Chapter Text
Sam watched from the second row as Dean finally turned to face the crowd, the pack, he reminded himself. He had a pack again. It was the end of Dean’s official “Acceptance” Ceremony, the official beginning of his reign over the pack, or as Dean had called it, his debutante.
Dean stood before them for a moment, before he dropped to his knees. Sam leaned forward, this wasn’t usual. Most alphas stood strong before the pack the first time, basking in their praise, reveling in the new connection.
Alphas and their Packs had a connection much like a mated pair, only a more muted version. Like an acquaintance versus an intimate relationship. He could feel their broader emotions, and they could feel his in distress or elation. Even though the connection was much softer, much less of an intrusion on the mind, it still took a while to adjust to. Every picture or record of, or Acceptance Sam had ever been at had shown the Alpha before the pack with his eyes closed, small smile playing across his face.
Dean’s head finally rose; face shining towards the crowd, tears showing on his cheeks. “Let me, and I will serve you. I am so honored to have all of you, and I cherish every one of you. I am so grateful you accept me,” and suddenly, to Sam, it was clear. Dean didn’t view this as him accepting the Alpha position. He had been born with that. To Dean, this was about the pack accepting him and his decisions as law. The silence and awe that met his plea was resounding. Tugged to their feet by their Alpha falling from his, one by one the pack dropped. Heads down, eyes closed, the pack gave him what they couldn’t say in words. Yes. We accept you. We accept your law, your word. You have us, and all of our trust. in emotions, singing across the connection, pulling tears from Dean’s eyes faster and faster. He slowly raised his head, needing to seek out Dean, to lay his eyes on his new Alpha, but when he finally looked up, it was to meet Dean’s wet, awestruck eyes boring into his own.
He’s not looking for you. He’s looking for the mate he thinks you are, a voice whispered in his head, and all over again, Sam’s heart cracked along fault lines for Jess. Dropping his gaze, he let the tears stream down his face. Oh god, he felt the tears streaming faster and faster, Jessie. He could almost feel his heart shattering in his chest, and he struggled not to let himself drown in the darkness that had taken him when she had first left. He’d spent the first few weeks in bed, staring at the inside of his eyelids, sipping down broth and water when he could manage. He’d lost nearly thirty pounds, at the end, which on his already lanky frame hadn’t been good. Then he’d spent months drifting, all but catatonic and unresponsive to the world. His family had started to become desperate with worry. It wasn’t exactly uncommon for Omegas to leave this world to go join their Alpha again. Then one day he’d simply announced that he was leaving that afternoon, for a new pack. If he couldn’t leave the world, and Jessie never would have wanted him to, then he had to leave this part of it. He moved hundreds of miles east, to the wolf pack outside Dallas, still a mere nine months after his Alpha had left him.
Slowly, the pack rose to their feet, and Dean walked through them. Jared found his way to the corner, knowing it was too rude to leave this early, but not particularly wanting to make small talk at that point. He stared into his glass, watching the lime float in his beer. Two scuffed up chuck taylors came into view, at odds with the nice black suit that had been donned above them. Sam knew who it was, and he didn’t look up.
“I ah, I know that we had like, half a moment back there. On my end anyways, but it’s obvious how you feel,” Sam’s heart gave an awful, painful twitch, “I’m not gonna push you. I would like, however, to know if you want to come to the more private celebration tonight. It’s friends and family. And, well. I want to be your friend at the least, family at the most. I’m sorry if me saying that is too forward. Let me know, okay?” Dean leaned his head down gently, trying to make it into Sam’s eyesight, laying a hand on his arm. “I would love if you were there. There isn’t anyone else who can really keep up with me on beers and you just might be big enough,” he said, just as gravely, wrenching a wet laugh from Sam’s throat. Steadfastly ignoring the spark, the live wire feeling along his skin emanating from where Dean had touched him, Sam cleared his throat and managed “Okay,”
“Really?” Dean’s face was happy and open, eyes wide as he unconsciously reached a hand out to tip Sam’s face up.
Forced to look him in the eyes, Sam found he couldn’t look away. His skin felt hypersensitive, and he found himself leaning forward, letting Dean’s hand slip behind to the nape of his neck, firm palm and calloused finger pads gripping him lightly. Dean’s face was heartbreaking in its vulnerability, the awe that showed in his slightly parted lips, eyes wide and so intensely focused on Sam’s own. Sam’s lips parted, his breath going shallow, all the attention in his body focused on where Dean’s rough skin met his, on how Dean was looking at him, half hard with anticipation of Dean’s lips on his.
“I’m not going to kiss you,” Dean started, his voice rough and low, edged with want, “I want to, so god damn badly, but I won’t, because earlier you made it clear you didn’t want me to. I’m not punishing you. But if I kiss you once I’m going to want to kiss you every minute of every day for the rest of my life and if you won’t let me I think I might die. It’s to protect myself. I need you to be sure before, if, you kiss me. Or let me kiss you. So right now I’m going to kiss your forehead, and then I need you to close your fucking mouth, Jesus, and I’m going to back up. Okay?”
“Okay,” Sam whispered, and let his eyes flutter shut as he felt Dean’s dry lips brush against his forehead, the slight wetness of his mouth making Sam surge to full hardness. A small sigh escaped his lips, almost a whimper, almost a moan. He felt Dean lean his forehead against his own,
“Jesus fuck, Sammy. Jesus Christ. That sound. You can’t just make sounds like that, I’ll finish in my jeans right here.” Dean took a few deep breaths, “I’m going to step away now, okay love?”