Chapter Text
Sieun doesn’t even know why he came.
He’s standing in the kitchen, back against the counter, holding a drink he hasn’t touched. The music is too loud, the air too warm, and every few seconds someone brushes past him like he’s just part of the furniture.
He feels exactly like one, too. Out of place. Unnecessary.
Juntae and Gotak had promised they wouldn’t ditch him.
Juntae, at least, had the decency to look apologetic and mutter a “sorry” to Sieun when he was called over by Seongje. Gotak, on the other hand, had slipped away with a vague excuse about the bathroom, tossing a careless “be right back” over his shoulder.
That was what, half an hour ago?
Sieun shifts his weight, glancing toward the hallway like Gotak might magically reappear if he looks long enough. He doesn’t.
The music swells louder, laughter spilling in from the living room, sharp and distant all at once. Someone pops open another bottle nearby, the sound making him flinch slightly.
He exhales slowly, gaze dropping back to the untouched drink in his hand.
Maybe he should just leave.
He takes out his phone to notify his friends that he will be taking his leave, so they don’t look for him in case they remember that they dragged him along.
He’s just about to open the group chat when someone bumps into him from the side. The force is stronger than he expects it to, and he stumbles, almost dropping his phone.
“Fuck,” the stranger says, his hand shooting out to steady Sieun by the arm. “I’m so sorry! I wasn’t looking.”
Sieun looks up at him. He looks apologetic enough, flashing Sieun puppy eyes.
Sieun exhales through his nose, steadying himself as he regains his balance. His grip tightens around his phone for a second before loosening again.
“It’s fine,” he mutters automatically, though his tone is flat, more reflex than reassurance.
The guy is wearing a backwards baseball cap and a white jersey with eighty written on it. The shirt is slightly rumpled, probably from the same chaos that fills the rest of the house. For some reason, there are sunglasses on the top of his head.
His hand is still lightly curled around Sieun’s arm, like he hasn’t realized he’s still holding on.
Sieun’s gaze flicks down to it.
The guy seems to notice a second later, pulling back quickly.
“Right — sorry,” he says again, softer this time, rubbing the back of his neck with an awkward laugh. “I’m Suho.”
Sieun says the question that’s been burning on the tip of his tongue instead of introducing himself, “Why do you have sunglasses at a house party?”
Suho blinks, then tilts his head slightly, like he’s trying to look up at the glasses resting on top of it — like he forgot they were even there. A laugh slips out of him again, easy and unbothered.
“I had them on when the sun was still out,” he says. “Just never took them off. I kinda forgot they were there, honestly,” he shrugs.
Sieun blinks, once, unimpressed.
“..Right.”
His eyes linger on the sunglasses perched on the top of Suho’s head before shifting back to his face. Suho has a lazy smile on his lips, and he hasn’t moved an inch, still standing a bit too close to Sieun.
When Sieun doesn’t say anything more, Suho shifts his weight a little, rocking his weight from one foot to the other. He doesn’t leave, though.
Sieun waits for him to do so, but Suho lingers instead, holding eye contact with him easily.
“You look like you’re two seconds away from escaping,” he says, nodding toward the phone Sieun is still clutching in his hand.
Sieun doesn’t say anything for a while, so Suho speaks again,
“Am I wrong?”
“..No,” he admits.
“Not your kind of scene, I’m guessing.”
Sieun looks around the kitchen, eyes skimming over the people moving in and out, the half-empty cups, the sticky counter. The music is still busting in from the living room, loud enough that it’s starting to throb behind his eyes.
Not his kind of scene, no. He would rather be curled up in his bed, watching Spirited Away for the nth time. He told his friends that, and he was shut down. They told him he has to live a little, which in Sieun’s opinion, was ridiculous. If living a little means getting drunk at a frat party, then he was perfectly fine living exactly the way he already did.
“Your guess would be right.”
Suho hums softly, like that answer doesn’t surprise him in the slights.
“Yeah,” he murmurs, glancing around in the kitchen before looking back at Sieun. “I figured.”
He leans down slightly, putting a hand next to his mouth like anyone’s around besides Sieun to hear what he has to say, “Secret between you and me, I don’t like these parties that much, either.”
Sieun’s brows knit.
“Then why are you here?”
Suho shrugs again, standing back up to his full height. “I live here.”
Sieun pauses.
Of course he does.
“Of course you do,” he voices.
Suho lets out a quiet laugh, not even pretending to be offended. “What does that even mean?”
Sieun shrugs.
For a moment, neither of them say anything. It seems that the silence doesn’t bother Suho at all. He doesn’t rush to fill it in. Most people would have left by now, but he doesn’t look like he’s planning to.
“What would be your scene, then?”
“Quiet,” Sieun resorts.
Suho’s lips stretch into a grin.
“Less crowded,” Sieun adds after a beat.
He studies Sieun for a bit, his eyes tracing over his face, thoughtful. Then he hums.
“Well,” he pushes himself off the counter, straightening as he glances toward the hallway, “There’s a balcony upstairs. Definitely less crowded and quieter.”
Sieun’s eyes narrow slightly, a hint of skepticism settling in.
Suho lifts one shoulder in an easy shrug. “Or you can leave,” he nods towards where the exit is. “Your choice.”
He leans down slightly again, “If I were you, I’d choose the balcony. But no pressure.”
Sieun weighs his options. Juntae’s probably in a corner by now, making out with Seongje, he has no idea where Gotak is and if he’s even planning on returning to Sieun’s side. He could leave and drop them a text, like he originally wanted to, but Gotak was his ride here and he’s suddenly not so sure about walking all the way back home from campus. He could take the bus, but they run less frequently after midnight.
Sieun holds Suho’s gaze, like he’s trying to decide if there’s an ulterior motive behind his actions, but Suho’s still got that easy look on his face. Waiting, but not pushing.
Maybe this is what Gotak and Juntae meant about living a little.
