Chapter Text
(This is a bit of a trust the process fic, it gets good guys i swear)
(Anyways here yer go)
Taco lays in her bed, very much awake.
The rocking of the boat is subtle and slow, but not exactly soft enough to be un-noticeable. Taco stares at the ceiling, zoning out a bit. Theres so much to process... maybe a bit too much.
All of her thoughts stirred in her head. Leaving the island, along with the forest she had lived in for almost 3 years, leaving paper behind (even if he wanted it), maybe never seeing knife again. She wasnt that close to either of them by any means, but it still felt.... off.
They did compete together after all.
And that should count for something, right?
She sits with her thoughts.
Everything lately has felt off.
She feels off.
Her eyes wander around the room, not much is in it, and its relatively small. She glances at mic on the other bed, not being able to tell if shes sleeping or not. Her eyes pause on mic.
As glad as she is that mic is closer to her now, she cant help but feel bad. Really bad. The guilt from everything that happened has done anything but fade and she doesnt know how to stop wallowing in the thought.
Her thoughts get a bit louder the longer she looks at mic.
"Why is she so comfortable around me?"
"How do i know i wont hurt her again?"
"What if i do?"
"What if i am already have- or i am, and i cant tell?"
"I mean, its in my code."
"It my purpose- my destiny. Whatever you want to call it."
"Its what im made to do."
"...To be a bad person."
"Shes so confident that i can change."
"I dont even know if i /can/ change."
"I want to. More then anything."
"But its wired into me. Its the way i am"
"And what if its the way ill always be?"
"I might just be... always.. .."
"Why doesnt she see that?"
Taco trys to divert her eyes from staring down mic, instead glancing around the room once more.
They land on a very familiar stump, that almost makes taco giggle. She smiles softly at it, in a way that makes her stop for a second.
"Is it ridiculous that a stump of all things brings me comfort?"
...
(Massive cringe warning yall this ones lethal)
"Nah. Its not just a stump. Its our stump."
That thought makes her smile a bit harder from how ridiculously cheesy it is. God, when did she become so soft?
Her eyes stay on the stump untill shes reminded of a recent event.
One that shes not sure how to feel about.
Mic had recently "tested" her with boxes diary, as a way to make sure shes... not evil? I guess?
She replays the event a few times in her own head, unable to fully swallow the feeling she cant discribe.
On one hand, her conversation with mic was reassuring. Mostly because it was casual in a way that reminded her theres no leftover awkward tension from what happened.
On the other hand however, the fact that mic felt she had to test taco stained her mind a bit.
Maybe she was overthinking it.
She sorta tends to do that.
But she cant help but think about it.
Shes almost glad that mic is still cautious, and the little test was probably a joke of some sort anyways. She knows she deserves it, especially if it reassured mic. After everything thats happened its almost expected.
Why is she making a big deal of this?
I guess everything just feels
.
..off.
She feels off.
"Psst"
Taco nearly jumps while laying in her bed, her head darting to the sound.
Mic lie there, facing taco, with a very playful expression on her face.
Tacos expression softens seeing mics smile, just enough to return it.
"You cant sleep either?" Mic whispers.
"...no" taco says, a bit embarrassed in a humorous way.
"Well im glad im not the only one. This ships rocking is annoyinggg" she giggles a bit, saying it in a sweet tone that reassures taco a bit.
Theres a scilence for a moment. Not an awkward one, just one where they look at eachother the way two people look at eachother when they know everythings okay, if that makes sence.
"Why cant /you/ sleep?"
Taco considers lying. She opens her mouth before closing it, remembering that shes truely trying to do less of that. How does she phrase this in a way that doesnt sound concerning?
"Just... thinking." She replys, fidgeting with her hands.
"Fair, theres a lot to think about with everything going on right now."
"Heh, tell me about it."
"Im sure it will be alright though."
"Ehhhh" taco smiles harder and does a "so-so" hand gesture
"What im saying is you shouldnt stress about it, goof."
