Chapter Text
Jonathan Joestar added (Joseph Joestar, Kujo Jotaro, Higashikata Josuke, Cujoh Jolyne)
Jonathan: Hello, everyone! Since we're all around the world, and Joseph kindly informed me of all your contact information, I thought I'd make a group chat. Please refrain from doing anything too wild. I'd like to use this mainly for getting to know family all over the world and connecting!
Joseph: yeah that shit ain't gonna happen
Jolyne: this is the timeline those edgy anime villains refer to as 'worst scenario'
Josuke: Jotaro could be one of them
Joseph: easily
Jotaro: why
Jotaro: what have I done to deserve this
Johnny: feel like Johnathan should be saying that atp lol
Joseph: just realized I have admin…
Jotaro: well shit there goes our peace and quiet
Josuke: you were expecting peace and quiet???
Jotaro: fair
(Joseph Joestar added Caesar Zeppeli)
Joseph: this is Caesar please don't be too weird ahaha
Jolyne: you're really one to talk lmaoo
Johnny: omg
Johnny: wait
Johnny: Caesar???
Caesar: Johnny???
Johnny: Caesar!!
Caesar: Johnny!!
Joseph: what is happening
Johnny: wait the stubbornly non-gay "best friend" you were yapping Gyro's ear off was my cousin???
Caesar: had no idea you were Joseph's fucking cousin my god
Caesar: small world
Caesar: wait
Caesar: Johnny Joseph is in this fucking group chat
Caesar: why-
Joseph: why is best friend in quotation marks???
Jolyne: phh-
Josuke: idk how to tell you this Joseph-
Jotaro: good grief
Jonathan: Please try to keep the swearing to a minimum!
Johnny: sorry sir don't think it's gonna work out
Jonathan: …
Caesar: Joseph best friend is in quotation marks because we are best friends
Caesar: right
Joseph: something tells me that's not a question
Jotaro: please have your gay crisis somewhere away from here
Joseph: oi
Joseph: ok so have you confessed to mysterious boy you bring over for studying every day or not
Jotaro: …
Jotaro: shut up
Joseph: HA
Jolyne: wait Jotaro you're gay??
Josuke: Jolyne how
Josuke: have you not seen his face whenever cherry boy walks through the door
Jonathan: Cherry boy? Oh, you mean Kakyoin?
Joseph: so that's his name!
Jotaro: why cherry boy
Josuke: he showed me this really cool trick with a cherry the first time we met! it was during that time you went out to get more tea and I had to welcome him at the door
Josuke: he gave me his contact information "in case we ever get wasted and I can't trust Polnareff or Avdol at the time"
Joseph: what about me
Joseph: or Jonathan
Jolyne: focusing on the wrong part of the sentence there
Jolyne: Josuke add him right now
Jolyne: I need to meet Jotaro's boyfriend
Caesar: no idea who Kakyoin is but add him Joseph's brother who he has still not introduced to me yet
Jotaro: Josuke no
Jolyne: Josuke yes
Josuke: sorry Jolyne can't betray Jotaro
Josuke: We're siblings after all
Jotaro: thanks Josuke
Jolyne: two words
Jolyne: twenty. bucks.
(Higashikata Josuke added Kakyoin Noriaki)
Josuke: cash
Kakyoin: Hello, everyone! What…is this, exactly?
Jolyne: fuck yeah Josuke
Jotaro: what the fuck Josuke
Josuke: hey
Josuke: every man has his price
Josuke: mine just happens to be twenty bucks
Josuke: in cash
Caesar: is Jotaro the resident gangster or something why is Josuke trembling in his texts
Joseph: he can and will beat you up Caesar
Joseph: bubbles ain't doing shit against him
Jotaro: Josuke
Jotaro: I can and will do what I'm thinking right now to you
Kakyoin: I have no idea what's going on right now, but Jotaro, please try to be nice to Josuke
Kakyoin: I trust him the most out of the zero family members you've introduced me to
Kakyoin: Kujo Jotaro
Jolyne: I love this guy
Jolyne: can we keep him
Josuke: my thoughts exactly
Johnny: so you're Jotaro's boyfriend!!
