Chapter Text
There is no moment as rewarding, as stirring, as…anticlimactic as a Rider Quadrant Graduation. It’s the only time I’ve ever envied the Infantry Quadrant. Now those cadets know how to hold a ceremony.
-Major Afendra’s Guide to the Riders Quadrant (Unauthorized Edition)
My mother took the memoir back, tucking it onto her shelf before I could read any more. I nearly begged for it but it’s a danger. A first edition that old? The Archives would kill for it and the General’s office is better secured than any place I have access to.
Mórrí has kept her shields locked tight since, leaving me alone with my thoughts for two days. Alone but for the ghosts.
I don’t ask them any questions. I don’t want the answers.
Instead, I stick to Sawyer like glue. He’s exasperated by it, I know he is, but he lets me stay close. Lets me absorb these last, precious days when he’s still one of us.
July 11th is Graduation, the same day new leadership is announced. I applied, passing the paperwork off to Sahalie after War Games finished. I know my name carries weight, but I’ve been drawing negative attention since my soulbond became public knowledge.
My mother has never let anything come easily to her children, fearing the word nepotism the way others fear demons. I can only hope I’ve done enough to earn Squad Leader on my own.
The night before Graduation—the night Xaden is due back—I sit in the courtyard with my squad around me. Laura is fretting, lecturing Sawyer on a dozen things he probably doesn’t need to hear.
“Don’t go easy on the mats just because you’re better than them and make sure your squadmates—”
Tadia groans loudly. “Gods, Laura, will you stop? Sawyer is a big boy, he can handle first year again.”
“I just want him to know if his new squad sucks—”
“Of course they will, they aren’t us.”
“—then he still needs to keep his confidence.”
“Guys.” Sawyer drags a hand down his face. “I’m okay, okay? It’ll suck going through the same classes again, but I’ll be fine in a new squad.”
I tap our ankles together. “Come to us if you need anything, okay? Even if you aren’t in Fourth again.”
His shoulders loosen as he nods. “I will.”
Melvin says, “Ah, there’s our fearless leader.”
“I haven’t gotten the position.”
“Yet,” Laura says. “You haven’t gotten the position yet.”
Charles huffs. “Who else are they going to give it to? Dia?”
“Hey!” She kicks him, hard, and he launches at her to try and give her a noogie. The rest of us inch away.
“Children,” I mutter. “You’re all children.”
“Yeah, but your children.” I push Laura away from me, quip on the tip of my tongue when I feel the cool touch of a shadow.
My head snaps up so fast it cracks. Xaden, clearly fresh from the flight field, closes the distance between us in long strides. Not for the first time, I’m struck by how gorgeous he is. Garrick and Bodhi are close behind him, but I only have eyes for my Sunshine as he drops onto the ground next to me. He’s still wearing his flight gloves when he pulls me in for a kiss.
I sink into it, opening for him and letting him move my head where he wants. It might be my favorite part of being physical: trusting him to make the decisions so I don’t have to think anymore.
“Hi, Sunshine.”
“Hi, Vicious.” For a moment, he forgets we have an audience. I know because I get the soft smile he only gives me in private. It’s a second, just a brief glimpse of the affection beneath his mask, before he locks it away again. I know my own smile is equally sappy.
“Gross,” Bodhi mutters. When Garrick also drops down to join our squad, I give him a narrowed look.
“What? I’m not missing out on seeing you two together. It’s fucking gold.”
A wall of shadows sweeps over him, smothering his voice while Xaden presses another kiss to my temple. “I need to go shower.”
There’s a glint in his eyes that I’m slowly coming to recognize: desire. I’m not used to seeing it, not used to viewing sex as anything but something to get over with. But Xaden looks at me like I’m all he sees, all he wants. It’s addictive.
I know without words that he wants me to join him, that the low desire pooling in my gut is a spark he wants to stoke. One I want to feel turn into a bonfire.
“Well—”
A throat clears.
We jump, glaring at the lieutenant that interrupted. I recognize him after a moment as the same messenger I received a few days ago. His cheeks are pink, eyes looking anywhere but at us.
“Let me guess,” I sigh. “The General wants me.”
“No, ma’am. She’s summoned Squad Leader Riorson.”
Everyone freezes, going still the way predators do when they feel a threat. Bodhi and Garrick already have hands on their daggers and even the rest of the squad looks wary.
Being summoned by Basgiath’s General is never a good thing. It’s worse when you’re secretly a traitor and openly the son of another. All of us know this can’t be a good thing.
Xaden breathes, slow and controlled, as he detangles himself from me.
“Xade.”
“Viv.” A kiss, just a peck. “I’ll meet you in my room.” I’ll come back he means. I nod, tense as I glare at the lieutenant. It’s not his fault, but I can’t exactly go yell at my mother right now. No matter how much I want to.
It takes him an hour, but Xaden does come back. He finds me in bed, sketching my feelings away. His hair is damp—he’s already showered.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” It’s not a lie—I don’t think I’ve ever caught Xaden lying to me—but it’s also not the truth. His shoulders are tense, fingers flexing. It’s not just a tick in his jaw; he’s grinding it side to side, like he’s chewing on something.
