Chapter Text
“I can’t believe he’s a fag!”
She slammed her locker door shut to the sound of giggles. Several of her stickers and photos of One Direction flew off with the impact, but she was so pissed she didn’t even care.
“Seriously, what a waste!” She tossed her blonde curls back, resting her chin on one hand while making a disgusted face. “And even worse, with one of the ugliest boys in class!”
A loud, collective “Ewww” was let out in unison by the small group of girls, followed by a few laughs and suppressed giggles. Except from one of them.
She cleared her throat, intending to bring the attention to herself, cutting through the laughter and sharp jokes. Curious eyes guided themselves toward the person looking for her turn to speak. Once they realized who wanted attention, a few girls couldn’t help but roll their eyes, but it wasn’t like Wendy Testaburger actually cared.
“Don’t you think you guys are being way too mean?” She heard a “here we go again” in the background, but that didn’t stop her from continuing. “Tweek is always so nice, he even brings us cookies sometimes!”
Silence. The girls looked at each other in reflection, some even whispering quietly, and for a moment, Wendy felt satisfied.
The black-haired girl had no interest whatsoever in the week’s most discussed topic: Craig Tucker, considered by all the girls—yes, even herself—the handsomest boy in all South Park. It was undeniable that the boy had a very unique charm…
His skin was tanned, he always smelled fresh out of the shower, his hair was silky and well-kept—incredibly, even wearing a chullo all day, his hair remained perfect—he had super strategic moles, and that quiet demeanor that was so… sigh, attractive.
Despite all that, the girl wasn’t upset at all that Tucker was gay or anything like that; in fact, she actually found it kind of cute. Obviously, you couldn’t say Tweek Tweak was hot, or cute, or that even “adorable” fit him. For sure, the best adjective for him would be… friendly. Mind you, Tweek had many positive points, but none of them were in his looks: his hair looked like straw, his endless twitching was scary, he was extremely skinny, his yellowish teeth didn’t help, and his anxious temperament was enough to make anyone tear their hair out!
But he was a good kid, always very kind and helpful, protecting the girls from Eric Cartman’s distasteful jokes whenever he tried a suspicious approach. Not to mention he had a blessed hand for baking, even though they were all only eleven years old!
She wondered if her perspective on Craig and Tweek’s relationship was different from the other girls because she had studied yaoi with the Asian girls…
The sharp sound of clapping hands broke the soft gossip and the lingering silence among the clique. The red-haired girl said as she tied her locks into a loose ponytail:
“Look Wendy, you need to understand that we do like Tweek…” She gave a light giggle while involuntarily rolling her eyes. “I mean, how could we not, right? His cupcakes are delicious.”
Giggles echoed among them, while Wendy placed her hands on her hips.
“But?”
“But that doesn’t make him any less ugly, duhh.” Nelly took her turn. “Come on, Wends! You’re playing the hero for the weak and defenseless, but you know we’re not lying!”
Before the girl in the lavender beret could defend herself, Annie kept going.
“Besides, you’ve already secured your boyfriend! You don’t even need to worry about other cute boys besides yours, especially since he came in third place!”
The laughter intensified, along with a chorus of “Oooohs.” Feeling confident with the other girls’ backing, Annie crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow at Wendy. The black-haired girl swallowed hard, feeling cornered and lacking arguments beyond:
“He’s still our friend, guys!”
“Look, to be totally honest…” Red wrapped one of her arms around Wendy’s shoulders, playing with Testaburger’s smooth, scented hair. “I’d be way less hurt if Craig were dating a handsome guy, like Stan or Tolkien.”
“Facts!” Bebe nodded in agreement. “Poor thing, Tweek is ugly as fuck! He looks like a wet, diabetic, pathetic, anemic rat and…”
Just as the blonde was about to raise her fifth finger, counting the names they used to call Tweek, a messy blonde tuft suddenly appeared right in the middle of the girls—more precisely, right next to Bebe—out of nowhere.
“AGH, hi! I brought cupcakes and—”
The curly-haired girl’s eyes widened so much that her pupils became a mere detail in the middle of her blue irises. A cold shiver ran down her spine so intense that even the strands of her hair stood on end. She simply couldn’t move; even her mouth froze half-open.
The circle that was previously lively and filled with whispers and laughter was now trapped in an extremely uncomfortable silence.
Tweek was holding a clear tupware full of warm cupcakes—noticeable by the foggy glass—and the excitement previously present in his tone of voice had already dissipated, leaving only his nervous tics and an awkward smile fixed on his freckled face.
“Oh, don’t be mad at us, Tweek!” Betty broke the silence, trembling almost as much as the blonde in front of her. “You’re ugly, but we still—”
Red rushed to cover the mouth of the girl in the black jacket so fast it seemed rehearsed. A nervous smile formed on her lips while Betty made a face as if to say, “I didn’t mean to say that!”