He can just check it out and leave anytime if he feels he wants to, he decides.
He exhales softly.
“Fine.”
Suho’s mouth tugs into something pleased, though he tries to hide it as he steps back. “Good choice.”
Suho gestures lightly toward the hallway, “This way.”
He doesn’t wait to see if Sieun follows this time, just starts walking, like he already knows he will.
There’s a brief hesitation.
Then Sieun pushes himself off the counter and falls into step behind him.
There's caution tape before the staircase, blocking the way up the stairs, but Suho lifts it up easily and waits for Sieun to follow him. He lets it fall back into place behind him and starts up the stairs.
“We put it out during every party so people don’t wander up the stairs,” Suho tells him as they are walking. “Though some of them don’t give a fuck and come up anyways. We started locking the rooms after people started having sex in there,” he scrunches up his nose in disgust, like a memory flashed in his mind. “You don’t want to know how many times it happened.”
Sieun makes a quiet sound, something between a hum and mild disbelief.
“…I can imagine.”
Suho glances back at him, catching the tone. “Oh, no, you really can’t.”
Sieun raises a brow. “I’m not interested in finding out.”
“Good,” Suho says quickly. “Because I’m not interested in reliving it.”
Suho moves down the short hallway, stopping in front of a door. He fishes a key out of his pocket, unlocks it, and pushes it open.
The first thing Sieun sees isn’t the balcony.
It’s a room.
Dimly lit, cleaner than he expected — bed made, desk mostly clear, a few things scattered around that make it feel lived-in but not messy. It’s quiet in here, the noise from downstairs dulled to a distant, muffled thrum.
Suho steps in first, glancing back over his shoulder. “Balcony’s through here.”
He nods toward the glass door on the other side of the room.
Sieun hesitates for half a second on the threshold, taking it in. Then he steps inside, closing the door behind him.
Suho crosses the room easily and pushes the glass door open. Cool night air slips in immediately.
“Now,” he says, stepping aside, “this is the part you’ll actually like.”
Sieun walks past him, out onto the balcony, and the difference is instant.
Quieter. Cooler. Easier to breathe.
He exhales slowly, hands coming to rest against the railing.
Behind him, Suho watches, a faint, satisfied smile tugging at his lips.
“Better?” he asks.
Sieun doesn’t look back.
“…Yeah.”
Suho’s balcony is on the other side of the house. It’s looking over the back, but there are still a few people outside, smoking.
The night air is chiller than Sieun remembered, but he’s not cold yet. It’s that right kind of chill that takes the tension out of his muscles he didn’t realize he was holding in. He leans on the railing, closing his eyes, enjoying it.
This time, Suho doesn’t immediately step up in his space. He lingers by the door, hands in his pockets, quietly watching Sieun.
After a while, Sieun looks back over his shoulder, as if to check if Suho’s still there.
Suho smiles at him in the same way he’s done earlier in the kitchen. His eyes fit over the goosebumps erupting on Sieun’s arms.
“Are you cold?”
Sieun shakes his head.
“No.”
Suho tilts his head, “I can bring you a jacket.”
“I’m not,” he says again, then, to reassure him, “I’ll let you know if I am.”
Suho hums.
Sieun’s eyes wander to the top of his head again, unconsciously, and Suho catches it. He groans dramatically.
“Oh my god, I’ll take off the glasses,” he rolls his eyes with a grin.
He takes them off and shoves them in his pocket.
“See,” Suho points a finger at his head, “Gone. You can relax now.”
Sieun’s lips twitch. “I didn’t say anything.”
Suho’s eyes roll again. “You didn’t have to.”
He steps closer, and leans against the railing beside Sieun. He’s not as close as he was downstairs, deliberately leaving space between them. His eyes go down, watching the two guys outside, smoking. He wrinkles his nose.
“I never understood the appeal of smoking,” he says. “It’s bad for you, and it smells terrible. Clings to your fingers and lingers in your mouth.”
“It’s a stimulant,” Sieun lifts his shoulder in a shrug. “Sharpens focus. Reduces tension. Basic conditioning, really.”
Suho glances at him, one brow lifting slightly. “Didn’t know you felt that strongly about cigarettes.”
“I don’t,” Sieun huffs. “I study cognitive science. People are pretty predictable.”
Suho lets out a quiet laugh under his breath.
“Yeah?” he says, turning slightly toward him. “How would you describe me?”
Sieun lifts his eyes to him. His eyes skim over Suho’s face silently for a few seconds, like he’s actually thinking it through before he answers.
“Annoying frat boy who wears sunglasses inside and is too confident for his own good.”
For a second, Suho just looks at him.
Sieun almost takes it back, a flicker of unease settling in his chest, but then Suho breaks into a laugh — loud enough that the guys outside glance over.
“Wow,” he exhales, dragging a hand down his face. “That’s brutal.”
Sieun watches him carefully, still a little tense, like he’s waiting for the reaction to turn.
It doesn’t.
If anything, Suho looks amused.
“You got all that from the,” he looks at the watch on his wrist, “twenty minutes we have known each other?”
Sieun shrugs, trying to play it off. “Didn’t take that long.”
Suho huffs another laugh, “Anything else, or was that the full psychological profile?”
Sieun glances at him, like he’s considering it again
“There’s more..,”
“Of course there is,” Suho interrupts, smiling.
“But I charge for that.”
Suho lets out a short laugh. “Yeah? What’s your rate?”
“Ninety-five thousand won.”
Suho whistles softly, “Damn, you aren’t cheap.”
Sieun shrugs. “You simply can’t be, in this economy.”
“Right,” Suho hums. “I understand. I’ll get back to you when I have ninety-five thousand won.”
Sieun almost smiles.
He doesn’t see another frat party in his plans in the foreseeable future, and his brother will be coming home tomorrow, who will definitely not be in support of this one, either. What he doesn’t know about.., as Gotak says.
