Chapter Text
Angela looks down at her half empty suitcase contemplatively.
Her and Amanda are leaving for Boston tomorrow and despite all the talks that have happened to get to this point, she's scared.
It's already scary to meet your girlfriend’s family (even if she's met some of them before they were dating), but knowing they're all excited to meet little her is terrifying.
And that's why she's staring at her suitcase instead of packing it.
She'd easily packed all her big clothes and belongings, and had insisted to Amanda she could pack her little stuff too.
But she's never traveled while little before. She doesn't know what to pack, or how much of it. What if Amanda's family hates her? What if she's not little enough? What if-
“Ang,” Amanda murmurs into her ear, pulling her girlfriend against her, “I could hear your thoughts from the kitchen, what can I do?”
Angela relaxes into her arms, “I don't know what to pack,” she admits quietly, “And I'm scared. What if I'm not good enough?”
Amanda guides her to the bed and lays down, pulling Angela against her to cuddle as they talk. “They're going to adore you,” Amanda assures her, “My mom already does. You can be little as much or as little as you'd like, there's no pressure to be anything but yourself.”
She sighs, tucking her face in her girlfriend's neck, “What if they think I'm not good enough for you,” Angela whispers, “That my little self is too broken.”
“You're not broken,” Amanda says firmly, lifting Angela's face up to look into her eyes, “You're my soulmate, the person the universe destined for me, nothing can change that.”
“What about-” she starts, but Amanda cuts her off.
“How about I run through everything again?” she teases lovingly, “You're not intruding on a family moment, everyone wants you there including my middle sister. There's no expectation for you to be little for any specific amount of time, or at all.”
“And if I ever need time or space I ask you and we'll figure it out,” Angela finishes, smiling into Amanda's gentle kiss.
“Exactly,” she mumbles against her lips, “As long as we communicate, everything will be perfect.”
Angela hums, pulling her into a deeper kiss, thoughts of packing drifting from both of their minds.
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“You don't have to drop tomorrow,” Amanda reminds Angela as they head to bed
They've been in Boston for a couple days and Angela’s met the whole family including the new baby. And she really likes them, they're all the same mix of funny and kind as Amanda.
Tomorrow is Saturday, Angela's usual little day, and she’s decided she's going to be little at Amanda's mom's house. She’d been little more than usual the week before just in case, but as she was sitting with Amanda's family today, she felt safe. A kind of safety she's never felt in her own childhood home.
“I know,” Angela murmurs, squeezing Amanda's hand tightly, “But I'm safe and can make it stop at any time. If I ask to leave you'll take me back to the hotel.”
“I'm so proud of you,” Amanda whispers, kissing her before pulling her into her chest, “I can't wait to see my baby tomorrow.”
She blushes lightly, burying her face in her girlfriend's neck and closing her eyes, “Love you.” she whispers, relaxing further into Amanda as she gently scratches her nails down her back.
Amanda hums, “I love you,” she whispers back, closing her own eyes, “I'll miss you.”
Angela kisses her neck sleepily, tightening her hold slightly, “I know.”
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Amanda wakes up with a weight on top of her.
She cracks her eyes open and finds Angela laying on her, still fast asleep with her fingers hanging from her mouth.
Taking a quick picture, Amanda then reaches her hand out to brush Angela's hair from her eyes, “Angie,” she murmurs, “It's time to wake up, bug.”
It takes a few more minutes of coaxing until the little's eyes flutter open, a small grin forming behind her fingers when she sees Amanda.
“Mama,” she mumbles, wiggling forward to kiss her cheek, “Mornin’”
“Good morning angel,” Amanda coos, kissing her nose, “Do you still want to go to Avó’s house?”
Angela nods hesitantly, “Family,” she whispers, fidgeting with her mama's shirt, “Mine, good.”
“They are your family,” Amanda agrees, sitting up with the little in her lap, “Wanna see if Bluey is on? We can watch it while we get ready.”
The little nods excitedly, sliding out of her lap and onto the floor, “Potty, teeth,” she calls behind her as she toddles to the bathroom, “Bye!”
Amanda laughs, grabbing the remote to search for Disney Junior, “Bye baby!”
