukuzawa asked.
"Wanna go to smoke a cigarette or something?"
"Sure, I really need one right now."
...
They leaned against the wall of a secluded place, the shadows of the night gave them some privacy. Elise was pacing around, she seemed bored and lost in thoughts. Fukuzawa scowled with disapproval.
"Why did you let her here?"
Mori shrugged, taking a drag of his cigarette.
"I guess to give some light to this shitty situation."
"Yeah, right. You know all of this is your fault, I don't care about your guilt, you saw what you did to Yosano."
The gaze of the boss dropped to the dirty pavement, and nodded with defeat. His mask was left in the mafia, and now he was just a man carrying his own mistakes over his shoulders.
"I know."
Silence. Mori turned to glance at Fukuzawa, noticing the grimace of disgust towards Elise. He knew the reason.
"Fukuzawa, do you actually think I like little girls?"
Elise paused her pacing, turning to stare at them with those wide open blue eyes, witnessing the tense conversation with anticipation. The gaze of the president narrowed, glaring at the other bitterly.
"Well, I can find another answer of why you have your skill looking like a little girl you always pamper and say weird shit."
Mori let out a weak chuckle, inhaling and exhaling another cloud of smoke before he spoke.
"Right, about that. You know how the mafia is? Or well, this country in general. The people will mind more their business if you're a weirdo with young girls instead of just... being something else."
"What the hell do you mean, Mori?"
The black haired man sighed, the thoughts hard to digest and to get out of his mouth. With a knot in his stomach, he finally confessed.
"I'm not a pedophile, Fukuzawa. I just didn't defend myself when people assumed it. And why? Because the reality would be seen as worse than this."
All of them went quiet, Mori averted his eyes as he took another drag, he could feel Fukuzawa's eyes staring deep at him, trying to dissect this new information. Then, his eyes widened, the realization hitting slowly.
"... Mori, so you mean... all of this was to hide the fact that you...?"
"Yeah, I don't like little girls, or older ones, or women in general. I didn't want anyone to know, nobody knows, and I didn't want to admit it to myself either. It sounds so silly, but when I saw how people didn't mind much that I 'liked little girls', and minded when they suspected of me being a 'faggot', I chose to let it be."
And once again, Fukuzawa couldn't believe this was actually happening. He glanced at him, and then at Elise, just to ask hesitantly.
"Then why do you have Elise like this? Why do you buy her clothes and seem so fascinated towards little girls?"
Mori sighed, looking away with shame at the realization of how bad and weird this was, of how he threw any moral to just be seen like this.
"Because they're cute, and the dresses are cute, and well, not like I can wear that-"
The older man blinked in pure disbelief. When he thought Mori couldn't surprise him more, he comes with something that indeed, surprises him.
"Wait, what? Are you messing with me right n-?"
"I wanted to be a father."
Those words cut the air between them, who would expect the same mafia boss to say such a thing with so much... grief? Grief of knowing he would never accomplish that dream, that he couldn't do that. It would be selfish and cruel, because he knew damn well he would still prioritize the mafia and set a wall between his own child for being a coward and feeling an overwhelming fear of getting 'too' attached.
"... What?"
"..."
"I wanted to take care, to heal, to save, but I ended up doing the opposite. I was sold to the brutality of war, to the ruthless role of a mafioso, I can't accomplish what I wish for nor I deserve it, I can't."
"..."
Elise sighed with defeat, her silhouette dissolving in the air until she disappeared. In this moment, Mori didn't even deserve to see her. Then, the boss couldn't help but add with a broken smile on his face.
"Elise is the closest thing I have to what I crave for without losing control. I pamper her and give her whatever she wants, even if in the end, I know she's not an actual person, an actual child, and the real children I had close to me ended up traumatized by my priorities, or better said, priorities I took as my responsibility."
Fukuzawa's cigarette was forgotten between his fingers, burning slowly until there was nothing left but the butt. He ran his free hand across his face, feeling oddly... conflicted? Why? As Mori himself said, he deserved no compassion, but, Fukuzawa was a puppet of war too, he just ended up walking towards the light, and Mori sank into the darkness.
"Mori... do you really think there's no hope left for you?"
The president asked quietly, the breeze of the night fluttering past them. The younger man turned his head at the other, trying to suppress his surprise, just to fade back into blatant hopelessness.
"No, there's not."
"... I see."