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Kip was working a shift at the Kingfisher when he got the call. It was mid-February and he was still doing his best to ignore the hockey games when they were on during his shifts. Which was all the fucking time, because this was a sports bar, after all. A gay sports bar, sure, but a sports bar nonetheless. So Kip would be lying if he claimed that he didn't know that the Admirals had played and lost at home tonight.
But Kip was still trying to not think or care about anything related to Scott, or the New York Admirals, or hockey in general. Which was why Kip didn't expect the incoming call by an unknown number to have anything to do with either of those things. But then Kip picked up and the first thing the person on the other line said was "Hi, uh… I'm calling on behalf of… a bunny?", and Kip could no longer pretend.
Of course he cared. He didn't end things with Scott because he didn't care, but maybe because he cared too much. Because if he had to continue their relationship in the dark, it would have ripped his heart apart. He wanted to be with Scott so badly, but it just felt like Scott was ashamed of him. And even if Kip rationally knew that this wasn't the case, he just couldn't continue to stay hidden.
He wanted to love in the open, to let people know Scott was his. Only that he couldn't. And now Scott wasn’t his anymore anyway. Because Kip had set a boundary, and now he had to deal with it. It was better this way, he lied to himself. And it would be better for Scott too, whose life already contained enough secrecy that didn't warrant another big fucking secret in the shape of Kip.
But god, had Kip cared. Still did, obviously. And right now, past-Kip's care and worries crashed into present-Kip's still ongoing care and love for Scott.
Because a few weeks after Scott had accidentally revealed to Kip that he was, against popular belief, a shapeshifter, and that he had started having trouble controlling his forms, Kip had insisted that Scott needed some kind of safety net. That, should he ever shift in public (it had never happened, only ever in the confines of his apartment, where he felt safe, but also very emotional, which often triggered the shift), people would know what was going on.
Not that it was generally weird to shift in public, shapeshifters weren't particularly discriminated against around here. But it might leave people at a loss when someone who wasn't known to be a shifter suddenly vanished, and only left a pile of clothes and a tiny white bunny in their wake. Which is exactly what must have happened, now that someone called Kip's number, which they presumably found on the card that Kip had annoyed Scott into keeping in his wallet.
Kip had printed a stock image of a bunny (Scott had refused that Kip would use a picture of him in bunny form, even if he was really fucking adorable), cut it out and glued it onto a piece of cardboard he‘d cut out from a parcel, and then scrawled his number on the back. Perfectly inconspicuous, Kip had promised him. Because a) nobody would go through Scott‘s wallet, and b) if they did, they would assume that some customer service worker had slipped him their number (which, kinda true, come to think of it) and Scott hadn't yet gotten around to discard it.
But in case of an emergency, or well, a sudden shift into bunny-Scott, someone might go through Scott's things to look for clues, and then they would get the hint and call Kip. And he would know what to do and could give instructions on how to get Scott to shift back. At the time, Kip had said that he would just pretend to be a medical professional or something that wouldn't raise any suspicions, regarding Scott's other big secret. One of the many lies he had happily agreed to feed to people.
But none of Kip's hard feelings mattered right now, because against all odds, Scott had kept Kip's card. And now, the reason for why Kip had made Scott carry it around with him had come. Scott must have shifted in public. And whoever was on the phone with Kip right now, a teammate, most likely, had a lot of questions. And logically, they had called the number on the back of the bunny card.
"Hello? Uhm, sorry if this is random but I kinda found this card and…", the man on the other end of the line said in a clearly puzzled tone. It brought Kip back to the here and now, and he realised that he actually needed to be helpful right now, and not reminisce about what he'd lost by his own fucking doing. Whoever was with Scott, and perhaps Scott too, needed his help right now.
"Hi, yes, sorry, I was just kind of surprised but yes, this is uh, the bunny hotline, if you will. What's uhm, what's the situation? Where are you?", he asked, and because he wanted to make sure that the person on the phone knew that Kip was informed about this particular situation, and not just there for any bunny incident, he added "Where is he? Is Scott okay?"
