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Dear little me,
This is so stupid. I want you to know I'm being forced to do this by Suo and Nirei. You don't know who they are, do you? They're my friends. Yes, you read that right. Friends. That's crazy to think about, huh? When I was your age, I didn't have anyone but you know that already. We always had to fend for ourselves because there was nobody who'd take care of us. That was just what we expected, especially with the way we look. I thought that was the norm; life was tough and then you'd die but our upbringing wasn't normal.
People here always have someone by their side and now I guess that they've taken mine too. This entire town seems to be hell-bent on making sure that I'm okay. It's so stupid! They keep being nice and it's infuriating. They call me a stray cat and they've made me smile for the first time in a while.
I know it sounds like I'm complaining but I really wouldn't trade anything for this. For once, I feel like I'm real and living and I feel safe. Sure I get the occasional nightmare but it doesn't feel so close to reality anymore. I feel like I belong. I feel like I can let my guard down. I don't know where you're at little me but I promise you, it does get better. Let them in. It's going to be hard at first but it's worth it. Hang in there because that tightrope will have a safety under it.
Haruka Sakura.
Sakura put down his pen, letting roll across the room before scrunching the paper up into a ball. He sighed and laid down on his futon. Stupid exercise. It was supposed to help him with his trauma but if it was supposed to heal him, then why did it feel like somebody ripped his heart from his chest every time? He fell asleep at one point and didn't wake again until the sunlight shone annoyingly on his face. He'd forgotten to close his curtains. "Oh for fuck's sake…"
He got up. As much as he would've wanted to stay in bed and spend the day there, he had to close the curtains. "Who the fuck are you!" came a small, angry voice from behind him, a child's voice. Sakura slowly turned around because it's not every day that Sakura, as the sole resident of his apartment, had a child turn up first thing in the morning.
The kid was unmistakably Sakura. It's very hard not to recognise yourself when you have split black and white hair and heterochromia. The younger Sakura was standing in the middle of the room with his fists raised and face set into a hard expression that Sakura knew by heart. "Hi. It's me, your older self." The kid didn't let down his guard but instead chose to hit Sakura directly in the nuts.
Sakura doubled over almost immediately as pain exploded behind his eyes "You…little shit!" he grunted out. "Where am I?" Younger Sakura demanded "Tell me what's going on now!" The kid was practically screaming at him and Sakura didn't find it hard to believe that he used to be like that.
"You're in Makochi. I don't know what's going on but you're safe. No harm will come to you here. Now, please, please, stop hitting me in the balls." Sakura said, his voice still strained.
"I'll fight you! I-I'll call the police!" Younger Sakura bellowed. He was itching for a fight and Sakura could sense that.
"Kid, there aren't any police officers in Makochi." Sakura said. He was trying to keep his voice calm because underneath all of the younger's bravado, Sakura knew he was probably just scared.
"Then how is it safe?!"
"Because of Bofurin. They're a group that protects the town. Nobody here wants to hurt you."
"How do you know?!"
"I'm the older you, kid. I've been around the block a few times but here, everyone wants to be friends with you."
"You're lying!" The kid's voice was getting louder again.
"Why don't you come meet them with me?" Sakura asked. That question finally made the kid somewhat calm down. He still looked angry but less so. He plopped down in the corner of the room, knees curled up to his chest. His jeans were dirty and ripped and the same was said about his ill-fitting shirt. Sakura could see the mud in his hair. He remembered the itchy sensation on his scalp when it dried. He played in the mud during a storm and his foster parents didn't let him clean up. "There's a bathroom where you can get cleaned up. The blue towel is clean. That dried mud is probably bothering you."
Younger Sakura glared at him, distrusting but he stood up and ventured off in search of the bathroom. How do you deal with your younger self popping out of nowhere. Nobody was going to believe this but he picked up his phone anyway.
Sakura: My younger self just turned up in my bedroom
Nirei: Sakura-san. What?
Sakura: I'm being serious. Same hair, same eyes. That menace is me!
Suo: Are you high right now, Sakura-san?
Sakura: What?! No! He punched me in the balls!
Kiryu: Ooh, that's cheap
Tsuguera: Was he strong?
Sakura: I'm bringing him to school. Don't crowd him. He's wary and he'll go off at any moment.
Nirei: You're bringing him in?!
Sakura: Well, duh, I can't leave him here all day.
Sakura set down his phone as the kid walked out of the bathroom, dressed in his still dirty clothes but most of the mud had been washed out and his hair was sopping. "Don't break anything. I'm gonna go get ready for school and you're coming with me."
"I don't wanna go to school!" The younger Sakura screamed
"Remember when I said that nobody's gonna hurt you here? The same with my school. Nobody's going to poke and prod at you. Nobody'll even touch you if you don't want them to." The kid just glared at him as Sakura left the room.
Younger Sakura tried to run off eight times as older Sakura dragged him through the streets. Eventually, he grabbed the kid's hand "I'm not trusting you not to run off again. You hold my hand or I carry you."
