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Tim was genuinely going out of his mind. Why on earth did disaster strike every single time he tried to confess his feelings to Conner?!
Attempt #1: He finally realized his feelings and was just about to confess when Conner suddenly became his little brother—Bruce’s newly adopted son. At the time, Tim wasn't reckless enough to cross that line, and the news hit him like a lightning bolt from the blue.
Attempt #2: After doing massive psychological prep and mapping out a flawless strategy, Conner cheerfully ran up to him and announced that he was dating Cassie. Tim forced a smile to get through the conversation, turned around, and instantly nuked every single plan stored on his computer.
Attempt #3: After Conner and Cassie broke up, Tim planned to sweep in and catch him on the rebound. But right as he was about to open his mouth, Titans Tower blew up. He and Conner had to rush out for backup. Once the crisis was resolved, Conner and Cassie miraculously reconciled to a happy ending—happy for everyone except Tim’s deeply traumatized heart.
Attempt #4: Conner and Cassie broke up again. Tim gathered every ounce of his courage, intending to try one last time. And then... dammit. He got zapped and turned into a five-year-old girl.
Tim was thoroughly convinced he had been secretly cursed by someone.
Tim was in the middle of beating the villain who turned him into a five-year-old girl into a literal pulp—mostly because the guy had no clue how to reverse the effect—when Batman arrived just in time to stop him from committing murder.
When the World’s Greatest Detective and his most brilliant protégé failed to find a cure, Tim completely threw in the towel. Fine. He was just fundamentally doomed to never confess or be with the person he loved. Tim accepted his fate with unsettling serenity.
Then, leaving Batman utterly speechless, Tim drafted a formal last will and testament under the name Timothy Jackson Drake.
The will explicitly stated his final wish: to entrust his five-year-old "daughter," Timara, to the care of his best friend, Conner Kent. Furthermore, his entire multi-million-dollar inheritance would be transferred to Conner as a childcare allowance.
If I can't be his lover, being his family works too, Tim thought miserably.
Batman strongly suspected his adoptive son was going completely scorched earth out of sheer desperation, but considering Tim's fragile emotional state, the Dark Knight wisely chose to keep his mouth shut.
Conner stared at Tim’s will, then looked down at the little girl who looked eighty percent identical to Tim. He was heartbroken. He couldn't understand why his best bro had kept such a massive secret and chosen to walk the final stretch of his life all alone. But since Tim trusted him enough to leave his most precious daughter in his hands, Conner vowed he would raise Tim's daughter with everything he had, just to comfort Tim's soul in heaven.
Meanwhile, trapped in Conner’s suffocatingly tight embrace, Tim felt that every single sacrifice was worth it. Even being a five-year-old toddler didn't seem so bad anymore.
Jason stormed into Wayne Manor in a towering rage. Even as Dick actively held him back from literally throwing hands with Bruce, Jason still barked out furious accusations at Batman. Why had he kept them in the dark? How exactly did Tim die?! And why on earth did Bruce just stand by and watch Tim hand his child over to Conner? Was Conner even remotely qualified to raise a kid?!
Just like when Superman had passed away, Batman said absolutely nothing, wrapping himself in a suffocating, oppressive silence.
Jason roared in frustration, yelling that it was always like this. Turning on his heel to face Dick and Alfred, he spat angrily, "You guys can't keep coddling him like this! He needs to use his words!"
Watching Jason storm off in a huff with Dick chasing closely behind, Alfred sighed deeply. He turned to Bruce and said, "Master Bruce, Master Jason is right. You cannot keep doing this to yourself."
It started when his parents died; Bruce had made silence his armor.
When Master Jason died, Bruce had locked himself in his room, smashing every single object within arm's reach, allowing himself to be entirely swallowed by regret—yet never uttering a single word of his true feelings to anyone.
With Mr. Clark, it was even worse. He had shut himself away in the Arctic, refusing to see anyone, abandoning everything for weeks on end. If Alfred hadn't been repeatedly hung up on every time he tried calling Batman via the emergency hotline, he would have genuinely worried whether the boy he raised with his own two hands was about to do something reckless to end it all.