The chances of him and Suho meeting again are slim. But it’s cute that Suho thinks they will. It feels.. nice. That he wants to see Sieun again, even if all Sieun’s done in the half an hour they’ve known each other is insulting him — even if he didn’t really mean anything he’s said.
He wouldn’t have followed him up to the balcony if he actually thought that Suho was annoying. He’s pretty sure Suho knows that.
“So,” Suho drags the word out. “We know why I am here. But why are you?”
“My friends dragged me here.”
Suho hums again.
“It was kind of obvious.”
Sieun rolls his eyes.
“Then why did you ask?”
“Just trying to keep up the conversation,” Suho says, raising his hands in mock surrender. “But if you’d rather stand here in silence, we can do that too.”
Sieun looks at him, unimpressed. They lock eyes.
“What?” Suho asks with a crooked laugh. “You are the boss here, Doctor.”
“Not a doctor. That's not what cognitive science is.”
“Whatever you say, doc,” Suho says, then that teasing smile reappears on his lips. “Even though you roasted me on our first counseling. Maybe don’t do that to other clients.”
Sieun can’t help the laugh that slips through his lips. Suho whips his head to him quickly upon hearing it, an amazed look on his face.
“No way,” he says, sounding genuinely surprised. “Was that a laugh?”
Sieun’s expression flattens immediately. “Don’t make it weird.”
“That was definitely a laugh,” Suho insists, pointing at him accusingly. “You can do it.”
Sieun groans.
“See? You do enjoy my company,” Suho grins wider. “Do it again.”
“That’s not how it works.”
Suho leans back against the railing, still looking far too pleased with himself.
Down below, someone starts yelling the chorus to a song completely off-key.
Suho winces, “Jesus. He’s an idiot.”
Sieun glances over the railing. “Friend of yours?”
Suho presses his lips together for a second before sighing dramatically.
“Unfortunately.”
“That makes sense.”
“You can’t bully me anymore, I made you laugh,” Suho says, pointing at Sieun lazily.
Sieun raises a brow. “How does that even correlate?”
“Oh, it does. Now I know you think I’m funny.”
Sieun sighs, “You know what?” He mutters. “I give up. Think what you want to think.”
“It’s okay to admit defeat.”
“I’m not —,” Sieun begins, but changes his mind and stops halfway through.
His lips press into a thin line instead as he looks away toward the backyard.
He pointedly avoids looking at Suho, but he can see from the corner of his eye that Suho is still smiling, his eyes looking at someone below them.
Sieun follows Suho’s gaze to it.
It’s a guy, with a rough mullet. He’s in a jersey, just like Suho, but his is a football one and it has Lamine Yamal on the back, smoking and scrolling on his phone.
Suho pulls out his phone from his pocket, quickly typing something and pocketing it again. He looks down at the guy, who seems to be looking for someone.
Suho puts his forearms on the railing next to Sieun, not touching him, just close enough that when he whispers, Sieun hears what he says,
“That’s Wooyoung. We were roommates before a guy moved out of the frat and I could move to his room.”
Sieun doesn’t say anything, so Suho continues.
“He’s also the guy who was singing off-key earlier.”
“Who’s he looking for?”
Suho grins, “Me.”
That’s when Wooyoung looks up and sees them. He points a finger at Suho, like he’s saying ‘got you.’ Sieun expects him to start typing a text back to Suho on his phone, but that’s not what happens.
“Hiding away again?” Wooyoung yells with a volume Sieun’s sure the entire party hears over the music.
Suho breaks into a laugh, dropping his head for a second before looking at Sieun, then at Wooyoung.
“I was planning on not seeing your face for the rest of the night, but you fucked up my plan,” he yells back to Wooyoung.
He receives a middle finger in response.
Someone calls Wooyoung’s name, and he disappears quickly, throwing away the cigarette.
“He’s said he’s giving up smoking so many times, but he always indulges himself after drinking,” Suho says.
“Why give up on it then? If he likes it.”
“His.. what should I call it,” Suho muses. “Crush doesn’t like cigarettes.”
“Crush,” Sieun repeats dryly.
“Or I can say his situationship-kinda thing, if you’d prefer that”
“That’s somehow worse than the word crush.”
Suho laughs under his breath.
“Beom’s got him on a leash. And they aren’t even together yet. Can’t imagine what it will be like when they finally get their shit together.”
“It’s exhausting,” Sieun says, and when Suho looks at him expectingly, he continues, “Watching your friends dance around each other.”
“Do you have experience?”
“My brother and my best friend. They have liked each other since I can remember.”
Suho winces immediately.
“It wouldn’t bother you? Your best friend getting with your brother, I mean. I think I would be weirded out.”
Sieun shrugs.
He has never thought it was weird, or minded it. He’s more bothered about having to watch them act oblivious, neither of them initiating. Maybe he doesn’t have a problem with it because Gotak’s liked Baku since they were thirteen. It’s something he’s used to. He never understood what Gotak could find attractive about Baku, especially because Gotak’s seen Baku stuff his face with chicken wings multiple times — you would think he would have got to get the ick somewhere along the line.
“I don’t mind. I never did, I think,” a small breath leaves him, almost amused. “It’s been this way since we were kids, I’m used to it.”
Suho hums.
Sieun continues before Suho can reply, “Honestly, the annoying part isn’t even the idea of them together. It’s watching them act oblivious all the time.” His expression flattens. “Like neither of them can just say it.”
“That bad?”
“You have no idea.”
Suho snorts. Then the sound fades into something quieter. Thoughtful.
For a moment, he just looks at Sieun like he’s debating whether to say something.
“What?”
Suho scratches the back of his neck, eyes flicking down before landing back on him.
“I was kind of afraid at first, when Woo and Beom started liking each other,” he admits quietly. “You know, like they get together and suddenly I’m the one that never gets invited. They quickly proved me wrong.”
"Did you tell them you felt that way?"
"God, no," Suho groans. "They'd tease the hell out of me, especially Beom. That's a secret I will take to my grave."