"I don't know man, is it normal that he's just kind of in stasis? Don't get me wrong, his heart is beating and everything but I'm not even sure he acknowledged me?", the man on the phone asked and Kip nodded to himself, even if the other man couldn't see. It wasn't normal for a shifter, per se, but over the last few months, Kip had learned a thing or two about how Scott, specifically, worked as a shifter.
When he turned into a bunny, which he'd repressed for so many years, it could happen that Scott not only got stuck in his form, but that his human consciousness also kind of shut down, making him go into, what Kip called, 'bunny mode'.
And because Scott never had a normal relationship to shifting, it now happened very extremely from time to time, especially when he was experiencing a lot of emotions at once. And it had all began when he had started to date Kip. When he had finally stopped to tamp down every emotion.
So it wasn't even that big of a stretch that it would continue to happen, well, after Kip. He didn't even want to imagine whether their break-up had sent Scott into another shift, and how long he'd been stuck. Nope, not going there right now, not when there was a confused teammate of Scott's on the line, who needed Kip to explain.
"He's in deep, probably. It happens to him from time to time, so don't worry. Where are you? Can you get him home? That would probably best." What Scott needed right now was a place where he felt save, and where he could eventually shift back when his human consciousness took the lead again.
"We're still at the Garden, but I can call a car and take him to his penthouse. He just finished that god awful press conference and then went to the restroom. And when he didn't come out, I thought I'd check on him and then well… No Scott in sight, but this little guy", he explained, and Kip imagined that the man might be petting bunny-Scott to calm him down.
"I didn't even know he was a shifter. No one knows I think, so I was quite thrown because I'm like his best friend." Ah, Kip thought, he must be talking to Carter, then.
Scott shifting in a bathroom at the stadium after what Carter called an 'awful press conference' checked out. It never happened before, at least not when they were still together, but Kip suspected that Scott was probably dealing as well as Kip was with their break-up (badly).
Or maybe he was just projecting, or hopeful that there was still a chance. Not that it mattered right now, but it would explain why a press conference now tipped Scott over the edge, if there were already other things, keeping him emotionally on-edge. Wonderful, Grady, you made him shift and get stuck in bunny form at MSG, where nobody is supposed to know he's a shifter.
Nope, not going there either. This wasn't Kip's fault. And neither was it Scott's, because really, Scott hadn't repressed his true nature (in several areas or his life) without reason. The hockey world expected their star athletes to be and behave in a certain way, and Scott was just trying to fit into that mould. So much that he couldn't anymore, apparently.
"Okay", Kip murmured to himself, making a decision he might regret later. "Listen, Carter, right?", he asked to make sure.
"Yeah, how did you know? Sorry, I didn't even introduce myself. And who are you again?" Kip swallowed, preparing for another lie, though right now, it was probably more true than ever before. What Scott needed right now was a friend. A friend who knew what was going on.
"I'm Kip, a friend of Scott's. He's told me about you, you know, his best friend Carter. So I figured this must be you. But anyway, get Scott home and I'll meet you there. I might know how to help him. And don't worry about him not telling you about this. I only really know because I've accidentally seen him like this before. Don't think he would have told me otherwise, so, don't worry. He really just doesn't tell people."
The thought that Scott would not have told Kip about his shifter nature, even if they were in a relationship, was hurtful. But would Scott really have lied to him? He'd already been so open and vulnerable about so many things. Maybe he would have told him eventually, Kip thought (maybe he would've also come out at some point, if Kip had been more patient…).
But it didn't matter, because that was not how things had gone. A few weeks into them hooking up, Kip had opened the apartment door and had been greeted with a bunny and no explanation. Kip had figured it out eventually, even if it had thoroughly confused him at first.
And now, months and one break-up later, Kip would see bunny-Scott again. Would Scott even want him in his home? Questionable. Probably not, after Kip had walked out on him. Should Kip go back and make himself even more miserable than he already was, because he was still in love with Scott? Also probably not. But if Scott was so emotionally distressed that he shifted and didn't even react to Carter's presence, then someone needed to get him out. And it might hurt both of them, but that someone would have to be Kip.