And now, with Master Timothy, it was happening all over again.
Alfred was truly terrified. His boy’s title might have changed from "Master" to "Sir," but at his core, he was still that same broken, fragile child who couldn't be left alone. Alfred honestly didn't know if Bruce could survive another devastating blow.
While Tim would never have voluntarily chosen to transform into a five-year-old girl if given a choice, he had to admit—being a five-year-old girl actually had its perks.
For starters, he could now climb into Conner’s bed with a perfectly valid excuse and be held tightly to sleep, even if Conner always insisted on stuffing a teddy bear into his arms first. Better yet, he got to hear Conner confess out loud just how much he missed him, completely under the illusion that he was venting to a clueless toddler who couldn't comprehend a word. Best of all, Conner poured his entire heart and soul into him, ensuring Tim occupied the absolute most important spot in Conner's mind—even if Conner was looking at him strictly through the lens of fatherhood.
Tim was utterly content.
On top of that, he finally got to fully experience a massive wave of brotherly love.
Dick kept visiting with piles of toys that little girls would love, completely unable to stop worrying about his "deceased little brother’s orphaned child."
Jason would constantly sneak over whenever Conner was out to clean up the chaotic mess they left around the house, cooking up a storm of delicious meals out of sheer panic that Conner would fail to properly nourish "Tim’s daughter."
Even the demon brat, Damian, who usually detested Tim, ended up having a massive, explosive screaming match with his beloved father. He was utterly furious that Batman had blocked them from reclaiming legal custody, choosing instead to let a clueless Kryptonian raise "Drake’s only flesh and blood."
To be perfectly honest, Tim was deeply moved.
Granted, after about six months, his three brothers finally caught on to the truth. They were so enraged they wanted to beat him into the next century, but staring at his tiny face, they just couldn't bring themselves to swing a punch. Ultimately, they could only hiss out empty threats, swearing they would ignore him forever.
But man, the outer shell of a six-year-old girl was truly an invincible cheat code.
Sure enough, despite swearing they were done with him, all three brothers ended up blowing up his phone with angry text messages just a few weeks later.
After a thoroughly aggressive lecture, every single one of them still naturally asked how he was holding up.
Tim had never appreciated the absolute textbook definition of his three brothers' barking-but-soft-hearted nature more than he did right now.
Speaking of which, because Tim was currently trapped in the body of a little girl, he had way too much free time on his hands. To stave off boredom, he resorted to reviewing surveillance footage and providing tactical support. That was how, at the ripe old age of eight, he discovered the absolutely earth-shattering news: Damian and Jonathan had just high-profilely, publicly come out as a couple.
Naturally, this prompted the four Bat-brothers to convene a long-overdue family meeting.
"Oh my god, Dami! You're actually dating Jonathan?!" Dick wailed, his face practically a mask of deep regret for having somehow missed a major milestone in his little brother's life.
"Does Bruce know?!"
"Right? Who would've thought the demon brat would end up with 2.0's son," Tim chimed in, utterly gleeful as he reveled in the drama. "Bruce is going to be so disappointed in you."
Damian remained silent for a tense moment. Then, snapping his head up to glare viciously at Dick, he snarled, "Yes, I am with Jon. What of it?! Grayson, it is not as if you are not sleeping with Todd! Does Father know about that?!"
Jason, who had originally been busted by his two younger brothers solely because he smelled like Dick’s cologne, felt entirely personally attacked. He hadn't even opened his mouth, yet somehow he was still catching stray bullets.
Damian then turned his ice-cold gaze toward a smirking Tim. "And you can save your breath, Drake. Father was truly disappointed only once—and that was when he watched you willingly transform yourself into a Kent foster daughter."
The smirk instantly vanished from eight-year-old Tim's face. He bared his teeth, fully prepared to physically throw hands with Damian.
"Alright, let's change the subject immediately!" Dick cut in frantically, trying to play peacemaker. "Dami, stop screaming at an eight-year-old girl. It’s a terrible look!"
Tim, thoroughly choked on his own words, was left completely speechless.