He looks at Sieun from the corner of his eyes, smiling, "Unless you want to out me."
"I will keep your secret."
"Now I have to keep in contact with you after this, just in case. So I can make sure you are keeping your word."
"You want me to pinky promise?"
"You know what, I do."
Suho holds out his pinky. Sieun looks at him, furrowed eyebrows and all, but Suho holds his ground. He wiggles his pinky, waiting for Sieun to lock his with it. Sieun does it with a sigh.
"Now you can't break your promise. Pinky promises are sacred."
Suho holds Sieun's pinky with his for ten seconds longer than necessary. Then he lets go, pocketing his hands with a smile.
"Oh, I'm sure," Sieun replies sarcastically.
"Believe your hyung."
Sieun gives him a puzzled look.
"How do you know you're my hyung?"
Suho tilts his head curiously, "When were you born?"
"2004."
"I was right," Suho's grin widens instantly. "I'm your hyung."
"Why, when were you born?"
"2003," he says smugly.
Sieun stares at him for a moment, silently. Then sighs.
"You seem extremely happy about that."
"I am," Suho pokes him with his finger. Sieun swats him away. "Feels like I won over you for once."
"Congratulations."
Suho tsks.
"Congratulations, hyung." He corrects him.
Sieun rolls his eyes.
"Having way too much fun with this, hyung."
It's said with every sarcasm Sieun can pour into one word, and he thinks Suho will pout and complain about it, but Suho looks frozen. Sieun tilts his head at him. It looks like it gets Suho out of his mind, because he shakes his head like he wants to put his thoughts back together.
"You know what," he says. "I changed my mind. Don't say hyung."
Now Sieun is really confused.
First Suho makes it a point that he's older and Sieun has to refer to him as such, but now that Sieun did what he told him to do he doesn't want him to anymore?
"Why, hyung? I thought you wanted me to call you hyung. So what's your problem now, hyu-?"
Suho has surprised him multiple times this evening, but what he least expected him to do is slap his hand over his mouth.
"My problem is," Suho points at him with his index finger, with the hand that is not over Sieun's mouth." That you never listen."
Sieun raises his eyebrows. Then does what he never thought he'd do — licks Suho's palm.
Suho jerks his hand away quickly with a surprised yelp like it was burned.
"That's the thing though, I did listen," Sieun says quickly, in hopes that Suho doesn't mention out-right that he licked his palm. "You wanted me to use honorifics."
"Then I changed my mind."
"So it's not really about me not listening, it's more about how you can't make up your mind."
Suho gapes at him.
"Have a way with words, don't you?"
Sieun doesn't miss a beat, "And you talk too much, don't you?"
He expects Suho to fire back with some cheeky remark. Instead, Suho just smiles, his head tipping ever so slightly to the side. When he finally speaks, the words catch Sieun completely off-guard.
"There are ways to shut me up."
The words settle between them.
Sieun thinks he stops breathing.
Suho wants to lean closer, but he stays where he is, not moving an inch. He had to try. And if Sieun says no, rejects him, than that's all there is. He's not going to be offended. He will feel sorry for himself, but he's going to save that for when he's alone and he can be miserable in peace.
Except, Sieun's not saying no. He's not saying anything, really. And at this point, Suho thinks it would be better to just reject him instead of making him lose his mind.
"Forget I said that," he says quickly, wanting to give Sieun an out. "Where were we?"
Sieun doesn't take it.
"We were at you suggesting me to shut you up in other ways."
Suho's the one who said it, and he didn't feel embarrassed when he did, but Sieun saying it makes him feel awkward. He goes to brush his hands through his hair — the hat still on his head preventing it. Fuck. Okay. He doesn't really understand what Sieun wants from him.
"Yes," he settles on saying.
"Were you suggesting me to kiss you?"
Suho wants to laugh. Now Sieun is just shitting him. Suho knows he knows what he meant.
He licks his lips, "Yes."
Sieun hums. Suho considers throwing himself off the balcony. But then Sieun takes a step in his direction, tentatively. Suho eyes his movements and stays put. He lets Sieun come to him.
"You want me to?" he asks once he's close. If Suho were to grab his waist and pull a bit, they'd be kissing.
"Yes."
He can see Sieun hesitating. Suho doesn't dare move and make him change his mind, or do something Sieun wouldn't do. Maybe he doesn't even want to kiss him. Though it looks like he does, he hasn't said it out loud yet. He's only confirming what Suho said.
"Do you want to?" Suho asks.
It takes a few seconds. Sieun nods.
"I need to hear you say it."
"Yes," Sieun exhales. "I want to kiss you, hyung."
Suho groans. He doesn't hesitate this time to grab Sieun's waist and pull him close, chest to chest, and press their lips together.
It's tentative at first, Suho testing the waters, even though he wants to dive in head first. They move their lips slowly, Sieun's hand creeping up Suho's arms to his shoulders, his nape. And then he pushes Suho forward by the hold he has on him and experimentally rolls his tongue forward. Suho's knees almost buckle. He gets over his initial shock and takes the reins over — he pushes Sieun's back to the railing and licks into his mouth feverishly.
The bass is still loud inside, the music banging off the walls, but all Suho hears and feels and smells is Sieun.
Sieun doesn't know what he just did. Because now that Suho got a taste, he's not going to be able to stop himself.
He doesn't know how long they make out until someone whistles at them and they pull apart. Sieun jumps away, but Suho doesn't let him go far, gripping his waist.
"Into voyeurism now, Ahn Suho?"
It's a dickhead from the frat, standing where Wooyoung was smoking his cigarette. Suho doesn't take a liking to him, but Wooyoung hangs around him at times for reasons Suho doesn't understand, so he talks to the guy by forced proximity. Suho's sure he's is aware of it, just doesn't acknowledge it.
It's hard tearing his eyes away from Sieun's red, swollen lips, but Suho leans over Sieun's shoulder to stare down at Kiho.