Sakura remembered Umemiya using the same tactic on the younger kids in the orphanage. You give them and choice that isn't really a choice so they feel like they have some control. The kid begrudgingly held onto Sakura's hand but Sakura was tugging him along. The kid was making himself a complete dead-weight. "If you won't walk, I will carry you." Younger Sakura snarled at him and he added "Or I could always call animal control on you."
The kid tried to bite him but Sakura just hoisted him over his shoulder and carried him like a sack of potatoes, if a sack of potatoes kicked him in the face, punched him in the back and screamed like it was being murdered, into Pothos. "Hi, Kotoha." Sakura said. Kotoha looked at him and then at the screaming child "Sakura, did you kidnap someone's kid?"
"What?! No! This is me!" he protested, turning around so Kotoha could see the kid's all to familiar tufts of black and white hair. "Wow. This was not what I was expecting today. I'm dreaming, aren't I?"
"No, Kotoha, this is real. He was in my house. He was all muddy and he cursed at me and I knew the word 'fuck' at the age of eight."
"He's kind of cute." Kotoha said. In response, the kid howled like a banshee being tortured in the most gruesome way possible "I AM NOT CUTE."
"In a way, I suppose."
Sakura set him down on a seat but when the kid kept trying to escape, he just sat him down on his lap. "Omurice?" Kotoha asked
"Yes, please."
Omurice was a godsend after having to deal with his younger self all morning who was actually sitting quietly in his lap. "Uh, are you okay, kid? You're very quiet." Sakura said. The kid turned around, his eyes wide and innocent and even Sakura had to admit that he was adorable. Then the kid violently headbutted him. "Oh, you-" Sakura lurched back. Younger Sakura tried to use this as an opportunity to escape but Sakura held firm. "Kiddo, why do you wanna run away so badly?"
As he asked it, Sakura realised that it was a stupid question. He would also be wary of strangers showing any sort of kindness because when he was that age, trusting anyone always went badly for him "Sorry, kid. Stupid question. I should know better than anyone that you wouldn't be trusting strangers so easily but I can't let you loose around Makochi." The kid glared at him grumpily as Kotoha set two plates down in front of them. "Thanks Kotoha."
Younger Sakura shifted on to the stool next to Sakura and scoffed down the omurice at an alarming speed. Kotoha leaned down next to Sakura "Did his jaw just unhinge?"
"I'm pretty sure this is his first proper meal in days."
"Can't blame him, then."
"My foster parents wouldn't feed me for days."
Kotoha looked shocked and she didn't quite know what to say other than pulling Sakura into a quick side hug. The kid then reached over to steal Sakura's food and Sakura didn't have the heart to stop him. He completely ignored Kotoha and his older self.
Introducing the little bastard had started out so well. Somebody (likely Nirei who could become quite scary if he wanted to) had told ordered the class of rowdy delinquents that if they dared crowd or frighten Younger Sakura, the consequences would be swift. Nirei was standing on a desk, shouting at all of them. "I may not be the strongest fighter here but I am Sakura's close friend. If the kid gets scared, I will murder the guilty party."
Nobody in class 1-1 had any intention of causing any version of Sakura harm or incurring the wrath of Nirei who was in that moment the most terrifying delinquent that had ever been in Furin so they gave the two Sakuras space as Older Sakura dragged Younger Sakura in who was shouting some colourful profanities.
"Energetic, isn't he?" Suo said. Older Sakura glared at the maroon haired with about as much fierceness as he could muster for his friend pissing him off "A little shit is what he is."
Younger Sakura observed the room, his fists raised as if he was preparing to be battle with people twice his age and three times his size. "I'll beat you all up!" the kid ground out, running at Sugishita and hitting his legs. Sugishita looked down at Younger Sakura, then at older Sakura. "Does he think this is effective?" Sugishita asked. Older Sakura nodded.
"Wow, Sugi-chan, Haruka-chan had taken a liking to you." Kiryu marvelled before returning to collect his login bonuses. "I don't like him!" Younger Sakura howled "He's the biggest in the room so he's got to be in charge!" He kept launching punches at Sugishita until Sugishita had had enough and forcefully picked up the boy and held him at arm's length while he thrashed.
The kid eventually ran out of energy and then just hung there for a few seconds before Sugishita put him down. "I won!" the kid said
"Sure, you did." Sugishita dead-panned.
Suo was going to give the kid a high five for his valiant attempts at beating up Sugishita. The kid did not see it that way. He scrambled back, his breath coming in short gasps. His hand reached up to his chest as he propelled himself into the nearest corner. His other hand started pulling on his hair as Sakura commanded his class to give the little one space, crouching down in front of him.
Sakura grabbed the wrist pulling out Younger Sakura's hair and forced him to let go, mumbling soft apologies for having to touch him. "It's okay. You're safe. I've got you." Sakura attempted to comfort him. "Copy me. In for four, hold for four, out for four. C'mon, do it with me." The kid's eyes met his and he started trying to imitate Sakura.
