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It was a crazy month and that was not counting the shit the Avengers Initiative brought to the door. Their lunacy was the topping on a cake of WTF that Fury wanted gone and buried far beneath their feet for the next hundred and fifty years. Normally it would be over with but not when the entire team, the entirety of them, had been turned into minors, minors approximately five years in age (or its equivalent)...and gender (with the exception of Natasha).
"HULK WANT TUTU!" Hulk roared after Bruce had changed mid tantrum. "HULK WANT TUTU!" He screamed over the poor agent in charge of him. Fury just sighed and watched the taffeta and tulle encased green monster stamp another hole in their floor. Doctor Banner was surprisingly into frills.
"HULK!" Fury finally yelled. The tiny green rage monster stopped and looked at him sulkily. "Stop or you won't get milk before nap time!" he snapped.
"NO!!!!" Hulk roared and threw himself on the ground to cry. Thank god, he'd turn back to Banner once he'd calmed down. The agent in charge looked relieved and sent him a grateful look.
"Boo!" Little Clint said as he popped out of a vent dressed in a Merida outfit and shot a suction cup arrow to his eye patch. Fury sighed and plucked the arrow off and watched the boy (girl) run off with a giggle.
He was going to fire Coulson for giving him that.
He walked over to the common break room for a much deserved cup of coffee and stopped when he heard Stark and Thor.
"Nay, Tony. That is not how we-"
"Yes it is!" Tony shrieked back in that high pitched way only girls and certain women could reach. Fury froze.
"Nay! Mother has never-"
"Your mother is a poopy head! I am a Stark, that means I am right!"
"Do not insult my mother!" Thor roared and by the sounds of it pushed Stark if the high pitched and overly dramatic crying were any indications. Fury sighed and went in. Immediately Stark ran to him in his streak of pink and glitter. Since when had he been given a tiara? A real tiara by the looks of it with diamonds and other precious stones.
"Uncle Fury! Thor hit me!" He wrapped himself around his leg.
"I did not!" Thor reiterated and sniffed with the dignity of a royal. "She lies."
"NO. She is!" Stark screamed and burst into tears again. Sensing a tantrum, Fury grabbed both of them and placed them in random corners.
"Count to seven hundred and thirty two in English and you may leave." He ordered. Stark pouted, stomped a be slippered foot and began. Thor just sighed and counted while playing with her long blonde hair.
He walked back into the break room and got a cup of coffee. He turned his back to get the creamer when a shattering sound and "Oops." came from behind him. He turned and saw Steve looking at him with big innocent eyes. "I didn't meant to. I just wanted to see."
"It's fine. Just fine. Go somewhere before you hurt yourself." He told him. Steve shifted, abashedly and played with the hem of his skirt before looking at him with big blue eyes beneath a mop of curls and asked.
"Can I have a cookie?"
"Yes. Why not. Just don't go anywhere near Tony or Thor." Fury said as he handed him some random agent's dessert. Steve smiled and skipped off. When he heard a familiar shriek of "NOT FAIR!" he knew Steve had not listened to him.
He watched Hill pass by with a miniature Natasha and wished they could all be like her. The miniature assassin wanted nothing more than to be like Hill and stayed out of trouble for it.
Clint ran after them with a serene looking Coulson trailing after. There were times Fury seriously wondered if his friends was high on marijuana.
"I want to play!" Tony yelled. "SEVEN HUNDRED AND THIRTY TWO! I'm done!"
"NAY VILLAIN! SHE LIES!" Thor yelled. "She was not but at four hundred!"
Fury was going to go home early today and drink a very big bottle of scotch.