Chapter Text
BREAKING NEWS!
A-list actors Juan Qubito and Foolish were spotted last weekend at a cafe downtown. The two actors belong to the same agency and there’s been speculation for years about whether or not there’s something between them, but these images seem to confirm it!
“They were definitely cozying up to each other. I could feel the tension from tables away! It was palpable!” Our anonymous source reports.
What do you think? Is this relationship genuine, or is it a publicity stunt carefully manufactured to promote their upcoming movies? Let us know by tagging us on our Socials at…
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He sort of just trails off after that. It’s dead silent in the office. Foolish and Juan are seated next to each other, in front of their very pensive looking agent Leon, who has the article pulled up on his computer and has just finished reading it out loud to them. Foolish is, admittedly, confused. When he glances at Juan beside him, the other man simply scratches idly at the back of his neck. Leon clears his throat and folds his hands over his desk.
“So,” Their agent says, looking as though he’s choosing his words very carefully. “Congratulations, I suppose.”
Juan goes completely still in the chair beside him. “What?”
“I would have preferred if you two ran it by me before you had a public date, but oh well. It’s not like this is news to me or anyone else at the agency anyways.” He says, sighing and closing the article. “Congratulations. I mean it.”
“Leon, what the hell are you talking about?” Juan asks, and Foolish can tell from his tone that he’s already irritated. Foolish is confused too, of course, but he’s too busy trying to piece all of this together in his head to say anything. He usually prefers to take a hands-off approach to his social media presence, so this is his first time seeing the article. What exactly did they mean by speculation?
“What, did you guys not want to be public yet?” Leon asks, suddenly worried. “I can contact the magazine to take down the article, but it’s already made its rounds on the internet.”
Foolish lets out a little laugh of disbelief. “Leon. We’re not dating.”
He watches as their agent blinks at him. Leon looks back and forth between the two of them, eyebrows furrowed, like he’s looking at an incorrect equation. “You guys don’t have to hide it from me. You know that, right? We aren’t like those crazy agencies with dating bans.”
“We’re not hiding anything! We’re just friends!” Juan’s clearly lost his patience because he’s raising his voice and gesticulating wildly, which would be really entertaining in literally any other context.
Leon tilts his head. “Wait, really? Like actually?”
“Yes!” Juan exclaims, eyes wide. “Why is that so hard to believe?”
“Well, you were spotted on a date…” Leon starts, but Foolish cuts him off.
“We were just hanging out!”
“Yeah,” Juan agrees, “Like bros.”
“Bros.” Leon repeats, like he’s never heard the word before. “Right. What’s this about the so-called…” He pulls up the article again, peering over his glasses to find the exact line. “… ‘palpable tension’ then?”
“I dunno, we were just getting lunch! Whoever saw us probably just doesn’t have any friends and doesn’t recognize two men having pure, platonic fun.” Foolish says, and he sees Juan nod along in his periphery.
It’s not like they were making out or anything. They were just talking over a table at a diner, the way they always do. Foolish tilts the computer screen towards him so he can see the pictures again, trying desperately to pick up on this ‘palpable tension’ that people online are allegedly sensing. I mean, they are sitting a little close together, but that’s because the table was small. Juan is looking at him sort of fondly, but that’s how he looks at everyone. If anyone’s an expert on hyper-analyzing he and Juan’s interactions over the years, it’s Foolish, and he doesn’t see anything out of the ordinary. It doesn’t even make it to the top 10 Most Homo-Erotic Juan-And-Foolish Moments. Not even top 15.
“…Right. Well, this is a problem, then.” Leon says, and lets out a deep, suffering sigh. “This news article was actually doing wonders for our publicity. I mean, you both have movies coming out this year. Haven’t you noticed how quickly your follower counts have shot up?”
Foolish shakes his head dumbly. At his side, he hears Juan mumble, “I thought people just liked my latest selfie…” and tries his hardest not to snicker.
Leon thankfully doesn’t hear him, too busy calculating outcomes in his head. “I mean, we could tell people the article is fake, but the two of you would probably be accused of queerbaiting…”
“I’m literally gay!” Juan says, but Leon shakes his head.
“Doesn’t matter anymore, Juan. You can say you’re gay all you want, but if you’re not out on the streets kissing boys, you’re gonna be accused of queerbaiting. That’s the state of the world right now.”
“Gay surveillance state.” Foolish muses, and ignores the scathing look Juan throws him.
“Okay, so what do we do? If you’re saying everyone’s already seen it, and there’s already been… speculation, whatever that means… are people even gonna believe us if we say it’s fake?” Juan seems genuinely concerned about this. It makes sense, given the circumstances, but part of Foolish can’t help but feel a little stung. It’s not the worst rumor to have, and they’ve both definitely had worse.
