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KO walked silently through the dim unwelcoming halls of boxmore. Upon his arrival, he received a quick hello from Venomous and a promise of bonding time before being sent on his way. He found his room and quietly clicked the door shut, tossing his bag into a corner. He stood still for a few seconds. Not much to do around here, unless he wanted to have a civil conversation with Raymond or Shannon. He sighed, sitting at the desk and messing with a pencil trying to get it to stand on its eraser. He didn't end up doing much on his once a month weeklong trip that he had to spend at Boxmore. Venomous and his mom had come to this agreement of custody eventually, not bothering to ask KO. Why would they? It's not like he was the one who actually had to stay here. To be fair, he didn't exactly speak out on it either. Maybe some part of him still had hope that Venomous could be good. He stood and walked to his bed, flopping down. Everything was the same as how he had left it three weeks ago.
KO curled lazily into himself, Boxmore was industrial and cold and always crowded with bots. KO usually stayed away from the factory part when he came here, and today was no exception. He lay on his sheets, blanket discarded on the ground. He was too lazy to pick it up. That's what he was. Lazy. Why should he try when everything was pointless anyways? It was just the same thing every day, all one endless loop. Go to work, fight robots, more work.
He jumped, shouting in the hall setting him on edge, it was just Fink yelling at Darrell though. Nothing new. His mind wandered. What would happen if he got hit by a car tomorrow? Would Venomous finally stop being distant and show how much he cared? What if KO was found in the morning with a folded notebook paper and a throat full of pills?
The morbid train of thought led him to picture the many ways he could kill himself, and in each scenario how his dad would react. And his mom. And his friends. They would see. They would finally see. He curled in tighter, thinking of how he would cut himself. the sharp shooting pain of a blade. How bad it felt, making him cry. How good it felt to numb the world. How he missed it. Over time he had found himself doing it less and less, until he kind of just stopped. He wanted it back. Don't, it's not worth it. But why not? No one cares anyways. He jumped at another shout in the hall. Why did his “siblings” have to be so loud?
He liked to make the most of the time he spent here by treating it as a week where he could just disappear. He loved his friends, and his mom and Mr. Gar of course, but he could barely get any alone time. No privacy. No time alone except night. Here he could do whatever, whenever. At first KO couldn't understand why Venomous would even want partial custody if he wasn't even going to bother trying to spend time with him. Over time he just stopped caring, more time to himself.
He suddenly noticed how dim his room had become, he often forgot to turn on the lights when it started getting dark, and right now he could hardly make out the contours of his room. No dinner then, he supposed. Would someone have come to get him? Did anyone even realize it was his week here? He could go down to the kitchen, but it was too much work. He didn't want to talk to anyone. What did it matter anyways? He would probably just go to sleep soon. He wanted to get this week over with and see his friends again. He missed his friends so much whenever he was here. What would they think if they knew he was this rotten, though?
A couple of hours passed, KO staring at the wall and thinking very sane things. His mind kept circling back to cutting. He wanted it so much. Why? He shouldn't. But why not? It would be so much better than this boredom. this numbness.
So KO crawled out of bed and snuck to the door. Unfortunately he didn't have any razors hidden in his room right now. He cracked open the hinge, checking around the corners. The hall was dark, and everyone should be asleep. He knew the bots didn't really need to sleep, but it didn't matter anyways, as long as no one was in this part of Boxmore he would be fine. He tiptoed down to the bathroom, flicking on the light and shutting the door. This was Venomous's bathroom, he wasn't really supposed to be in here, but nowhere else would have what he was looking for.
KO checked under the sink where he knew Venomous kept his shaving kit. He found a box of new razorheads and palmed one, figuring he wouldn't notice a single razor missing. he used a pair of scissors to bend the little pieces of shrapnel that held the blades on, fumbling as all the parts came loose and clattered on the floor. He grabbed one and tugged off his wristbands, drawing the sharp tip across old white scars. Since the blade was new, it went deeper than he expected. He held the blade a bit lighter.
He should go back to his room, but he couldn't wait any longer. What did it matter where he did it? Red bubbled on the cuts, which he wiped away before cutting a bit lower. He wished he could make it deeper. He was weak though, and to be honest, scared. What if it bled too much and he had to tell someone? That would be worse than simply accepting death.
He cut several red and stinging slits into his wrists before satisfied. KO wiped the blood away with a paper towel before putting the wristbands back on. He sat on his knees and pulled up the hem of his shorts. Slowly fading in and out of the reality of what he was doing, he cut deep. Gashes dribbled blood and pain. It didn't matter as much on his legs, there was less chance for a fatal cut. Plus, they were easier to hide. He cut again, relishing the satisfaction. He didn't notice himself zoning out, lost in pain and twisted recompense. He didn't even notice the warm tears welling in his eyes.
“Hey, who's in here!” KO froze, snapping back to reality as the door slammed open without a knock. “You know this bathroom is off-” Venomous cut off as he finally looked down. KO was frozen in shock, staring at his father like a deer in headlights. His hands were shaking and tipped with blood. He flinched as Venomous stomped forward, and yelped in pain as he was pulled up by the wrist and made to look in his fathers eyes.