By the time Angie returns, the asparagus episode of Bluey is playing on the TV and her outfit is laying on the bed waiting for her.
“Your Avó sent this home with me yesterday,” Amanda explains as Angela inspects the new clothes, “You can pick something else if you want.”
Angela shakes her head, holding them out towards her, “Please.”
Amanda smiles and takes the clothes, placing them back on the bed to help her get her pajamas off before dressing her in her new outfit.
“Precious,” the caregiver coos, adjusting the knots on the straps, “Your avó has good taste.”
She's wearing a pair of yellow cotton shortalls covered in small pink flowers, over a white cotton shirt with scalloped sleeves.
The little runs off to look at herself in the mirror before running back with a big grin on her face, “Love!”
“You'll have to say thank you when we're there,” Amanda tells her as she places her back on the bed, “Mama's going to get dressed and do her hair, I'll be back.”
Angela nods distractedly, fully absorbed into her show, and Amanda clips her pacifier to her shortalls before walking off to get ready.
It only takes one full episode of Bluey for her to return, dressed and ready to pack up and leave.
“Time to do your hair and head out, bug.” Amanda calls to the little, rolling her eyes fondly when Angela nods, but doesn't look away from the TV.
Not worried about the time, Amanda hands the girl a protein bar and lets the episode finish while they both eat. With the episode over and bar gone, she turns off the TV and helps Angela with her hair and her sandals.
“Do you want to put your friends in your bag?” Amanda asks as she double checks it has everything they need, carefully placing the new items Angela hands her inside as well.
She reaches down and tucks Angela's pacifier into her front pocket before taking her hand and leading her to the door, bag slung over shoulder.
“Mama?” Angela asks quietly as they walk down the hallway towards the elevator, “Aunts?”
Amanda hums thoughtfully, “If that's what you want to call them,” she answers, “My sisters are your aunt's, my oldest sister's husband is your uncle, and my niece and nephews are your cousins.”
“Woah,” she mumbles as they walk into the elevator, gripping Amanda's hand tightly, “Kids?”
“Have you ever been little around kids?” Amanda clarifies, assuming correctly that Angela hasn't, “You met them, so you know they're a bit older than you, but they're super used to littles. They're excited to meet you.”
Angela perks up as they walk towards their rental car, “Play?” she asks hopefully, fidgeting with the strap of her shortalls, “Friends.”
“You'll definitely get to play,” Amanda assures her, buckling her into the backseat, “You're going to have fun today.”
They get most of the way through the drive singing along to the radio until Angela asks another question, “Sister little?”
“Probably not,” Amanda tells her, “Your avó doesn't want you to have another thing to worry about if she can help it. There's already going to be so many new people and kids, you don't need a little on top of that.”
Angela pouts, so Amanda continues, “Maybe after your nap if you're both up for it, she can drop,” she relents, making the final turn onto her old street.
“What do you do if you need anything when we're there?” she asks the little, “Do we keep it to ourselves?”
“No!” Angela chirps, “Mama!”
“Such a clever girl,” she compliments as she parks the car, “We tell mama so we can find a solution.”
Amanda steps out of the car and grabs the bag before holding her hand out for Angela.
“Up,” she mumbles, burying her face in Amanda's neck once she's picked up and being carried towards the front door.
“Let mama know when you're ready,” Amanda whispers, pulling Angela's pacifier out of her pocket and resting it against her lips.
The little immediately takes it into her mouth and sucks nervously, lifting her head slightly to look between Amanda and the front door.
“Avó,” she slurs through her soother as she reaches for the door, “Want."
Amanda carefully opens the front door and walks in, rolling her eyes when she sees that her mom has been sitting in the entry way waiting for them.
“Good morning, neta,” her mom coos, walking closer while still leaving distance between them, “I've missed you, baby.”
Angela reaches excitedly for her grandmother, “Avó!” she chirps, hugging the woman tightly, “I here.”
The woman laughs, hugging her tightly before handing her back to Amanda, “You are here, are you ready to go say hi?”
The little shrinks back into Amanda, “You can take all the time you need,” Amanda's mom assures her, “Your cousins are playing in the yard with their dad, so it's just your aunts and the baby.”
