Chapter Text
Superman lazily cruised through the sky, humming to himself as he occasionally sipped at a coffee cup from his favorite cafe. It was mocha with extra cinnamon and whipped cream. Reminding him of the hot chocolate that Ma would always make during the winter season. She didn’t add coffee obviously considering kids shouldn’t be exposed to the stuff until adulthood. Now as an adult, Clark could add caffeine whenever he wanted. The Man of Steel continued humming as he double checked the hubbub of the city. Just in case there was one last rescue or emergency to be taken care of. Hhhhmmm, so far, all seemed well in Metropolis.
“Aaahhh, peace and quiet. The second most beautiful sound next to Lois’ voice and country music.” Clark smiled happily to himself as he approached his apartment building. Today hasn't been spectacular, it’s just been a good day overall. Lois surprised him with breakfast bagels when he arrived with their morning coffee. Perry approved of the story they wrote on the successful student fundraiser for the less fortunate children of Metropolis. Jimmy dragged them out for a late celebratory lunch to have chili dogs and fizzy lemonade at the local park. Kara finally beat Clark at a baseball match and he was happy for his cousin’s achievement. The grateful hug he received after for teaching her the sport was even better.
Nothing outrageously special happened. No one won a million dollars or finally cracked the code for world peace. Lex Corp didn’t disappear overnight or Vicki didn’t suddenly decide to be nicer to Lois & Perry. Nevertheless, it was a good day. Considering it was full of the little things that made life all worthwhile. “Don’t have to buy me diamonds or pearls, champagne, sables or such…” Clark murmured along to Kitty Kallen’s “Little Things Mean A Lot”. He idly wondered if Lois liked jewelry. Definitely earrings, the kind she could wear on the run while hunting for new stories. Maybe cute tiny stars made of stainless steel so they could stand a chance of surviving their many adventures.
“Give me your hand when I’ve lost the way! Give me your shoulder to cry on…” Clark daydreamed of holding Lois’ hand as she leaned against his board shoulder. Picturing the star earrings shining brightly, mirroring the same stars always aglow in her eyes. “Whether the day is bright or gray. Give me your heart to rely on…” The young hero sang sweetly as he descended onto his waiting balcony. Jimmy must have left the door open for him. “That always and ever, now and forever-“ The happy kryptonian literally waltzed into the room. Ready to report another peaceful patrol to his roommate.
“Little things…” The next lyric died on his tongue when his ears registered the heartbeat that sounded off. A heartbeat that wasn’t Jimmy’s. Superman froze in place as his mind and super senses scrambled to analyze his surroundings. The lights were not on. He didn’t hear his roommate rambling in the dark for his latest Flamebird stream. That was the only time Jimmy left the lights off, usually keeping them on for Clark’s return from patrol. Jimmy wasn’t here. Someone else had opened the door and entered their apartment. The foreign heart beat echoed nearby. In fact, if he just turned his head to his left. He would see the tall, imposing figure dressed entirely in black with only slits of piercing white light for eyes-
“OH DEAR HEAVENS AND MA’S SWEET HOLY FUDGE!!!!”
Clark screamed as his unfortunate cup of mocha flew from his hand, bounced harshly against the wall, and clattered onto the floor to spill a pitiful puddle of leftover chocolate caffeine. The terrifying figure of darkness calmly extended a clawed hand to switch on the lights. “Huh, you noticed me. You were distracted but you still stopped to check your surroundings. At least you have some sense of awareness.” The moment the lights revealed the horrible intruder in all of his fearsome glory, Clark immediately recoiled. The stranger appeared even more terrifying in the light. Then Clark remembered this creep was intruding HIS apartment. He just committed breaking and entering! Who the actual melting fudge did this insane guy dressed like a bat think he was?!
Superman immediately dashed off to grab his old trusty baseball bat from his childhood bedroom. Returning with the time worn club that had won his team two junior championships in a row. “Explain yourself or meet Batty.” Superman growled dangerously as he held up good old Batty. The mysterious intruder showed the slightest smudge of surprise, “You named it Batty?…” Clark sighed tiredly, “I know the name is kind of cringe but I was a kid okay?! My Pa gave me this bat. He made it himself with his own two hands. And if you do not explain yourself in this very instance I will show you just how well Batty can serve me.” He snarled defiantly.
The shadowy figure scoffed in response, “Unbelievable. You are threatening me with a bat. And here I thought I was going to receive good old Kent hospitality.” Said country boy/part-time superhero looked rightfully chaffed, “What?! Well, maybe I would have had time to prepare for guests if SAID GUEST DIDN’T BREAK INTO MY APARTMENT WITHOUT AN INVITE. Next time I will be sure to heat up some coffee and pie JUST FOR YOU!” The ticked off country boy bared his teeth at the absolute gall of this guy. Who did he think he was?! The President of the United States?!
