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MJ really doesn’t know what she was thinking.
She grew up in New York, found solace in being alone, and yet, when Ned announces that his job needs him to go out of town for a few months on a big project, she begins contemplating temporary roommates and subletting just to have someone there with her so she doesn’t feel so alone.
It wasn’t that she needed rent support - Ned had promised to continue covering his part of the rent, and her job paid well. But since living together, MJ has found it difficult to be alone. She’s come to like the companion, the safety she feels knowing that someone else is in the apartment with her, or the way she knows after a long day she’s not going home to an empty apartment to sit alone with her thoughts.
She’s fairly sure that she would be the one to take care of things if something happened while living with Ned, but she tries to think more positively.
Asking Peter to move in with her in the interim seemed like an odd move at the time. She knew he didn’t live in a shack at least, but he’d mentioned his place needing some work, and the landlord had been eager to complete it. With the extra space now, she figured it was as good of a time as any to have Peter temporarily live with her so the landlord could do what he needed to do and everyone would be happy.
It was temporary, anyway. And even though she didn’t quite remember Peter, she knew that they had memories together, and Ned remembered him, so she felt safe. It also wouldn’t hurt to have him around in case she could remember him, too.
There were little negatives, and when she proposes the idea and he immediately accepts, she decides to stop second-guessing it.
Peter moves in with one duffel bag and a sheepish thank you for letting him stay there for a while, and MJ almost feels bad for him. He seems to keep to himself, staying out of the way and taking up as little room as possible in a way that MJ didn’t think anyone was capable of doing, let alone someone like Spider-Man.
She knew she wasn’t the most hospitable person. Usually, the thought of hosting people was enough to make her break out in hives. Making small talk was her worst enemy, and having company in her own home felt like a death wish, but she was working on it.
Besides, Peter was Peter, and she shouldn’t feel like she has to be a stranger in her own home just because he’s staying with her.
“I try to be quiet on nights I go out patrolling,” Peter says one evening, heating up vegetables in the microwave as he tends to the rice on the stove. “You didn’t ask to be part of any of this, and I really am grateful for everything you’ve done letting me stay here. I don’t want to make this any worse on you.”
MJ doesn’t think she hides her surprise well. “Oh,” she manages to say, pulling two plates down from the cabinet and piling chicken on both of them. “You don’t really have to worry about me, Peter. I can handle you coming in and out, but I appreciate you being so considerate.”
MJ watches Peter set the table while she waits for their dinner to cook. He seems familiar, almost as if she knew him in another life, which only makes this more frustrating. She should remember him if he really was that important.
It should feel like home having him there, and yet she watches him pull silverware from the drawer and grab both of them drinks and she can only feel like he’s just the neighbor she’s doing a favor for while Ned is out of town and his apartment is finally fixed after all these years.
“I’ve involved you in enough Spider-Man to last a lifetime, so if I can spare you any of it now, even if it’s just me coming back from patrolling, I want to do that,” he says softly as the two of them sit down for dinner.
If she’s being honest with herself, MJ doesn’t really know how to handle the small talk between them. It’s never been something she’s great at, and while she could talk about her job or how their days went, it’s the kind of conversation that dies anyway.
Instead they sit in silence, the TV breaking up any tension, and MJ watches as Peter scrolls through his phone, glancing outside every so often.
“I know you probably can’t tell me the truth about much of it, but are things okay with the whole superhero thing?”
Peter seems startled by her breaking up the otherwise quiet dinner, setting his phone down as he shrugs. “I mean, yeah, everything is fine, I think,” he says, which sounds so noncommittal that MJ almost laughs in his face. “There’s always something, but this time I don’t think it’s anything too bad. At least nothing anyone else needs to worry about.”
“You wouldn't believe how little confidence that gives me,” she smirks, setting her fork down. “I don’t expect you to be honest about it all, but you’d tell me if I was in danger again, right?”
Peter’s face softens. As if it’s the most ridiculous question that could have been asked in the world. He sets his fork down, reaching across and resting his hand on hers. “MJ, of course I’ll make sure you’re safe,” he promises. “I can’t always tell you everything, but I will always keep you safe. Just like I have every other time.”
That alone feels like enough.
–
Living with Peter becomes familiar.
They maneuver around the apartment with ease, and Spider-Man weaves into the background as if it’s a normal aspect of having a roommate. The two ate dinner together, and most nights, whether she admits it or not, she waits up for him to get home from patrolling just to know that he’s okay.
They fall into a routine that was familiar in a way that MJ wished was more reassuring for both of them, or at the very least would jog her memory. She tries to will herself to remember that there was another person in the memories that she has so clearly in her mind, but nothing ever comes to fruition, and she can tell he’s just as sad about it.
In the end, it’s Peter who brings it up before she has a chance to even organize her thoughts.
“You still don't remember me at all, do you?” he asks quietly, swallowing. Setting his things down on the kitchen table beside his mask he’d left there, he pointedly avoids her gaze. “It’s okay if you don’t. I mean, I had hoped maybe the letter would jog your memory, but it’s clear that we’re not there yet.”
MJ frowns. “I’m sorry, Peter,” she says quietly. “I know you said we loved each other, and that we were dating and best friends, and I want to believe you. It’s just…” she pauses, sinking back into her spot on the sofa. “It’s just that I don’t know you from another stranger who would have subleased Ned’s portion of the apartment through an ad on Craigslist.”
Peter has been visibly disappointed a few times since they’ve reconnected, but she notices it’s the first time he looks dejected since she confessed she doesn’t love him, his shoulders rounding as he nods. “I get it,” he says quietly, grabbing his mask off the table. “I guess I just thought this would be one of those instances where I reminded you of who I was and how interconnected we were, and you’d just remember and we could move onto repairing our friendship.”
She smiles sadly at the thought. “I wish we had that more than anything, too. But we still have a bit of time before Ned is back, so maybe it’ll come back to me?” she says quietly.
“Yeah, maybe,” Peter agrees out of habit, twisting his mask between his hands as he makes his way towards the window.
MJ watches him, her heart breaking as she curls her feet underneath her. “Hey, be safe out there, okay?”
He manages a smile then, opening the window and stepping out onto the fire escape. “I’ll try,” he promises, waving as he shuts the window and jumps off without a second thought, leaving MJ around with her thoughts.
She pours over the letter Peter had written all those years ago, scrolls back through old photos, and desperately tries to bring the memories back into her mind, wanting more than anything to begin healing for the pieces she can’t seem to recall.
It’s being too optimistic that Peter living with her will jog her memory, but she’s made peace with it. Even on the worst days, even when she’s wishing for a life she isn’t sure she ever gets to have back, she at least gets to have Peter in her life. They get to build a different friendship, despite the gap between them, and she gets to watch him thrive as Spider-Man even when it would feel so easy to give up.
And maybe that will have to be okay for right now.