"Didn't your nose just heal?" Suho resorts.
Kiho had gotten his nose broken by a girl's boyfriend. Suho doesn't know the exact details, and he doesn't trust Kiho's storytelling much. Apparently he wanted to dance with her, and she agreed, but then the boyfriend appeared.
It must be seen on Suho's face that he's not in the mood to joke around. Kiho says, 'relax' and disappears from his sight with held up hands in surrender.
Suho fixes his face and voice when he addresses Sieun.
"I'm sorry."
"Did you break his nose?" Sieun asks, his voice sounding completely normal, like he wasn't just making out with Suho seconds ago.
Suho laughs. "God, I wish. It wasn't me."
Sieun hums again. He probably does it when he's not sure what to say, or has something on his mind that he's not sure he's allowed to say.
Suho wants to pull him back into a kiss, already getting withdrawals, but Sieun's pulling away, removing his hands from Suho's shoulders. Suho lets his own fall to his side.
Then he remembers.
"You never told me your name."
Sieun smiles. He's about to answer when his phone rings. Gotak. He has to take it or his best friend will file a missing person report. He looks at Suho with an apologetic face and Suho nods.
"Hey," Sieun says into the phone. Suho can faintly hear someone shouting from the other end of the line, but he can't make out the words. "I'm fine. I'm just getting some fresh air," Suho snorts. Sieun whips his eyes to him, petrified, and swats his chest. "I'm alone…Well, there are other people here too, Hyuntak."
Suho shoots Sieun a sheepish grin. Sieun squints his eyes at him, saying yes and I know at times to his friend on the phone. He hangs up with an 'I'll meet you there'. Sieun slips his phone back into his pocket.
"My friend called."
Suho shrugs. "I figured."
"We are going home."
"Okay."
Suho should probably step away and let him leave, but Sieun's not pushing him away or side stepping him. He could leave, if he wanted to.
They stare at each other, eyes flicking down to lips and Suho almost says fuck it and gives Sieun another kiss, when Sieun's phone starts ringing again. It snaps him out of a trance and he immediately moves, stepping away from the railings to the balcony door. Suho turns with him.
"Can I get your number at least?" He calls out.
Sieun halts. He seems to think about it, "If we meet again, I'll give it to you."
ꨄ︎
Sieun is sprawled on his bed, a textbook open in front of him. His stomach has been growling for a while and he's been ignoring it since it first made a sound, not wanting to get up and go downstairs to make food. His brother has been home for five days and he told Sieun he'd be having friends over today, because their mother is working and the house would be empty — well, empty except for Sieun.
Juntae told him to come over to his if he didn't want to be around for it, but Sieun had to catch up on a lot of his studies that he's been neglecting for a few days to hang out with his friends. They haven't dragged him to a party since the last one, and it's mostly because Baku's home now and he doesn't like them going out to parties. He doesn't tell them they can't go, it's actually the opposite, he encourages them to go out. But due to some miraculous reason, he always shows up at the parties Sieun is to keep an eye out for him. He means to do it as a way of protecting Sieun — and to selfishly make sure Gotak doesn't end up with someone by the end of the night, though he doesn't admit to that one —, except it just comes off as controlling and annoying.
The loud voices carry all the way up to Sieun's room from the living room and it makes Sieun even less willing to venture downstairs for food. He's met Baku's friends before, they are nice, but too much like his brother which is not meant to be a compliment. They overstimulate Sieun in seconds. Around a year ago one of Baku's friends — ex friend now, probably — made a move on Sieun and Baku told him to fuck off in a way that wasn’t particularly nice. It made things awkward enough that Sieun has made a point of avoiding his brother’s friends ever since. Sieun did get in an argument with Baku after that, not because he liked the guy, but because he can reject him on his own, he doesn't need Baku to play the big protective older brother role. Baku bought him his favorite cheesecake and begged him to forgive him the next day.
His phone buzzes by his thigh. He doesn't reach for it until it buzzes twice more.
[academy liability]
Jun: i reallyyy wish i had chocolate chip cookies rn
Gotak: dude.. me too
Gotak: i have been craving something sweet since i woke up
It's seven in the evening
Gotak: your point?
Gotak: naps are good for your health
20 minute naps. not the five hour ones you take
Gotak: you should be the last person to lecture me ab health
Gotak: mr i only need 4 hours of sleep to function
Jun: he's got a point
| Hearted by Gotak
Baku's friends are over
Gotak: look at him changing the subject
Jun: the subject is aware of his own self-destructiveness
I'm muting you again
Jun: okay we'll stop
Gotak: which friends
I don't know
The usual ones i guess
I didn't check
Gotak: can you though
No
I'm hungry but I don't want to go downstairs
Jun: they are not going to eat you
Gotak: but if they do yeey
Jun: ?
Gotak: sorry the voices
Gotak: text baku to bring you something up to eat
Gotak: they ordered pizza
Jun: how the fuck do you know that
Gotak: it's on baku's story 🤷🏻
Jun: actually you know what nevermind
I'm not going to text him to bring me food
He'd just tell me to go downstairs anyway
Jun: so go.. downstairs?
Gotak: come on sieun put your big boy pants on
Jun: if he blocks you i won't even be surprised
| Hearted by Sieun
Sieun shuts his phone off with a sigh, throwing it somewhere on the bed.
He hasn't eaten since noon and that was like half a sandwich because Baku had eaten the other half. If Baku wasn't preoccupied, he would have already brought him food because he knows Sieun tends to forget to eat. He knows Sieun is hungry before Sieun knows it himself. Food gets brought back for Sieun when he's out eating with his friends, and sometimes he will just drop food off when he knows Sieun is home between going from one place to another. He likes to make sure Sieun and their mother eat properly. She works a lot, and a lot of them are twelve hour night shifts. And she's just as bad at taking care of herself as Sieun.