“What have you done to yourself?” KO couldn't answer, he was trying to struggle free, barely able to think over the pain of his hands gripping the cuts. Venomous sensed his struggle and dropped him, KO almost collapsing to his knees before Venomous instead grabbed his hand, jerking him back up and yanking off his wristband.
“I don't understand,” Venomous hissed in shock. KO felt frozen, he should apologize for being a burden. He wasn't sorry though. He didn't care what his father felt. When KO didn't say anything a frown creased Venomous's brow.
“Dont do that to yourself, KO.” Venomous tried, gentler. He sighed, it was possible KO was so stuck in his head right now that he physically couldn't speak, or he just didn't trust him. The latter was probably true, but he brushed that aside. He took off the other wristband, gentler this time, revealing a similar mess of cuts. He grabbed a cloth, dampened it under warm water, and wiped off the blood. He handed it to KO.
“Do the same to the cuts on your leg.” KO took it with shaky hesitancy, then Venomous stood and yanked open the cabinet. He pulled out a first aid kid and a mess of bandages. He crouched back down and began disinfecting the cuts before wrapping a bandage around each of KOs wrists, as well as bandaging the cuts on his leg. When he was finished, he paused, unsure of what to do. Venomous felt a sort of detached sickness. How long had this been happening? He should say something. This was his son. Even if Venomous wasn't always his father. He thought KO just hated Venomous and Boxmore in general, but he had no idea it was this bad.
“Can you speak?” he asked bluntly. KO said nothing. He looked scared. What did he think Venomous would do? was he that horrible? He sighed, doing the first thing he could think of. He hefted KO into his arms, not missing the way he tensed. He carried him down the hallway and to his room. He set him on the bed and then left without a word.
KO sat frozen, partially in shock of what just happened and partially in confusion. He sighed, slumping against the wall. A few minutes passed. I guess that happened then. He paused at a knock on his door before it slowly opened. Professor Venomous stood in the door, arms crossed.
“Im sorry.” KO mumbled. Venomous had probably just gone and cleaned up the mess he made. He was such a burden. Venomous frowned.
“Dont start with that.” He hesitated, then continued. “Look, kid, I know we have always and most likely will always have our differences. But you can't be going around harming yourself like this. It's not sustainable.” KO sighed. Of course he would just think about “sustainability” or whatever. He wanted Venomous to cry He just wanted to feel loved. He sensed Venomous’s eyes on him. Was that sadness? Guilt maybe? No, he was probably imagining it.
“Why’d you do this, KO” he glanced up quickly, feeling the start of tears. No- he wouldn't cry in front of him. He quickly wiped away a single beaded tear.
“I don't know.” Silence stretched steadily in awkwardness. KO brought his knees to his chest “Just forget about it. It's nothing.”
Venomous looked conflicted, like he was warring on what to say. Warring on whether he should simply drop it or not. He walked over silently and sat at the end of the bed, bed springs creaking. Night shadows crowded the room and bars of early light painted a silent dimness.
“KO, as much as either of us would like to avoid it, this is a conversation we need to have. Now what were you thinking? Were you trying to..” he paused and gestured at KO, who looked up quickly.
“N-no, i wasnt trying to- i mean, i dont want to.. die” he swallowed, bringing his hand to his forehead. “I just wanted to.. hurt. i guess”
“Why is that?” KO felt his hands start to quiver and his eyes grow warm, tears threatening to spill.
“I-i dont know, because im stupid?” his voice thick and childish.
Venomous tensed, eyes widening softly. Sometimes he forgot that KO was just a kid. One who had his consciousness split apart, alongside other horrors. most inflicted by Venomous himself..
“You’re one of the most clever kids I know.”
KO looked up at him, lip quivering and clearly holding back tears.
“Look, I know I haven't exactly been a good father.. at all. And.. I'm sorry. Truly. I should’ve been there for you sooner. I wish I'd been a dad.” He stood up. “Understand that there's nothing wrong with you. You deserved better.” he started towards the door. “Ill give you some space, we’re going to talk in the morning, though.” Venomous eyed him cautiously.
KO stared at Venomous, eyes watering. Did he mean that? Did he say that?
“W-wait.” KO stood up, grabbing Venomous’s sleeve "Don't leave.” Venomous stopped. KO stood back, looking down and fidgeting with his wristband.
“Um..” KO stepped back and sat down with his bed to his back. A few seconds later Venemous shuffled over and slumped down next to him. Right now they weren't hero and villain. They were a scared kid and a father who was trying to be better. They sat silently for a few minutes, then KO slumped down until his head was in his fathers lap. Venomous froze, unsure. Then he placed his hand softly on KO’s head. KO felt his breath hitch, and suddenly tears were streaming down his face. He cried as Venomous gently rubbed his back. He covered his face with his hands, wishing he could stop crying. Venomous was silent as KO sobbed, somehow it was enough. Just to not be alone. His breath slowly evened, cries quieting. He wiped his eyes, voicy raspy. He took a breath.
“Thank you, dad.”