Years flew by, and Tim went from a five-year-old toddler to a young girl on the cusp of puberty. Yet, through all this time, neither Conner nor any of their old teammates who had helped raise her noticed a single thing. Not one of them realized that this girl was actually Red Robin. It got to the point where Tim became genuinely, deeply concerned about their collective IQ.
As if his existential dread wasn't enough, Tim also had to endure Cassie coming over, looking at him with the proud, tearful eyes of an older sister watching a young girl blossom, just to lecture him on feminine hygiene and menstrual cycles. At that exact moment, Tim had to begrudgingly admit that his three Bat-brothers were light-years ahead of his current teammates in the brain department.
By the time Tim reached fifteen, going on sixteen—an age where doing anything with Conner wouldn't look entirely like a case for Child Protective Services—he began his serious crusade to crawl into Conner's bed.
At first, his excuse was that he couldn't sleep and wanted to share a bed just like they did when he was little. Conner, being himself, readily agreed, only to pat Tim’s back and literally sing lullabies to soothe him.
Next, Tim tried to "accidentally" entangle their limbs. Yet, no matter how much he groped and touched Conner under the guise of sleep, or breathed heavily right against his ear, Conner merely chalked it up to Tim being a restless sleeper. He would just pat Tim's back again, shushing him to sleep.
Tim finally understood why Superman was the last naturally born child of Krypton. With a sex drive that puritanical and non-existent, it was no wonder their species relied on artificial gestation. Did these aliens even have hormones?! Where was the accidental friction? Where was the "one thing led to another" heat-of-the-moment passion?! Where had it all gone?!
Driven to the absolute brink, Tim abandoned his innocent-girl act. While Conner was fully awake, he made his intentions crystal clear through both explicit words and actions: he wanted a level of intimacy that far crossed the line of a father-daughter relationship.
Conner, however, merely patted his head and said with utmost sincerity, "I'm sorry. The one I love is your father. I love Tim deeply, and he's the only one I ever want to be with. So, we can only be family. Don't be sad. You will always be my most cherished daughter. I'll always be here for you whenever you need me.”
Tim, who was a tiny bit moved, slightly dumbfounded, but mostly consumed by pure, unadulterated fury, felt a stampede of ten thousand curse words run through his mind.
You absolute moron!! Why couldn't you have said this back when I was still a guy?! And how on earth have you STILL not figured out who I am?! How have you survived this long in the world with that single-digit IQ? How have you not been assassinated yet? Oh, right—BECAUSE I WAS THE ONE PROTECTING YOU!
The more Tim thought about it, the angrier he got. Finally losing all composure, he yanked Conner by his collar and hissed, "You complete idiot! I AM Tim Drake! When the hell were you going to notice?!”
Being barked at by a sixteen-year-old girl with zero physical intimidation, Conner stood completely stupefied. Staring in disbelief, he reached out to cup Tim’s face, tears welling in his eyes. "Really? You're Tim? Tim is still alive? You're not lying to me, right?”
"Do you want me to recite every single embarrassing thing that happened to you from the moment you broke out of Lex Luthor's cloning pod to the day Batman adopted you? Conner, baby brother," Tim snapped, thoroughly annoyed.
Conner burst into a torrential flood of tears, pulling Tim into a crushing embrace while incessantly sobbing things like, "Thank god you're alive," and "I love you." Caught in the emotional undertow, Tim couldn't stop his own tears from overflowing as he hugged Conner back.
Later on, Tim officially took back his statement about Kryptonian sexual impotence. Dammit, Conner! Do you even remember that my current body is only sixteen?! Have some self-control, will you?!
One day, Jason sat sipping his tea with agonizing slowness, watching a sixteen-year-old girl rub her aching waist while radiating an unmistakable aura of domestic bliss. Only after taking his sweet time did Jason casually speak up: "Hey, Replacement. Sorry to rain on your parade, but you do realize that in the eyes of the law, you are currently Conner's legal daughter, right? Do you need me to call Child Protective Services for you?"
At that exact moment, Tim Drake was finally forced to admit that he had truly played himself.
End