Sieun can hear them playing video games, so they must be in the living room. If he's lucky, the pizza is in the kitchen and he could grab a few slices silently without meeting anyone. If he does meet one of them, he hopes it's Baekjin.
His stomach growls again, making the decision for him. He slips out of his room quietly, pulling the door shut behind himself.
The kitchen is almost opposite of the stairs. The living room is to the left side of it, further from the kitchen. When Sieun walks down, he can hear the voices clearly, but to see them, he would have to walk closer. His eyes quickly scan the area to make sure he's the only one planning to walk to the kitchen in the house. But he can't see if someone is already in there from the bottom of the stairs.
A broad back is what he sees at first. Standing inside the kitchen with a slice of pizza in one hand, his head down. He seems familiar, but Sieun can't pinpoint from where. He knows most of the people his brother is always around, though it’s mainly the ones he’s known for a long time. He’s not nearly as familiar with the newer additions to the group. Plus, Baku knows too many people for Sieun to keep track of. They always run into someone he's acquainted with when Sieun is out with him.
The pizza box is in front of the boy, and if he's already down here, Sieun is going to grab a piece. It's not until Sieun is almost beside him that the boy's head whips up and they both stop in their tracks. For a moment, neither of them says anything. Sieun, mainly because he doesn't know how to react, and the other — he just seems completely frozen.
"What the fuck," Suho says, his eyes wide.
Something clatters on the counter; Suho's phone. Sieun realizes he was probably scrolling through it while eating, that's why his head was down. His other hand holding half a slice of a pizza is still in the air, close to his mouth, like he was going to take a bite before he saw Sieun.
"You.. here.. how the..—," Suho stumbles over his words.
Sieun stands beside him in silence, both of them wondering the same thing, until Baku’s voice comes from the kitchen doorway and makes them both jump.
"Sieunie! I was about to call you to come down and eat before these motherfuckers eat everything."
Baku is all smiles, his arm swinging over Sieun's shoulders and pulling him close. He doesn't seem to notice the awkwardness that lingers between Suho and Sieun.
"Oh, I don't think you two have met," Baku eyes jump between them, pointing his fingers as he introduces them, "Sieun, Suho. Suho, Sieun, my baby brother."
Met is an understatement. They made out a week ago at a frat party.
Sieun waits for Suho to say something, but the older boy just stands there, staring like his brain has stopped working.
“Nice to meet you,” Sieun says.
Suho blinks.
“Likewise,” he manages after a beat, forcing a smile that looks more painful than polite.
Sieun doesn't think he's been in a more awkward situation before, and he had to sit through Juntae's mom lecturing Juntae a few times and thought nothing could be more awkward than that.
Baku squeezes Sieun once before letting him go. "There's a box untouched, you can take it up to your room if you don't want to eat downstairs. We will hang around here for a bit more, then probably go out."
Sieun nods. From the corner of his eyes, he can see Suho nervously stuffing his face with pizza.
Baku grabs four beers from the fridge, "Do you want one?" He turns to Suho. Suho shakes his head. "Okay then," Baku drags out the words. "I will be in the living room."
Sieun waits until Baku disappears before reaching for the untouched pizza box. He slides the lid open, grabs a slice, then closes it again. He can feel Suho watching him without actually looking.
“You're Baku's brother."
Sieun glances over.
Suho's hands are empty and he's kind of slouching against the counter, his eyes staring at the kitchen entry like he's afraid Baku will reappear and hear them.
"Yes."
"And your name is.."
"Yeon Sieun," Sieun supplies, though Suho already knows that.
Suho drags a hand down his face with a groan, muttering a string of curse words under his breath.
"You're Baku's brother," he repeats, "and you didn't tell me."
Sieun arches an eyebrow.
"You didn't tell me you were Baku's friend either."
Suho stares at him, dumbfounded, "How was I supposed to know you are his brother!"
"I didn't know you knew each other, either." Sieun bites into his pizza.
Suho huffs. "How can you eat right now?!"
"What do you want me to do?"
Suho looks toward the kitchen entry again, then back at Sieun, and steps closer to him to whisper, "We kissed."
"I know," he puts down his pizza and turns to Suho with his whole body. They are standing close, it reminds Sieun of when they were at the balcony. "I won't tell him, if that's what you're worried about."
Sieun expects Suho to smile and let it go, because if that was his only concern, it’s already been resolved. Instead, Suho grows even more unsettled. He presses his lips into a thin line, a conflicted expression crossing his face as his eyes drift to Sieun’s lips before quickly darting away.
"I'm not worried about that," Suho murmurs under his breath.
"Huh?"
Suho lifts his gaze back to Sieun's. "I'm not worried about you telling him," he says, his voice still quiet as to not let anyone overhear, but loud enough so Sieun can hear him. "It concerns me more that I want to do it again and Baku is going to kill me."
Sieun looks away. "Suho..," he starts, but Suho interrupts him.
"You said if we meet again you will give me your number."
"I said that thinking we won't."
"Doesn't matter. You said it."
Sieun narrows his eyes at him.
A smile appears on Suho's lips, tension slowly leaving his body and it seems shy until he opens his mouth and says, "Promises are a sacred thing to me, Sieunie."
Nobody calls him Sieunie except for his brother, his mom, occasionally Gotak and Juntae. It sounds different from Suho's lips, and it's obvious he stored it in his mind for later after he heard Baku say it.
"Baku's coming," Sieun lies through his teeth.
Panic flashes in Suho's eyes and he steps away from Sieun in a blink of an eye, his head whipping to the entry like Baku is already there. When he realizes Sieun bluffed, he pouts at him.
"Not fair. Aren't you worried about me?"
"He's not going to kill you. You are too dramatic."
"He told me once that he broke a guy's nose for flirting with you," Suho scrunches his nose. "I mean, I could probably take him in a fight. I think. If you want me to."