"Okay. Thanks, man. Really, I had no idea", Carter said on the other end of the line. Kip assured him that it was fine, and that he would be there as soon as he could. His shift at the Kingfisher might still go on until one in the morning, but someone just had to fill in for him. This was an emergency after all, and it wasn't like the bar was that busy on a Wednesday night.
After Carter confirmed that he'd call a car as soon as they hung up, Kip was ready to get off the line, but then he remembered something. He tried to not choke on the words as he said "Scratch him lightly behind his ears. It calms him down."
Somehow, this intimate piece of knowledge really fucking hurt in this moment, and he closed his eyes so that he could stop the tears from forming, as Carter said "Okay, thanks. Will do. I'll keep you updated if he suddenly shifts back in the car. Bye Kip."
Kip said a weak goodbye, pretty sure that it would probably be for the best if Scott just shifted back in the car, so that he would not have to go over and break his own heart all over again. Because seeing (and trying to ignore) Scott on a TV screen at the Kingfisher was one thing. But seeing him in his most vulnerable state as bunny-Scott was an entirely different story.
**
Carter hadn't called again, which meant that Scott was still a bunny and Kip would really have to do this. He was sitting on Scott's couch, having let himself in with the key that he still had, knee bouncing nervously, and anxiously flinching every time he thought there was a noise outside in the hall.
It was unsettling to Kip that the apartment didn't look any different. But what difference exactly had he expected? Scott's apartment had been pretty much without any personal touches when he met him, and not much had changed since then. Except for a few pops of colour in the form of throw pillows and a blanket that that Kip had seen online, and that Scott had promptly ordered because Kip liked them. And now they were still on the very couch that he was sitting on.
Kip knew that it would fucking kill him if he left things like this, that reminded him of a past relationship, in his apartment (or, well, Dad's apartment) after a breakup. He wondered it if was killing Scott too, or whether he'd simply forgotten that he had gotten the decor because of Kip. But no, Scott wasn't one to forget these kinds of things, wasn't he? He was, however, someone who would torture himself with these things.
He really hoped, in that case, that Scott had actually forgotten, because he hated to see him hurting, even if Kip had been the one to cause that feeling in the first place. Shit. Kip noticed how he was going down another of those spirals where he felt sorry for himself, then reminded himself that it had been his fucking decision to walk out of the apartment, only to then feel sorry for Scott, to then remember that Kip had his reasons for leaving and so on.
Kip had dissected and over-analysed his thoughts and feelings about their secret relationship a lot in the past months. And he'd realised that what had bothered him most wasn't necessarily that Scott wasn't publicly out or a big spokesperson for the community or anything, but that Kip had felt like a dirty secret. And that he had to hide the thing that brought him so much joy from his loved ones.
But obviously, when they had fought and Kip had decided to call it quits, he hadn't reflected on it all that well yet. He'd just known that he couldn't stand the current situation any longer, and that it was fucking unfair that Scott couldn't even come to his birthday and then something had just snapped.
And now here he was again, back in the apartment where he'd broken both Scott's and his own heart, mere feet away from the crime scene. And on top of everything else, the door had just been opened right in this moment, giving Kip no time to collect himself.
Carter looked surprised when Kip got up hastily from the couch, because he probably hadn't expected him to have a key in the first place. "Hi, sorry, I should have told you that I have-" "I didn't know that you had a-" they both spoke at the same time, and then Carter, and even Kip, in his still mildly distressed state, had to laugh.
But that only lasted for a moment, because Kip knew that if he looked away from Carter's face, down to his hands where he was carrying a helmet, he'd be confronted with...
"So he hasn't shifted back then", Kip stupidly remarked, looking at the tiny fluff ball of a bunny that was Scott, sitting in a helmet, nose twitching occasionally, still not really reacting to what was going on around him. Well, that or he was purposefully ignoring Kip.
