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When First found out that Prem was also playing guitar for his performance, he knew he had to work twice as hard.
Not because he was competing with Prem, no. If he were, it would certainly be just some healthy competition.
But First was thinking of something else entirely.
It was really more out of a selfish desire to make certain that Khao would only be looking at him later. That by the end of the night, the only guitar performance that he would remember would be First’s.
“You did great!” Khao said as Prem returned backstage with his guitar in tow. “First and I were watching from the monitor the whole time.”
“Great job, friend,” First said in an earnest tone, patting Prem on the back.
And he really did mean it, despite that possessive gleam that shone through when he saw the way Khao’s eyes sparkled after praising Prem for his solo stage.
Of course it was still different from the way Khao looked at First. Miles away. First knew that. Everyone knew that. Even Prem was well-aware.
There could be no one like First in Khaotung’s eyes.
First was special to him. In more ways than it was fathomable.
But First just couldn’t help the way he got a little jealous when Khao looked at other people warmly and a smidge protective when those people returned the warmth with their gaze.
Khao deserved all the warmth in the world. And the world seemed to give back as much warmth to him as he gave. Which was a lot. And that’s why First tried his very best everyday to make sure that that attention was hogged by him.
In a healthy way, of course. But he was admittedly greedy like that. He was thankful that Khao found it an endearing part of him.
Prem said his goodbyes to both of them as he got ready for the couple stage. Boun was already leading his solo and it wouldn’t take long before they had to jump back in together.
For now, First and Khao could afford to wait and relax in the dressing room. After Boun and Prem’s stage, there was a VCR in-between then Earth and Mix were set to lead their own segment. Those two were also busy getting changed and ready, their stages a mix of high-energy, extremely comedic, and then touchingly emotional. That also meant First and Khao had about half an hour more before they took to the stage. The staff left them to fend for themselves for the time being, all too busy in the last-minute preparations for the other two pairs.
Inside the dressing room, Khao approached the table and picked up his violin. First took a seat in the corner and watched as Khao practiced the notes for Summer.
First had beheld this sight many times before.
At the practice room. On stage during rehearsals. Back at home after a long day of said rehearsals.
But now that Khao was in his make-up and his stage costume, it was just a million times more ethereal.
First often wondered if people could see Khaotung the way he did.
There were a lot of ways people didn’t. Like when they were at home. In their most intimate. In their most vulnerable. In the most unfiltered and unscripted versions of themselves.
Those versions were for just the two of them to see. Exclusive access.
But in the way that others could, the way that Khao allowed them to see, First wondered if they noticed the same things he did. Like how he got so focused with his gaze when he was doing something he loved. Like acting. And singing. And performing. And learning something new. Like the violin.
Like how he lost himself each time in the things he looked so effortlessly good at. But First knew it wasn’t without effort at all. He saw throughout these years how Khao had perfected his craft until it looked natural. Yet he was definitely naturally gifted too.
Like how he was just so god damn beautiful doing all of it. The sparkle in his eyes that you simply couldn’t fake. That satisfied smile on his face when he knew it himself that he had done well, yet his humility still shone through. Khao was so humble. He was so painfully humble, First would spend all his life reminding him how wonderful and amazing he was and would always be, if he had to.
Simply put, Khao was just this universe’s gift to this world, contained in that five foot eight frame of his.
To First, Khao had been patiently made and gilded to perfection. He wouldn't be surprised that a lot of people thought so too.
But he could say with his whole heart that Khao was especially made and gilded to perfection for him and only him.
Without much thought, as it often was when it came to Khaotung, First walked over to where he was practicing. It was no longer enough to just watch, he needed to hold him.
First was careful not to disturb Khao so he hugged him from behind, encircling him around the waist. That waist fit perfectly inside First’s arms. Their bodies always fit perfectly together, like two pieces of a puzzle, bound and forever tied to one another.
Khao didn’t flinch, didn’t move, didn’t so much as react to the intrusion. He was all too used to it. First was always finding an excuse to touch him. Finding all the excuses in the world to stay connected. Even more than they already were.
And Khao relented without fail each time.
“Prem was amazing earlier, wasn’t he?” First found himself asking. There was a teasing provocation in his tone.