Mics words echo a bit in tacos head. Why is she being so sweet? God, shes so nice to her its almost sickening. They both know what she did. So whats with this buddy-buddy relationship theyve built?
"Like, seriously. Dont stress yourself out." Mic says a bit more sternly, noticing tacos slightly uncomfortable expression.
Mic has always been able to read people well. Especially taco, but thats not really a flex. Shes about as hard to read as a neon flashing billboard sign.
Taco's fidgetting with her hands gets a bit more intense as she drifts her eyes a bit further away from mic, laying on her back.
"Is everything good?" Mic asks a bit quickly. Maybe too quick, she cant tell.
Taco opens her mouth to lie again.
And she catches herself.
/again/...
Mic notices it, but keeps herself from reacting.
Taco thinks of a way to put it.
How can she not lie when she doesnt know the truthful answer herself?
"I... dont know." She says in a weirdly happy tone. The same one you use when you dont want someone to worry too much.
Theres a second in there that she swears lasts an hour. All the thoughts she was thinking shortly before take a u-turn and hit her like a bullet train. Her chest hurts.
She quiets her voice down, almost to a whisper. The guilt fills her lungs so much it pours out into her speech.
"...im sorry."
Mic eyes widen the smallest bit.
"Not this again- taco, I-" mic assumes.
"No."
"What?"
"Not about that." Tacos voice sounds flat.
Mic looks stumped. Taco looks back to mic.
"You really dont have to... be. Here. With me. If you dont want to." She stuggles to get her words out, stuttering with pauses a bit.
"What? Of course i want you here."
"No- like-"
Taco pauses again. She wants so badly for her words to come out right and not manipulative.
"Like i get you dont feel completely... safe."
Mic looks even more puzzled then before.
"Why would you think i dont feel safe? Of course i feel safe, i trust you." Mic says in a reassuring manner.
"Its okay if you dont."
"Again, whats making you think i wouldnt?"
Taco pauses again. Its almost like trying to have a conversation with an old computer that has processing issues, no wifi, and an unhealthy coping mechanism.
"I mean you did kind of double check. Which i dont blame you for."
It takes mic a second before realizing what taco means. Her expression shifts to a weird mix of sympathy and "how do i explain this".
Taco reads her expression wrong.
"I dont blame you, i actually almost expected it if im being honest. Its understandable. Maybe even mandator-"
"Its not- like- that." Mic cuts taco off.
"What?" Taco isnt exactly able to put together proper thoughts currently.
Mic takes a second to gather her words.
"That wasnt... i didnt do that to ensure you were a good person taco." Mics speech sounds lighthearted. "I know that." She elaborates.
"...what?" Taco doesnt sound in disbelief /exactly/, just a bit of confusion and a bit of curiosity.
"I-" mic sighs. She looks a bit more serious now.
"Youve been.... off. -lately."
Tacos taken aback by the sudden jump of subjects.
"Like- not. ...sure...? of yourself?" Mic continues unsteadily, afraid shes not making her point clear.
"Im sorry if that sounds harsh-" she blurts.
"No. ...no. thats fair. Its true." Taco half laughs a bit awkwardly.
"Recently youve just been..."
Mic trys to serch for the words she needs.
Taco ceases the chance to release the question sneaking up on her.
"What does this have to do with the diary thing?"
Mic looks up at taco, subconsciously and subtly squinting one eye in that spasific way people do when theyre hoping someone puts 2 and 2 together on their own.
Mic can see the gears turning inside of tacos head.
"I thought you could use a little reassurance is all." She mutters, her tone curls up at the end in a light manner.
It finally clicks.
"You- you did that... for me?" Taco says, /now/ in disbelief, but still remaining a bit flat.
"I mean.. yeah. I think you kind of needed it." Mic shrugs a bit.
Taco definitely couldn't deny, she has been very skeptical of herself lately.
"It kinda came off wrong though, huh." Mic says, chucking under her breath to herself a bit.