He felt a pain deep in his chest, both from seeing the bunny that was Scott again, but also because how distressed his ex-boyfriend had to be if he was just dissociating like this, not even feeling safe enough to slip back in his human consciousness when it had just been him and Carter in a car?
Carter shook his head as he entered the apartment properly. "No, he's been like this for the entire drive here." Kip nodded in acknowledgement, silently approaching Carter and bunny-Scott, trying to control his face so that he wouldn't suddenly burst into tears.
"Okay. Yeah that's... It's good that he's home then", Kip finally said when he came to a halt a few feet in front of Carter. Was he supposed to take the helmet from him? Kip wasn't sure if he could do that. Even if he was literally here to help, because he should know what to do in this situation.
Okay. Focus, Grady. You can do this, he told himself and then cleared his throat. "Right, uhm, do we just want to set him up on his bed? I've already put out a tray with some carrots and blueberries and water for him. That's.. uh... what he usually goes for", Kip tried to explain, as if it was totally normal that he, a literal stranger to Carter, knew what and where bunny-Scott ate, while Carter had only just learned Scott was, in fact, a bunny.
Carter looked at him for a moment with an unreadable expression and Kip already thought that he might refuse the idea, even if he had literally called Kip for help (well, not Kip, just the number on the bunny card, really...) but then he shrugged and nodded. "Yeah okay, you seem to know what you're doing."
Kip had to control his face really hard at that statement, because fuck no, he was flying blind here. Sure, he'd dealt with bunny-Scott before and helped him to shift back as well, so he might be somewhat qualified. And he knew what bunny-Scott usually liked to eat, and that you should always put out something for him to drink, and that he liked shifting back on his bed, so that he wouldn't just be lying on the floor naked when he came back...
But post-breakup bunny-Scott that shifted after a bad press conference in public? There was no precedent for that. But speaking of...
"So, the press conference", Kip began, glancing down at the helmet that Carter was still carrying. Bunny-Scott was staring into the void, most likely not picking up on what they were saying, which was good, because Kip really didn't want to discuss the distressing thing that happened to Scott in front of Scott.
"It was a total shit show. You haven't seen it?", Carter asked as they entered the bedroom and headed for the bed, where Kip had already set up a tray for bunny-Scott to snack from if he felt hungry. "No, I uh...", Kip started, unsure how to end his statement. No I haven't because I couldn't handle it? Because it would hurt too much? Not the best answer, so he just let the half-finished answer hang in the air between them.
"They really went to town on him. Asking him if not only his lucky streak, but maybe even his career was over. One guy even asked him if he already had plans for retirement, as if Scott was anywhere close to retiring, man", Carter huffed and stopped next to Scott's bed, looking down into the helmet and murmuring "You still got a lot of good years in you, brother. At least if you shift back and come to play with us again. I'm really sorry we all played like shit today, Cap."
Kip knew that realistically,it didn't have anything to do with their break-up that the Admirals played badly. The team was made up of a lot of players that weren't Scott, so really, how much of Kip's fault was it? And still, Kip couldn't help but feel guilty. But not as guilty as these vultures from the press should feel like.
"Journalists can be fucking assholes", Kip muttered and Carter looked up from where he was talking to Scott again and nodded.
"Yeah man... Do you think... did the press conference cause... this?", Carter asked, holding up the helmet to make his point about what he meant with 'this'. Then, he lowered it on the bed so that Scott could hop out. No reaction.
Kip bit his lip so he didn't start screaming in frustration about this whole situation and the people (him included) who caused it. Once that immdiate anger was contained, he cautiously reached out so he could lift up bunny-Scott's tiny body and put him on the bed.
Carter needed his helmet back, after all. Or was it maybe Scott's? Not that it mattered, because right now, Kip was literally holding his ex-boyfriend in bunny form and his heart was so close to shattering. He was so small and vulnerable and so incredibly soft. He desperately wanted to cuddle him.