Sieun tilts his head, amused. Suho is being ridiculous. He wants to ask why Baku talked about him with Suho, and why that specific story, but he doesn't want to dive into that in case Suho asks questions he'd rather not answer. Besides, he has no desire to dig up those memories and sour his own mood.
"Don't fight my brother, Ahn Suho."
"Okay, I won't," Suho says easily. "Can you tell him the same, though?"
Sieun rolls his eyes.
"They are going to wonder why you are here for this long."
Suho pursues his lips. It's on his mind, that Baku could walk in any moment and overhear their conversation. He's not exactly afraid of Baku, but he's afraid of losing Baku's friendship, and he found himself in a predicament that he should get the fuck away from to prevent that, not the opposite.
"You want to get rid of me this fast?"
Sieun doesn't miss a beat, "yes. Go away."
"Ouch. I'm willing to fight for you and this is how you treat me," Suho says with mock offense. "Fine. Let's compromise. Give me a kiss and I will leave."
Sieun laughs.
"You frat boys are all the same."
Sieun turns to grab the pizza box before he finishes his sentence, so he misses the immediate frown on Suho's face.
"What do you mean by that?"
Sieun stays quiet. With the food in his hands, he's ready to head back up to his room and continue what he was doing.
"Sieun, what do you mean by frat boys? Plural. Did you kiss other frat boys beside me?"
Sieun lets out a quiet laugh through his nose and adjusts the pizza box in his arms. Suho has serious mood swings, and he doesn't have the time for it. His cognitive psychology paper is still waiting for him on his desk and it's not even halfway done. Besides that, getting involved with one of his brother's friends is not in his future plans. He'd rather avoid Baku walking in the kitchen again and asking questions — he called Suho dramatic, though the truth is, he wasn't overreacting that much. Baku's been to protective of him and their mother since their father upped and left, and no one seems to be good enough for his little brother.
Sieun has a feeling Baku wouldn't exactly be thrilled if he knew. Good thing he doesn't have to know anything about it.
"I'm going upstairs," he announces to Suho.
He turns before Suho starts another rant to keep him there, heading out of the kitchen. He makes it a couple steps, right before the entry, when fingers wrap loosely around his arm.
Sieun glances down at Suho's hand first, then his face. It takes a second for Suho to look back at him, his eyes scanning the area near the entry.
"You could at least give me your number," he insists again.
"For what?"
Suho shrugs, trying for casual. "You know. Emergencies."
Sieun raises an eyebrow. "Emergencies?"
"Yeah."
"What kind of emergencies?"
It seems like Suho hasn't thought that far ahead. He lets go of Sieun's arm and scratches the side of his own head.
"Like.. if it gets out. To form a plan."
"Why would it get out? Just don't tell him. It's that simple," Sieun dismisses.
"I won't," Suho nods. Sieun almost leaves again, "But what if others will?"
"Oh my god," Sieun groans. They weren't around people, and the ones who saw them only saw Suho, not Sieun. He's pretty sure Suho is aware of that. "I'm not even going to get into that with you. Will you leave if I give you my number?"
There's a huge grin threatening to spread on Suho's lips that he suppresses by pressing his lips together. He nods eagerly. Sieun waits for him to get his phone out and reads off his number for him, Suho quickly shooting a dot in messages so Sieun can have his number saved, too.
"Can I leave now?"
Suho smiles at him. "Enjoy your pizza, Sieunie."
A terrible habit he's growing there. And Sieun is letting him by only rolling his eyes and leaving without a word.
ꨄ︎
Sieun is glad he's only sharing one elective with Gotak. Even if he said he wouldn't distract Sieun in class, he has a hard time keeping his promise. It is a boring class, Sieun will admit that, but it's relatively easy, especially compared to his usual classes. He only enrolled in this one because Gotak kept insisting — "This is our one chance to be in a class together, Sieun."
Sieun's been easier to convince lately. His friends take advantage of that.
Gotak is taking up almost the entire space, leaning on the desk as he's drawing small scribbles here and there on his notebook and audibly sighing whenever he looks at the time.
"Do you want me to draw you?" He asks Sieun, nudging him with his leg.
"You can't draw," Sieun informs him.
"Juntae teached me how to draw chi-bi style! I could totally draw you as a glooming character."
Sieun shoots him a deadpan look.
"This is exactly how I meant. Stay still like that!" Gotak points at him with his pencil. Sieun steals it.
"There's like 50 seconds left. Try to contain yourself."
Gotak pouts, but he listens. He packs away his notebook and the pencil Sieun hands back over to him, ready to exit. He shoots up from his chair before the professor finishes her last sentence, dragging Sieun along with him.
"Why the fuck did we choose this elective?"
"You wanted this, Tak," Sieun reminds him. Gotak grumbles.
"Okay, how could I've known it'd be this boring. I took the sacrifice for you, Sieunie baby," he puckers his lips at Sieun.
"Gross. Go away."
Gotak laughs and slides his arm over Sieun's shoulder. "Let's find Junie."
They are turning the corner leading to the art classroom when Gotak halts, almost running into someone. And since he still has his arm around Sieun, they almost run into someone, not just him.
"Oops, sorry Wooyoung," Gotak says instantly with an apologetic grin.
Sieun tilts his head curiously. It's then that he notices a guy standing beside who Gotak just called Wooyoung. A very familiar face.
"No worries, ma..—" Wooyoung starts, though he doesn't get a chance to finish.
"Sieun-ah," Suho's eyes are rounded, surprised and excited that he sees him. Until his eyes land on the arm Gotak has on him and his eyes become hooded.
Gotak looks between them with a glint, "You know Sieunie?"
"We met briefly at the party," Sieun says quickly. He knows that look in Gotak's eyes, and the way his voice lilts.
"I wouldn't call it briefly," Suho corrects him.
Sieun gives him a pointed look. Suho raises his eyebrows, almost challenging him to disagree.
"What?" Gotak looks at Sieun. Sieun shakes his head.
"We just talked."