A small smile played on Khao’s lips. He already knew where this was going. First was very easy to read.
“Hmm, he was. The guitar looks good on him,” Khao commented, keeping his voice even. His attention was still on the notes on the violin.
“Hmp,” First huffed, perching his chin on Khao’s shoulder.
“But you know what?” Khao offered.
“What?”
“Only you get to hold my guitar on stage. It looks best on you. You’re the only one allowed.”
That placated the looming feelings of jealousy in First’s heart right away. For Khao, First was easy in a way that he knew exactly how to handle him.
More specifically, he knew exactly how to love him. In ways that made First feel seen and heard. Both on the little and not-so-little things.
And that was precisely why this worked. They were constantly listening to and looking out for each other’s wants and needs. Accommodating where they could, adjusting when they had to. It was an equal give and take, a balance they had perfected with years of friendship. And when that friendship had become something else, something more, it was mostly the same except with a lot more kisses and a lot more intimate moments in bed and in between.
It wasn’t that it had suddenly transformed into love because there had always been love between them from the beginning.
It was that it turned into a genuine partnership for life. In all its aspects.
Things looked natural between them because they were. It felt effortless and easy because they had been attuned to one another for a long time now. This was something that could only be built with time, trust, and a lot of tender love.
And they had an endless supply of that for each other.
First fully settled himself into the back hug. He pulled Khao taut against his body and Khao melted into his touch. They stayed like that for some time just holding each other. It wasn’t unusual to find First and Khao hugging before performances. It was their way to reassure, relax, and reconnect with each other, among the flurry of excitement and pressure that came with these events.
In each other’s arms, they could properly slow down and just be.
“You know, we still have some time for…”
As First said the words, he suggestively teased at the button of Khao's pants with his fingers.
“First,” Khao warned. “You know what happened at LOL. We nearly got caught.”
First scoffed. “Like they don’t already know.”
Khao glared at him. One without actual bite.
First soothed him anyway.
“Mae told me to lock the door earlier. But she said we had to be ready once Earth and Mix are on their last song,” he reassured, hugging Khao even closer to him.
Their manager was all too used to what they got up to backstage. She herself had watched how this relationship developed. And had never once discouraged it.
“Did she?” Khao asked curiously.
“She did!”
“Then maybe just a little,” he instantly relented.
First smiled, satisfaction dancing on his lips. He started pressing kisses on the soft skin that peeked from Khao’s collar.
“Just a little then,” First echoed against Khao’s skin, his voice low.
Khao carefully deposited his practice violin back on the table. He would be using a different one on stage, already perfectly tuned and ready. The same was the case for Khao’s guitar, which First would be using later for his performance.
First kept his hold firmly around Khao and slowly undid the button. They would have to work with only their hands for now. The stylists would kill them both if they messed up their hair and make-up.
Well, they wouldn’t really, but it was extra work to be concealing swollen lips and rearranging tousled strands of hair.
Like that one time at LOL.
They would behave for now. First continued to trail soft kisses on Khao’s neck.
“I really like people who play the violin,” he whispered as he nuzzled his nose on the soft hair close to Khao's nape. It was the only part that hadn’t been touched by wax and whatever else hair product the styling team used to make them look flawless.
As Khao's pants loosened, First slowly and carefully unzipped them. They could both faintly hear Earth’s voice from the stage so they knew that they still had a bit of time left.
Fortunately, there were already wipes available to them inside the room, supposedly for wiping their sweat in between performances.
But it would be used for something else for now.
As First held Khao that way, that familiar feeling of possessiveness overwhelmed his senses. He breathed it in the same way he breathed in Khao’s all-too familiar and intoxicating scent.
First knew that he was the only one. Only he was ever allowed to see this version of Khaotung.
Unfurled and unbound under his touch.
Under the stage, beyond the glare of the spotlight, away from the eyes of the audience, First was the only audience to this. The jealousy had no weight against that weighty and undeniable truth.
First could play protective and possessive over the pretty and perfect person in his arms, but they both knew.
Khao was his. He had only ever been his to begin with.
And First was Khao’s. He had always been.
They truly were perfectly tuned for each other. And they would always and forever be.