The blonde boy, who had been so excited about the cupcakes—which had almost covered his face a moment ago—slumped his shoulders in a mix of sadness and confusion, his hands gripping just firmly enough so the tupware wouldn’t shatter on the floor.
“Ugly? I don't get it.”
The girls looked at each other in terror, searching for a dumb excuse they usually used when caught gossiping, but nothing came. Turning their gazes back to Tweek, they felt pity for their friend being so ugly—and worse than that, he didn’t even know it!
“Sorry, Tweek. I have to go, I’m late for science class.”
Bebe patted the boy’s thin shoulder, whispering a “my bad” before running down the hallway with her books in her arms.
And suddenly, everyone was late for some class, repeating the same gesture as Bebe, leaving an anxiously nervous and confused boy behind.
Searching for answers, Tweek’s almond-shaped green eyes met Wendy’s, who was right in front of him. The girl seemed to be searching for the best words to explain the situation to him.
“Look Tweek, the girls aren’t saying this to be mean…” Her hands rested on the boy’s shoulders. He kept staring into her eyes; she would have been scared if she didn’t know him. “It’s just… well, they’re upset that the cutest boy in school is dating someone who ranked so low on the list, you know?”
In truth, Tweek Tweak didn’t understand. He didn’t even care about that stupid list and was surprised his friends had cared at all! The rule had always been that girls were stupid and brain-rotted—not that Tweek agreed…
“I don’t get it… AGH! What’s so ugly about me?”
Testaburguer gave a weak smile and gently squeezed Tweek’s shoulders, looking at him with pity.
“It’s going to be okay, Tweek. Stay strong.”
Wendy left her sweet scent behind as she made her way down the hallway, leaving the boy confused and wondering what he was going to do with so many cupcakes.
── .✦
The freezing late-afternoon wind flooded the bedroom through the open window, making his twitches intensify and his light hair stick up even more—as impossible as that seemed.
“Do you want me to close it?”
Craig’s nasally voice almost made Tweek jump out of his skin, as they hadn’t exchanged a word since arriving at his house.
Today was one of those days Craig liked to keep things quiet—not in a rude way or because they had fought, but when the day was too chaotic or Clyde rambled endlessly, Tucker needed to “recharge his batteries,” as he put it.
Usually, this task was hard for Tweek, since holding his anxious thoughts inside his own head was near impossible for him, but today was different.
“Oh, no!” He placed his hands in front of his face, waving them in refusal. All of his fingers had band-aids, and his nails were bitten down to the quick. “No, no need!”
Tucker’s expression was impassive—as always—making Tweek swallow hard and smile until his mouth hurt. He really didn’t want to bombard his friend with stupid thoughts.
Sitting on the carpet in Craig’s room—while assembling a Lego set of a Red Racer repair shop—Tweek couldn’t stop thinking about how weird today had been.
After the mess in the hallway, the boy had decided to try and ignore what his friends had told him—he could have misunderstood, it might just be a misunderstanding, right?—and spend the rest of class normally. The problem was that Tweek wasn’t very good at hiding how he felt.
Maybe it was because of his excessive twitching, forced smiles, or his incessant attempts to join the conversation circles that the girls noticed his nervousness and avoided him all day—even Wendy! They didn’t even touch his cupcakes… at least Craig’s family liked them, even if they weren’t that fresh anymore.
Tweek simply couldn’t understand why his friends would talk trash about him behind his back, saying he was ugly! UGLY! He was normal, wasn’t he? But… then why had he ranked so low on the list? What was the criteria for all of that? Why did it matter so much now, when they had made the list months ago?
“It’s going to be okay, Tweek. Stay strong.” AGH! What was that supposed to mean, anyway?!
He only realized his thin fingers were tangled in his hair when he felt Craig’s soft touch on his leg. Deep in thought, he hadn’t even noticed how close Craig had gotten. And with Craig so close, Tweek realized.
Craig Tucker’s brown eyes were beautiful. The color wasn’t flat, it had a blend of medium and light tones that reminded Tweek of the caramel he made to decorate pastries at the coffee shop. Craig’s eyelashes were long and full, which made his eye color stand out even more.
His skin was nicely tanned—even in South Park, where it was always cold—and marked by small moles, not like Tweek’s, which were spread all over his body and almost uncountable. Craig’s moles were eye-catching precisely because there were just few of them, he even had one above his—relatively full—lip, much like one of the most beautiful actresses in Hollywood.
Craig’s hair shone, not from the room’s lighting or a lack of hygiene. Quite the opposite! Tweek knew his strands were soft, good-smelling, and always neatly aligned.
