Work Text:
Jane and Roxy are cuddled together in a mess of blankets on the far side of the Lalonde manor roof. Their hushed giggles and murmurs stopped a while ago, so it's just you and Jake, tucked into sleeping bags a safe distance away from each other. That is, if he's still awake.
It's perfect, sleeping under the stars next to your crush. Now would be the time to pull some slick Strider moves and slip into his sleeping bag for some intimate bro cuddles. But something is holding you back. You know how much Jane likes him (and with good reason, he is the absolute shit), and you don't think you can just kill her chances with him in one fell swoop. That would be cruel. More importantly, it could break up your little group for good. That can't happen. You need these guys, and they need you.
You have to know though, have to do something. You'll probably regret this later.
"Hey Jake?" you say, speaking straight into the starlit sky.
You hear the whisper of fabric as Jake stirs next to you. "Strider?"
"I'm sorry if I woke you-"
"Oh, not at all, good chap! I was just-" he yawns, "deepest apologies. Just thinking about you!"
"Oh," dear God almighty, you're not sure if you can do this. Alienating this boy would be worse than never having him at all. It would be worse than death. You take a breath and gather your nerves. "Good, good. I was... I was thinking about you too. I was thinking about- Well, about us."
"Us?" Jake repeats. "Well, we are two mighty fine fellows!" He chuckles.
That laugh- that laugh makes you want to do things. Terrible things.
"I mean," you break off. What are you doing? Are you insane? This guy has absolutely no idea. There is no doubt that he has never even looked at you in that way. You are plunging right into a one-sided relationship. This is bad, this is so bad. Oh God.
"I mean us together." You take a deep breath, "I mean that I really like you, Jake. I mean that I want you by my side forever, and I can't stand another day keeping these feelings inside. I know you might not feel the same way though, and thats why I never said anything before. Thats why I'm so terrified right now. Because more than anything-"
Nope those aren't tears nope
"More than anything I don't want to lose your friendship."
Everything is silent. You can't even hear Jakes breathing. It's as if time itself has stopped to spare you the agony and embarrassment of total rejection. Your heart is pounding and you don't dare move. You breathe out a plea to the universe, "Jake,"
He breathes out in a huff. "Well."
Silence. You screwed up. You must have.
"I had no idea, Dirk. I don't know what to say."
Ok, maybe not. Maybe you can salvage this.
"You don't have to say anything, it's fine, we can pretend thins never happened and go back to being bros-"
"No." The force behind that single word shocks you into silence. You are suddenly aware of Jakes hand on your bicep, damp and pleasantly warm. Your heart begins a complicated acrobatic routine in your chest. Jake starts talking, and for a few stuttering heartbeats all you can hear is his enchanting accent, but then you realize you really need to hear this, and yank yourself back to reality.
"This may come as a slight shock to you, but I've thought about us like that too! I've thought about all of us, truth be told. And while your confession was more than I expected from a man of your caliber, I have known, or at least suspected how you feel for a long time! You make it a smidge less obvious than poor Jane, but, well, lets just say I have sources. And it seems I am quite the object of affection around here!"
Lord, take you now, that chuckle.
"Can't fathom why..." he says, and all you want to do is bury him in kisses and tell him all the reasons. Every single reason.
But he starts again before your thoughts can get too far, and you catch a serious note to his voice that wasn't there before. "When I say I've thought about it, I mean I've put in hours of serious consideration, and concluded that I fancy you both quite a lot. You and Jane. But I don't think it would be fair to chose either of you! We all need each other right now, and the turmoil it would cause might shake up our group indefinitely." You see him shake his head out of the corner of your eye. You're still staring at the stars, trying not to panic, because this definitely wont end in sloppy makeouts.
You think he can sense your distress, because he scoots his sleeping bag closer to yours and awkwardly tries to put his arms around you. It really only makes things worse.
His voice is little more than a murmur now, as he speaks into your hair. "I'm sorry, Dirk. If we lived in a different universe..." You feel him shake his head again. "I hope we can still be bros at least!" He gives your shoulder a squeeze, and you force a smile even though he can't see it.
"Of course. Definitely. At least-" your voice breaks, "At least we can still be that." Jake must see the tears now, or feel them. You're practically crying on his shoulder. He squeezes you harder and lets out a small squeak of pity, and you catch something about zipping your sleeping bags together to better conduce moral support and bro cuddles. You mutely comply.
Your name is Dirk Strider and you are dying inside, over and over, wrapped in the embrace of one Jake English.
This is never how you wanted it.