Johnny: it's nice to finally meet you:)
Josuke: Johnny
Jolyne: respectfully
Joseph: what balls to say that
Johnny: huh?
Johnny: is this a reference to the Steel Ball Run?
Caesar: Johnny
Caesar: dude
Jotaro: …..
Kakyoin: What
Kakyoin: Kujo Jotaro
Kakyoin: I can see you pulling your hat down over your eyes and muttering to yourself like some edgy anime villain
Kakyoin: I can and will get Polnareff on your case
Joseph: oh shit
Joseph: pulling out the Polnareff card…
Jolyne: who is Polnareff and why is Jotaro terrified of this guy
Joseph: not terrified per se
Joseph: I can't think of any other way to say this
Joseph: he's french
Caesar: oh well fuck then
Joseph: knew you'd get it first Caesar
Josuke: French?
Josuke: @kakyoin.noriaki
Kakyoin: Yes?
Josuke: first of all
Josuke: why are you and jotaro completely silent
Josuke: second
Josuke: fifteen bucks to add this Polnareff dude to this chat
Kakyoin: First of all
Kakyoin: Jotaro knows I'm walking to his house as fast as I can which means he's currently on the train to his horse racer cousin, which means when he reads this text message he will go to his horse racer cousin's boyfriend's place, who will then send him over to his horse racer cousin's boyfriend's brother's place, who will then send him to his horse racer cousin's boyfriend's brother's boyfriend's place,which means I am currently waiting at Joseph Joestar's place and watching Jotaro pull up in a car with the biggest look of disbelief on his face I've ever seen him with
Kakyoin: Second of all,
(Kakyoin Noriaki added Jean-Pierre Polnareff)
Kakyoin: Cash, if you will.
Jolyne: I fucking love this guy
Josuke: ikr
Polnareff: Ouiii? Kakyoin?
Caesar: Ciao.
Polnareff: Bonjour.
Joseph: why did the chat go silent for five seconds deadass
Jolyne: first rule of survival
Jolyne: never get in between a battle of cultures known a lot for their cuisine
Joseph: what
Joseph: why
Joseph: both food is equally delicious
Caesar: Joseph Joestar what did you just say
Josuke: someone's sleeping on the couch tonight~~~
Joseph: I
Joseph: I'm sorry
Joseph: but I enjoy a lasagna and croissant any day of the week
Caesar: @Johnny.Joestar
Caesar: I need backup
Caesar: I'm cooking tomorrow
Johnny: anything for your shrimp risotto Caesar
(Johnny Joestar added Gyro Zeppeli)
Johnny: can we also get some of your garlic bread?
Caesar: you know what
Caesar: add Uncle Will and I'll throw in some real fine dining
Caesar: candles and all
(Johnny Joestar added William Zeppeli)
Johnny: got the right man on the job
Gyro: Johnny?
Gyro: what is this?
Caesar: @Gyro.Zeppeli @William.Zeppeli
Caesar: code three colours - version lilac
Gyro: got it
William: Where is the man?
Polnareff: oh non non non non non
Polnareff: @Kakyoin.Noriaki SOS
Polnareff: you owe me
Kakyoin: On it
Kakyoin: btw Josuke, Jolyne, Jotaro should be heading home right now:).
Josuke: you're fucking amazing
Jolyne: agreed
(Kakyoin Noriaki added Mohammed Avdol)
Kakyoin: Anyone else, Jean?
Polnareff: anyone else you know appreciate French food?
Kakyoin: uh
Kakyoin: Got it
Kakyoin: ykw
Kakyoin: @Kujo.Jotaro
Kakyoin: Support Polnareff, and I'll make it two months. :)
Jotaro: Kakyoin
Jotaro: you-
Kakyoin: 5
Kakyoin: 4
Jotaro: fine
Jotaro: wow French food awesome
Jotaro: I love French food
Jotaro: …bonjour?
Polnareff: good enough
Polnareff: I'm ready.
Caesar: You must be.
Avdol: Jean? What is this?
Polnareff: Mohammed just support me in this ok
Polnareff: you love my cooking don't you
Avdol: I must admit, there are some nights where it's not quite so nice, but it is delicious sometimes!
Polnareff: uh
Polnareff: let's talk about that when we get home