Craig’s skin was also soft and warm, he didn’t even need to wear gloves when they intertwined their fingers to walk to school.
His teeth, which had once been crooked, were aligning more every day thanks to his braces, making Craig’s smile—as rare an event as it was to witness—one of the prettiest.
Involuntarily, Tweek’s eyes broke away from the mesmerizing view to face the mirror reflecting him in the corner of the room, and…
Well, Tweek wasn’t like that. He was the exact opposite of all of it.
Was that what made him ugly? Did everyone think he wasn’t good-looking? Did Craig think that about him too? Was he ashamed to always have to be around him? Were those quiet days actually because he couldn’t stand to look at Tweek’s hideous face? Was his voice as bad as his appearance? My God, did Craig secretly hate him for being forced to be with him because of the Asian girls?
He felt his stomach drop as fast as his heart beat, thoughts flooding his mind until he was almost dizzy.
“Are you okay, babe?”
Craig barely had time to finish speaking before Tweek bolted to his feet.
“AgH, I have to go, Craig!” He had his back turned to him, feeling his boyfriend’s eyes analyzing him. His own eyes started to burn. Damn it. “I remembered that, um, I have to wake up early tomorrow! To help my parents and, ugh, everything else!!!”
Silence. He had to stop himself from pulling his hair again.
“I see.” His voice had an almost imperceptible hint of suspicion, but Tweek always noticed Craig’s subtle nuances.
“Aren’t you going to say goodbye to Stripe?”
He was already heading through the bedroom door when Craig finished speaking, his eyes twitching wildly.
“I’m already late!” His eyes involuntarily glanced at Craig’s for a split second, but he quickly looked away. He couldn’t let him know he was lying. “But, um, see ya, man!”
His off-rhythm footsteps echoed through the Tucker house, needing to grab the handrail when one of his feet slipped, almost letting out a shaky curse in the process.
In the middle of his chaotic thoughts, Tweek didn’t even remember to say goodbye to the rest of the family, leaving the house without looking back and rushing—without running—to get out of sight of the windows.
── .✦
He had been trying incessantly for a few minutes to open his front door, but because of his hands refusing to stop shaking and the growing lack of air in his lungs, Tweek struggled with the simple task.
“—AGH, FUCK!”
He slammed his fist hard against the door, feeling tears stream down his thin cheeks and his short nails scratching his neck, as if that could help him breathe better. Craig always calmed him down in moments like this, maybe he shouldn’t have left… but Tweek couldn’t bring himself to look at him, because it reminded him of how much he didn’t look like him.
The door suddenly opened, but the boy didn’t even bother looking at who had done him the favor, let alone understanding what the voice was saying to him. He ran quickly to the downstairs bathroom and slammed the door behind him, somehow having no trouble locking himself inside.
Trying to regulate his breathing, Tweek leaned his hands on the bathroom ceramic sink, barely able to keep his balance due to his shaking. He closed his eyes.
He needed to calm down, he was making a fool of himself. Being like this didn't define him, right?
Inhale and exhale. Feeling the anxiety slowly fade. But then, his mind betrayed him… As always.
So, why did the girls care so much? Why did he care so much about it? What about Craig? And his other friends?
He tried to push the thoughts away, but they only grew stronger.
Test it. Look at yourself in the mirror. But his vision was frozen on the shiny, squeaky-clean sink drain.
He had no choice. He needed to face his reflection in the mirror again, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to sleep until he did.
Slowly, he raised his gaze and looked at himself, immediately noticing the huge dark circles outlining his sunken eyes.
His eyebrows were patchy and way too blonde, giving the impression he had shaved them, just like his eyelashes.
His teeth were crooked and yellow. Did they think he didn’t brush them? But Tweek was obsessed with cleanliness—damn habit.
And his hair… looked like a porcupine. But he could definitely fix it up like Craig’s, right…?
“Haha, agh! It’s not even that bad…”
He turned on the faucet and let the cold water run through his fingers. As soon as he considered them wet enough, he ran them through his messy hair, trying to make it flat and neat.
His hair remained spiky—the only difference was that now it was wet.
“Agh, fuck! Maybe if, um, if I wet it a little more…”
He kept wetting his hands and running them through his hair, but it refused to give in.
“Damn it, damn it, damn it…”
In the end, he was hopeless. He felt like he was going to start crying again.
Then, like a lightbulb going off in his head, he remembered his father’s electric shaver.
He pulled open all the drawers and rummaged through them, finding the object of interest at the bottom of the last one. As soon as he hit the power button, it started vibrating in his hand.
He swallowed hard and looked at his reflection in the mirror once more, realizing he was crying.
Before he could think about anything else, he let the buzz of the device fill his thoughts and dragged the shaver toward his head.
He heard knocking on the door just as the first blonde lock fell into the sink.