Kip took a deep breath, hoping Carter might not read too much into it, and then tried to answer him in a normal tone as he gently deposited bunny-Scott on the mattress. "At least to a certain extent, yeah. All the stupid questions must have stressed him out a little too much", he said and was unable to stop himself from stroking the fur behind bunny-Scott's ear just a little bit.
You shouldn't be touching him, you've lost the right to do that, a voice inside Kip's head admonished him, and Kip briefly closed his eyes as he withdrew his hand, willing the tears back in. "Sorry. I'm just also really shaken because of all of this", he said and tried to blame all of the emotions that he was feeling, and that Carter was surely registering, on the fact that he felt sympathy for his 'friend', getting bullied by the media.
"Yeah, it's really fucked up", Carter agreed and then nodded towards the bedroom door. "Should we... leave him be for now and head back to the living room, or does he need someone to be around?", he then asked.
Kip wasn't sure if Carter had picked up on the tension Kip must be fucking radiating, being so close to Scott and yet not close at all, with Scott's human consciousness currently being elsewhere. But better not test it, which meant better letting bunny-Scott rest for the time being.
"I think it's best if we let him calm down alone. You know, lower the number of impressions he has to deal with", Kip said, dragging himself away from the bunny with much more difficulty than was reasonable. It was just... Scott was right here. Well, no, bunny-Scott was, who was clearly lacking human-Scott's consciousness at the moment.
But still, he was here, just in reach and yet so far away, and Kip wanted to stay and never leave, even if there were still so many complications to the two of them being together. But at the same time, he knew that Scott might just not want him around at all anymore.
Only that Kip couldn't really ask him, because of Scott's bunny brain that was currently calling the shots. And obviously because Carter was here and ugh, Kip really wanted to scream. This was all so complicated and painful.
In the end, Kip did what was best, leaving the room with Carter, and looking back at bunny-Scott one last time, how he sat there on the bed, almost motionless, before closing the door behind him. Kip was almost certain that this closed door right now hurt even more than when he closed a door on Scott the first time around.
Carter, with his helmet still in hand, standing next to the couch, looked at Kip with a calculating expression before asking. "Are you alright? You seem... very affected."
Kip swallowed and nodded, dragging himself away from the door and over to the couch. Despite his distress, he had to suppress the urge to walk over to the fridge and offer Carter something to drink. But he couldn't do that, because that would be weird. Kip wasn't living here. Never had lived here, officially. He was just Scott's friend. Who Scott never mentioned to anyone. Including Carter.
"It's just... I've never seen him that far away", Kip tried to say it neutrally, but even he heard the wobble in his voice that was clearly indicating that he was failing. Carter hummed and then said "But he's gonna come back. Right? I mean, I'm not a shifter so I don't really know all that much but... people don't get permanently stuck... right?", Carter sounded more and more unsure as he was saying it, and Kip was glad that at least when it came to that, he could reassure Carter.
"No, that's not something we have to worry about. He'll be back. So... all good", Kip said and tried to believe it. Scott would shift back at some point, and he would be in a safe environment when he did so, which that was good. It was only that... once Scott was back in his human form, Kip wasn't needed anymore. Probably not wanted either. Fuck. Had it been a mistake to come here?
"Dude, there's something you're not telling me", Carter accused him and Kip almost laughed because yes, there was so fucking much that he wasn't telling anyone. "Is there anything bad apart from getting stuck that I have to worry about?"
Kip shook his head. "No, no. Ignore me, I just worry for no reason", Kip lied and got up from the couch again on which they had just settled on. It wouldn't be weird if he just got himself a glass of water. He could do that, people go over to their friends' places and get a glass of water. That was allowed.
"Why has he never told us about you?", Carter asked as Kip was reaching for the glass in the cabinet. He froze, hand in mid-air, not knowing what to say to that. But there also wasn't really a good answer to it. He let his arm fall to his side again and turned to face Carter.
"Are you two more than friends? Is that why you worry so much?"
