Work Text:
The alarm rang shrill through the room. Groggily, Ban Hammer slammed a fist on the snooze button before pulling his hand back beneath the sheets. He stuffed his face into the pillows, tugging the blankets closer to him so no warmth could escape. Sighing contentedly, he drifted back into warm slumber, relishing the limited time before the next alarm.
Ban groaned once the ringing went off again. This time, he forced his eyes open and glared at his alarm before promptly shutting it off. He laid in bed a moment longer, enjoying the warmth before finally sitting up, perched on the edge of his mattress. He didn’t move, still as a statue, staring off into nothing in particular. But as he’s lost in thought, a peculiar movement caught his eye…
It was dark in color, scurrying around on the floor. It was rather large, about the size of his index finger. He squinted at the shape, unable to make out what it was. His sleep-ridden mind didn’t hold the capacity to be startled, at least not right now.
Ban sleepily reached over to his bedside lamp and switched it on. Sure enough, as the yellow light spilled over his room, it glinted off the moving object, illuminating its form. Now that he can clearly see, he realized just what it is.
A positively MASSIVE cockroach.
He let out a nearly inhuman (inphernal? ininphernal??) shriek, limbs flailing as he fell backwards into his bed. Now he’s completely awake, eyes wide in horror. He can’t seem to move, frozen in place.
His mind raced, unsure of what to do.
His brain told him, “Kill it! It’s only a little cockroach!”
His gut said, “LITTLE? ITS THE SIZE OF MY FINGER!” (Which, considering Ban’s size, a cockroach the size of his finger is terrifyingly large.)
So instead, his hand blindly fumbled for his phone. He kept his eyes trained on the cockroach, which has stopped moving. Instead, it swayed its long antennas around, the little strings at least double the length of its body. Every movement it made disgusted Ban more than the last.
Finally, he grabbed hold of his phone and immediately dialed for his mother. It rang for a little while before she picked up.
“Ban? Why’d you call me so early?” Windforce’s tone spoke through the phone.
He visibly relaxed at the sound of her voice. “Momma! I need yer help! There’s-“
“Ban, I’m very busy right now, I haven’t got any time to help. But I’m sure you can handle it,” She cut him off. “Best of luck.”
And then she hung up.
Eyes still locked on the pest, he breathed heavily. It continued to circle its antennas around, as if sensing the room. He himself remained silent and unmoving, but his heart pounded in his chest, louder than ever.
…
There was still one more person he could call.
He dialed in the number.
It rang.
He hoped he would pick up.
He also hoped he didn’t.
He wanted to talk to him.
And he didn’t want to, either.
“…Ban Hammer?” Katana’s voice mumbled. His heart beat even faster at the sound of it.
His mind went blank. Opening and closing his mouth for a moment, he finally found the words.
“I need you to come over.” The sentence tumbled out, Ban nearly tripping over it. He can’t believe what he was doing.
He was finally inviting Katana over. And it just had to be over a damn cockroach! He can practically see his mother grabbing the stitch in her side from how hard she’d be laughing if she ever found out.
He heard Katana’s voice shift, lined with worry instead of sleepiness. “Wha- why? Is everything alright?”
Ban’s cheeks were bright purple. “I- just come over!” He urged. The phone nearly slipped out of his grasp from how sweaty his palms have gotten.
“…Okay. I will be there in five minutes,” Katana replied, the concern in his tone evident.
Hands shaking, Ban slowly put the phone down on the sheets next to him.
What has he done?
He just invited Katana over.
For a cockroach.
He felt like he might cry.
His face burned in embarrassment. It didn’t even feel like thirty seconds before Katana knocked on the door.
Ban jumped at the sound, but unable to even exit his room, he thumbed in Katana’s number again.
Picking up once more, he heard Katana’s voice a second time. “Ban Hammer? Why don’t you answer the door?”
“Just come in!” He said hurriedly. Not long after, he heard heavy yet rapid footsteps approach his room. The door slammed open and Katana stepped in, still dressed in pajamas.
Very unlike his usual self.
…Was he rushing to get here?
Ban felt even more blush creep onto his face, turning his head away.
“Ban! Are you okay?” Katana rushed over and grabbed the other’s face, turning his head to face him. He nearly yelped at the sudden contact. All four of his eyes stared back at Katana, wide and startled.
“Are you sick?” Katana asked worriedly. “You’re burning up.”
Vigorously, Ban shook his head and pointed at the cockroach. Katana whipped his head around. As his eyes fell on the absolute giant of an insect, a loud, high-pitched scream escaped his throat. He jumped at least a foot into the air, collapsing onto the bed.
Right next to Ban.
He couldn’t help but burst into a fit of laughter, an excuse to bury his blush-ridden face into the sheets. Katana, however, wasn’t laughing at all. Instead, he scrambled closer to the Warden, putting more distance between him and the cockroach. A giddy feeling rose in his stomach at how close he and Katana were.
“WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE SWORDS- WHY IS IT SO BIG?” Katana shouted. If not for his masked face, his tone of voice definitely gave away his disgust and horror.
Ban doubled over at the question. He cackled into the sheets like a madman, a stark contrast to Katana’s stiff posture. Ban felt the weight on the bed shift, and he glanced over to see Katana hiding under the cloth as well. Their shoulders were somewhat squashed against each other, warmth radiating off of them.
Ban’s heart races faster than ever. His breathing quickens. Gods, he was so damn close to him!