“Two baby,” Angela murmurs, pointing at herself and then towards the living room, “One, two.”
Amanda nods, pressing a kiss to her temple as her mom smiles proudly at Angela's growth since she last saw her, “There are two babies,” she agrees, “Do you wanna go see him?”
Angela nods, her pacifier speeding up as she's carried through the hall and into the living room.
The adults all look up and smile at her, but otherwise don't engage, allowing Angela to look around curiously until her eyes lock in on the sleeping infant in Amanda's middle sister's arms.
“Baby,” she whispers, pointing at the sleeping figure, “Sleepin’, quiet.”
“That’s right, bug,” Amanda says quietly, sitting with her in an armchair, “We don't wanna wake the baby do we?”
Angela shakes her head, letting her eyes shift up to the woman holding the baby, “Hi,” she whispers bravely through her pacifier, waving by opening and closing her hand, “Baby.”
“Hi Angie,” Amanda's middle sister murmurs, “That is a baby and look,” she adds pointing to the pacifier bobbing slowly in his mouth, “He has a paci just like you.”
The little pokes her own pacifier and nods. She turns to look at the other two new people in the room, and gives them both a small wave. They both wave back, Amanda's younger sister making a silly face.
Angela giggles as the woman continues to make funny faces, not minding when the woman walks over and sits in front of her, “Hey there Angie, I got you a present,” she explains, pulling a small trash truck with Bluey as the driver from her hoodie pocket, “Heard you're a Bluey fan.”
The little nods excitedly, taking the toy from her and holding it up to Amanda to show her. “Thanks you,” Angela mumbles as she turns back to the woman, “Like.”
“I'm so glad, sweetheart,” the woman says proudly, “We'll have to play soon.”
Angela looks between her mama and Amanda's younger sister, “I play?’ she asks curiously, “Quiet.”
“Of course, bug. And if you wanna be louder we can always switch rooms,” Amanda offers but Angela shakes her head.
“Avó, baby, stay,” she explains choppily, hesitantly reaching to be held by Amanda's sister, “Play?”
The woman beams as she takes the little into her arms, “Still got it,” she says proudly, carrying Angela over the middle of the room where Amanda's nephew left some cars on the floor, “I used to watch littles in college, but it's been awhile,” she explains to the little, “I was always good with the shy ones.”
Angela hums as she's placed to sit on the rug, moving her car clumsily across the pattern like a race track, “Vroom,” she mumbles under her breath, not noticing all the adults cooing at her.
“She's precious isn't she?” Amanda's mom says fondly, “Most well behaved little I've ever seen.”
“I'm right here,” Amanda's older sister grumbles half-heartedly, somewhat proud of her own misbehavior, before letting herself smile again, “She's very cute.”
“Is she always this little?” her middle sister asks curiously, shifting her baby in her arms when he fusses slightly.
“Two to six,” Amanda answers, shaking her head when her younger sister opens her mouth to comment on the range’s size, not wanting to talk about Angela's traumatic past, “I know.”
Angela plays cars with Amanda's younger sister for a while until the little starts to continuously glance back at her grandmother longingly.
“Angie,” Amanda calls with a small, knowing smile, continuing when the little looks over at her, “Can you tell avó your name?”
Angela grins excitedly, abandoning the toys to climb into her grandmother's lap, “Angela Giovana Lehan,” she pronounces carefully, her joy audible in her voice, “Mama give.”
The older woman smiles, pulling the little against her chest, “Neta,” she murmurs, brushing her hair from her face, “You are too cute.”
She blushes lightly, pushing her pacifier back into her mouth, “Thanks you,” Angela mumbles, pulling at her clothes, “Like.”
“I'm so glad you like it,” she responds, “I saw it and knew you’d love it. You look precious.”
Before Angela can respond a baby’s cry echoes through the room.
Angela jumps in surprise, pressing her hands over her ears as the baby's cries continue. “It's ok,” her grandmother assures her, “He's just hungry, see?”
Amanda's mom points over to the baby and Angela looks over, watching curiously as the baby latches onto his mom's chest, “Food?”