Kip closed his eyes as he felt the tears coming. His bottom lip was trembling and he dug his fingernails into his palms to remain composed, but it was a lost cause. There was no way he could deny it now.
"Not anymore", he choked out, before trying and failing to take a deep breath. "Don't worry I'm not-", he started, swallowed once, then tried to take another steadying breath before continuing.
"I'm not like a psychotic stalker ex or something. Or well", he laughed humourlessly, "that's not really for me to decide is it... But uhm, he didn't- I mean, I broke up with him. I left him, but before... I made him take the stupid card because what if he ever shifted in public and no one knows and then he's all alone and-", a sob escaped him and he shook his head as if that would make him able to take it back.
"Sorry. There is no need for me to dump all of this on you. He should be fine. Thanks for bringing him here. I hope I was able to help somehow. Maybe... maybe you should be his new bunny contact, now that you know. I uh... I should go", Kip rambled and looked around for where his things were, ready to just grab them and hightail it out of here.
"Hey, no wait", Carter got up from the sofa, walking over to where Kip was more shaking than standing, and steadying him by grabbing him by the shoulders. "You two were in a relationship?", Carter asked, and Kip could only nod, not daring to open his mouth again.
Maybe Scott would never forgive him for telling Carter, but to be fair, he'd figured it out on his own... well, he figured it out after Kip almost cried about petting a bunny.
"But you broke up with him", Carter repeated slowly, before asking "And you're miserable because of it aren't you? Because he's miserable too. I thought it was because his favourite smoothie place closed down but... it's because of you isn't it?"
Kip blinked confusedly, because the last time he checked, which had been this morning, the Straw+Berry that he worked at was still very open. But maybe Scott had told Carter that the place had closed and that's why he wasn't getting his regular pre-game smoothie anymore. That would make sense.
"Yeah it's...", Kip finally sniffed. "It's not the smoothies. I mean, I used to make the smoothies but... yeah the place didn't close. I broke up with him. And he respected that enough to not go there anymore. Not like me, who...", he gestured at the apartment.
"Hey, I don't think that you coming here to help him is disrespectful", Carter argued and shook him lightly by the shoulders where he was still holding him upright. Kip was pretty sure that his knees would immediately buckle if Carter let go of him.
"Clearly you still care about him. And he cares about you. Can't you just... I don't know, fix it somehow? I've never seen him this happy before."
Kip felt his bottom lip wobble again and cursed himself for the lack of sleep that his two jobs were giving him, because clearly, he wasn't able to reign himself in as much when he was sleep-deprived like this.
"No, don't cry! We're gonna fix this", Carter said and Kip looked at him with disbelief, because how? What gave Carter the confidence to say that we are going to fix this, if he only just learnt about Scott being gay and having had a boyfriend.
"You don't have to-", Kip tried, but Carter seemed unshakable now. "Oh no, I do actually have to. Scott is my best friend and even if he hasn't technically told me that he's into guys, I swear I'm gonna get him his man back", Carter announced fiercely and Kip was actually taken aback, because how was Carter taking this so well?
Not that Scott was gay. Kip's had a suspicion that Scott's close friends on the team wouldn't have an issue with that, based on what he'd told Kip about them. But sort of everything else that Carter was learning at the moment and how he just took all of it in stride. Scott was a shifter? Alright. Scott was gay? Cool. Scott's emotional mess of an ex-boyfriend still loved him? Easy, let's fix it. Scott-
"Vaughny."
That was Scott's voice. Kip's heart lurched as he turned towards the bedroom door, Carter doing the same, letting one of his hands fall from Kip's shoulders. Scott looked exhausted, dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie.
"Stop being intense. That's my thing", he said in a hoarse voice. It was probably an attempt at humour, but Kip didn't feel like laughing at all. He felt like a lot of other things though, but none of them took the upper hand, because he was still so stunned by Scott's appearance.
Carter seemed to recover first, because he squeezed Kip's shoulder one last time before walking over to Scott and enveloped him in a hug while cheering "Scotty! You're back!"