Bit by bit, his breathing slowed down and then he shuffled over to Sakura and sat in his lap, his head resting on Sakura's shoulder. Sakura knew what it was like. He had those all the time and he knew that when he was younger, he would've really liked someone to hug him. He could see Nirei bonking Suo on the head and quietly reprimanding him.
Sakura couldn't miss the guilty look on Suo's face as he knelt down next to them, a few feet away "I apologise, Haruka-chan. I didn't know that would make you panic like that." A quiet hush had settled over the class. Sakura stayed in that corner, his younger self staying exactly where he was, shaking. "He's not being feral." Nirei said
"He's tired." Sakura replied "Panic attacks are tiring. He'll probably crash in a minute or two." And Sakura wasn't wrong, the younger fell asleep pretty quickly after that. "It wasn't your fault Suo. You didn't know he would react like that."
"I should've known." Suo said "He's you. You used to flinch when we tried to high-five you."
Nirei joined the two them on the floor. His expression was tight and worried "Were you really like that as a kid, Sakura-san?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I was"
Hiragi downed an entire packet of stomach medication when he saw the younger Sakura helping Umemiya with the garden. "Careful, Hiragi! Don't overdose!" Umemiya called out, picking tomatoes and putting them in a basket. "What happened to Sakura?!" Hiragi sputtered.
"Oh, Sakura's younger self turned up randomly today so Sakura brought him to school. The kid had a panic attack and ended up taking a nap but Sakura had to go on patrol so he was entrusted to me. He woke up half an hour ago."
Hiragi didn't even know how to react to that statement. The kid looked happy enough, showing Umemiya every tomato he picked and Umemiya gave enthusiastic praise every time. Hiragi could catch, however, the sliest bit of worry in Umemiya's eyes that only someone who had known Umemiya for a long time could notice. "His…younger self." Hiragi said
"Mhm. I didn't know how to react either so I just accepted it." Umemiya said cheerfully.
"You're not going to question how he ended up here?"
"Nope! He's traumatised and I want him to have a little reprieve before he goes back to all of that. I don't know a lot about Sakura's past but I know that it wasn't good."
Sakura's eyes landed on Hiragi and he hissed aggressively at him. This really was Sakura. Always hissing and biting and punching. Hiragi raised an eyebrow as Younger Sakura stared him down with contempt for someone he didn't even know yet. "Hey." Hiragi said, trying to be as non-threatening as possible "I'm Hiragi. I'm older Sakura's boss."
"You're not my boss." The kid said indignantly, folding his arms across his chest "I'll fight you." Umemiya ruffled Younger Sakura's hair "Stop trying to fight everyone you meet here, Haruka-kun. Hiragi's a good guy."
"Haruka-kun?" Hiragi said
"He prefers it to his last name. Obviously, our Sakura prefers his last name but the younger prefers his first name."
"I see. Did he threaten to fight you too?"
"Yes, he did." Umemiya said, rolling up the sleeves of his green gakuran to reveal a bite mark on his forearm "He bit me. He has very sharp teeth."
"How did you convince him to help you garden?"
"I didn't. He just got curious. He wandered over and started helping me. He did punch me first chance he got, though."
Younger Sakura stomped over to Hiragi, scowl back in place "You're in charge of me, right? I don't like people who say they're in charge." Hiragi looked tiredly at Umemiya, the source of his chronic stomach pains "Why do you insist on being good with kids?"
"I'm not a kid! I'm eight! I'm practically an adult!" He swung a kick at Hiragi who effortlessly dodged it. "For the record," Umemiya added "Tsubaki thinks he's adorable. Tsubaki's the only one the kid didn't try to beat up. He pulled Mizuki's hair and then he tried to strangle Momose."
"Is Momose okay?!"
"He's going to have a nasty bruise but he'll be fine."
"Geez, how strong is he?" Hiragi said looking at the boy who had lost interest in him and was now looking at the courgettes. "Plenty strong for an eight year old. He's exhausting though. Sakura's going to pick him up after patrol."
Sakura opened his apartment door and led the younger inside. He stayed standing in the doorframe "I need to pick up some food for us. Don't leave, don't answer the door, don't break anything." And just like that he was gone.
Haruka giggled. The kind of giggle that someone makes when they've cried too much. He proved himself right again. Sakura was lying, surely. He wouldn't come back for him. That's why there was barely anything here. It was all discard-able, just like him. He went into the bedroom and laid down on the futon in silence. He rolled onto his side and his arm brushed again crumpled up paper. Curious, he opened it. Once he'd read it, he clutched it firmly to his chest.
If all those nice people were really waiting for him, then maybe he had something to look forward to. He tore off a piece of paper from the notepad on the floor and wrote his own note in shaky writing.
Dear older me,
It better get better
Haruka Sakura
When Sakura returned home, all that was left was the note.
As he stood in front of the arch to Tonpu Market, Sakura knew that he was about to belong somewhere for the first time ever. He checked his pocket for the note and walked into his new life.