The intruder seemed almost in awe as he stepped a little closer to the Defender of Metropolis and Good Manners. “My, you actually have some backbone. Nice. Anyway, how about we cut to the chase? I am only here for business.” Superman stepped away with Batty gripped in his clenched fists, “And I am sorry to inform you that I do not do business with bat idolizing lunatics who enter people’s apartments without any permission.” Said bat idolizing lunatic just rolled his eyes, “Noted. However, whether you like it or not. We do have business.”
The stranger extended his clawed hand towards Superman this time. “My name is Batman from Earth-8903. Apologies for trespassing but my mission here is urgent. I am inviting you to Poundcake Palace tomorrow at 10:30 AM. We will have a private room to further discuss the matter that brings me here.” Clark did not dare let go of Batty. Eyeing the claws with utter disdain, “No thank you. The last time I was visited by people from another dimension. They either tricked me into committing theft or tried to kill me with kryptonite. So you can forget it and escort yourself out.”
Batman did not retreat his hand as he narrowed his piercing eyes. “Hmph, tough guy huh? The Superman I know could learn a few things from you. Alas, since you are not up to graciously accepting an invite. I will have to persuade you to come.” Clark snorted, “And how? By bribing me with free brunch and coffee after?” Batman suddenly gave an unnerving smirk that would make anyone’s blood freeze in fear. “Blackmail. And even if you successfully dispatch me, word will still get out that Clark Kent is Superman. I can only imagine the future articles and public attention~” The sinister stranger gave a smug chuckle that promoted doom.
Clark Kent’s mind was instantly overrun with dozens of newspaper articles with his face plastered all over them. He could hear the hordes of reporters, government agents, villains, and alien loving crazies stampeding his way. He could kiss goodbye the sweet civilian life he had worked so hard to build. “I just met you but I already hate you.” Superman growled as he lowered Batty in surrender. He just couldn’t risk even a drop of personal information coming out to expose his double life.
Batman exchanged his triumphant grin for a firm frown, “As nasty as I can be we need to do this. I cannot walk away without completing my assignment. I will further explain myself tomorrow but for now, please consider accepting my invite.” Superman hated everything about this. Sadly, what choice did he have if he didn’t want to give up being Clark Kent? “Fine. You win. Is there a dress code for this special event sir?” He grumbled sourly as he shot a glare at the bothersome bat who didn’t respect proper boundaries.
“No. Just don’t let anyone know what we are up to. Just come on time.” Batman replied, then he rubbed his chin as a sudden thought occurred to him, “Hhhmm, on second thought. Maybe you might want to dress up. Considering I’m inviting Ms. Lane as well.” If the official boyfriend of Lois Lane wasn’t offended before, he was beyond ready to strangle Batman until he breathed no more. “You didn’t-“ Clark’s face darkened with quickly rising anger. The offender didn’t even flinch at the impending wrath of Earth-12’s Superman. “This business involves Ms. Lane too. So of course I had to invite her. Be mad all you want but we have to settle this. So you either come or I follow through with the blackmail. Understood, Clark Kent?” The Dark Knight gazed coolly at a seething Man of Steel.
The angered kryptonian spluttered, “You can’t-What the h**l?! You did not-WHY WOULD YOU EVEN?!?! This is-, FUDGE YOU.” Behind the mask, Earth-8903’s Bruce Wayne wisely came to the conclusion that no progress could be made with a raging Superman ready to tear him apart. The Caped Crusader exhaled exhaustedly as he allowed himself to sink into a nearby armchair. “Alright, I will give you a short debriefing for now. You will still have to show up tomorrow to pick up the kid though.” He relented.
That last sentence was just enough to cause a seething Superman to pause.
“Wait, did you say something about a kid?”
“Oooh boy, if you will kindly brew us some coffee. I can tell you all about him.” Bruce groaned.
THE NEXT DAY…
A nice looking man in a neat outfit and stylishly messy hair walked up to the door of Lois Lane’s (and secretly Supergirl’s) domain. The young man paused momentarily to adjust his glasses and speedily review in his head what he was going to say. He inhaled deeply, the fragrance of fresh flowers managing to soothe him. He glanced at the bouquet in his hand, inspecting it one last time if it was suitable for the love of his life. With one last deep breath, he knocked on the door to be let in.
“Good mor-“
His voice faltered the moment he beheld his beloved in all of her feral and frantic glory. “Ning?…” He hesitantly handed her the bouquet. “Lois, are you okay?” His answer was the flowers being unceremoniously snatched and pitched over Lois’ head like trash. “Just give me one minute, I need, I need juice!!” The deeply disturbed woman muttered before vanishing from sight. Clark slowly and cautiously entered the girls’ territory. Closing the door behind him and making himself useful by picking up the discarded jackets on the floor. He carefully hung them back in the closet nearby.