"We did more than talk," it seems it slips out of Suho's mouth before he thinks it over.
Gotak's arm goes still around Sieun's shoulders. He gapes at Suho, then at Sieun. Suho realizes approximately five seconds later how that sounded, but it's too late.
Wooyoung, who was quiet during the whole exchange, whistles awkwardly. "So, Gotak, are you still training sometimes?"
Sieun is grateful for him, that he tries to change the subject and help them out of this tense conversation, even if it's to no avail. Gotak is not going to let this go now. He probably feels like his birthday came early.
"Sieun, you slut!" His best friend shakes him by the hand he has around him. Sieun pushes him away.
"It wasn't like that," he glares at Gotak. "We are going."
Gotak acts like he didn't hear him. He turns to Suho, "Go Hyuntak. Sieun's best friend since diapers. And you?"
Best friend.
Suho blinks. He looks at Gotak's smiling face and Sieun's embarrassed one. Oh. Right. Best friend. Makes sense.
"Ahn Suho," he smiles back awkwardly.
Two situations where he's made a complete fool out of himself and both involved Yeon Sieun. Way to go.
"Oh, I know you!" Gotak exclaims excitedly, "You're in the frat. I've seen you play basketball with Baku."
Alarms go off in Suho's head. He promised Sieun he'd keep their kiss a secret and he's doing a terrible job at it so far. Sieun looks like he wants to drop kick him.
"Yeah," he admits, scratching his head.
"Juntae's calling me," Sieun interrupts, tugging at Gotak's sleeve. Juntae's not calling, but he has to escape whatever this is immediately.
"Oh, right, Junie. Well, it was nice to meet you we-did-more-than talk-Ahn Suho!" Suho cringes, "Later, Wooyoung-ah!"
"Later," Wooyoung repeats amused, both of them watching Sieun and Gotak walk away.
As soon as Sieun is out of his sight, Suho groans.
"Don't say anything," he warns Wooyoung and starts speed-walking back to the frat, almost running to escape Wooyoung's blooming laughter behind his back.
ꨄ︎
Ahn Suho
I'm sorry. Didn't mean to put you in that situation
2:00pm
Sieun stares at the text, his finger hovering over the keyboard. He's putting the dishes away from the dish rack before his mom gets home from the morning shift and starts putting them away herself. It was on Baku to clean today, but since he cooked already Sieun offered to do the cleaning. He puts a plate away and leans against the counter to text back with a sigh.
What exactly were you trying to do then?
2:08pm
Ahn Suho
I kinda thought he was your boyfriend
2:09pm
Sieun doesn't know whether to gag or laugh.
?
2:09pm
Ahn Suho
I know…
Sorry
2:10pm
It's fine.
Gotak won't say anything to Baku
2:10pm
Ahn Suho
I had a feeling he won't
Still, I want to make it up to you
Can I?
2:10pm
Sieun stares at the message for a few seconds longer than necessary.
The reasonable thing would be to say no. Getting involved with one of Baku’s friends is unnecessarily complicated, and it's a complication that could affect not just him, but Suho as well. Suho's friendship with Baku. He's been in a play like this before.
The thing is though, he acts like he does, but Sieun doesn't really want to say no. He enjoyed his conversation with Suho, he enjoyed kissing him, and he wouldn't mind to do it again. If Suho is willing to take the risk of Baku finding out — and Sieun has learned he's not very good at keeping secrets, the way he told Gotak the very first time he met him, — then it's not on Sieun to protect their relationship.
Sieun pursues his lips. He starts typing how?, but he hears the front door opening and Baku greeting their mom, so he pockets his phone and exists the kitchen.
"You are back earlier than I thought."
His mom walks by him and presses a kiss to his head. "I was able to leave earlier. Perks of working the afternoon shift yesterday and the morning one today."
Sieun hums. His heart aches as he watches his mom take off her sweater and disappear to probably throw it in the hamper. She moves slowly, exhaustion oozing from her.
"Go take a nap, mom. You deserve it," Baku yells to her from the couch. Sieun silently agrees.
"I think I'm actually going to do that," she says once she's back in the living room, letting her hair down and running a hand through it. "You boys okay?"
"Yes, mom," Sieun smiles at her. "Everything's okay"
"You ate?"
"Yes, we did."
"Okay," she smiles at them tiredly. "I will make dinner later."
Sieun wants to protest, but Baku beats him to it.
"I already cooked, it's going to last us through today. You don't have to worry about anything, just go to sleep."
Her expression softens at that, and for a moment, she's only looking at Baku.
It's probably the exhaustion catching up to her, she always gets more emotional when she's tired, even if she usually isn't. Her eyes get a little glassy. Both of them notice, but neither of them call her out on it. She walks over to the couch to press a kiss on Baku's cheek and ruffle Sieun's hair.
"Don't cause trouble," she says as last, her voice still fond. Baku makes a show of taking offense at that.
Sieun waits for the door to click shut behind their mom to plop beside Baku on the couch, trying to steal the remote to switch to something else other than Family Guy, but Baku doesn't let him. He gives up after some time and settles into the cushions to watch it quietly with him.
An hour or so passes, when his phone vibrates in his pocket and he slides it out to take a look at it. His eyebrows draw together. Oh. He forgot to text back Suho. A quick glance in Baku's direction to make sure he's not paying attention to him and he takes his phone out fully to respond.
Ahn Suho
Ghosting is cruel even from you
3:25pm
Sorry
Didn't mean to. I was busy
3:25pm
Ahn Suho
It's okay
But now it's you who has to make it up to me
3:26pm
I'm rolling my eyes right now
3:26pm
Ahn Suho
Don't do that they will fall out
3:26pm
……
3:26pm
Ahn Suho
Soooo….
About the thing we just talked about
3:27pm
I will go out with you, Ahn Suho.
I'm free on Thursday.
3:27pm
Ahn Suho
It's a date!
3:29pm
Sure it is.
3:29pm