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Usually, it was Lan Xichen coming to him. They had used the guise of Nie Mingjue being too busy to leave his Sect to do these trips but that was only partially the truth. The other half of the story was that Lan Xichen was like a bird trapped in an ivory cage of intense self-restraint. The man had so many people looking at him to be prim, proper and perfect and only Nie Mingjue, his little brother and he assumed A-Yao knew what he was like when he was allowed to be flawed.
Flawed and beautiful as far as he was concerned. Even if he was frustrated with his partner after the last time they met. But he knew after the fact he had overreacted and that this time he would have to leave his misgivings at the door. Losing his little brother had hit Lan Xichen hard, and now A-Yao’s disappearance has undoubtedly broken him.
At least as far as he can tell, if Lan Qiren of all people felt the need to write him and demanded to ‘urgently pull him out of this nonsensical sulking’ or whatever it oh so eloquently said before he stopped reading and found those he could trust to keep things running in his absence to handle the clan for a few days. He wouldn’t dare stay gone longer.
The trip there was rushed, no one greeted him, no one told him where to go and he didn’t ask. Lan Qiren had been very clear of where to start looking for the head of the Lan Clan and something told him that if he understood the request and urgency right, he doubted the other man would be leaving for anywhere else anytime soon.
He didn’t knock, simply, slid open the door to Lan Xichen’s private quarters. He slipped off his shoes to leave them by the door before he walked in and shut the door behind himself. It didn’t take much effort to find the man laid out in bed. His hair was down, the headband thrown off carelessly to the side of the room. It must have been done, in what Nie Mingjue could only assume, was a fit of misery. Beside the bed was a dark pot.
None of that bothered him, what bothered him was the intense smell of iron. He knew that smell too well and it sent a race of rage and panic through him. Baxia screamed for blood. Rage and desire for carnage made him dizzy before he fought it back.
He removed the saber and scabbard from his back and set it by his shoes. It didn’t stop the ache to hurt something, but it would have to do for now as he kneeled down beside the other man, sitting opposite of the pot. He tried to pretend it wasn’t even there.
His firm hand rested on Lan Xichen’s shoulder and he shook the man awake. The younger’s eyes slowly blinked open, his face was naturally pale, but his dark eyes made his skin look absolutely white.
“Da-Ge?” Lan Xichen asked, sitting up with a hand coming to his face. “What are you doing here?”
Lan Xichen was groggy from sleep. He wasn’t stupid enough to assume otherwise after their last meeting ended up in a fight with the two of them screaming at each other once again when the other was still hungover from the night before. It had been a very public thing, the disciples that had followed both watching from the sidelines.
Undoubtedly Lan Xichen had probably been thoroughly scolded for that and he was sure of it when the other man’s face shifted from groggy to guarded before Lan Xichen’s face shifted once again from guarded to irritated. It was an odd thing to be on the receiving end of, Nie Mingjue had seldom seen the other man so cross. It was a rare sight.
“Da-Ge. What are you doing here?” He repeated again and Nie Mingjue realized he had left the man waiting for an answer in his own bed chambers.
So he got an answer, “your uncle said you’ve been sulking. You’ve been qi deviating.”
Neither one of them broke eye contact. Lan Xichen’s voice was naturally warm, loving and gentle but this tone was a foreign one. “Why are you actually here? You didn’t care for A-Yao and didn’t know my brother. I don’t have the energy to be told to forget people I love just because it is an inconvenience.”
That pissed him off. He reached out to snatch Lan Xichen by his bed clothes and those beautiful eyes gleamed with something far to cruel to belong on the face of a man like this. He had seen it in the mirror a dozen times when he thought of A-Yao. He wasn’t hurt to see it in Lan Xichen, if anything it made him angrier right back.
“Is this how you chose to handle situations? Sulk like a child!” He snarled, “Your pathetic! What good has this nonsense done you!?”
“What good has being a cruel done for you!?” Lan Xichen snapped right back, he didn’t try to fight free of Nie Mingjue’s grip. Naturally for the older of the two that had to have meant he was right. Until… “your brother fears you. Everyone you love has feared you at one point. You refuse to listen to anyone. You hurt everyone that has ever loved you and now you can’t just leave me be…”
There was a long pause, then Lan Xichen’s hand rested atop him, “why me? What have I done to warrant being treated like this when I have lost two people that I love so much?”
Lan Xichen’s head dropped as his grip loosened. Nie Mingjue watched him sway until the other fell limply into him. The man in his arms whined, “why are you here!?”
“Your uncle asked me to come.” He snapped even as the arm wrapped around the other man’s shaking frame. The anger had quelled, calming into inklings of guilt. He didn’t make a habit of putting himself in the positions of others because he refused to believe he would act the same, if he didn’t act the same then it served no purpose to try.
Lan Xichen didn’t move, his voice shook, “why did you actually come? To criticize me?”
He looped an arm around the other man, holding him up. Lan Xichen for how much vitriol he seemed to be full of just let it happen without a word of complaint. “I told you.”
“You don’t do anything just because you are told to. You would never let my uncle command you.”