"I get what you ment." Taco smiles. Shes thinking quite a lot of things. Her mind is circling the fact mic did that as a way to prove to her that shes.... what? A good person? Just for not invading someones personal space? On the other hand, she cant help but dwell on about the way mic could tell. About the way she knew taco had been insecure lately. It felt weird to her to be understood. Shes not used to that yet, she probably never will be.
Is she really /that/ much of an open book?
Mic notices tacos rushed inner-monologing, and changes the subject.
"Im gonna go get water." She says, still smiling at taco.
"Can i come?" Taco accadentally blurts out in a tone she wishes was less excited. About /water/.
Mic, sitting up, makes a "come on" gesture with her hands to taco. "What do you think?" (Shes still smiling like an idiot lesbian.)
Taco laughs a bit under her breath and stands up.
"Youre gonna get tea arent you." Mic places one of her hands on her hips in a sassy way, giving taco a joking judgy look.
"How did you know?" Taco says in that over exaggerated sarcastic tone, nudging mic with her shoulder.
"Lucky guess i suppose."
Whether they realize or not, theyre hands are together as they walk down the hall. Maybe its just natural at this point.
Part of taco thinks she shouldnt feel this comfortable about this.
The other part leans a bit closer to mic while walking.
"You know, you kinda do that a lot." Taco says, snapping herself out of zoning out.
"Do what?" Mic gives her a playful side eye.
"Small things. Stuff you dont think ill notice."
She pauses.
"Like refilling my tea- or plugging in my phone when i forget to. Or grabbing the spare blanket from the closet when its a colder night." Taco lists, still a bit in space.
Mic looks away and she feels her mouth curl into a smirk.
"I didnt realize you caught all that" she mutters in a sweet way.
"I catch all of it. Ive never been able to find a good time to thank 'ya though."
Taco leans her head on mics shoulder.
"Thanks."
"..yeah. no problem." Mic responds, her eyes completely locked on taco. Something about her being sleep deprived and ... soft? Is throwing her off. In a good way. Mic squeezes tacos hand for a second, as if to say something.
Taco knows holding hands is casual.
But she feels her face colormatch with her tomatos.
When they get to the kitchen, mic immediately goes to the upper second-to-the-left cabinet, pausing at sight of all the different kinds of tea, along with other beverages.
"Mint lemon?" She asks, remembering tacos favorite flavor.
"Mmmyeah." Taco responds in a appreciative way.
The boats community kitchen wasnt by any means stocked with stuff, but there was a surprising amount of tea.
As mic moved small boxes of tea bags to get to the mint lemon, she noticed an apple cider packet, and grabbed it for herself.
Closing the cabinet, she looks at taco to see shes already heating the water.
"Could you add a bit extra water?" Mic asks.
"Huh-? Is this not enough?" Taco looks puzzled, glancing at the half full pot.
"Well, yeah. For one tea."
Tacos eyes light up a bit, thinking mic has finally grown fond of the beverage.
"But i found some apple cider and im a sucker for it sooo" mic folds her hands and bats her eyes jokingly.
"Ah, yes. Ill get more water." Taco says, half dissapointed.
"For a moment i thought you were saying you were making tea." Taco fills the pot up a bit more in the sink.
"Nah, i stand by my claim."
"Its certainly an odd hill to die on."
"Not liking tea?"
"Absolutely."
The two of them bicker in a way that seems almost like affection.
"I never took you as the type to like apple cider." Taco adds, eyeing the packet in mics hand.
"Whats that supposed to mean?"
"You seem like a monster energy person."
"Nah. Thats more of soap's thing."
"Really??"
"You seem more suprized by that then the apple cider"
"She just doesnt seem like someone who would drink that, if anything id expect it to be a knife thing."
"You know what, fair."
Their playful back and forth felt so natural. Taco enjoyed listening to mic, her melodious voice had patterns that were easy to follow, and her small vocabulary quirks were just a bonus.
"I think the waters hot enough."
"Oh! Yeah- i... completely forgot thats what we were doing."