I set aside my journal to give him my full attention. “What did she want?”
“To talk.”
“Xaden.”
He sits on the edge of his bed, folding over so his head is in his hands. It makes him small in a way I hate. For once, I don’t know what to say to him. In the last year, my family has never come between us. Not like this.
I told him once family was at the top of my list. It’s still true. Whatever she’s done, whoever she’s become after Dad died, the General is still my mother.
The silence lingers for a minute or two before he finally breaks it. He doesn’t look at me. “Before I left… you said you trust me. Trust my secrets.”
I suck in air sharply. Considering the meeting that followed, I’ve almost forgotten about our goodbye two days ago. I’d said that because he looked torn, because I know he was keeping something about this trip secret from me. Alic said as much, and the ghosts that haunt me can’t lie.
Sometimes, I think I love Xaden so much it’ll kill me. I decided long ago that I’d protect him and the Marked Ones in the only way I can: by knowing as little as possible.
I’ve never told him all the secrets I’ve collected, the puzzles I can’t help but complete. I’ve never been able to turn off my brain and I see too much. The clues just add up, collecting dust in my mind.
“Xade…” I swallow, reaching out a hesitant hand. I pause, not quite sure if my touch is welcome right now. “Sunshine. Can I hold you?”
He twists immediately, reaching for me and dragging me onto his lap. “Always. Never ask that.” He tucks his face into my neck, keeping his eyes away from mine. It’s always his eyes that give him away and he knows it.
“I’m…” I take another deep breath. I reach for Mórrí, looking for support, but our bond is blank. She’s still shutting me out. I’m doing this on my own. “I’m going to say some things. And I don’t want you to answer, okay? Just listen.”
“I can do that.”
“Sgaeyl bonded in your bloodline.” He goes immediately stiff. I keep going, laying each truth out as I know them. I know his room is warded against sound, which is the only reason I dare to. “There are special daggers forged here that your people steal.” He stops breathing. “They have something to do with the wards. Garrick is a distance wielder, which makes it easier.”
I pause, rubbing a hand down his back. “Please breathe, Sunshine.” His chest rattles with it, but I take the win. “I figured out the daggers first, but when I realized it was Garrick… I stopped looking for answers. I’ve been altering the manifests, making sure Aldo doesn’t look too closely. Alic keeps talking shit, but I shut him out as much as I can. Whatever is going on… I know we have truth-sayers in intelligence. I don’t want to be a risk if they ask me questions.”
“Viv…”
“I love you,” I murmur. “I don’t think you get that. If pretending to be blind means protecting you and yours, then that’s what I’ll do. But please, don’t shut me out for it. Whatever parts of you I can have, I want.”
He finally pulls back, eyes glistening as he pulls us together. It’s like magnets; it feels like coming home. “I love you more.”
I smirk. “Impossible.”
Laughing, he sets me down so he can get ready for bed. I watch as all his skin gets slowly revealed, lingering in the intimacy of doffing armor and weapons next to someone you love.
When he curls around me under the sheets, I find my voice again. “Sunshine?”
“Hm?”
“Whatever my mom wanted… it has to do with… everything?”
A pause. “Yeah.”
I breathe out slowly. “Okay. Just… if I shouldn’t ask, we need a code phrase. Something so I know to back off but doesn’t draw attention, in case we’re in public.”
“What, like a safe word?”
“Well, I can always choose one of those as well if you want.”
I feel his grin against my skin. “I’ll say it has to do with dragon bullshit. No one wants to deal with Sgaeyl.”
“I happen to like Sgaeyl.” She’s the best blue and second best dragon.
“Of course you do. My girls are both bloodthirsty little beasts.”
“She’s going to eat you for calling her little.”
He snorts an agreement, pulling me impossibly closer. Despite the worry itching at the back of my mind, I sink into sleep easily. Xaden is holding me and that means everything is alright.
Graduation is underwhelming in the extreme. I stand next to Sawyer for the last time, back straight, the perfect picture of a rider cadet. The heat is grueling, but I push it away.
Today is the day I figure out if I’m actually Squad Leader. I didn’t realize how much I cared until I’m vibrating with anxiety, fingers twitching. There’s nothing I can do, the decision long since made.
I wasn’t even this nervous during Threshing.
Formation breaks up, a wave of people heading to the commons to check postings. I hold still, lingering with Xaden. Sahalie marches for him. She’s clutching a paper and handful of patches in her hand, smile fierce and gleeful.
“Good news, Wingleader?” Xaden says.
“Not my title anymore.” She holds out one patch—two dragon wings encircling ‘IV’—with the sort of dramatics reserved for royals. “It’s yours. Don’t fuck up. I yelled at a lot of people to get you this.”