Kip wasn't sure if he heard what came after that correctly, but it sounded a lot like Carter was muttering to Scott that he had a lot of explaining to do. Whether or not Carter had said that, Scott seemed to agree, because he nodded into the hug, but with his eyes still firmly locked on Kip. They actually hadn't left Kip ever since he appeared in the doorway of his bedroom.
When Carter let go of Scott and drew back, he held him by his shoulder just as he had done with Kip a moment before, and said, audible for the entire room this time, "Right. Now, I don't know what happened between the two of you, but you clearly seem to be making each other more miserable when you're apart than when you're together", he announced, and Kip felt absolutely mortified.
Carter was right, of course. Kip actually felt worse, even if just going back to how it had been before also couldn't be the solution. Not that Carter knew anything about that, as he had so aptly declared. But it seemed like Carter was serious, and hadn't just been nice to Kip during his breakdown when he said that he wanted to help to fix their relationship.
"Vaughny, I don't think-", Scott tried, voice still rough, but Carter was having none of it.
"Ah! No need to think Scotty. Just act. Talk to each other. And if you're still looking like a kicked puppy or... well... bunny at practice tomorrow, I'm going to actually intervene", Carter insisted and then let go of Scott.
He went to the couch to grab his helmet, and then to the foyer to pick up one of the two gear bags that he'd brought along. He was almost out of the door already when he turned and said, "Also, way to go, Scotty. Kip's like objectively hot when he's not bawling his eyes out about seeing a bunny. Or, you know what, maybe even then. So, well done", he said with a thumbs up and then left without saying anything else.
A hysterical laughter left Kip's lips, because what had just happened? One moment, he was spilling Scott's secret to Carter fucking Vaughn and crying in his arms and then suddenly, Carter played their couples's therapist and called him hot?
"Uhm... that's..." Scott muttered, probably as unsure about what just happened as Kip was. "He means well", was what Scott settled on in the end, and another hollow laugh left Kip's lips because yeah, Carter was kind of absurd but it had definitely come from a place of care, that he could tell.
"Yeah, no I... I got that. He was really worried about you when he called me", Kip said and realised that Scott was probably missing a lot of details here, which was confirmed when Scott frowned and asked "Why did he call you? How did he even get your number?"
"The card. Uhm, the bunny card I made for you. He found it when... wait, what do you remember?", Kip asked before confusing Scott even more. It was weird, being in Scott's apartment and not at all addressing the elephant in the room. But to be fair, there wasn't just an elephant in the room. There was also a bunny. Or, well, had been before, anyway.
Scott frowned some more as he went over to the couch and sank down on it. He looked over to Kip with what what his delusional brain thought was a longing gaze. And so Kip, the simple man that he was, obviously went over to the couch as well, sitting down next to Scott at an acceptable distance.
"I must have shifted in the stadium after the press conference", Scott muttered, looking down at his hands. "And then... a lot of it is hazy. The way it often is when my brain kind of checks out. But... I remember uhm, smelling you. That was... really nice. Uh. Yeah. It's nice that you came. Even after...", he sighed and his shoulders slumped. "Sorry", he said in a small voice and shyly looked up at Kip.
Kip automatically shook his head but fought the urge to move closer to Scott and hug him. It took a lot of self-control. "No, don't apologise. Of course I came. I wanted to make sure you're okay", Kip felt his hand twitch at his side. Apparently, wanting to comfort Scott had become somewhat of a reflex, even if they had only been together for a few months.
Scott nodded. "That's really kind... I'm... I'm a mess, frankly." He sighed and looked away. "But what's new...", he muttered, and now Kip couldn't hold himself back anymore and reached over to place a hand on Scott's back.
"Scott...", Kip whispered, unsure what to say, because Scott was kind of a mess. He'd been kind of a mess ever since Kip met him. But he'd been his mess and now Kip missed him so much and-
"I don't want to presume but... when I got out of the bedroom before, and you were crying and Carter said you're miserable...", Scott trailed off as he looked back at him with his big, saf, and hopeful eyes.