“It's like your bottle,” she explains as the cries quiet down, “It has everything babies need in it.”
“How?” she asks curiously as she lowers her hands and the older woman laughs.
“It's a mama thing,” she tells her, not wanting to get too far into how with a young little, “Only moms can do it.”
Angela hums, looking over and watching the baby with interest, “Baby cute,” she says quietly, fidgeting with the front pocket of her overalls, “Blankie?”
“You want your blankie?” she asks, raising her voice slightly so Amanda can hear. Amanda does and grabs the blanket from the bag and carries it over. Her mom takes it and carefully wraps it around Angela's shoulders, smiling at the content look on her face.
“Is that better?” her grandmother coos, smiling when Angela nods, pacifier moving at a relaxed rhythm in her mouth.
“Blankie,” she repeats, pointing at the baby, “Have?”
It takes a moment for the woman to decipher what Angela's trying to say, “I made him one,” she answers eventually, “His is probably in his room, he's a bit too young for it still.”
Angela hums, contently watching the baby from the woman's lap for a while until voices start coming from the other side of the house.
“Mama,” she whines urgently, holding her arms towards her, “Mama.”
Amanda quickly gets to her feet and takes the little from her mom's lap before returning to her own seat. “That's just your cousins, baby,” she assures her, “Do you want to go to another room or did you just want your mama?”
“Mama,” Angela repeats quietly, pacifier speeding up in her mouth as the voices get closer. She grips Amanda's shirt tightly, fidgeting with her blankie in her empty hand.
It doesn't take long for the three voices to arrive in the living room, all of their eyes almost immediately landing on Angela.
“Angie's here!” the girl says excitedly as she notices the little, their dad leaving them in the doorway to go sit with his wife.
The two kids rush towards Angela and Amanda, but are stopped by their mom, “Be gentle,” the woman reminds her kids, “Not all littles are the same, remember?”
They skid to a stop a few feet away and the nine and seven year old take in Angela and her position in Amanda's lap.
“She's a baby,” the girl tells her younger brother, “We gotta be careful.”
He nods, walking closer to Angela, “Hi!” he says sweetly, “Wanna play?”
Angela blinks at him. She's never been around kids while little, and despite Amanda's reassurance, had assumed they'd treat her weird. But the two kids talk to her like her little friends do, reminding her of Chanse and Trevor.
They look up to Amanda when she doesn't answer, treating her like she's too little to respond instead of being weirded out or upset with her.
“Do you wanna play, angel?” Amanda asks quietly, bouncing the little slightly in her lap, “I bet you could all play with the cars or do something else fun.”
The boy nods excitedly, “Love cars,” he tells her, gesturing to the floor behind him, “Those are mine.”
Angela hums, nervously sucking on her pacifier. She wants to play, but she's still scared they'll be mean or make fun of her. She whines quietly at her own indecision, leaning into Amanda's touch as she rubs her back.
“It's ok,” the girl tells her matter of factly, incorrectly assuming what's wrong, “We can play with whatever you want, Angie. Babies get to pick.”
The little looks up at Amanda for help before burying her face in her caregivers neck, enveloped by the sudden return of a faded memory.
“Why is Angie sad?” the boy asks, his concern audible in his voice.
Amanda continues to rub Angela's back, pressing a kiss to her temple before answering her nephew. “She's not sad,” she assures the two kids as she stands, “She's just a little nervous, we'll be back, ok?”
They nod and Amanda carries Angela upstairs to her old childhood bedroom that's now a guest room.
“You're ok,” she assures the little as she lays down, cradling the little to her chest, “It's just us now. We're upstairs in my old room.”
Angela pulls her face out of Amanda's neck, tears welling in her eyes, “Sorry,” she mumbles, “Memories.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” the caregiver offers as she gently rubs her back, “Or we can just have some quiet time.”
The little whines, letting her pacifier fall from her mouth as she strings together a sentence in her head.
“Church, littles bad, hurt kids,” she explains choppily, “Forgot, no wanna hurt, confuse kids.”
Amanda hums Angela's lullaby reassuringly as she processes what she said, continuing to rub her back comfortingly.