After closing the closet he walked further into the living room. Kara’s unconscious murmur reached his ears and he looked up to see his cousin hovering in her sleep. Insisting she couldn’t leave without petting whatever lovable dog she met in the dream realm. The man smiled fondly at his fellow kryptonian. “You can pet the doggo, Kara. Just be gentle as always.” He whispered, watching his cousin smile happily as she proceeded to shower the dream dog with affection.
He nearly had a heart attack when his girlfriend spawned right in front of him. “SSSSSHHH!!! She doesn’t know I was blackmailed by some lunatic in a bat suit!! The damn f**king bastard threatened me while Kara was off chasing a drug gang last night!! AND I STILL CANNOT FIND ANY INFORMATION ON THE GUY SO WE CAN BLACKMAIL HIM BACK!!!” Lois whispered loudly, her anger nearly making her shout. Clark could emphasize with her on how frustrating the whole situation was. It seemed the Super business never ended in cursing them with one stress inducing shenanigan after another.
“Hey, if it helps. I actually got Batman to confess a little. I can give you a heads up of what we are in for.” Clark revealed. Lois’ eyes lit up with hope, “REALLY?! Tell me everything you have managed to squeeze from him!!! I want the best excuse to slug that batty-good-for-nothing!!!” She loudly whispered as she ushered her miracle working boyfriend to the couch. She couldn’t believe her dear Clark somehow wrestled some sort of explanation from the Bat equivalent to a high security vault. The kind you couldn’t bust in even with an armored tank. Her love of her life smiled pensively as he sat down with her, “It’s quite a story. And, it will definitely be a life-changing one…”
Lois listened attentively to every word that Clark had to say. She foolishly thought some of her stress would be relieved from the truth. Instead, her stress levels only increased further as the truth dawned upon her about the daunting responsibility that Earth-8903’s Batman was thrusting upon them. By the time her beloved had finished explaining, the poor woman was near ready to collapse from the stress and lack of sleep. “Please tell me that you are joking. This is a joke right? You lost a bet with Jimmy and this is your punishment right?!” She begged, grasping at the straws.
Clark patted her knee as he said, “I’m afraid not. Although maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to have a-“ “SHUSH!!!” Lois held up a finger, “Do not mention even a word to me before we get there!!!” The bedraggled reporter hustled herself and her partner in crime out of the apartment. Ms. Lane forced herself to march right to Poundcake Palace to accept their fate before she changed her mind and jumped off a rooftop screaming bloody murder. She clung tightly to Mr. Kent’s arm, unwilling to let go of her knight in sky blue spandex. Clark held onto her more gently but just as unyielding.
He actually didn’t mind what Batman had in store for them. He just wished that this life-altering choice came a little later, preferably after a decade of preparation at least. The couple arrived on time at Poundcake Palace. A decorative grandfather clock in the lobby showed it was 10:30 AM. “Welcome! Have you made a reservation?” The elegantly dressed waitress inquired upfront. Clark cleared his throat, “Mr. Kent and Ms. Lane, I believe we are meeting up with a Mr. Thomas Wyatt?”
“Why yes, Mr. Wyatt has requested us to be on the look out for your arrival! Allow me to escort you to your party.” The waitress pleasantly smiled as she gestured to the couple to follow her. The alluring smell of heavenly poundcake was almost enough to help Lois forget her worries. Except they found themselves at their private reservation all too soon. The waitress closed the door behind them, leaving them in an elaborate room that could host the Queen of England.
Batman sat in one of the gilded chairs. Still dressed in that wretched bat outfit of night black. Clark wondered if the man had walked in with a suit and switched it for his ridiculous costume the moment nobody was looking. Lois noticed something more distressing. The extremely empty basket in the middle of the table. All she could see leftover were the precious crumbs of the devoured pound cakes. Lois Lane finally found her voice, “How inconsiderate of you to start without us! I bet you enjoyed all of those quarter pound cakes by yourself!” She huffed in miffed outrage. She never failed to recognize the scent of her favorite pound cakes.
Batman casually shrugged, “I am not a fan of poundcake. So I didn’t have a bite. However, you can ask him for his opinion.” He lifted up his coffee mug for a casual sip. Lois was about to cuss him out for playing dumb when she saw the crumbs fall. Not from Batman’s mouth. They fell from above, the basket catching them. Clark saw the crumbs too. The twosome dared to look up to see the real culprit behind the missing poundcakes. Stuffing the last of the plump pastries into his mouth.
A teenage boy dangled from a glittering chandelier. He swallowed, licked his lips, and his inhumanely blue eyes fell upon Lois and Clark.
“Hiii Mom! Hiii Dad!” He greeted excitedly with stars shining in his eyes all too similar to Lois’. The yet-to-be-hitched couple stared in absolute astonishment as a boy in a junior version of Superman’s suit. Sporting Clark’s eye color, Lois’ skin tone, and a hairstyle that screamed of them both. Descended onto a seat as easily as a graceful dove and gazed at them expectedly.
“So, can we order yet?”