God, this man was killing him. Kip sighed and nodded, cautiously rubbing small circles on Scott's shoulders where his hand was still resting.
"I miss you. So much. But Scott-"
"I miss you too. So, so much. And I know I fucked up. And I'm so sorry. I'll do whatever it takes to get you back. I'll come out publicly in an instant if that's what it takes", Scott pleaded, but Kip could hear it in the tremor of his voice that betrayed him. He was still terrified.
Not that Kip thought Scott was lying about coming out for him. He would probably do it despite not being ready. And that's not what Kip wanted either, even if it showed how serious Scott was about him. No, because that would only make the rift between them bigger eventually. And Kip didn't need a grand gesture, he just wanted to be honest with his folks and not feel like a shameful secret.
Kip moved his hand from Scott's shoulder, down to where Scott was fidgeting with his own hands, and layed his hand on top. "You don't need to do that. I know how hard it is for you. But… if you could just meet me in the middle? I think if we could tell my dad and my friends, that would be the main thing right now.
"That, and that you maybe become sort of okay with being outside with me. Not holding hands or anything. But just so we can go anywhere that's not this apartment." Kip didn't need to tell everyone. Not right now, anyway. He wasn't even sure how he would deal if the press suddenly descended on him too.
But he needed this relationship to be real outside of these four walls. And maybe Scott needed that too for himself? Kip tried to tentatively suggest something along the lines.
"And then maybe at some point, you could tell a few of your friends too? So that you have some people on your team in your corner? I mean", Kip cringed, remembering himself breaking down in front of Carter. "One of your teammates already knows now… Which I'm really sorry about. I swear I didn't say anything. He just kind of guessed, but I didn't mean to-"
But now it was Scott who cut him off. "Don't apologise. I told you, I would come out to everyone if that would mean you stay. Which is terrifying. But not being with you scares me even more", Scott sighed.
"Carter really wasn't overselling it when he said I was miserable. I've started playing so badly that some people expect me to retire soon." Kip winced, because he'd heard from Carter that this had also come up in the press conference today.
Scott seemed to interpret this gesture as a reaction to what he was saying, because he hastily clarified that "I mean, not that I only want to be with you because you make me a better player. Which, you do. But that doesn't matter. I'd be okay being a mediocre player for the rest of my entire career if it would mean that I could come home to you. But that's not the point. The point is that you make me a better person. And so, so happy. And I still love you so much. So please, let me do it right this time. You deserve it. All of it."
Kip felt the tears welling up again in his eyes. He fully turned to Scott now, clutching both of his hands in his own and tried to keep his voice level.
"I really don't need you to come out publicly. At least not right now. You should really do that on your own timeline. But if we can tell my friends, my dad, and just... go out in public. With my friends, or yours, or sometimes just the two of us, that would be enough. Then I think we can make this work without me feeling like I'm back in the closet. And... you know, like I'm your dirty secret."
Scott nodded and almost cautiously leaned forward to presses his forehead to Kip's, "I'm so sorry I made you feel that way. That was never my intention", he exhaled shakily, probably also close to tears himself.
"But we'll do whatever you need from me. And if you notice that something starts to feel off again, tell me. And we fix it, yeah? I really want to fix it", Scott insisted and Kip believed him.
How could he not? He knew that Scott had never done any of the things that drove Kip away from him with malice. He'd done it out of fear. But apparently, the fear of losing Kip had won.
And Kip knew how huge this was, because he had seen Scott after that failed gallery date and it hadn't looked good. He'd almost expected Scott to shift in public that day, and he was certain that it had only just not happened. Which reminded him...
"There is one more thing", Kip said, withdrawing his head a little so he could look at Scott, their hands still clasped together. "You need so start shifting more regularly and on purpose as well, otherwise we're going to have more of those bunny hotline incidents."
And at that, Scott laughed a little wetly, tears now also rolling down his cheeks, but he nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, no that sounds reasonable. I can do that. For you, I can do anything."