“Lemme make sure I understand,” she says gently, “The church said that littles were bad and that they hurt kids by confusing them?”
Angela nods solemnly as she sniffles, “Don't wanna hurt,” she tells her, “Gotta go.”
“Baby,” Amanda whispers, cupping the little's face with her empty hand, “You would never hurt anyone, would you?”
She quickly shakes her head, and Amanda continues, “The church was wrong, sweetheart. My niece and nephew, their mom is a little too, remember? She would never hurt them.”
“They say things like that to shame people into hiding who they are and to scare them,” she says gently, “Being little is natural bug, you're not scary.”
“I scared,” Angela admits quietly, clutching Amanda's shirt tighter, “Want real little happy.”
Amanda sighs quietly, “You're not any more or less real, Angie. There's technically five little kids in this house right now. Two littles and three kids, even though my older sister is big right now, she's still a little. And you two being in adult bodies doesn't make you any less real or important.”
Angela buries her face in Amanda's chest and the two sit in silence for a while.
“Everything is up to you, angel,” she assures the little, “Mama will help you with whatever you wanna do, whether that's leaving or staying.”
She looks up at Amanda with slightly unfocused eyes, a small smile on her face, “Ma,” she mumbles, her smile growing as Amanda preemptively pushes her pacifier into her mouth.
“It's my little baby, huh?” she coos, lightly tickling the little's tummy and grinning at her giggles, “Is this the age that feels the best right now?”
“Bay-bee,” she says slowly, the two syllables disjointed from each other, “Ya.”
Amanda kisses her forehead, “Do you wanna stay or go back to the hotel and have some mama time?”
“Ó,” Angela answers immediately, rubbing her blankie against her face, “Pay.”
“I bet Avó would love to play with you,” Amanda tells her as she sits them up, “Are you ready to go downstairs?”
Angela nods happily, previous fear forgotten as she's carried down the stairs and back into the living room.
Everyone's heads turn to look at them, but Angela doesn't notice as she excitedly reaches for Amanda's mom, “Ó!” she calls out, volume control forgotten at her younger age.
The little is placed in her grandmother's arms and Amanda smiles at her sister gratefully when she gives her the seat beside them.
“Look at you, neta,” the woman coos, “I didn’t know you could be so small.”
Angela giggles happily as she shifts herself to lay comfortably against the woman, content to lie there as the adults talk around her.
“You know how it is,” Amanda says quietly, “Same reason her age range is so big, her age is also shaky. This is around two for her, I think.”
“She's also not the most verbal little,” she adds, running her hand through her hair, “But we get around that, don't we?”
The little clumsily signs yes before zoning out, ignoring everything but the warmth of being held, the soft voices around her, and the hand rubbing her back.
During a lull in the conversation, Amanda's niece walks over to them with a hopeful expression, “Does Angie wanna play now?”
Angela looks up at her name, looking at the girl curiously before waving.
The girl grins and waves back, “Wanna play with us?” she asks again, this time focusing on the little instead of Amanda, “I'm playing with dolls and my brother is playing with cars, but we wanna play whatever you wanna play.”
The little blinks, looking between her grandmother and cousin contemplatively as her pacifier moves steadily in her mouth.
Amanda leans down and whispers something in her niece's ear and a smile grows on the girl's face.
“Angie,” she calls, continuing when the little looks over at her.
She covers her eyes with a smile, “Where the baby go?” she asks curiously, peeking through her fingers to see the slightly confused expression on the little’s face, “Peekaboo!” she calls out, grinning when Angela giggles.
The girl does it again, Angela giggling even harder when she reveals herself while pulling a silly face.
“My turn!” her brother calls, rushing up beside her and covering his own face to copy his sister. They alternate back and forth a couple times, Angela continuing to giggle at every reveal.
Angela's giggles slow down after a couple minutes and she reaches towards the two kids hopefully, smiling when they both immediately lean forward to hug her.
But when they step back and she continues to hold her arms out, Amanda laughs, reassuringly rubbing the little's shoulder.
“You're too heavy bug, they can't pick you up,” Amanda reminds her, being cut off by her niece before she can continue.
“We can sit together!” she says excitedly, pulling her brother to sit with her, both leaning against the couch with a space between them, “Nana will place you right here.”