“Probably not. Either way, it’s a PR disaster.” Leon says, shaking his head.
Foolish watches as Juan sinks back into his seat from the corner of his eye, defeated, and feels a pang of pity. Foolish has been on a bit of a streak lately with his movies, but Juan’s last feature was a flop, and his career can’t exactly take another hit right now.
That’s what prompts it. That sense of sympathy towards his best friend of almost 10 years now is what causes the spark of genius to fall from the heavens and into Foolish’s lap, illuminating his visage with an idea. Like most ideas he has, Foolish wastes no time thinking about it, and instead blurts it out immediately.
“We could just pretend.”
Juan slowly turns his head to face Foolish. “What.” He says, more of a statement than a question. Foolish has never heard his best friend’s voice sound drier than it does in this moment.
So of course, instead of giving it any further thought, he doubles down. “I mean, if it’s already out, we could just pretend. We’ll ride the publicity wave and then fake a break-up once our movies are out.
Juan is looking at him like it’s his first day on Earth. “Foolish, that’s… That’s—!”
“—Actually not a bad idea.” Leon says, and Foolish grins at the praise.
“No no, don’t encourage him!” Juan gets up out of his seat to argue, but Leon puts up a hand, gears already working in his mind to accommodate the plan.
“Think about it. People online already thought you guys were dating before, so you don’t really have to change anything. Just keep being ‘bros’ in public until movie promotions are over and we might be able to get away with this.” Leon’s voice gradually becomes more animated as Juan vehemently shakes his head.
“No no no no no. No. Leon, this is ridiculous. This is…” Juan gesticulates vaguely for a couple of seconds, at nothing in particular. Leon and Foolish wait patiently for him to find his point. “It’s weird!”
“Owch.” Foolish says, a little offended, and Juan rolls his eyes.
“Oh, come on. You don’t think it’s gonna be kind of weird to pretend to date your best friend?”
“I mean, we’re both actors. We can just think of it as another part we’re playing.” Foolish reasons, gaining more confidence in his plan as Leon nods along enthusiastically.
“It’s not that simple, Foolish.” Juan says, letting out a frustrated sigh. Foolish shifts around in his seat, feeling a little uncomfortable now. Juan’s irritation was a lot funnier when it wasn’t directly caused by him. When it’s about stupid things like a bit he’s dragging or a playful jab, Foolish likes working Juan up, but any time he seriously upsets him it makes him feel a bit nauseous. He knows their friendship has survived way worse, but any time there’s a conflict like this he can’t help but feel like he should be holding onto Juan as hard as he possibly can or else he’ll leave. Which is ridiculous. They don’t leave each other, they’re past that point. But still, the tension in the air unsettles him, and he’s already thinking of what joke he can make after the meeting to diffuse it.
Leon, sensing the energy shifting, clears his throat. “Listen, we don’t have to act now. I mean, the article just came out this morning. Why don’t you two sleep on it, think about it some more, and let me know sometime this week? If you’re not comfortable with it, we’ll find some other way to deal with the situation.” Leon is trying his best to sound reassuring, but it sounds more like he’s convincing himself than anyone else.
Juan’s arms are crossed, and he’s tapping his fingers furiously. There’s a period of tense, prolonged silence, and then relents. “Fine, I’ll think about it. But no promises!”
Leon’s sigh of relief is a little too obvious. “Okay, perfect. It’s up to you two at the end of the day.”
Leon takes advantage of the two of them being there and runs them through their schedules for the week, probably as an attempt to break the tension a bit. It works for the most part, but Foolish can tell Juan is still sort of bothered by the time they leave Leon’s office and head to the parking lot. Foolish winces when he remembers the reason why they’re headed in the same direction. His car is going through some repairs today, so Juan gave him a ride to the agency once they received the email about an impromptu emergency meeting. What a terrible day to carpool.
Foolish expects Juan to rush the drive and drop him off as soon as possible, but as soon as the two of them get in the car, the other man just takes a deep breath and rests his head on the wheel. Foolish chooses not to point out the fact that the resulting honk scared away at least 3 stray cats. He figures he should probably just let Juan have this.
Face still buried in the wheel, Juan shakes his head. “This is the kind of situation that would only happen to us.”
Foolish hums thoughtfully. After a moment of hesitation, he goes, “Well, look on the bright side. This is kind of like an acting exercise. Didn’t you say you’ve always wanted to be in a romcom?”
“Not funny, stupid.” He murmurs, but Foolish sees the sliver of a smile at the corner of his mouth, just barely there. Juan finally lifts his head from the wheel and starts the car, and Foolish is glad he made the joke, stupid as it was, because the air isn’t half as thick between them anymore. “This is all your fault, by the way. Why were you leaning in so much in the pictures?”