Thankfully, Katana was too frightened by the insect to notice how flustered Ban had gotten. They sat together until his laughter had died down a little, blinking expectantly at each other. Ban still had a cheesy smile plastered on his face, whether from Katana’s presence or his words, he didn’t know.
“What are you smiling for?” Katana asked, incredulous. “NOTHING about this is funny!” He exclaimed.
This only made Ban laugh even more, his abs starting to hurt from how hard he was wheezing. Katana scooted even closer, back pressed flush against the other’s chest. Ban Hammer wondered if Katana could feel his heartbeat with how quickly it beat.
“You seriously expect me to kill that?” Katana questioned, tone serious.
Ban replied once he’d finally regained his composure. “Well, yeah! It’s what I invited ya over for!” He quipped.
Katana’s shoulders slumped, a heavy sigh escaping him. There’s a long moment of silence before he replied.
“…Do you have any sort of… weapon?” He finally obliged.
“Uh… here.” Katana scooted off to the side to make room for Ban as he reached down to the floor and handed him a purple sandal. Katana turned it over in his palm, as if testing its weight. Muttering something under his breath, he tentatively moved off the bed. Steadily, he approached the cockroach, taking cautious steps towards it.
Katana hesitated, weapon in hand. His stance remained rigid, like the roach might explode at any moment. Leaning closer to it, he readied the sandal before…
WHACK!
Ban Hammer didn’t know what to expect. Maybe it would’ve scurried away just in time, or perhaps its juices would be splattered all over his room.
But what he didn’t expect, or at least wasn’t hoping for, was for it to start flying.
Instinctively, the two of them started screaming, Katana immediately diving back into the bed. He dropped the sandal on the floor, the two of them screeching under the covers.
Quite disgustingly, Ban can literally hear its wings flapping despite their loud ass screams. And even once the noise stopped, he and Katana were still shrieking like little girls.
Once they’d finally calmed down, blankets pulled tight over them, Ban realized just how close they were right now.
Katana was literally laying on top of him.
They were practically cuddling at this point.
Ban’s face heats up at the revelation, cheeks turning a bright purple. And the worst part? Katana was facing him, chests pressed against each other.
But once again, Katana was too petrified to notice. (Thank the Swords!) Instead, he peeked out from under the covers, cautiously scanning the room for the pest.
“Give me your phone,” Katana instructed, breaking the silence. Ban poked his head out as well, looking around too.
“Why?” He asked, despite already reaching over to the bedside table. He’d handed Katana his phone before he can even reply.
“I am going to call Vine Staff,” He said flatly. Ban Hammer nodded in approval, she’d probably know what to do with her plant powers and whatnot. He watched the cockroach, now perched on the wall right next to the door. It was moving its antennas again, the slender strings waving around. Ew.
Once Katana handed Ban Hammer his phone, they both stared at the insect, awkward silence filling the room. Katana was still laying on Ban, tucked under the sheets. Only their heads poked out, staring intently at the roach.
“How long ‘till she gets ‘ere?” Ban asked, attempting to break the uncomfortable quiet.
“Not long. She lives quite close to me, so most likely five minutes as well,” Katana answered.
And to Katana, the wait definitely felt like five minutes. Maybe shorter. But to Ban, it felt like five years. Sure, he kept his eyes on the cockroach, but all his attention was diverted to the other’s presence.
Silently, he prayed to his momma and all the Swords that Katana didn’t notice how flushed his face had gotten, or how much sweat had gathered on his palms, or how fast his heart beat. He loved whenever Katana was near, but maybe not THIS close! The silence was suffocating, and Ban wanted to do something, anything, to fill it. He wanted to hug him close, throw him out the window, confess his love right then and there, anything but sitting here.
And yet, he remained silent. It stayed that way until Vine Staff arrived.
Vine opened the door, startling the two. Her eyes settled on the two of them, raising an eyebrow at how they were basically stacked on top of one another. “Care to explain…?” She questioned.
“There!” Ban quipped. They both point at the cockroach, serving as their answer.
She turned her head, scarcely taking any time for her eyes to spot the giant pest. She blinked slowly, observing the roach.
“…You called me here, just for that?” She asked in disbelief. She swiftly scooped it with one hand, holding it like an ice cream cone. Its antennas kept swirling about, somehow not disturbing Vine at all.
The two of them stared at her like she just admitted to liking feet.
“The hell’s wrong with ‘er?” Ban whispered to Katana. Unfortunately, he was too shocked to even register the Warden’s words.
Vine sighed like a disappointed mother. “Well then. I assume you’re late for work, Ban, so I’ll get going.” She stepped out, past the doorway. “Next time you want my help, make sure it’s actually worth my time.” She shut the door, taking the cockroach with her to Swords knows where.
Naturally, Ban and Katana are left in silence, completely dumbfounded by Vine’s actions.
Ban Hammer cleared his throat. “Well, uh… I should get going. I’m late for work,” He told a frozen Katana. He grabbed his armor and whatever he usually wears underneath it before turning back to the other inphernal.
“I needa change. Would ya mind… stepping out?” Ban offered awkwardly.
Katana seemed to come out of a trance. “I- yes, I suppose I should take my leave now.” He scooted off the bed, walking over to the door and opening it. “Goodbye, Ban Hammer.”
He grinned in reply. “See ya!”
Katana chuckled internally at the sight. The way Ban smiled was very endearing to him, he realized. In fact, it felt like it was growing on him.
They waved at each other before Katana closed the door behind him.