The woman does just that, sliding Angela off her lap and onto the floor between her cousins. “Hi Angie,” the girl coos, pulling the little against her, “Whatcha wanna do?”
“You pick,” the boy agrees, wrapping both his arms around Angela, giggling when she starts playing with his hair.
“I'm gonna go work on lunch with your mom,” Amanda's mom says to the two kids, “We'll call you in when we're done so don't get too set in a game”
Angela grips the woman's leg, looking up at her with sad eyes, “I'll be back,” her grandmother assures her, running a hand through her hair, “You can sit with me for lunch, alright?”
The little nods and releases her hold, watching the two women walk away before looking around the room and noticing the cars again, “Pay?” she asks, looking between the two kids as she points at the two cars.
They both perk up, rushing over to the abandoned cars excitedly as Angela crawls behind them.
Angela grasps her Bluey car tightly and drives it around the rug like she was before. The kids join her and then there's three cars aimlessly driving around rug.
The three of them play until lunch is called, Amanda's niece even managing to shift them from driving separately to coordinated races.
Amanda's mom calls for lunch and the whole family moves to sit around the table. True to her word, Angela is happily sat between Amanda and her mom.
“Do you want some food, angel?” Amanda asks as she serves herself some pasta salad, “Or just your bottle?”
Angela tilts her head in thought, studying the caregivers plate before opening her mouth.
“One minute,” she assures her, lightly tapping her chin before returning to dishing a slightly bigger than normal serving onto her plate, “Let mama finish her plate first.”
The little hums, turning around when she feels a hand on her shoulder, “I'm so proud of you neta,” her grandmother coos, “You’re such a sweet baby.”
She grins, turning back to Amanda and opening her mouth again, this time being rewarded with a bite of food, “Good job,” she murmurs, “That's yummy, huh?”
Angela nods, but doesn't open her mouth again for a while, content to listen and watch everyone around her as she slowly leans more and more on her mama.
The little only takes a couple bites before the plate is empty. “All done?” Amanda asks quietly with a knowing smile. Angela is resting most of her weight on her caregiver as she blinks sleepily, eyes the least focused they've been all day.
She clumsily signs yes, sighing happily when Amanda picks her up and carries her into the kitchen to make her bottle. “It's lunch time for the babies,” she coos as the bottle heats up in the microwave, “Your baby cousin's gonna eat with you.”
Angela sucks on her pacifier sleepily, head resting on Amanda's shoulder as she's carried to the living room. The two older kids are outside with their parents and Amanda's youngest sister, leaving only her middle sister, mom, and the baby inside.
Amanda sits in the armchair across from her sister and attempts to settle Angela in her arms, cooing quietly at her clear interest in watching the other baby as he eats.
“He's eating just like you are,” Amanda tells her, reaching down to brush her cheek and turn her attention up towards her, “Do you want your lunch, baby?”
Angela looks up at her drowsily and then back at the baby with her eyebrows pinched in confusion.
“What's the matter-” Amanda goes to ask, but she's cut off by a gentle tug on her shirt. She freezes for a minute, looking between Angela and the baby until there's a second more insistent tug.
“I've got you angel,” she murmurs, tilting the little's head to face her, carefully pulling out her pacifier, and guiding the bottle into her mouth, “It's baba time.”
Angela eats lazily, confusion slowly slipping from her face as she hears her lullaby being sung from behind her. She tries to turn her head as she eats, but before she can figure it out the voice is above her.
Amanda's mom gently sings above her and the little stares up at her in awe, attempting to fight off sleep as the bottle slowly empties.
“Mom,” Amanda whispers, “Rub her belly while you sing or she'll keep trying to stay awake.”
The woman immediately complies and as soon as the hand is there Angela’s eyes flutter shut, unable to fight the combination of things making her sleepy.
She finishes her bottle and blinks up at the two women sleepily as it's replaced by her pacifier, a small exhausted smile on her face.
“Goodnight, baby,” Amanda whispers, pressing a kiss to her forehead, “Have a good nap.”
Angela lets her eyes slip closed again as her grandmother speaks, “I love you, neta.”