“I had to, the restaurant was loud!” Foolish argues, and then turns on him. “Why were you smiling like that? I get why people think we’re dating, you look suspicious as hell!”
“I don’t know, you probably said something stupid! What, I can’t smile anymore?” Juan says with a scoff, pulling out of the parking lot.
“No. You’re queerbaiting.”
“Oh, please. I’ll post a video of me sucking dick on my story and then we’ll see who’s queerbaiting.”
Any remaining tension is broken under Foolish’s laughter, and they spend the rest of the car ride slinging jokes back and forth like they usually do. Eventually they pull up to Foolish’s house, but before he can get out of the car Juan grabs at his sleeve to stop him.
“What? You’re not gonna make me pay you gas money, are you?” Foolish starts, already prepared to make his case, but Juan just rolls his eyes.
“No, stupid.” He drums his fingers on the wheel for a moment, clearly deliberating on something, and for a second Foolish thinks he’s mad at him again for his stupid idea, but then he just says, “I’ll do it. Your shitty plan.”
Foolish doesn’t have time to school his shocked expression into nonchalance. “You— really? You don’t want to sleep on it?”
“If I do, I’ll say no, and I…” Juan groans, looking straight ahead into the street instead of at Foolish. “I need good PR right now. After my last movie.”
Foolish winces as he remembers the ratings. Juan did well enough with what he was given, but the script was hard for anyone to save. “Yeah... That’s why I suggested it.”
“I know, and I appreciate it, I just… I wish there was another way to deal with all this.” He says, and Foolish is once again hit with how much worse Juan is taking the article than him. He doesn’t quite manage to bury the way it hurts his pride. “But it’s fine, we’ll make do.” Seemingly having made up his mind, Juan suddenly turns to Foolish, pointing harshly at him. “We’re gonna need to set some ground rules, okay?”
Foolish nods. “Agreed!”
“Come over tomorrow so we can discuss it. We need to plan this out really well so people don’t notice we’re lying. They might believe us now, but all it takes is one interview for everything to fall apart.”
Five seconds into agreeing to the plan and Juan’s already overthinking it. Foolish huffs out a laugh and nods anyways. “Yeah, don’t worry, we’ll figure it all out. This might even be fun!” He says, but his grin wavers a bit when he sees the look Juan gives him, and he decides to stop pushing his luck for today. “I'll let you know when I’m on my way tomorrow. Should I bring food?”
“Please. You owe me after today.”
“Aye-aye, captain!” Foolish does a little mock salute and savors Juan’s annoyed expression as he gets out of the car. He watches him drive off, smiling to himself, and only once the car is out of view and Foolish is completely alone in his driveway does he realize the gravity of what he did today.
He and Juan first met during an acting class. They were both fresh-faced college students eager to sink their teeth into the industry, plagued by the same desperation that follows any unknown actor into audition rooms, hanging over their heads like a ghost as they wait on the callbacks. They immediately hit it off, and started co-starring in student short films and skits soon after. They just clicked in a way that’s difficult to find, not just acting-wise, but on an interpersonal level. Foolish had never known anyone else that could bounce off of him so well, that agreed to every single stupid skit idea he had, that encouraged him to be ambitious and experimental in his work instead of trying to rein him in. And Juan was just so fucking funny. His presence made the anxiety-ridden, self-esteem destroying experience of a performing arts school seem a little more tolerable.
They moved in together after their freshman year for cheaper rent, and the rest was history. The two of them were notorious among their peers for being attached at the hip, and this idea was further reinforced when they both finally managed to break into the industry and were signed to the same agency.
Juan had been there for every major formative moment of Foolish’s adult life. It was nearly impossible for him to recall a time before him that wasn’t miserable. They were stupid, insecure, incomplete teenagers, and then they met, and they became people together. Although it came as a bit of a surprise, Foolish understands why people made assumptions about their relationship. Of course they’re close. How could they not be?
Foolish heads into the shower to wash away the stress of the day and tells himself that it’s that closeness between them, that absolute trust, that led him to suggest his little idea today. He tells himself it’s fine, because there’s no one else he could fake a relationship with other than Juan, and because they’re such good friends, it shouldn’t be a problem at all. He tells himself he’s doing it for Juan’s sake, for his career, and that it’s a completely selfless decision because there’s nothing in it for him. The two of them are close enough. Why would he want to be closer? He tells himself these things over and over, like a mantra, like a prayer, and when he goes to sleep that night hours later, he doesn’t let himself wonder why his own words feel so hard to believe.
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