He huffed, leave it to a man of Lan Xichen’s temperament to make this needlessly complicated. As if that wasn’t reason enough. He didn’t understand why people needed to complicate things. Meng Yao did it far worse, but Lan Xichen seemed almost as bad some days. Maybe it was his ill mood that the man simply was making chasms out of ant hills.
“What more reason do I need other than something is wrong with you?” He snapped back.
There was a huff but nothing else. They sat like that for a time before he shifted, and pressed a kiss to the top of the smaller man’s head. Lan Xichen pulled away and laid back down on the bed. His back turned to Nie Mingjue in what could only be described in his opinion as a picture of true petulance.
But he ignored it. His fingers pressing the other’s back, there was a pause until he knew that Lan Xichen could feel the qi being forced into his body because softly the other man snapped, “stop.”
“Make me.” His fingers massaged along the pane of the other’s back, and as he expected Lan Xichen for all his strength and skill was for too weak to do a thing about it than sulk while he was taken care of. Even when Nie Mingjue finished the other man refused to look at him.
But he would not indulge in these games. “I’m going to get you something to eat. And you will eat if I have to shove it down your throat.”
He didn’t comment, nor did he when Nie Mingjue came back.
Still laid out in bed, silent and gloomy. It was starting to become less concerning and more exhausting but he tried to be gentle, tried to be kind and was trying to be tolerant.
“Sit up.” Or the closest he managed to get to those things. “You need to eat.”
Lan Xichen had the sense to do as he was told, shifting to sit up in the bed and when Nie Mingjue handed over what he brought Lan Xichen gave him a dirty look that looked odd on his face before accepting it. He had thought maybe this would be easy. That Lan Xichen knew he would make good on his promises to force it down the other’s throat.
“Eat.”
He got a sigh back and he felt anger rise. This time he knew it could not be Baxia.
“Eat.” He snarled.
Lan Xichen stared at the food then defeatedly started finally complying. He didn’t eat much so Nie Mingjue tried make good on his promise but for someone so weak Lan Xichen still had the upper body strength to make many envious. They had gone back and forth fighting with one another and by the end of it most of the food had been spilled on the floor and across Lan Xichen’s clothes and bed.
He had ultimately been forced to relent but not with commanding Lan Xichen, “get up and go bathe.”
He got a dirty look again that had gotten less tolerant. “Do it or I will drown you.”
The look got nastier but this time once again Lan Xichen did relent while he made work of cleaning the room. He had several disciples pass by and try to offer before he shooed them off to get back to work. He had seen a Lan elder or two pass but it seemed that none of them were inclined to comment.
They left him to his work.
He expected no less so he worked in silence then waited until Lan Xichen returned, his hair still damp and his face still haggard. Nie Mingjue shut the door behind Lan Xichen when the man decided to not do it himself. Then wrapped his arm around the other, when his advances weren’t fought he pressed a kissed to his partner’s bare forehead.
That got him a sigh in return. Then, “how do you and Uncle do it?”
“Hmmm?” He had a feeling he was about to be insulted, but he genuinely tried to bite back his temper.
“Not care. Simply move on or just be angry. Does nothing hurt you?” Lan Xichen’s voice was flat, almost like he felt defeated by the cards he had been dealt.
He scoffed, tried not to raise his voice. He had been told about breathing exercises, tried them but when they inevitably failed he said through gritted teeth, “I fight. When that fails I move on. Why is that so hard for you? Are you so busy trying to appease everyone you can’t even fight for anything.”
There was a long stretch of silence, then Lan Xichen pulled away from him. His voice was flat as he said, “Then leave.”
Nie Mingjue’s eye twitched and he had to stop him from throwing a punch. “What?”
“Then leave.” His partner said, his teeth gritted, “if all you want to do is fight then go somewhere else. Fighting is forbidden in Cloud Recess.”
He didn’t move. Lan Xichen tried to push him away but he held tighter. “You want me to leave, come with me.”
This time when Lan Xichen looked up at him it was a glare of a man that believed he was looking at a lunatic. “Bring your blade, meet me outside of Cloud Recess and fight me then.”
Understanding seemed to dawn on him and instead of denying him Lan Xichen snapped, “fine.”
.-.-.-.
They returned much later with the setting of the sun and immediately both went to bathe. It was done in silence for Lan Xichen’s mood had only slightly improved.
Once they were alone in Lan Xichen’s quarters he wrapped his arm around the other man’s waist. The look he got was far from amused but was more a tired disapproval than contempt.
“Not tonight.”
“I wasn’t intending to.” Nie Mingjue assured before scooping the smaller man in his arms before carrying him to his fresh bed and laying Lan Xichen down.
“I am not joking.” Was the next warning.
Nie Mingjue pressed a kiss to his cheek again. “I’m aware. I only intend to take care of you. What I want can wait.”
Lan Xichen blinked up at him, what he was thinking was hard to tell until he said, “I don’t want pleasure.”
“I’m still aware.” He returned. Climbing across him and pulling Lan Xichen into his chest. Holding the man and waited until his partner returned the gesture. It took time but the other man did not disappoint.
Before he was sure Lan Xichen had fallen asleep he pressed another kiss to the man’s forehead and said, “if those two are alive they can be found.”
He got a soft hum in return but decided to not push the matter any further. Though he did feel Lan Xichen’s fingers tighten around the back of his clothes.