His lips twitch, just a hint of amusement bleeding through as he takes it. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Gods, I’m glad to be out of here. My room will be cleared in an hour, you can move in then. Here. Admin bullshit is your job now.” She dumps the remaining patches in his hand, shoving the paper against his chest. With no further word, she twists on her heels and marches off as quickly as she came.
I wrap myself around his back, standing on my toes so I can hook my chin over his shoulder. “Enjoy the paperwork, Wingleader.”
“I don’t know what you’re laughing at.” He holds the paper up so I can read it easily. It’s the list of new leadership for Fourth Wing, laid out as they would be in formation. Immediately, I seek out the three Squad Leader names for Tail.
Laura Silas. Cade Belden. Trevor Gray.
My chest sinks so fast it leaves me dizzy. My mother and siblings were all Wingleaders and a part of me wanted to uphold that tradition. I might make another position in my third year, but not Wingleader. Those are always pulled from existing leadership.
“Hey.” Xaden taps the page, up above Laura. Tail Section Leader: Vivienne Sorrengail.
“Holy shit.” I laugh, breathless. Section Leader. What the fuck? Despite holding all the records for my year, I thought for sure my mother would step in and keep me at squad level.
“Who else would it be?”
I drop down, circling him as he holds out his palm. Carefully, I sort through the patches. “A third year?”
“Most of our third years suck. We weren’t a very good class, with a few exceptions.” Him and the Marked Ones he means.
“Soleil could’ve—”
“XOs can’t be pulled from other leadership positions. Sahalie knew I’d want to keep Soleil with me since Garrick is the only Flame cadet qualified for Section Leader.” He grins. “It was your plan that won us War Games. Stop being modest.”
I flush, having thought little of my part in War Games. It’d essentially been a giant, four way game of guards and thieves, with the professors as our targets. Between my ‘tracking’ signet and simple diversion plan, Fourth Wing didn’t even lose a single person.
I find the patch I’m looking for; a white daggertail surrounding ‘IV’. The XO patch—a clubtail but otherwise identical—gets tucked into my pocket. “You didn’t have anything to do with this?”
“As if Sahalie has ever listened to a word I’ve said.” He kisses my temple. “Now, take the squad patches and deliver them to your section.”
“Barely five minutes and the power has already gone to your head.”
“It’s called delegation.”
He goes to kiss me again, but I dance out of his reach. Grinning at his faint pout, I call back, “Sorry. I got orders from my Wingleader.”
The echo of his laughter follows me.
Rank means benefits as it turns out. The top, smallest level of the dorm tower holds rooms for wing and section leaders and their XOs. Compared to the tiny first year room, my new place is luxurious: the normal furniture, plus a full table set in case I want to hold meetings here. Xaden’s is an actual suite, bathroom included.
He’d quietly taken my pack into his room without hesitation. I didn’t fight him on it; we shared a bed every night, I might as well stop pretending I don’t live with him. Not like anyone will stop us.
My room remains as nothing but a meeting room, or space to hide in. It’s why I’m there now. I don’t want Xaden around for this.
Laying down, I close my eyes and focus on the garnet stream of power. I don’t pull on it though, simply follow it to the source.
‘Mórrí.’ Nothing. ‘Mórrí, you can’t keep locking me out.’ When I still receive no response, not even a twitch, I push harder against her shields. ‘I’ve given you space but I need you. I thought we were partners.’
Finally a shift. The smallest brush of awareness followed by the slightest apology. ‘We are.’
‘Then talk to me. What is going on?’
She doesn’t answer immediately. Groaning, I grind my fists into my eyes. I don’t know what to do, how to fix this. Finding out she’s bonded in my line twice was hard enough without her immediately hiding from me. I don’t even know why she’s spooked.
‘I am not.’
‘You are. I didn’t take you for a coward.’ It’s a calculated jab, meant to hurt her as much as I hurt. She’s kept this from me since day one. I could go mad, and she didn’t even tell me.
A rush of remorse, heavy and ancient. ‘I was not meant to bond David. I was too young and there were those who argued against my Right of Benefaction. But my Elder spoke in my defense.’
‘You were a child?’
A pause. ‘Yes. We are not meant to bond then. We cannot control our magic. Cannot channel correctly.’
Not remorse. Grief. This heavy, unending feeling is grief. Even after four hundred years, she still grieves my ancestor.
‘Yes. He burned out trying to master power he was not meant to have.’
‘And then?’
‘Ashaya was much like you, though perhaps more bitter at the unfairness of the world. She…’ Mórrí stops, works through her words. ‘I cannot tell you everything. But the power eventually took her.’
‘She was mad.’
Mórrí snarls. ‘No.’ A pause before she comes back, so soft I’m not sure I’m meant to hear. ‘No. Ashaya was perfectly sane.’
Somehow, that’s worse.
‘I don’t have a second signet.’
‘It may still manifest.’
‘Do you really believe that?’
Her shields drop, letting me feel the sharp tang of her hope. ‘It has been four hundred years since I touched a Sorrengail. It is possible my power no longer lingers in your bloodline. There may be no effect. Or it may come later.’
There’s no way for us to know though. Not until something happens.